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Thread: Suppressed Memories

  1. #1
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    Default Suppressed Memories

    When i was a little girl,about 7-8yrs old,i lived with my family in a big old house.We used to have boarders stay with us.They were all Scientologists.At the time i didn't really know what this meant.These people that stayed with us often came from abroad,i know some of them were from South Africa.Although i don't remember any of their names,i can still picture some of their faces,and they were so friendly and good to have around.Our house was always full of people,my aunt lived with us and an uncle(my Fathers twin brother).My mother wasn't my real Mother,but she was to me,i loved her with all my heart.I also had two younger brothers.As you can imagine it was quite a hectic household.
    At the time there were always lots of new and strange words being said,i say strange because i didnt hear these words outside of my home,except when i started going to St. hill.
    The first time i remember going to St.Hill(at least i think it was the 1st time)i met LRH,he was coming along the drive in his car(a while ago,i noticed Alan put a photo of it on here)He stopped and chatted to us,he smiled alot and was very friendly.When he drove off,my dad told me'what an important man he was.' What did i know,i idolised my Dad and if he told me 'he was an important man' then that was the truth,wasn't it?I found St. Hill fascinating,all the grounds,the huge manor house and other buildings.And as a child i remember thinking 'wow,this LRH must be as important as i had been told.What i found very strange,when going through the buildings were all these people hooked up to e-metres,i used to stare,wondering what on earth they were doing.To me it seemed a very strange thing to be doing.I couldn't understand any of it.Slowly i just accepted that thats what happened at St.hill,but it did play on my mind that i didn' see anything like it anywhere else.
    Like kids do i used to listen in on adult conversation quite alot.One such conversation played on my mind abit.That when you died,you dropped your body and went and found a new body to inhabbit(I didn't know the word thetan then).At school i'd learnt that if you died,you were dead.That was it.This caused me a fair bit of conflict.At the time one of my brothers had been stung by a bee,i was aware that if you got stung some people died as a reaction.My brother wouldn't stop screaming,i was very upset and was crying, convinced he would die and go and be somebody else.I didn't want him to be anyone else.I wanted him to stay being him.Our parents didn't know what the hell was going on.My brother and i cried ourselves to sleep wrapped around one another and i prayed with all my might he would be ok,it was such a relief to find him alive in the morning.
    I know this might seem really silly to some,but it's important to show how a child's mind works when faced with things they don't understand,also it's all relevent to my story as a whole.
    When my youngest brother was born i overheard a conversation that talked about a thetan entering my baby brothers body.Someone that was dead had gone into my brothers body.WHAT!S omeone famous had died at the time and my Dad seemed to think it would be great if that person was my baby bro. I didn't swear in those days but i would have done had i known how to.I really didn't like the idea at all.I put it out of my mind,but sometimes it bothered me abit.I loved both of my brothers very much and in many ways was like a second little Mummy to them.
    But sometimes i heard some strange stuff,that i really did not understand at all.
    More tomorrow,Tamasin

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  3. #2
    Fool on the Hill Voltaire's Child's Avatar
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    The thing with a thetan going into another person's dead/dying body is called, in some venues, a "walk in."

    Although I think that sometimes when people think they or others are a "walk in" that it can be their imagination, I also believe this does happen.

    Just my opinion, nuttin' more.

    I read a cool book about a lady who had an operation and, I think, was in a coma a while. When she came out, her personality was quite different. In fact, she'd been rather unpleasant before and was a lot nicer now.

    Yes, there are scientific we-are-our-brains explanations for that. But there also are "Theta" or spiritual explanations for it and who's to say it's always gotta be one type or the other?

    I once read something by a Scn'ist who said that she'd been a walk in. Was a last life Scn'ist and didn't feel like waiting from age 0 onward to get into Scn again. So found a dying body which was an older child.

    I believe this person.

    But, again, that's the realm of opinion.

    Many things are possible. Sometimes the odd really happens- sometimes we only think it happens.

    Either way, you can love the one you're with.
    I am truly into myself, yes. And I'm just as interested in other people. When I'm not thinking of one, I'm thinking of the other.

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    Excellent!

    I can't wait to hear more, Tamasin!

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    Patron with Honors svonhatten's Avatar
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    I can certainly relate to this. I was raised in a home where if you weren't a Christian, you were going to hell. I had PLENTY of nights where I cried myself to sleep because I thought my dad was going to hell. I also had some pretty scary dreams about hell too. If you've ever seen the film Heaven's Gates, Hell's Flames, you'll know what I'm talking about. That movie just about scared me to death... just like the first Left Behind movie that came out.

    -Steve
    "If anyone wants a monopoly on Dianetics, be assured that he wants it for reasons which have to do not with Dianetics but with profit." --LRH, DMSMH, page 226, 1987 Edition

    "Scientology has opened the gates to a better World. It is not a psycho-therapy nor a religion." --LRH, Creation of Human Ability, page 251, 1954 Edition

    "Since we can now handle all types of cases, disconnection as a condition is cancelled." --LRH, 15 November 1968, HCO Policy Letter

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  7. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by fluffy View Post
    The thing with a thetan going into another person's dead/dying body is called, in some venues, a "walk in."

    They don't have to be 'dead or dying' fluff. The idea of a 'walk-in' is that the host, if you will, voluntarily allows the higher spiritual being to take over his or her body. They don't have to be dead or dying. I mean, really...if the person is dead or dying why the fuck would anybody want the damn body in the first place??!!!!!

    As a matter of fact....I have it on good authority that DOFer plans to 'walk in' on YOUR body any day now. Better keep that night light on!!

  8. #6
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    Default My story from inside scientology suppressed memories

    At this time ( 65-66)i had alot of responcibility put on me keeping my brothers occupied and always seemed to be changing nappies.Much of the time i didn't mind,but the poohy nappies all became too much,we had a down stairs cloakroom,outside the window there were thick prickly bushes and this one day i'd had enough of pooh,so i lobbed the nappy out of the window.I felt bad but thought noone would ever know.The next time i had a really yucky nappy,i couldn't face cleaning it and out the window it went.This went on for quite awhile,being so young it never occurred to me, soon we would run out of nappies.Also it was summer and out the back door it was starting to stink.I was mortified one day to find my Dad cutting all the bushes back,i think i went and hid down in my den.Funny looking back on that,as far as i recall not alot was said,and i didn't have to do the nappies so much after that.
    I went in Lrons office once,he wasn't in it at the time,it was large and seemed very grand to me.I helped put loads of books on the bookshelves,these books were changed every few months.I know my Dad had to go off somewhere for a few minutes and said he had to lock me in because the office had to be kept locked at all times.Sometimes when i went into work with my Dad,i would run errands for other people.Sometimes we went to a service in the chapel,thats when i met a teenager who had gone clear.She was a really nice girl and we sat on a wall chatting,and she told me how wonderful she felt.She certainly looked "glowing"I remember thinking 'wow'.
    Can't describe the service,as i wasn't very interested at the time.
    I know one man i liked,a SA,he stayed with us on and off.The last i heard of him,he'd committed suicide.I couldn't think why anyone would do that then.I think i saw his name on a list when i first started looking at critical boards,but i'm not going to say in case it's wrong,even though i'm sure i'm right.
    I rarely if ever got to see my grand mother because she was against my Dad being involved in scieno,which i thought was a shame because i wanted to see her.
    At some point around late 66 /early 67 i did some of the chldrens courses,i didn't want to but my Dad thought it would be good for me.To please him i said i'd give it a go.I watched for a while and all the other children seemed to be ok about it,Iv'e read children had teddies but i only remember there being an ashtray.Now this is only my opinion of the time but i could not grasp talking to an ashtray at all,saying 'thankyou' to it was totally beyond me.I did not like it,and didn't see the point.
    Again, asking "Do fish swim" or "Do birds fly",to me it was obvious that they did,so i didn't understand 'why' the need to ask.
    I felt really uncomfortable doing these drills but persevered as best as i could.
    The final one was the bullbaiting,this i really didn't like,i don't know if it was the man i was with or what,but i actually felt scared whilst staring and being stared at. For me as a child, a very uncomfortable experience!

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  10. #7

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    Interesting stuff, Tamasin. Funny story about the diapers. Please keep going. Does SA mean South African or...?

  11. #8
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    Default Suppressed Memories

    Hi Charlie,
    Yes SA does mean South Africa.I will try and continue later tonight,but i have o
    ther things to do at the moment.

    Alonzo,fluffy and svonhatten,thanks for the comments,will get back to you

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    Being so young,parts of our life at this point are a little hazy.It was a long time ago.My Father was at ST.hill much of the time and my Mum had all the boarders to look after.When i wasn't caring for my brothers,i would roam the grounds of house,which was large including a field,a wonderful playground.I was at my happiest there.
    The first time i met Marysue was on the steps of the manor house,she was so nice and reminded me of a movie star,a real lady.I was in awe of her,at the time.
    When Hubbard came back from Rhodesia,the excitement at St. Hill was incredible,everyone was rushing about preparing for his arrival,some coaches of scienos had gone to meet him at the airport and those left behind had wanted to be there too.I can only describe the atmosphere as electric!
    I know i am missing bits out here,but i'm struggling to put the pieces of the jig-saw in order.
    Suddenly our world was turned upside down,Bam!The scieno boarders all had to go,and we had to move. We were homeless.I never knew why,until recently.Apparently,the electric bill had been so high,owing to all the boarders using so many heaters that my parents couldn't afford to pay the bill.The electric was cut off.We stayed in a hotel for a couple of nights,then at my Mums parents house.The next thing i knew my Mum ,brothers and myself were living in a small granny annexe next to a large house.set in large grounds just outside East.G rinstead.My Dad didn't come with us,i didn't understand.
    The house was full of scientologists,two sisters from America ran the house,Mary and Betty.Everyone was so nice and made us feel really welcome.My Mum at this time learnt she was pregnant again,where the hell was my father.It was a very difficult time especially for my Mum,she had the three of us to look out for and had to work to support us.She used to work nights,cleaning and i looked after the boys.Luckily i had the support of the scieno household right on the doorstep.
    We got on well with everyone and i spent alot of my time in the main house with them.Bo Johnson lived there, Karen Black ,a matador from Spain called Ernie,a really big man called Bob and numerous other people came and went,whose names i don't recall.There was also a family with a son called Mike,he was about my age.
    After awhile i was informed my Dad had gone to live with another woman,who he married.I thought this was pretty odd because i'd always thought my Mum and Dad were married.
    For heating we only had an oil burning heater,before my Mum had left for work she'd told me not to try and move it.The room was so tiny and at the time i was always doing cartwheels and the like,it was in the way.Anyway i tried to move it and the next thing i knew the rug was on fire.Frightened the hell out of me,fortunately i stomped all over it really quickly and managed to put it out.I poured water on it for good measure and was very relieved.I went and got Mary from next door for support.I was so scared,my brothers were asleep in the next room.It didn't bare thinking about what could of happened.
    Next time i'll tell you about the Matador!

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    Default Suppressed Memories

    As iv'e already said the main house was full of scientologists,somewhere between 15-20 people in total.They were all really good people.i liked them all.One in particular was Ernie(uncle Ernie i used to call him) he was a matador.He had his full matador costume with him and it was fantastic to see him dressed up with his red cape pretending to tease a bull.I didn't like the idea of him killing bulls but it was a real treat to watch him performing.He also was a blackbelt in martial arts,which i thought that was really cool.He used to show me various moves(i was quite the tomboy back then).Sometimes i would go into his room and he would stand behind me and position my arms and legs in various poses.This was all good fun,but then he kept touching my bottom and make out it was a mistake.Also because i'd just started developing,he would comment on it.Being very naive i didn't really pay much attention,i was 9 .about to turn 10yrs.
    One night i was in the main house watching TV with about ten other people,the lights were switched off,so it was dark.I often sat near to or on Ernies lap and all of a sudden i felt Ernies' hand in side my shorts.I jumped in the air and told him not to do that.Everyone shot up,the lights went on and Mary asked me to repeat what i had just said,which i did.I said"he often tried to touch me in that area"
    I was told to go home,funnily enough more upset that i had to miss the rest of tv.The next morning was quite strange,Betty came and said she was taking me out for the day.I can't remember where we went,but we went to a market and she bought me a couple of dresses and a few other things.We also had a chinese meal.Ifelt like royalty being treated so.
    It wasn't until the following day i realised Ernie was not there anymore.When i asked "What happened to him,why hadn't he even said Goodbye" I was told "he had,had to go away in a hurry and how sorry he was not to say goodbye"
    At the time i was upset by this,in my innocense i felt betrayed because he'd left without saying goodbye.
    Nothing was ever said about it again and i was about 15yrs old before i realised what had happened.I felt even more betrayed then as i realised he hadn't been my friend at all.

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