After I left the cult and realized I had been duped and scammed, I was embarrassed. I was also ashamed. Ashamed I had wasted years of my life, tons of money and then there are the people I helped reg and recruit (read helped the cult victimize). For what? Bullshit.
As I looked back I had to admit I was also embarrassed to be a scientologist and extremely reluctant to admit it.
I think because deep down, I knew it was a scam, and I didn't want to explain myself or the weirdness of scientology. Besides the fact it is impossible to explain scientology without sounding like a retard, if you are not a scientologist, scientology it is retarded.
How many people have we known that keep doing ethics conditions for the same problems and never get anywhere?
How many people have we seen receive auditing only to be more fucked up and weirder than before?
How many people have we seen exit the Pro TRs looking bug eyed and seriously changed, and not in a good way?
How many people have we seen cornered by the regs, the SO and staff recruiters, and the IAS until they cracked?
How many SO members have we seen beaten down, exhausted, pressured?
It's the truths and observations that we continued to dismiss and disregard as failures to apply scientology correctly. The truth makes me wince. We were applying it correctly, that is why people got fucked.
I think that is a major reason why I was embarrassed to admit being a scientologist.
I did not protect myself, and I did not protect others, even as I saw the abuses, failures and contradictions of scientology technology, and the damage it had on people.
As scientologists we participated and contributed and turned a blind eye as we and the people around us were continually used and victimized by an evil and retarded cult. For money