It's been almost 9 years since I last saw you when you tried to talk me into staying and doing the RPF. We didn't even get to have any alone time together to discuss any avenue of possibilities, but for some reason it was necessary to have us both in a room with another RTC handler and of course a camera with a listen-in system. How was it even possible for you and I to have a real conversation given the circumstances? You and I were married for nearly 10 years and I know we would have talked about everything had we at least lived together the last 4 years of our marriage.
I have made numerous attempts to get in touch with you over the years, even through your father Gerhard, to no avail.
When you left the Int base to go To Flag and then LA as an RTC Rep, a lot of things happened at the base that you never got to see. I could write pages and pages of things that were happening that you would probably be completely shocked about. You weren't there to see it. I bet you were wondering why I wanted to leave so badly knowing that I had been for many years an avid follower and member of Scientology and a hard working "in-ethics" Sea Org member. I'm sure you were told that I had many crimes and were told tid-bits of what was coming up in my Sec Checking. For all I know, and I've seen it before, you were told lies or even blown-out-of-proportion things about me. But you knew me dearly and I have often wondered if you believed everything said about me or at least knew that I was and still am a good person.
I NEVER wanted to leave you. When you were at Flag, I BEGGED David Miscavige and Shelley to let me go to Flag with you - even if I was posted as a dishwasher. I wrote several petitions to COB and all of them were disapproved because "your post is too valuable and it would take a long time to train someone up to replace you." I was a fully hatted MAA and the De-PTSer for the base which you remember. Shelley finally responded to one of my petitions saying that you would be posted in PAC as an RTC Rep at AOLA, and that you would be coming up to the base frequently. We only got to see eachother the ONE time you came up in the couple of years that you were in LA.
It was a nightmare not being able to see you at all for nearly 4 years. It was driving me nuts to the point where I just wanted to blow to go and see you - regardless of the ethics consequences. Add this stress of not being able to see you at all to everything else that was happening at the base and I had reached my breaking point. Too bad we couldn't even have a conversation about all of it.
Being an RTC Rep, and I believe you're now posted in the UK, there's no way for you to know or have known what abuses were occuring at the base. I personally witnessed DM physically beat people up as well as other executives. This stuff that's coming out in the SP Times recently are things that actually happened and is mostlikely still happenning. I would never lie to you and when you came to talk to me, these were things that I wanted to talk to you about but never had the chance.
DM was declaring people left and right without any prior justice action or ethics gradients. Most if not all of the Int Execs have been declared and placed in the SP Hall or Hole for years. This was even happening before 2000 when I left. You should have seen what DM did to Marc Yager while you were gone. DM called an all-base briefing and told us what a huge SP Marc Yager was.
He informed us that he was Declared and that he'd been taken off the lines completely. Being an MAA at the time, I had access to Marc Yager because I was doing a PTS handling with Uwe Stuckenbrock who was one of Marc's Security handlers. Marc was living in a trailer out in the swamp, was wearing a boiler suit, was in knee deep swamp water clearing out bamboo and other muck in between his Sec Checks. One time when I went to visit Uwe, Marc was on his hands and knees pulling weeds and looked miserable. I always had huge respect for Marc and seeing him like this was saddening to me. All he could say to me was "Hi Sir", "How are you Sir?" grovelling. I asked him how he was doing and Uwe told me not to talk to him. Not too much later, Marc was assigned to the RPF.
As well, Uwe later got a bad case of MS and died on the RPF in PAC. He was not being given the proper medical treatments he needed to survive. I don't know if you heard about that, but I know that you were close to Uwe at one time both having German backgrounds and speaking the language.
There was nothing but heavy ethics at the base, lower condition assignments, RPF assignments, constant overboardings, e-metered ethics interviews and interrogations for staff with bad indicators. Investigations all over the place. The number of PTS situations on the base kept mounting and the harder I tried to resolve all of these situations, the more and more piled up. At one point there were over 300 people on the base on the PTS list, including people in RTC.
In many of my PTS interviews on staff, I was hearing through these people what DM was doing to them and other execs and at the time I couldn't believe what I was hearing until I actually saw it happening with my own eyes. I was taking it that these people were naming "Good Hats" as SPs or their suppressors and of course had to fish for actual "Bad Hats" or go earlier similar. But later, I started to realize that these people were right in the first place. Melanie, please read the recent SP Times articles, you can find these on the internet. What these people are saying is true and no joke. You know all of these people personally, some of them were good friends of yours. Why would they all be lying? Why would I be lying?
There are so many things I'd like to tell you. I've wondered how you've been doing all these years. I hope you are well.
If you ever leave the Sea Org or Scientology and I'm not saying or predicting that you will, I'll always be there for you as I always was. Please at least have a conversation with me at that point so we can have the conversation we never got to have. Send my regards to your father and I hope he's well also.
Many of your old friends from the base are out now and a lot of them are speaking out about the abuses that were happening at the base. I'm sure all of them would love to see you again. You have many friends out here who still care about you and wonder how you are. We are still here for you if you ever need help.
Infinite love and happiness,
P.S. - Grama over the last couple years has been suffering from Parkinson's Syndrome and my uncle has been trying to help take care of her. I'm moving there in a couple weeks to also help take care of her and help her be as happy as she can in her final days, hopefully years. She has asked about you many times and has asked if you've ever spoken to me again. She loves you too and I'm sure she'd also like to hear from you again.