Captain Koolaid
1st February 2011, 07:56 PM
Hello ESMB,
Thank you all for the nice welcome. In my introducory post I mentioned that I would start another thread using a small section from my (deservedly) unpublished book about Scientology, so without further ado, here it is - from my chapter about "Scientologese". It's your job to translate 10 movie titles from Scientologese bacl into wog speak. It's supposed to be funny, so I hope you enjoy using your analytical mind.
Honouring Scientology's obsession with recruiting movie stars, I will give you a list of ten films translated into Scientologese. The Correct answers will be revealed in due time. Good luck!
The Tinseltown Film Recognizing Capacity Analysis
Disclaimer: I acknowledge that in comparison to the original titles the following renamed titles are better, more to the point and easier to understand. This is scientifically proven. If I don't understand them it's clearly my fault. In this case I must reroute my carbon-oxygen engine to my nearest Org to repair my issues.
1) The Sixth Perceptic
2) The insidious removal of J----- J----' theta by the Suppressive Person Rob F---, who was also unable to confront (Tip: The SP used R2-45)
3) How Emily Rose became clear through auditing
4) Xenu's preclear folders (The answer is out there...)
5) The Fourth Dynamic
6) OSA (Starring Steve Martin and Michael Caine)
7) Enturbulators of thetans in the process of making part of their second dynamic permanent. (A comedy)
8) Companionship of thetans in the time of an imaginary disease (Tip: The somatic starts with a 'C')
9) Confessionals of a banky thetan below 2.0 on the tone scale
10) What it means to be 'Clear' (Starring Jim Carrey)
You have to admit that these titles are much clearer and easy to understand. If some of them left you confused, go back to the first misunderstood word and clear it up. Use all nine
methods, if that should be necessary. Continue accordingly until all misunderstood words are eliminated.
If that doesn't help, you're a victim of functional illiteracy. Do not advance to 'Go', do not collect $200, move to the Student Hat Course to learn how to study. Upon graduation advance to the Key To Life Course to get your education repaired.
Many films will be renamed by the new Ministry of Truth as soon as the planet is cleared, X-Men will be dropped in favour of Operating Thetans, The Body Snatchers will be rechristened into 'The Psychiatrists'. Rewriting history could be extended to other fields of folklore as well. What will become of What a friend we have in Jesus? I'm sure you can figure this out for yourself.
Some films and books will be regarded as too aberrated, they're already blacklisted and will be banned as soon as David Miscavige will become the imperator of the cleared planet. Nineteen-Eighty-Four and Brave New World might stir up banky thoughts about dystopia having become reality, these concoctions are at 1.1 on the tone scale and will disposed of quietly and without sorrow.. Films displaying overt hostility towards Scientology, like The Bridge or The Profit, must be cleansed from the public domain as well.
The Great Dictator will be declared suppressive by David Miscavige personally, and Matt Damon and Ben Affleck will have to return their Academy Awards, because Good Will Hunting fools people into believing that the vicious psychs are caring and compassionate talk therapists. Both awards will be given posthumously to Stanley Kubrick for One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.
Leap of Faith will also vanish like a discharged engram, people don't need to ponder that faith can be exploited to fleece gullible people. The very first film to be erased for all eternity will be V for Vendetta, for the crime of teaching people that disobedience is good, and for inspiring suppressive individuals to start a terrorist movement aiming to destroy the
'church' while hiding behind masks to aggravate fair gaming attempts.
I hope you enjooyed this, and the 'concept' is open source, so if you'd like to add riddles, knock yourself out.
Captain Koolaid
Thank you all for the nice welcome. In my introducory post I mentioned that I would start another thread using a small section from my (deservedly) unpublished book about Scientology, so without further ado, here it is - from my chapter about "Scientologese". It's your job to translate 10 movie titles from Scientologese bacl into wog speak. It's supposed to be funny, so I hope you enjoy using your analytical mind.
Honouring Scientology's obsession with recruiting movie stars, I will give you a list of ten films translated into Scientologese. The Correct answers will be revealed in due time. Good luck!
The Tinseltown Film Recognizing Capacity Analysis
Disclaimer: I acknowledge that in comparison to the original titles the following renamed titles are better, more to the point and easier to understand. This is scientifically proven. If I don't understand them it's clearly my fault. In this case I must reroute my carbon-oxygen engine to my nearest Org to repair my issues.
1) The Sixth Perceptic
2) The insidious removal of J----- J----' theta by the Suppressive Person Rob F---, who was also unable to confront (Tip: The SP used R2-45)
3) How Emily Rose became clear through auditing
4) Xenu's preclear folders (The answer is out there...)
5) The Fourth Dynamic
6) OSA (Starring Steve Martin and Michael Caine)
7) Enturbulators of thetans in the process of making part of their second dynamic permanent. (A comedy)
8) Companionship of thetans in the time of an imaginary disease (Tip: The somatic starts with a 'C')
9) Confessionals of a banky thetan below 2.0 on the tone scale
10) What it means to be 'Clear' (Starring Jim Carrey)
You have to admit that these titles are much clearer and easy to understand. If some of them left you confused, go back to the first misunderstood word and clear it up. Use all nine
methods, if that should be necessary. Continue accordingly until all misunderstood words are eliminated.
If that doesn't help, you're a victim of functional illiteracy. Do not advance to 'Go', do not collect $200, move to the Student Hat Course to learn how to study. Upon graduation advance to the Key To Life Course to get your education repaired.
Many films will be renamed by the new Ministry of Truth as soon as the planet is cleared, X-Men will be dropped in favour of Operating Thetans, The Body Snatchers will be rechristened into 'The Psychiatrists'. Rewriting history could be extended to other fields of folklore as well. What will become of What a friend we have in Jesus? I'm sure you can figure this out for yourself.
Some films and books will be regarded as too aberrated, they're already blacklisted and will be banned as soon as David Miscavige will become the imperator of the cleared planet. Nineteen-Eighty-Four and Brave New World might stir up banky thoughts about dystopia having become reality, these concoctions are at 1.1 on the tone scale and will disposed of quietly and without sorrow.. Films displaying overt hostility towards Scientology, like The Bridge or The Profit, must be cleansed from the public domain as well.
The Great Dictator will be declared suppressive by David Miscavige personally, and Matt Damon and Ben Affleck will have to return their Academy Awards, because Good Will Hunting fools people into believing that the vicious psychs are caring and compassionate talk therapists. Both awards will be given posthumously to Stanley Kubrick for One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.
Leap of Faith will also vanish like a discharged engram, people don't need to ponder that faith can be exploited to fleece gullible people. The very first film to be erased for all eternity will be V for Vendetta, for the crime of teaching people that disobedience is good, and for inspiring suppressive individuals to start a terrorist movement aiming to destroy the
'church' while hiding behind masks to aggravate fair gaming attempts.
I hope you enjooyed this, and the 'concept' is open source, so if you'd like to add riddles, knock yourself out.
Captain Koolaid