Question for members

[PokerPlayer]

To my knowledge I am not declared but I can see that it may not be long before I am.

Shortly after, I decided I had had enough, but no one really knew I knew I was done, I didn't want anyone to try to talk me into continuing with the Church. I started getting calls on my cell from what I would consider to me my best friend. He called me tons, always leaving me messages. However, I knew I was done and, at the time, thought it just might be best to let the comm just die.

I have since changed my number and no one from the Church has it. I moved and left no forwarding address so no one has that. I just disappeared. I thought that was the best way to do this. That was over a year ago. I found this board just last month to help me with my emotions on the subject as I just had no one around that could even come close to understanding any of this.

But anyway back to the question. Would you reach out and talk to this person before you end up getting declared and then he CAN'T talk to you or would you do what I have done and just let it die?

He is a 30 something year Scnist and his wife is a Class V who isn't on staff but audits staff regularly. He is an ex staff. and again, I have to say, if I had a best friend he would have been him. I don't think I can change his mind on this subject but I would let him know I am done and the reasons why.

[Zinjifar]

My thought? I'd say, don't bother even thinking about 'getting him out', but, considering that he's a good friend, give him a call and tell him something along the lines of 'Hi! I didn't want to talk to you earlier, because I was trying to figure out where I stood with Scientology when you called. In the meantime, I've more or less sorted myself out and would enjoy talking to you again, whatever your beliefs are. You're a friend of mine as far as I'm concerned.

Zinj

[HappyGirl]

If you don't get declared, you will have freaked your friend out needlessly.

On the other hand, if you do get declared, you're right, they won't be able to contact you. I have friends that would contact me to find out, and when I was "in," I contacted friends that got declared to find out what happened, but didn't talk to them again after that. If your friend is the type that would want to know and would contact you if you got declared, then I wouldn't write a letter.

But it might feel really good to write a letter. I wrote only two friends letters, that I felt would benefit from my thoughts, and I really wanted to know if they would disconnect from me. I just had to know. And it felt really good to write those letters.

For the most part, however, I'm drifting away from my old "in" friendships, a little more each day, as Scn fades away from my life. Whether I write them, or whether they know my reasons for leaving, becomes less and less important.

I think we all find out what we need to. If my friends need to know, they'll contact me, or find out from other friends. Or, it may never even come up. They'll assume I stopped doing the Bridge, and won't ever think about it any more. Most of my friends have stopped doing the Bridge anyway, even those that want to. Who has the money or drive any more? (My friends are old farts.)

That didn't help much, did it? :D

[Carmel]

He's a friend of yours - If I were you, I would certainly call him. If you were in his shoes, you'd probably want a call from him, hey?

You could tell him where you are at, and why you 'disappeared' like you did. I wouldn't lecture him or try and convince him of anything. Depending on his response though, you could get him to look by asking him about things that you know that he has reality on. Whatever you do, don't bombard him with data first up - he'll probably only reject it.

All the best, PP.

[klidov]

To my knowledge I am not declared but I can see that it may not be long before I am.

Shortly after, I decided I had had enough, but no one really knew I knew I was done, I didn't want anyone to try to talk me into continuing with the Church. I started getting calls on my cell from what I would consider to me my best friend. He called me tons, always leaving me messages. However, I knew I was done and, at the time, thought it just might be best to let the comm just die.

I have since changed my number and no one from the Church has it. I moved and left no forwarding address so no one has that. I just disappeared. I thought that was the best way to do this. That was over a year ago. I found this board just last month to help me with my emotions on the subject as I just had no one around that could even come close to understanding any of this.

But anyway back to the question. Would you reach out and talk to this person before you end up getting declared and then he CAN'T talk to you or would you do what I have done and just let it die?

He is a 30 something year Scnist and his wife is a Class V who isn't on staff but audits staff regularly. He is an ex staff. and again, I have to say, if I had a best friend he would have been him. I don't think I can change his mind on this subject but I would let him know I am done and the reasons why.

Call him. Talk to him and tell him what is going on in your mind. Explain (without apology) why you have reacted the way you have.

Expect him to either try to bring you back into the fold, or shun you.

But, at least make that call. If he shuns you, than his friendship does was not a true friendship, and he has choosen the cult over communication with you.

[airhead]

Wouldn't it depend on the content of the messages he left you? Without knowing what the content and context was, I couldn't possibly venture an opinion.

[Been Done Had]

Talk to him. If you guys were close you owe it to him. Do it in person if possible. Let him know where are with your life. Feel him out about telling him specifics of why you walked from CofS. Talk about YOUR reasons, your experience. If he is willing to listen. Don't invalidate him.

That's about all you can do.

Good luck.

[Megalomaniac]

My thought? I'd say, don't bother even thinking about 'getting him out', but, considering that he's a good friend, give him a call and tell him something along the lines of 'Hi! I didn't want to talk to you earlier, because I was trying to figure out where I stood with Scientology when you called. In the meantime, I've more or less sorted myself out and would enjoy talking to you again, whatever your beliefs are. You're a friend of mine as far as I'm concerned.

Zinj

But it might feel really good to write a letter. I wrote only two friends letters, that I felt would benefit from my thoughts, and I really wanted to know if they would disconnect from me. I just had to know. And it felt really good to write those letters.

He's a friend of yours - If I were you, I would certainly call him. If you were in his shoes, you'd probably want a call from him, hey?

You could tell him where you are at, and why you 'disappeared' like you did. I wouldn't lecture him or try and convince him of anything. Depending on his response though, you could get him to look by asking him about things that you know that he has reality on. Whatever you do, don't bombard him with data first up - he'll probably only reject it.

All the best, PP.

Another way to look at this is to ignore any outside restrictions on your communication, whether from the Church of Scientology or wherever. Just "invalidate" anyone's right to interfere in your communications, because that's just a silly idea. Try to not worry about whether it's ok or whether you're declared. Talk to him if you feel like it!

Mac

[Feral]

I told every one I could get in touch with. I also told them why, which was organised into a very simple set of data. It was so successful I made it into a Christmas letter, Hell, I even went through it with my solo nots C/S and Ship MAA and all of the OSA terminals that were sent to handle me.

As far as my friends went there was no way I was going to let any miss out on a chance to know the truth.

As a result a great number of people left the CofS, a few are on this board now.

A very few didn't want to know, they no longer talk to me, but in the situation you're in,you lost them anyway as it is now.

[Kookaburra]

Poker Player, I would definitely talk to your friend. Have a real heart to heart with him. He may not like the idea that Co$ tries to dictate who he talks to. And they certainly don't have any say over who you communicate to and what you say, much as they would like to. Don't go into agreement with this disconnection idea. It is extremely suppressive. Just be this guys friend. He may remain your friend despite you being out. He may come out with you. He may stay in and under their control, but that will last only so long. Then he will need his old friends.

Good luck to you.