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Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

HelluvaHoax!

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For an outstanding moment of stunningly sublime stupid, there's always the the reliably ridiculous "SCIENTOLOGY VOLUNTEER MINISTERS" and their "disaster relief" efforts. (LINK TO MIKE RINDER'S BLOG)

At first glance, I always question Scientology's inappropriate use of the term "disaster relief" in their glossy self-promotion. Relief for whom? Then, using clay demos and dictionaries, I was able to clear the concept; it is relief, as in COMIC RELIEF.

Okay, here we go. A crazed terrorist takes up a sniper position in a Las Vegas hotel and murders 58 innocent music concert fans, injuring another 500. Nobody knows why he did it, and yet:

Scientology has the answer to that.
Scientology has discovered the "why" and the "tech" of that.
Scientology can handle that.

.
From: Caralyn Percy <[email protected]>
Sent: Wednesday, October 11, 2017 3:47 PM
Subject: Help bring calm to Las Vegas


Dear Reader,

We have all heard about the violence in Las Vegas, but we haven’t heard an equal amount about how to help.

What does it take to calm an area down after a major catastrophe? And then what does it take to keep that area calm.

Here is a workable solution. In times of turmoil and violence, when the routines of daily life have been disrupted, many have used The Way to Happiness® to shine a light of peace, tolerance and respect and help those who are surviving the trauma.

When you tell someone that the reason why you are giving them this book is because “Your survival is important to me”, that sets the stage for peace, understanding and well… common sense.

There are more than 600,000 people in Las Vegas who need to receive this message. If one of your family members was at that concert, you would want to help, right?


Well guess what? When you look at people as part of the Family of Man (and Woman) then each of us did have a family member at that concert. Help us to send 200,000 The Way to Happiness books to Las Vegas.

Keep the Peace and Unity flowing. Please donate today!


Caralyn Percy
President
[email protected]



LV-1.jpg

Whutttt? Mass murder?

How in hell does Hubbard's "Way To Happiness" (WTH) solve that?!

WTH?
WTF?

Additional free bitter (bonus) apostasy below:

"What does it take to calm an area down after a major catastrophe? And then what does it take to keep that area calm?"
ANSWER: A temporary solution in the form of a calming "moral code", until enturbulated people have had sufficient time to earn/donate $500,000 in order to handle the dead alien "body thetans" that are really causing the problem.



"Here is a workable solution. In times of turmoil and violence, when the routines of daily life have been disrupted, many have used The Way to Happiness® to shine a light of peace, tolerance and respect and help those who are surviving the trauma."
COMMENT: After WTH has "shined a light of peace, tolerance and respect to help those who are surviving the (Las Vegas) trauma", the survivors can then spend four decades going up the Bridge to Total Freedom. After that, the INTERNET can then "shine a light of peace, tolerance and respect to help those who are surviving the (Scientology) trauma".

"When you tell someone that the reason why you are giving them this book is because “Your survival is important to me”, that sets the stage for peace, understanding and well… common sense."
COMMENT: When someone tells you the reason they are giving you this book is because "Your survival is important to me", realize that they are Scientologists and therefore they are lying. The actual reason they are saying "your survival is important to me" is that this was the number one answer to the survey question: "What would I have to say to you in order for you to feel good about donating 40 years of your life and $500,000 to the cult of Scientology?"

"There are more than 600,000 people in Las Vegas who need to receive this message. If one of your family members was at that concert, you would want to help, right?"
COMMENT: What message?! The message in WTH that says "DO NOT MURDER"? Really, that's all it takes to change a crazed murderer's mind? Really? There must be some kind of profound wisdom, we'd best take a closer look at "Precept #8", that concludes: "The way to happiness does not include murdering--or your friends, your family or yourself being murdered." Oh, I can kind of see how that would work now. One should avoid being murdered or allowing your friends/family from being murdered, because that does not make people happy. If those 58 murder victims had only read WTH, they could have taken action to avoid the bullets and thereby not committed the crime of enturbulating Scientologists' (way to) happiness.


"Keep the Peace and Unity flowing. Please donate today!"
COMMENT: Keep the peace and unity flowing? Assumptive close? LOL. Where is peace and unity already flowing? In Ideal Orgs? No, it can't be there, Scientology orgs are amongst the most 'enturbulated' and 'enturbulative' places on this planet. Final note: Any time a Scientologist uses the word "FLOW" it means "PAY MONEY TO SCIENTOLOGY OR DIE AND SUFFER FOR ETERNITY". You can kind of see why substituting the word "flow" sounds so much more theta.


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Any news/photos on the ias event in saint hill? Saw a couple of photos on comment section of Underground Bunker. I feel this is a really good way of seeing scillon numbers in Europe.


Unfortunately, all of the photos released of the IAS event at St. Hill only showed an embarrassingly small number of people, compared to the "Over 15 Million Scientologists" -- an number that has been scientifically confirmed (using an e-meter).

However, there is a very good reason why Scientology event photos routinely only capture a tiny fraction of the real attendance numbers. This tradition hearkens back to the glorious days when Dr. Hubbard was personally delivering courses and auditing to the hundreds of thousands of Scientologists that were actively enrolled at St. Hill (on course/auditing) in the 1960s. Curiously, when St. Hill reached that size, nobody even realized that they had "reached Old St. Hill size!"

Here is Dr. Hubbard lecturing to 153,529 Scientologists in the garden.

profile_chronology_67_l-ron-hubbard-welcome.jpg

The reason the camera was only able to capture 13 Scientologists is easily explained. At that time (1965) Ron made the biggest technical breakthrough ever--making planetary clearing a reality! Ron also discovered the "first real OT level". Against these astonishingly miraculous feats, one can easily understand why there were 153,529 attendees present in the garden that day.

Some (woefully untrained) persons have disrespectfully questioned how there could have been 153,529 Scientologists present when only 13 are visible. The answer is simple. Dr. Hubbard had discovered "the only process needed to take a wog DB all the way up through full OT in less than 20 hours!!" Electrified Scientologists recalled that Ron's previous guarantee in DMSMH was also to produce a Clear in "less than 20 hours!" So, right there we see the consistency and honesty that were always Ron's hallmark of integrity!

In the above photo Ron is running that "ONE SHOT O.T." process on the audience (ref: Group Processing HCOBs) which gave them a command to: "MOCK UP HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF SCIENTOLOGISTS LINED UP IN TREASURY IN ORDER TO BUY THEIR ENTIRE BRIDGE". Then, Ron gave the command: "MAKE THOSE HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF SCIENTOLOGISTS MOVE FAR AWAY TO OTHER PLANETS, THEN BACK TO THIS PLANET. THEN MOVE THEM TO OTHER SOLAR SYSTEMS, AND BACK TO THIS SOLAR SYSTEM......"

The intention of these OTs was so strong that ACTUAL MEST BODIES in St. Hill's garden were transported to other planets and solar systems! Ron eventually brought them back but, quite unfortunately, the only remaining archive photograph caught this group processing at a moment when everyone had just been moved to another galaxy.

I can assure you, moments later, they returned. For those of you who still scoff and reject this true story, I can assure you that II studied, word-cleared and clay-demo'd this entire OT phenomenon in great detail as published in the scientific journal called Advance! magazine.


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anonomog

Gold Meritorious Patron
Maybe it is just cultural, language thing but the last thing I want to hear from anyone, ever is : your survival is important to me.
If my life is not in danger, I'm just going through life with normal ups and downs, my reaction would be to wonder why someone is trying to fear monger? Why would you think I'm about to die?What kind of drama queen are you? Get away from my space with your silliness.

If I've fallen down a 50m well, lowering ropes and getting help tells me you aren't a complete psychopath and want to get me out. Shouting down "Your survival is important to me" is going to do absolutely nothing for me. Except maybe panic a bit more. Why would the rescuer feel the need to make it about them? In that situation I don't care if you need asspat validation for your intentions, send down the damed rope.
 

HelluvaHoax!

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Maybe it is just cultural, language thing but the last thing I want to hear from anyone, ever is : your survival is important to me. If my life is not in danger, I'm just going through life with normal ups and downs, my reaction would be to wonder why someone is trying to fear monger? Why would you think I'm about to die?What kind of drama queen are you? Get away from my space with your silliness.

If I've fallen down a 50m well, lowering ropes and getting help tells me you aren't a complete psychopath and want to get me out. Shouting down "Your survival is important to me" is going to do absolutely nothing for me. Except maybe panic a bit more.

Why would the rescuer feel the need to make it about them? In that situation I don't care if you need asspat validation for your intentions, send down the damed rope.

LOL, perfectly hilarious!

"Your survival is important to me" is intimately related to other cynical cult of bullshit r-factors. LOL.


Example #1:
Mega-sleazy mega-donor Izzy Chait, his wife & a platoon of other Fair Game goons ambush former cult member Marty Rathbun at the airport.

CHAIT
The bottom line is 'where are you going'?
The church is expanding like crazy....
RATHBUN
I'm going to Texas, as you all well know.
CHAIT
Okay, what are you going to do there?
RATHBUN
Why do you care?
CHAIT
(suddenly transitions into compassionate
love bombing mode with a smarmy grin)
I always care. You used to be a close friend.



Example #2:
Now Chait's clueless wife (a pampered dummy who "knows" she is supposed to act "certain") jumps in and tries to do her best impression of a Beverly Hills, SP-shattering gangsta:

RATHBUN
I'm one guy being tracked by a guy
with a billion dollar war chest.

CHAIT'S CLUELESS WIFE
Maybe you...

(momentarily stumped)
...think you're important?

RATHBUN
If I'm so insignificant....
then what are you doin' here?


CHAIT'S CLUELESS WIFE
I dunno, I just.....

(shrugs cluelessly, then
suddenly changes tactics)

You're important....that important.

CHAIT
(interrupting, taking over again;
oozing with patronizing insincerity)

Marty, you're important to us.
You always have been. You were
important to us when you were on
the ship, You were always important to us.
You were important to us 25 years ago....when
you gave me a pin. An IAS pin. And spoke at an
event. You're always been important to us. You need
to start being important again to us.


RATHBUN
Have you read everything I've written?


CHAIT
No, I don't have time to read all that shit!





Whoa! Chait doesn't have time for someone as important to him as Rathbun?!

Whoa! Chait is calling his "very important friend's" writing "shit"?!

Whoa! What a surprise! I guess Marty was really NOT that important. LOL




 
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HelluvaHoax!

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There are countless stupid moments in that Izzy Chait demonstration video (previous post) of: HOW TO HUMILIATINGLY FAIL WHEN TRYING TO SHATTER AN SP.

I'd have to say, this is one of the top 3, where Izzy launches a fair-gaming frenzy, right out of the starting blocks!


CHAIT
The bottom line is 'where are you going'?
The church is expanding like crazy....


Chait is so excited about shattering Rathbun with the cult's "winning" expansion stats that he goes all OUT-TR3, asking a question and then entirely forgetting to get it answered before moving on.

Chait just "knows" that SPs will cave in when confronted with the fact that the cult is "expanding like crazy". Because Ron stated in scripture that SPs cannot have theta beings winning. This spins them in because their "wholetrack goal" is to prevent mankind from winning and attaining spiritual powers.

Boldly bragging (about org stats, church expansion or the mega-million number of Scientologists on this planet) is a ritualistic incantation--that Scientologists superstitiously believe will make all their postulates come true, with prosperity and expansion for all. And endlessly painful suffering for SPs, like Xenu trapped in an electronic mountain prison using perpetual batteries. lol

Ron guarantees that UPSTAT INCANTATIONS will blow off an SP as surely as will a wooden stake in the heart of a vampire! You can try it the next time someone tries to invalidate or put CI on the Church of Scientology. Hey, Billy Blowdown just yesterday submitted a super-theta win about sitting next to an SP on an airline flight. Here's an excerpt:

SUCCESS STORY
Billy Blowdown
.......excerpt:
The SP was alternately reading Leah Remini's bestselling entheta book and watching video-replays of her entheta TV show. I repeatedly used theta com that intended the SP to shut off his computer and put away that psychotic book. But, like Ron states in tech, an SP is "stuck down the track"; so, obviously this is why my theta com didn't impinge, because my com is being delivered in present time. So, then I tapped the SP on the shoulder as they were laughing--

B. BLOWDOWN
Excuse me, I know you think you are winning and whatever
but just because you are laughing doesn't mean you are
blowing charge.


SP
Whattttt? What are you talking about?

B. BLOWDOWN
That squirrel book! And those
squirrel videos!


SP
Whattttt? What do you mean--squirrel?
Are you okay? Do you want me to
call the stewardess and get some help?


B. BLOWDOWN
Our orgs are expanding like crazy!!!


SP
Whattttttt? Your what?!


B. BLOWDOWN
There are now over 15 million
Scientologists on this planet!


SP
Oh, so that's what all this is about.
Scientology. No wonder


B. BLOWDOWN
That's 15 with six zeroes, you cocksucking
counter-intentioned SP!


SP
WTFFFFFF?????


B. BLOWDOWN
Fifteen Million!
HIP-HIP...........


SP
(staring silently, mouth agape)

B. BLOWDOWN
I said--HIP HIP.................


SP
I heard you. So?


BILLY BLOWDOWN
You're supposed to say "HOORAY".
I say HIP-HIP and you say HOORAY.
Let's drill it. Okay? Ready?


SP
That's okay, I'm good here. Hey, did
you ever see any of those YouTube videos where
they drag a crazy person, kicking and screaming,
off the airplane---because they were creeping people out?


BILLY BLOWDOWN
Okay, I duplicate you. I'll move my seat. But just answer
this first. When I told you that we had "over 15 million"
Scientologists on this planet, did it make you feel hopeless?
Like so hopeless that you could never win against Scientology?
Or did it make you feel like attacking Scientology even more?

SP
I dunno. What's the right answer that will get you
to stop that goofy grinning, STFU and switch seats?












 
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HelluvaHoax!

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WTF does this mean?

rebels%20with%20a%20cause%20take%2023.jpg


HolyHell, that is unbelievably bad! LOL

We might have to attribute that advertising abomination to the following:

* The normal amount of abomination normally found in cult promo
* Plus, an amateur copywriter (notice the confused thinking that resulted in gratuitous periods being added to the last two lines of copy at the bottom?)​
* Plus, an unholy devotion to MOVIE THEMES in Ideal Org promo. How a "church" elected to position themselves against pop-culture movies is a mystery of this universe even L. Ron Hubbard was not able to discover the answer to.​
* Plus, the frightfully moronic shot selection, where goofy Scientologists are peeking their heads awkwardly through cut outs. But the awful angles and composition are something you'd see in a 1962 polaroid photo taken by somebody's technophobic 103 year old grandmother.
* Plus, the poster's absurd headline. LOL LOL LOL. What it means, I have no idea. Maybe the registrar sponsoring this fundraising event did a clay demo and had a big cognition that if he/she wants it (your money) it's already his? Normally they don't tell you what they are thinking, so in an unintended way, this is kind of refreshing.​




ps: That poster reminds me of a time when I was playing around in the movie business and was looking at a bunch of one-sheets (posters) for lower budge actioners. One was so spectacularly bad I had to send it a close friend in advertising. We both laughed our asses about that headline then and for a long time thereafter. The poster depicted some bad-ass cowboy that had that desperado-loner look. He was standing in the middle of some cliche "Western Town" that all cowboy sets depict. And then (drumroll) was that abysmal mutation of a headline:

HE DIDN'T TALK MUCH...
BUT HE CLEANED UP THE WHOLE TOWN


I told you it was majorly fucked up, now do you believe me? LOL

Hey, on the bright side-- "IF I WANT IT, IT'S ALREADY MINE" is now seriously in contention for 1st Prize honors! lol



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Gizmo

Rabble Rouser
Can I attest to a win on reading this thread ?

I was quick. I'm Super Stupid ?

I can attest to that too ? ( two attests ? )

I just realized the cult gives everybody a participation trophy.

Can I attest to that, too ?

Hell, I'll attest to attesting !
 

cleared cannibal

Silver Meritorious Patron
OK here is another one. I believe I could have gotten a more pleasant photo. They recruiting from the Hell's Angels now?

Looks like some kind of biker bitch.

new%20staff%20betsy.jpg
 

Gizmo

Rabble Rouser
I try to not be disparaging of any woman's physical appearance; however, I will comment on what I feel I get on a non physical presence she presents.

I get the feeling of a swarm of invisible rusty razor blades swirling all around her. Just an evil space around her.
 

exbritscino

Patron with Honors
I try to not be disparaging of any woman's physical appearance; however, I will comment on what I feel I get on a non physical presence she presents.

I get the feeling of a swarm of invisible rusty razor blades swirling all around her. Just an evil space around her.
Sure, but she'll probably be great doggy style! lol.
 

HelluvaHoax!

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I try to not be disparaging of any woman's physical appearance; however, I will comment on what I feel I get on a non physical presence she presents.

I get the feeling of a swarm of invisible rusty razor blades swirling all around her. Just an evil space around her.


Aviator shades? Leather? Freakishly over-processed hair? Yeah, her "mockup" doesn't seem very churchy, does it? LOL.

BEST GUESS: She's kinda stuck in past glories. 20 years ago she was having huge wins as the girlfriend of a Columbian drug trafficker, where she worked as a "mule", being heavily compensated in cash and coke. Until she got busted in Vegas for dealing and turning tricks with Asian billionaires that were into S&M . She pleaded out the prostitution charges for a reduced sentence and did only 30 months on the dealing by ratting out her ex-bf.

Now she's really theta, saving mankind and..."the planet".

No more drugs, but still heavily into S&M--replacing leather whips & handcuffs with chain lockers, declares, disconnections & fair game.

.
 
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HelluvaHoax!

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OK here is another one. I believe I could have gotten a more pleasant photo. They recruiting from the Hell's Angels now?

Looks like some kind of biker bitch.

LOL

Strange that the editors of that promo piece would pick THAT particular shot.

One wonders what the photographer's or art director's patter would have sounded like during that photoshoot. . .


SEA ORG ART DIRECTOR
No, we're going to need some more shots. She doesn't look
like an OT. Can you do something with her facial expression?


SEA ORG PHOTOGRAPHER
Yes sir, we can do that sir.
(to model)
We are taking some more shots to get better coverage,
can you give me an OT beingness? Okay that's great, hold itttttt.....

(click-click-click-click-click)
Beautiful. But I need some more OTness. Give me some of
that OT att-itude.....okay okay okay....now can you keep that
altitude and now give me some OT alt-itude...good baby, very good....

(click-click-click-click-click)
Now, don't lose it and just add some kinda different smile. More
of a smug OT kinda smirk that says, "I made it--I'm a big being that
just attested to OT VIII, you fuckin' devT DBs!"

(click-click-click-click-click)
Yeah baby, that's it! Now give me more of that "you're stats are
down again, asshole!" sneer. Perfect!

(click-click-click-click-click)
We're right there baby...keep it and now just add a little more
of that total cause stare again just after you told someone, "I'm
going to declare your fucking ass and you'll never see your children again
if you don't do the greatest good and make that fucking $50,000 donation!"

(click-click-click-click-click)
Yeahhhhh! That's it!
That's the super-theta look we needed!



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HelluvaHoax!

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I try to not be disparaging of any woman's physical appearance; however, I will comment on what I feel I get on a non physical presence she presents. I get the feeling of a swarm of invisible rusty razor blades swirling all around her. Just an evil space around her.


LOL

Never regret "disparaging" a Scientology promo shill.

Because Ron states in the CODE OF HONOR:

"Never fear to hurt another in a just cause."

I did a clay demo of it and realized that it's okay to joke and degrade the cult's absurdly ridiculous hype, just cause.

Just cause it's fun.

Schadenfreude. Splurge on it.

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Enthetan

Master of Disaster
I try to not be disparaging of any woman's physical appearance; however, I will comment on what I feel I get on a non physical presence she presents.

I get the feeling of a swarm of invisible rusty razor blades swirling all around her. Just an evil space around her.

Yes, she exudes an attitude of "I'm going to destroy your world if you don't do what I want". Perhaps she was trying to project "Ethics Presence"?
 

HelluvaHoax!

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Yes, she exudes an attitude of "I'm going to destroy your world if you don't do what I want". Perhaps she was trying to project "Ethics Presence"?

LOL

HellYeah--and you bring up a very fascinating and little known fact about the "religion" of Scientology.

Unless someone has been inside the cult, they might have a very difficult time realizing, understanding or even accepting the fact that the cult PRIDES ITSELF on "toughness". They endlessly grin & sneer & smirk at each other about how "cause" they are against their "enemies".

Hubbard cultivated a bully mentality that equates all all the highest and best religious/spiritual qualities with "attacking", "shattering" and "utterly destroying" their enemies.

Their "enemies" are people who don't lie. They need to be "annihilated", "shuddered into silence", "caved in", "spun in" and "disposed of quietly without sorrow" and it is a "huge win" to be do so.

Hubbard, Miscavige and their delegated planet-clearing goons very actively cultivate(d) a swaggering, sadistic glee at the contemplation of mercilessly slaughtering the evil SPs "on this planet". If one thought that this is an unwarranted hyperbolic assault on the "religion" of Scientology, that notion would be very quickly cured by simply attending a Scientology event where COB endlessly smirks, struts and pounds his own chest in endless thuggery and applause cues.

Anyone who has been on staff knows the all-knowing smirk of a "senior terminal" who has assumed incalculable "altitude" over the "downstat" they are savagely berating. Hubbard's "scripture" in fact mandates that all manner of stagecraft, symbolism and "altitude" is leveraged in order to gain "ethics presence" and "control" of others.

It's a wonderfully loving religion, the COS.

Church of Smirkology.



.
ps: Once one knows to look for Scientologists smirking, the floodgates will open with an endles tsunami of examples. Then one wonders how that sadistic "1.1" tell could have EVER possibly been missed. lol


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HelluvaHoax!

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SCIENTOLOGY PARADOX # 784: The paradox of lower conditions.

Virtually every Scientologist that ever lived has been assigned a "lower condition" for which they were required to immediately "apply the formula" to rise above it.

And virtually every single "lower condition" and "formula" produce the EXACT OPPOSITE result they claim.

examples:

DOUBT CONDITION: If a Scientologist has any "doubt" they are punished and assigned this lower condition. In order to be upgraded to the next higher condition they are required (amongst other steps) to "examine the stats" of Scientology. However, they are not allowed to see the stats of Scientology because that is "confidential" and "out-security". Thus they must just accept the cult's propaganda slogans, hyperbolic jingles and "Big Lies" like: "THE WORLD'S FASTEST GROWING RELIGION!" and "UNPRECEDENTED EXPANSION!" If one accepts these lying statistics, they are rewarded by upgrade to a better condition. If one questions these lying statistics by, say, walking into an Ideal Org and observing that it is empty, they are punished by assigning them the next lower condition, ENEMY. Therefore, the apparent benefits of Scientology's call to "live with the truth" by inspecting stats--to differentiate truth from lies--is in fact exclusively used to force the Scientologist to always choose lies.
ENEMY CONDITION: Assigned when a Scientologist refuses to accept and act upon Scientology's lies. The severely "out ethics" Hubbardite must then work through the formula that requires they "FIND OUT WHO YOU REALLY ARE". So they begin scribbling answers on paper until they finally realize that: "I AM REALLY AN ETHICAL SCIENTOLOGIST". Because only an unethical Scientologist (an "SP") would not comply with the cult's orders. Therefore, the apparent benefits of Scientology's call to "discover yourself!" by inspecting one's true unique individual nature, is in fact exclusively used to force the Scientologist to always conclude that their "unique individual nature" is absolutely identical to every other Scientologist.


Every lower condition has its own similar and madly ironic punchline, where the Scientologist proudly celebrates having forfeited another substantial portion of their free thought and free will.



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cleared cannibal

Silver Meritorious Patron
I try to not be disparaging of any woman's physical appearance; however, I will comment on what I feel I get on a non physical presence she presents.

I get the feeling of a swarm of invisible rusty razor blades swirling all around her. Just an evil space around her.
I was referring more to her projected tone level.

To me she projects like she would like inflicting pain. Perfect for a regg job because one will always do better when one enjoys their work. Getting a little old for her 1 st chosen profession of being a dominatrix .

I am sure in recent past track she was a guard at Auschwitz.
 

HelluvaHoax!

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I was referring more to her projected tone level.

To me she projects like she would like inflicting pain. Perfect for a regg job because one will always do better when one enjoys their work. Getting a little old for her 1 st chosen profession of being a dominatrix .

I am sure in recent past track she was a guard at Auschwitz.


I am not supposed to laugh at that.

So, why did I?

It must be the unhandled part of my Reactive Mind that Scientologists kept trying to warn me about.
 
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