My exposure to Scientology

[pollywannacracker]

To preface, I have been reading your stories over the past month or so. My story is minor in comparison, but here goes:

I have always been inquisitive and one who would "tell it like it is". I had been searching for a religion/religious philosphy since I was a teen. One that would encompass all my varied beliefs and not invalidate being questioned. That said, most of the major religions failed miserably in my viewpoint as being too rigid, too indoctrinated, and most of all too hypocritical.

My biggest issue with organized religions has always been the hypocritical viewpoints of the ministers and/or congregation. Especially that each religion was the correct one and all others were incorrect. My personal integrity, viewpoints, and morals/ethics held that any religion can be correct for any person and doctrine should not be shoved down one's throat as being the only way to express oneself.

Therefore, adhering to basics such as "doing unto others as you would have them do unto you" should be adhered to on a daily basis, not just on Sundays (or Saturdays). And certainly one should not commit any of the seven deadly sins, etc... and then expect to be "saved" come your particular day of worship.

Further as my quest for knowledge expanded, I felt that components of nearly every religioin, if mish-mashed together, might turn out as my religion of choice.

Thus, Catholicism, Latter Day Saints, and some varied right-winged religions were too rigid to my own personal dogma of equal rights, right to choose, etc... I was even kicked out a Mormon Seminary (lunch time religious learning during high school - off campus of course) for questioning "Brother Hunt" on the subserviant role of women in the church. Go figure, but it was 1983!

I felt more in tune with the various eastern religion as I believe in reincarnation, meditation, cleansing of the soul, etc...

I had actually given up my search for quite some time and practiced what I knew and believed in as a mixed up hodge podge.

Then came college. A group of buddies and I were on our way to my car to pick up some beer. There was a small group of college-age looking people passing out flyers asking us to fill out the questionnaire and bring it in for a free analysis. We took out flyers. My friends threw theirs away. I kept mine.

Later, after reading something like 200 questions on it (yes, I now know it was the OCA test), never filling it out, and burning it in my dorm room, I decided that the scientology mission was full of it. Let that be a lesson, I should have stopped right there.

But, my curiosity had been peaked. Remember, I am the inquisitive one who would try just about anything for the experience. Probably about a week later, another flyer was attached to my car's windshield. This one invited me to attend a "free" lecture and get a "free" book. Note that free is in quotations as once again, I should have stopped right there.

I attended, saw a film, heard some stuff, received my book (Dianetics), and refused to fill out the OCA. I left without purchasing anything (always the frugal one which seems to be my saving grace here).

Much later - months later during a (summer?) break did I attempt to read Dianetics. Well let me tell you! I couldn't get through it. No mu's as I read the dictionary for fun. Okay, okay that alone tells you what a dweeb I was growing up. But I like to keep my mind active (another saving grace). This book, to me, read like a bad set of stereo instructions. WTF I thought! And I burned the book. Now, I may go to hell for that one.

Will continue at another time. This was total restim, perhaps in a good way. Too bad there was no internet at that time or I would NEVER EVER have gotten sucked in!

Au revoir for now! :D

[xenusdad]

heya Polly, tell more please...

[HappyGirl]

polly! I'm listening.

[Tiger Lily]

Great start Polly!

TL

[Opter]

Polly.

Please continue

Opter

[Wisened One]

Polly

I'm listening, too!

[pollywannacracker]

A big hello to Xenusdad, Tiger Lily, Happy Girl, Wisened One and all of you out there.....

Yesterday, I touched upon my earlist introduction to Scn.

Fast forward to, I think it was 1991, when the Time article came out on Scn. I had read Time magazine for years and had loved the articles. BUT I felt that the Scn article was waaaay too slanted in the negative. Being the objective one that I am, I was incensed to say the least. If I only knew then what I know now....

I was actuallly very very upset by the article. So much so that I cancelled my subscription to Time magazine. Now, I was not involved in Scn at this time, so that was a big leap for me. I guess I felt that the negative slant was typical of some of the major religions that it is my way or no way.

Futhermore, I actually knew someone who was involved in Scn and was OTVII. So, being objective, I inquired about what I had read. This person really wouldn't say much other than Scn is an applied religious philosophy, reactive minds and a bit about the originator. Sounded fine to me as any religious movement can have its detractors. And remember that I had been and still was on a quest for personal enlightenment. Plus, my firend claimed that once they went clear, they weren't ruffled at the slightest things anymore.

This OTVII was also one of the most stable beings I had ever met. Situations never seemed to ruffle them. They claimed that this was due to Scn. and being clear with no reactive mind. Back then, I could be known to fly off the handle over something extreme. If I could become clear, it would be worth it. Easy enough, go clear and have control over my environment OK, where to learn more... I actually purchased Dianetics and read it again. Even though I felt some of it was a crock and the writing was terrible, I knew it would work for me.

I tried reading a couple of the scifi works by LRH as well. Thought they were terrible and chalked it up to the fact that I am just not into the scifi genre. (Remember when Star Wars came out the same year as Close Encounters of the Third Kind? I slept through Star Wars in the theatre and was totally into Close Encounters). I guess that is due to my belief in other life out in the cosmos. I would hear my scn friends fawn over LRH's scifi books and I would roll my eyes internally.

Fast forward again for a few years. I was never ever pushed by my OTVII friend (and yes, they were still plugging away on the same level). Once again, I inquired about Scn and was asked if it was okay to have someone contact me about it. The person who contacted me was the mission holder in my area. I was given the book "What is Scientology". I read it. It answered many of my questions and actually seemed to be a great life improvement tool. Plus, being the type of person who wants the world to be a better place, it filled that desire as well. I totally grooved in on the whole idea of no more wars, etc... I discussed the book with the mission holders (husband and wife team) and my OTVII friend.

My next step was to fill out the OCA. It actually scored high all areas. They were impressed. I was impressed especially since like many others, I felt that I had grown up in a dysfunctional family. One area that I knew I needed improvement on was my ability to communicate in a relaxed manner. Thus, the start of Life Improvement courses.

I did get wins, learned how to handle the dysfunction in my family, rarely became irate at anything, and felt better about my abilities as a person (or thetan as they called it). I flew through all the life improvement courses.

Next came the Comm. course. I had major wins with this course and it came so easily! I always considered myself to be quite shy, never had liked to have attention drawn to myself, had always hated teachers/professors that would call on me for discussion groups, and abhored public speaking. This course actually changed my thought processes on this. Plus, going exterior was the AWESOME!!!!! It was a natural "high". Something I used to experience years ago when I used to do psychadelic drugs in high school. I felt as if I could change anything for the better. I was full of intention to make all things go right for myself and others.

This seems to be a common thread amongst those of us who dived into this quest. We want to make things better not only for ourselves but for those around us as well as for the planet. Note that I am not using past tense as I am still on this quest and know that all of you may still feel this way too. What could be better than that!!! Okay, I was hooked as it could only get better and better. Right?

So now I had two good friends in Scn. My OTVII friend and the mission holder. I learned about the bridge and decided that I would move forward in order to experience the gains that my OTVII friend experienced. I read Dianetics again. It seemed to make more sense especially since the Dianetics processes that were run on me worked better than I could have imagined!

My next move was the Purif and then Life Repair. Again, I flew through that. Once thing that came out in my auditing was that past lives do exist and I had been a past-life clear. Didn't feel much while running the "toxins" out of my system. Hated Cal-Mag and the oil - YUK!!!! My purif couldn't be done at the mission - no sauna, so we got permission to do it at the local org. My twin was cool. He would get high before coming in to do the purif and go home to get high again afterwards. He said if he kept that up, he could stay on the purif FOREVER! We talked alot about our past drug histories. His dad was a scio and my twin grew up around it. He never talked about his mother though.....

Here is my first letdown. I loved my mission holders and my OTVII friend. But some of the staff at the org seemed to try to intimidate me. Some were downright nasty. And, they were sooo upset that I didn't sign up with them to do the Purif - lost $ at their org. This was my very first "taste" of what the "religion" is all about and I did not like it not one little bit (a bit of Horton for those Dr. Seuss fans out there).

I found out about WISE courses and took as many as I could. Those too, were quite beneficial for me. I applied the data at work and showed others the management tech to apply in their personal and work lives.

Right after completing the purif/life repair, my mission holders left the mission and moved away. So I made the jump to the org as I really did meet some wonderful staff and public out there.

My next move was TR's and Obj. Most of it came quite easy for me - until I got pregnant. Oh! What about my husband you ask? He had heard lots of black pr and wouldn't ever commit, but didn't hold me back. He knew about the money, but it came from my bank account, not our joint account, so he never complained openly. He also saw improvement in me as a person, so all was well on that front.

So you know the statement "if it isn't written, it isn't true"? I have a somewhat funny story about that. I was in the theory room and one of the org's Div 6 staff was also on course. She complained to me during break about the fragrance I was wearing as she was "sensitive" to it. I acknowledged her statement.. She never asked me to stop wearing that fragrance. On another day, outside the courseroom, she approached me again about my fragrance and said that fragrance cannot be worn into the courseroom.

Now, she was quite the nasty one who liked to intimidate. I , on the other hand can fly off the handle as previously stated. I asked her to present that to me in writing. All my TR's were completely in. She had nothing with her and we proceeded to go into the courseroom.

On yet another day, she approached me again about it and seemed to be in anger. now mind you, no one else had complained and I had even had compliments on my choice of fragrance. She actually had a PL or HCOB about fragrance, but it referred to staff, the SO and their courseroom. Nothing that I read had anything to do with public and the public courseroom. Staff and public shared a courseroom at our org. I pointed this out to her (keeping all my tr's in) and said it didn't apply as I was public. Oh, she was PISSED!.

On yet another day, she approached me again about the same issue, handing over the same PL or HCOB. Only this time I wasn't wearing any fragrance and I told her so. She then proceeded to tell me to get unscented deoderant and shampoo/conditioner so that I would not be wearing any fragrance. She was not only PISSED OFF but red-faced in anger. The courseroom sup overheard and inquired about the issue at hand. I calmly explained the issue with the staff member, took the paper from her hand and had him read it. He, too, noted that nothing pertained to public and that it was okay and suggested to the staff member that perhaps they alter their training schedule if it was a problem. I suggested that perhaps the staff member should retread her TR's. I can be the devious one. Does anyone recall the policy and if there is truly one that pertains to public courserooms?

I had some very big issues with being pregnant. Puchased intensives to handle it. It did. I loved my auditor. Again found out I was past-life clear and attested. Went back on course to complete TR's and Obj. But being pregnant means a squished bladder. Sorry to those of you who are squeamish about this. So, I had to sign out alot to use the restroom. Can't have attention units on practicals when you constantly have to go, you know what I mean?

I recall once that the course room sup (who could be quite the jerk) wouldn't allow me to sign out. I said okay, then I'll just pee in the corner. We had a visiting SO at that time who must have been maybe 18. He didn't think I was funny. I wasn't trying to be, but there were lots of laughs from the students. My auditor was on course at the same time and he came to my defense and pulled some policy out of some book, showed it to them and that was that. I was able to sign out as many times as needed. But I tried to keep it minimal. Found out the next day that the baby, who was breech, had it's legs on either side of my bladder, squeezing it. Go figure!

On another occasion, there was a student who was having many mu's. They had to get a check out from the SO guy on the cans. This guy yelled at the student, "Are you ADHD or something?!" I was so upset about the invalidation, lack of tr's, and the whole situation that I ran out of the courseroom to go vomit. All done without signing out. Hmmm...so much about ADHD not being a true illness and one that is made up by psychs and the drug companies in order to sell psych drugs. And here is this SO guy who is supposed to be soooo theta treating the student like crap! Obiously not what I feel is good pr for the Co$ or the SO. Didn't know then what I know now...

I had quite the time with the courseroom sup regarding my being off for childbirth and maternity leave. Supposedly my auditor handled him.

Came back to constant regging for more $ via telephone, events, and before and after course. I wasn't going to commit to anything until I had my previous actions completed. I also told them that I wasn't going to spend all my free time on course or being audited now that I had a family at home. Obviously the focus on my dynamics had changed. I did purchase more intensives and audited up through grade 0. Not very high and definately not Clear. I did not purchase the Congresses and the courses that wen along wtih them in their package. I did purchase one Congress. But you know what? Hearing LRH speak was almost like reading Dianetics for the very first time. The man simply cannot speak A to B. He dives from one tangent to the next without there being a smooth transition, from my opinion.

Oh, and one funny thing regarding the Congresses. My friend, the OTVII, had a fender bender while listening to a Congress. They went PTS to LRH. Mind you, not to what was being said at the time, but to LRH! Had to audit on that for a time. They finally completed the level after paying to retread it when it was reissued. I dunno, conditions of exchanged a bit whacked on that one. If Co$ screwed up with their materials, is it right to make the public PAY to retread them? I know of some public at our org that blew when they couldn't ever seem to complete the OT levels. Again, conditions of exchange. This is not exchange in abundance. This is at worst rip-off exchange and at best partial exchange.

I also decided to move off the auditing track for awhile and do the PTS/SP course. Great course and it provided me with lots of insight, and easy to apply in my line of work. I also really like the tone scale. It works great with kids along with locationals, etc... I also believe that I read something similar in one of Tiger Lily's posts.

During this time, the Basics came out. I was phoned at home at least 2-3 times per night. And always in the evenings when we are cooking, eating, handling kid stuff etc... Calls came late at night too. I understood the reg cycles, but I wasn't about to shell out tons of money for books that I no longer had time to read. The reg's would not take no for an answer. So we stopped answering the phone. Or better yet, if the youngest child wanted to speak we would let them handle the call, make no sense, tell the reg about their day, what they were eating, etc... and then let them hang up the phone. It was terribly funny!!!! That took care of the calls for awhile.

Then of course, they started up again. so I simply told one person that I was going to do the greatest good for the greatest number of MY dynamics and not theirs. They didn't like that at all. You see, I slowly began to realize that all of this is about $. It's not what good can be done or had. The bottom line is to line their coffers with as much money as possible. I truly hadn't seen anything of the social betterment part of Scn either and I had supported Way to Happiness, Narcanon, and CCHR. But there was never any tangible evidence of money being well spent. Where did this $ go? What exactly was it used for? What was the success rate of the programs? I see where Bellmare is coming from.

So now, we've changed our phone number, send mailings back, and just go on LIVIN' as that is what it is all about in the end.

Do I have regrets? Maybe. I spent a bunch of money. I made friends that I no longer see. Do I think I got anything out of the tech? Yes. I am definately a more stable thetan if you will. I'm much better at communicating. I can manage the hell out of my life and business. Do I regret that I am not going clear and to OT levels. Nope! Especially not after seeing the Jason Beghe video (A couple of itmes I nearly fell off my hubby's lap as I was laughing so hard!) and reading the posts from ex-scn kids and you guys. As public, I honestly had no idea all this crap was going on. And it NEEDS to stop!

I am not a declared SP, nor have I requested the money back that I have on account. For me, this was yet one more learning experience in the long road of life.

May your journeys be enlightening on every level. Peace.

[Wisened One]

LOVED your story! And I agree with ya that it wasn't ALL bad...I too had wins with all my Auditing, I loved and literally keyed-out on Study Tech, Locationals, Loved the TR's, ARC and KRC works (imho), stuff like that....

But WOW, I wish I woulda been stronger like that and was really able to do what was the greatest good for MY dynamics instead of those of the group

I finally DID do that when I left Staff, that's for sure!

[Tiger Lily]

Thanks so much Polly!! I can relate to so much of your story; many parallels. I remember that things changed when I had children too, and they couldn't have that. I remember secretly thinking LRH's Sci-fi was bad (and his music). I was a Scientologist when the Time article came out. Funny how you just see what you want to, huh? I also loved the Beghe interview. . . he's done a lot of good.

It was good to see you stand up to them on the perfume thing and the need to check out frequently while pregnant. What a funny story! I acquiesced to that kind of stuff all the time (didn't want to get in the way of planetary clearing). Yep that's the key -- YOUR dynamics, not theirs.

I got wins too, and I understand not having regrets, and chalking it up to experience and another step on the journey to enlightenment. It was quite a chapter.

Thanks so much for sharing!
TL

[therealme]

Thanks for the story. I think it's great that you didn't have a horrid long drawn out tramatizing experience like so many others.