Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4
- Thread starter HelluvaHoax!
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HelluvaHoax!
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What a treasure trove this thread is!
Holy Xenu on a stick, frozen in Glycol!
I’m sitting on Amtrak, laughing myself silly as bewildered onlookers are wondering if they should call 911.
LOL
There is something "funny" about people laughing outside the confines of a standard Scientology auditing session that has been exchanged for on a standard paid invoice. . .
In Scientology belief & practice, it considered a scientific fact or "axiom" (which Hubbard defines as "a self evident truth") that:
"CHARGE OFF CASE EQUALS CASE GAIN"
And such charge "blowing" is measured by the downward movement of the e-meter's tone arm.
Ergo, any time a PC's e-meter manifests a "blowdown" (rapid downward motion of the tone arm) it signifies that they are "blowing charge" and achieving "case gain".
Now that we have established all of the above as infallible truth, let us proceed--by concluding that:
-- any time a person laughs (out of session) their tone arm invariably "blows down".
-- therefore, any person laughing is "blowing charge" and achieving "case gain"
From this we can further conclude that people sitting in comedy clubs drinking booze and laughing like crazy at the stand-up comic's jokes are having enormous case gain! But how can this be true if they are not in a standard Scientology auditing session?
But, wait! It gets even better!
How about people laughing while reading the STUPID THREAD? That means they are also having spiritual "case gain", right?
How can this be? A person reading the STUPID THREAD is defrocked and bitter apostate. An SP! And SPs can never, ever, ever get case gain, according to scripture. Hmmm, this is very problematic. We can ask OT VIII Billy Blowdown, he's an Ideal Scientologist, he'll help us achieve full conceptual understanding!
Hey Billy! Can you explain how an SP laughing at posts on the STUPID THREAD and having case gain is even possible?
.
HelluvaHoax!
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.
Perfectly true!
There is, however, a lone exception to that iron-clad rule.
It is not a published policy.
However, this policy is the SENIOR POLICY of Scientology worldwide, unbeknownst to Scientologists.
If challenged on this point, a Scientologist in good standing will demand that you do 2 clay demos; one of the LRH policy that states "If it's not written, it's not true" and the other of the LRH policy stating that it is forbidden to ever have a "Hidden Data Line" in Scientology.
If anyone is gobsmacked by the illogical absurdity of the above, a Scientologist will be quite happy to clay demo it for you.
.
Cross-posted from another thread:
--------
--------
Perfectly true!
There is, however, a lone exception to that iron-clad rule.
Nothing is more important than Scientology, except the personal
lifestyle, wealth & freedom of the cult's current guru.
lifestyle, wealth & freedom of the cult's current guru.
It is not a published policy.
However, this policy is the SENIOR POLICY of Scientology worldwide, unbeknownst to Scientologists.
If challenged on this point, a Scientologist in good standing will demand that you do 2 clay demos; one of the LRH policy that states "If it's not written, it's not true" and the other of the LRH policy stating that it is forbidden to ever have a "Hidden Data Line" in Scientology.
If anyone is gobsmacked by the illogical absurdity of the above, a Scientologist will be quite happy to clay demo it for you.
.
HelluvaHoax!
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.
A much-discussed term coined by Hubbard is "wog", a derogatory name used to refer to a non-Scientologist. Anything carrying the description of "wog" is bad very bad, in a Scientologist's able mind. Not evil (like a psych or SP), just "degraded" as in DB (degraded being).
Hubbard once defined a wog as:
"A common, ordinary, run-of-the-mill, garden-variety humanoid."
Hubbard regarded "wogs" with great disdain and contempt, unless they were wogs paying him money to become like him, a Clear or Operating Thetan. They Ron was their "greatest friend".
To fully appreciate the term wog and what it means in every day life, one has to ignore the obvious scorn that he throws at others for no reason at all. Instead, think of NOT how Hubbard regards others, but how he regards HIMSELF.
Labeling all 7.4 billion humans as "DBs" is a tell. It is an inadvertent showcase of Hubbard's megalomanical narcissism. To wit, he regarded himself as a demigod, a messiah, the solitary savior of all beings in the universe.
In short, Hubbard was a status freak. He did not just want some higher status than he deserved (e.g. calling himself "Doctor Hubbard"). Neither was Hubbard satisfied with having the stolen valor of claiming that he was a much decorated "war hero".
Not that was not enough.
Instead, he boldly proclaimed himself to be the greatest being that ever lived, a supernatural master upon whom all living persons throughout the universe depended for their very survival, sanity and life!
Ron had quite the altitude! LOL
The sheer delusional arrogance of it is entirely preposterous. But that is the "winning valence" in Scientology. All good Scientologists mimic Hubbard's narcissism, throwing about the insult "wog" multiple times a day. That's what you see when a Scientologist inevitably starts HANDLING you. Their altitude. They learned it from Ron. They (like Ron) have RISEN ABOVE the human condition and lowly status.
Just about ANYTHING can be assigned the significance of "wog" if you want others to hate it or agree with you.
.
A much-discussed term coined by Hubbard is "wog", a derogatory name used to refer to a non-Scientologist. Anything carrying the description of "wog" is bad very bad, in a Scientologist's able mind. Not evil (like a psych or SP), just "degraded" as in DB (degraded being).
Hubbard once defined a wog as:
"A common, ordinary, run-of-the-mill, garden-variety humanoid."
Hubbard regarded "wogs" with great disdain and contempt, unless they were wogs paying him money to become like him, a Clear or Operating Thetan. They Ron was their "greatest friend".
To fully appreciate the term wog and what it means in every day life, one has to ignore the obvious scorn that he throws at others for no reason at all. Instead, think of NOT how Hubbard regards others, but how he regards HIMSELF.
Labeling all 7.4 billion humans as "DBs" is a tell. It is an inadvertent showcase of Hubbard's megalomanical narcissism. To wit, he regarded himself as a demigod, a messiah, the solitary savior of all beings in the universe.
In short, Hubbard was a status freak. He did not just want some higher status than he deserved (e.g. calling himself "Doctor Hubbard"). Neither was Hubbard satisfied with having the stolen valor of claiming that he was a much decorated "war hero".
Not that was not enough.
Instead, he boldly proclaimed himself to be the greatest being that ever lived, a supernatural master upon whom all living persons throughout the universe depended for their very survival, sanity and life!
Ron had quite the altitude! LOL
The sheer delusional arrogance of it is entirely preposterous. But that is the "winning valence" in Scientology. All good Scientologists mimic Hubbard's narcissism, throwing about the insult "wog" multiple times a day. That's what you see when a Scientologist inevitably starts HANDLING you. Their altitude. They learned it from Ron. They (like Ron) have RISEN ABOVE the human condition and lowly status.
Just about ANYTHING can be assigned the significance of "wog" if you want others to hate it or agree with you.
RECRUITER
So what is preventing you from signing your Sea Org
contract right now and helping Ron to Clear this planet?
NEW SCIENTOLOGIST
Hey, listen, I have to go home. You've been pitching me
for 2 hours after course let out and it's already 12:30am!
RECRUITER
So? So what? Ron states in the Philadelphia Lectures
that time is only a consideration.
NEW SCIENTOLOGIST
Well, that sounds great, but i have to get home and get
some sleep, I have to leave for work at 6am!
RECRUITER
So? So what? What's more important, helping Ron Clear
the planet and saving mankind---or going to your wog job?
So what is preventing you from signing your Sea Org
contract right now and helping Ron to Clear this planet?
NEW SCIENTOLOGIST
Hey, listen, I have to go home. You've been pitching me
for 2 hours after course let out and it's already 12:30am!
RECRUITER
So? So what? Ron states in the Philadelphia Lectures
that time is only a consideration.
NEW SCIENTOLOGIST
Well, that sounds great, but i have to get home and get
some sleep, I have to leave for work at 6am!
RECRUITER
So? So what? What's more important, helping Ron Clear
the planet and saving mankind---or going to your wog job?
.
Enthetan
Master of Disaster
.
Announcing an all new feature on the Stupid Thread, named:
Scientology: Fast Forward Five Years!
THE SHIT ABOUT YOUR MIRACULOUS FUTURE AS A GLORIOUS OT
SAVING THE PLANET THAT THE PROMO NEVER SHOWS YOU!
scientology's promise. . .
SCIENTOLOGY: FAST FORWARD FIVE YEARS!
what really happens. . .
Dreamt of being posted at Target 2. . .
now posted at Target register #2
.
yeah, okay technically that's actually Walmart--not Target.
so, like whatever, write a KR or some junk, LOL
.
Fast Forward 40 years. What happens to Sea Org members when they get too old to "get products", and get dumped on the streets with no skills, no viable job history, and no retirement savings:
HelluvaHoax!
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.
Yeah, the sidewalk stress test at the beginning of the Bridge, seems to eventually recycle right back there to the same sidewalk---finally and definitively answering the essential question of whether Scientology tech can prevent you from going the effect of a dwindling spiral.
I'll see your sidewalk stress test and raise you a Dianetic Derelict. . . .
.
.Originally Posted by Enthetan
Fast Forward 40 years. What happens to Sea Org members when they get too old to "get products", and get dumped on the streets with no skills, no viable job history, and no retirement savings:
Yeah, the sidewalk stress test at the beginning of the Bridge, seems to eventually recycle right back there to the same sidewalk---finally and definitively answering the essential question of whether Scientology tech can prevent you from going the effect of a dwindling spiral.
I'll see your sidewalk stress test and raise you a Dianetic Derelict. . . .
.
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hummingbird
Patron with Honors
Gaaah!! I just now noticed the print on the female Sea Ogre's gray slacks! Is that for real? The little pointy star aimed right at... Auugughghgh!
strativarius
Inveterate gnashnab & snoutband
No, it's not a print on her slacks.
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HelluvaHoax!
Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on
Yeah, I noticed that graphic abomination, LOL.
I don't know what they were thinking---to center a Sea Org star right on her lady parts. It must be some kind of recruiting technique to offer an incentive to males who are reluctant to sign a billion year contract.
If I had been the art director of that recruitment campaign, I would have put a bold headline at the top: "GOT CONSIDERATIONS ABOUT SIGNING A BILLION YEAR CONTRACT?"? Then, below the crotch-highlighting photo: "Sure it's slave schedules, horrific working conditions & no pay--but after those grueling 19 hour workdays, just think--you get to bang upstat OT chicks!"
Finally, at the very bottom of the poster, it would advise: "Contact your recruiter today! Tell them you want to sign up for the special "TERMINALS WITH BENEFITS" program!"
.
HelluvaHoax!
Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on
LOL
It could have been way worse.
The original promo piece (before editing) originally didn't have that subtle star, but instead opted for a bolder motif using red concentric circles forming a bullseye.
.
screamer2
Idiot Bastardson
I'd probably have hit it then.
screamer2
Idiot Bastardson
Actually, that is probably a life of relative luxury compared to ceeorg berthing.
Fast Forward 40 years. What happens to Sea Org members when they get too old to "get products", and get dumped on the streets with no skills, no viable job history, and no retirement savings:
Enthetan
Master of Disaster
You might have to sleep on the streets, but at least you get to SLEEP.
For those who are unfamiliar with Sea Org living conditions, at Flag I was in a motel room with 8 other guys. One small motel room, filled with triple-decker bunk beds. Since we weren't at capacity, we could use the top bunks for storage.
Operating DB
Truman Show Dropout
And the unnatural stiff posing of her wrist/hand is the first thing I noticed being a portrait photographer myself. Who would stand that way in real life?
Enthetan
Master of Disaster
Now that you point it out, you're right. Nobody would stand like that naturally, forearm pressed against the railing. The relaxed position would be to drape your arm OVER the railing. She's in a position of stress.
HelluvaHoax!
Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on
.
Imagine a dystopian world where Scientology had succeeded and gained control. . .
A world in which Scientologists owned all the major corporations. . .
A world in which Scientologists ran the government. . .
SCIENO SCENARIO: A Scientologist hurriedly pulls into the Org's parking garage, and then sprints to the course room. Just outside the academy door they are abruptly stopped by the DORBAOT (Director of Really Bad And "Out" Things):
Cross-posted from another thread.
-------
-------
Imagine a dystopian world where Scientology had succeeded and gained control. . .
A world in which Scientologists owned all the major corporations. . .
A world in which Scientologists ran the government. . .
SCIENO SCENARIO: A Scientologist hurriedly pulls into the Org's parking garage, and then sprints to the course room. Just outside the academy door they are abruptly stopped by the DORBAOT (Director of Really Bad And "Out" Things):
DORBAOT
You're late!
SCIENTOLOGIST
(shows him his watch)
No, I've still got 37 seconds.
DORBAOT
That's a Rolex! WOW!
SCIENTOLOGIST
Thanks!
DORBAOT
That was not "WOW" as in "Wow your MEST
is so super upstat, you must be in power on all
your dynamics!"---that was "WOW" as in
"WOW you are not wearing a SHAT!"
SCIENTOLOGIST
What is a SHAT?
DORBAOT
A Standard Hubbard Approved Timepiece.
You're in non-compliance on mandatory base order
number 390403-C revised, that required all Scientologists to
destroy all squirrel watches and replace them with two SHATs. You know,
like how you have to buy two e-meters in case your PC dies in session
and you run out of charge before you can run the "Reviving A
Dead Person Assist". So, anyways, give me that watch.
SCIENTOLOGIST
Whuuutttttt? What do you mean?
DORBAOT
(summons Tone 40 intention)
GIVE ME THAT WATCH!!!!!!!!!!!!
SCIENTOLOGIST
Yeah, but this is a priceless family heirloom given to
me by my father. It's worth a fortune, I am not just
surrender my vintage Rolex to you, that's stealing!
DORBAOT
No, that's squirrel! That watch is why you are
one minute late to course today, which Ron states
is a betrayal of Scientology and all mankind, as well
as sabotaging Ron's dream of a Clear planet,
mankind's only hope to get out of the trap.
SCIENTOLOGIST
No way, I'll get it fixed, It was only off by less than
a minute. I'll have it adjusted.
DORBAOT
No. If you don't comply with the command channel
order to give me that watch, you will be issued a
Non Enturbulation Order and that means you
will lose your eligibility for the advanced levels,
which means you just lost your eternity!
SCIENTOLOGIST
You've got to be joking! I have spent the past
25 years and over a million dollars to go Clear,
and now I am going to be kicked off the
Bridge to Total Freedom over a watch
that's off by only 30 seconds?
DORBAOT
Ron states that you cannot go OT unless you
as-is your bank, right?
SCIENTOLOGIST
Okay... right.
DORBAOT
And Ron states that you cannot as-is your
bank unless you totally duplicate it, right?
SCIENTOLOGIST
Um....right. Where is this going?
DORBAOT
And Ron states that you cannot totally duplicate
something unless you spot the exact, time,
place form and event, right?
SCIENTOLOGIST
Yeah, I mean...Okay. But what does that
have to do with my Rolex?
DORBAOT
Your Rolex is squirrel. It is not allowing you
to view things with the exact "time". So
you'll never as-is, erase or blow anything.
Now, give me that watch you fucking squirrel!
SCIENTOLOGIST
But what are you going to do with my Rolex?
DORBAOT
Destroy it, of course, LOL. Why would we
ever allow anyone to have an SP timepiece that
alters Ron's tech and destroys their eternity?
Scientology senior management cares about
us and would never let that happen to us.
That's why they insist on having all squirrel
timepieces like your Rolex sent directly
uplines so COB can personally make sure
it is safely disposed of.
.
You're late!
SCIENTOLOGIST
(shows him his watch)
No, I've still got 37 seconds.
DORBAOT
That's a Rolex! WOW!
SCIENTOLOGIST
Thanks!
DORBAOT
That was not "WOW" as in "Wow your MEST
is so super upstat, you must be in power on all
your dynamics!"---that was "WOW" as in
"WOW you are not wearing a SHAT!"
SCIENTOLOGIST
What is a SHAT?
DORBAOT
A Standard Hubbard Approved Timepiece.
You're in non-compliance on mandatory base order
number 390403-C revised, that required all Scientologists to
destroy all squirrel watches and replace them with two SHATs. You know,
like how you have to buy two e-meters in case your PC dies in session
and you run out of charge before you can run the "Reviving A
Dead Person Assist". So, anyways, give me that watch.
SCIENTOLOGIST
Whuuutttttt? What do you mean?
DORBAOT
(summons Tone 40 intention)
GIVE ME THAT WATCH!!!!!!!!!!!!
SCIENTOLOGIST
Yeah, but this is a priceless family heirloom given to
me by my father. It's worth a fortune, I am not just
surrender my vintage Rolex to you, that's stealing!
DORBAOT
No, that's squirrel! That watch is why you are
one minute late to course today, which Ron states
is a betrayal of Scientology and all mankind, as well
as sabotaging Ron's dream of a Clear planet,
mankind's only hope to get out of the trap.
SCIENTOLOGIST
No way, I'll get it fixed, It was only off by less than
a minute. I'll have it adjusted.
DORBAOT
No. If you don't comply with the command channel
order to give me that watch, you will be issued a
Non Enturbulation Order and that means you
will lose your eligibility for the advanced levels,
which means you just lost your eternity!
SCIENTOLOGIST
You've got to be joking! I have spent the past
25 years and over a million dollars to go Clear,
and now I am going to be kicked off the
Bridge to Total Freedom over a watch
that's off by only 30 seconds?
DORBAOT
Ron states that you cannot go OT unless you
as-is your bank, right?
SCIENTOLOGIST
Okay... right.
DORBAOT
And Ron states that you cannot as-is your
bank unless you totally duplicate it, right?
SCIENTOLOGIST
Um....right. Where is this going?
DORBAOT
And Ron states that you cannot totally duplicate
something unless you spot the exact, time,
place form and event, right?
SCIENTOLOGIST
Yeah, I mean...Okay. But what does that
have to do with my Rolex?
DORBAOT
Your Rolex is squirrel. It is not allowing you
to view things with the exact "time". So
you'll never as-is, erase or blow anything.
Now, give me that watch you fucking squirrel!
SCIENTOLOGIST
But what are you going to do with my Rolex?
DORBAOT
Destroy it, of course, LOL. Why would we
ever allow anyone to have an SP timepiece that
alters Ron's tech and destroys their eternity?
Scientology senior management cares about
us and would never let that happen to us.
That's why they insist on having all squirrel
timepieces like your Rolex sent directly
uplines so COB can personally make sure
it is safely disposed of.
.
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HelluvaHoax!
Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on
Future Of Mankind? Really? LOLGaaah!! I just now noticed the print on the female Sea Ogre's gray slacks! Is that for real? The little pointy star aimed right at... Auugughghgh!
If that Sea Org recruitment poster was actually as effective as their postulates intend it to be---then there would be:
NO
FUTURE FOR MANKIND
FUTURE FOR MANKIND
None whatsoever!
Because, if everyone joined the Sea Org the way Scientology wants them to, the star-highlighted portion of that girl's meat-body anatomy (and all other girls in the Sea Org) would never be touched, fondled or impregnated.
Which would mean, there is no future for mankind because no new "mankinds" are being born.
There you have it! The stupidity of it probably deserves its own special name. . .
"THE S.O. SAVIORS' PREGNANCY PARADOX"
The.
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Out Effix
Out Ethics Ex Ethics Officer
I am so ashamed that I ever believed any of this.
L Ron Hubbard was nothing but a lying charlatan. A con man. A criminal.
This video belongs on the stupid thread and I hope the IRS revokes Scientology's Tax Exempt status. This is nothing but fraud and deceit.
NOTICE the over 500,000 "hits" -
These massive clicks are produced at "CLICK FARMS" in Indonesia....and China...
It "Keeps Scientology Working"...and is part of the Smoke and Mirrors Scientology produces to Keep the members believing...
CRINGE
L Ron Hubbard was nothing but a lying charlatan. A con man. A criminal.
This video belongs on the stupid thread and I hope the IRS revokes Scientology's Tax Exempt status. This is nothing but fraud and deceit.
NOTICE the over 500,000 "hits" -
These massive clicks are produced at "CLICK FARMS" in Indonesia....and China...
It "Keeps Scientology Working"...and is part of the Smoke and Mirrors Scientology produces to Keep the members believing...
CRINGE
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HelluvaHoax!
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Yeah it's a CRINGE-A-THON!
I too decry Scientology's human right's' abuses. With one exception, all those who produced/wrote/narrated that Orwellian propaganda video about Hubbard should definitely get thrown in a chain locker. LOL
.
screamer2
Idiot Bastardson
Let's face it y'all, they ain't no "Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology"
They all stupid. Some just orders of magnitude more stupider than others.
I nominate this thread have the subtitle, "Stupid: Orders Of Magnitude [QUE long fading echo]"
There. Put that in yer, COB, and smoke it.
They all stupid. Some just orders of magnitude more stupider than others.
I nominate this thread have the subtitle, "Stupid: Orders Of Magnitude [QUE long fading echo]"
There. Put that in yer, COB, and smoke it.
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