Embarrassed to be a scientologist

[Voltaire's Child]

Fluffy, didn't this embarrassment, day after day, from friends, acquaintances and pure strangers eventually get to you and encouraged you to blow? That can't be bad right?

No.

I didn't feel embarassment. Ever.

The incidents I named were not embarassing (I've explained why) and were all the ones that happened over a number of years. So it was far from a daily basis. I'm a defiant person. Someone acting like an asshole about something I'm doing rather than just speaking with me like a normal decent human being does not ever ever ever make me stop doing what I'm doing.

I left the church- I didn't blow- because they wanted to stop me from posting to the internet and I wasn't even posting anything critical at the time. But they didn't want me on a.r.s., they kept interfering and treating me with contempt while still asking for more money and time. That was the last straw. They called me in for a meter check and I refused to do it. They implied they'd maybe mess with my marriage since I could have been expelled (which I later was) and then John, as a member in good standing, wouldn't be able to be with me. John made it clear that he doesn't roll over for shit like that. No Swazey ever rolls over. That's why I have exactly the reputation I have in critical venues and message boards. And bad cess to anyone who can't deal with it.

I am always in the driver's seat. I do not get intimidated or shamed into doing anything. I leave places (I recently ditched a 6 year job, too, by the way) because I think for myself and I act for myself.

[Zinjifar]

The whole point of the drill is to teach the person that yelling, speaking normally or being silent are not the things that cause the ashtray to be raised.

Did any of you actually do and understand this drill?

Do you have a referrence for the above? Or, is it just 'Verbal Tech'?

Anyway, while, like most Scientology 'processes' there are multiple levels of mindfuck going on, the *primary* one would seem to be to get the PC used to following orders, even ridiculous ones, without question. It's a thread underlying most of the 'TRs'

Zinj

[ChuckNorrisCutsMyLawn]

What I find interesting about various posts I see about that particular upper indoc TR is that they never mention that the yelling is only one part of the drill, that there's a part where one speaks in a normal tone of voice and a part where one is silent. Therefore, the yelling comprises roughly one third of the drill. The whole point of the drill is to teach the person that yelling, speaking normally or being silent are not the things that cause the ashtray to be raised.

Did any of you actually do and understand this drill?

I don't think it's a question of not understanding the drill, I think it's more a matter of the drill not needing to be quite so retarded in order to get it's simple point across ... But then again that could be said for the vast majority of Hubbard's material.

[well_that_sucked]

When I got fully out 9 years ago, I moved back to the cornfields where I grew up and surrounded myself with all my old pre-Scientology friends. These were the people who'd known me all my life. They were the ones I'd eventually disconnected from to become a Scientologist.

Every once in a while, one of them will look at me and say, "How could you have believed that shit?" One by one, over the years, each of them would start a conversation on Scientology that way.

After a few of these conversations, I began to realize that they were talking about Xenu, and body thetans, and chain lockers and fair game tactics - all kinds of stuff that I did not believe, nor did I know even existed in Scientology when I was a Scientologist. This was information that they had read on the Internet, or seen on South Park, and was not generally available to me while I was getting in, and for the majority of the time I was a Scientologist.

Sometimes, using hindsight, its hard to remember things as they really were. Looking back on a particular time in your life, you tend to add in what you have learned since then. But what you have learned since then was not available to you then! In fact, what you have learned since then about Scientology was being actively hidden from you, and you were even being intentionally lied to about it! You have to remember the amount of effort that was used to deceive you to keep you being a Scientologist. It was an ONSLAUGHT!

Despite what L. Ron Hubbard told you - it wasn't ALL YOU.

You had lots of help in being deceived.

The fact is that once I saw exactly what was going on, despite their best efforts, I was out and warning others about it.

I'm not embarrassed about that. I'm proud of it.

I'm proud that, number 1, I am "weird" enough and brave enough spiritually to have done something so unconventional and rebellious as Scientology, and that once I had gotten high enough on the Bridge and was able to figure out the patterns of abuse that were actively being kept from me - I was gone.

And further, I am very proud that I immediately set to work to expose and de-power those mother fuckers and have never stopped.

Just as you all are doing right now.

Scientology, from the perspective of 9 years out, was a powerful lesson for me that has left me, on the whole, very much richer for the experience.

I would not trade it for anything.

I'd trade my scientology experience in a heart beat. No question.

I'd roll back the clock and complete my education straight away.

Instead of scientology's stunting bypass called a bridge, I'd take the linear path called life.

And of course I would trade in the scientology stench that permeated my brain for far too long, for anything.

You do not have to be weird to be a scientologist, or brave. You just have to be in the wrong place, at the wrong time. But you do have to be brave to leave it all behind and accept you were completely conned.

Besides, there is nothing spiritual about scientology, unless you call soul crushing lies and manipulation spiritual.

[CornPie]

...like most Scientology 'processes' there are multiple levels of mindfuck going on, the *primary* one would seem to be to get the PC used to following orders, even ridiculous ones, without question...

Following orders, or putting up with nonsense, such as:
. agreeing to take a Communications Course as a condition of employment.
. on the first day of the course, not questioning TR0; staring somebody else in the face.
. once on staff, following orders of an 'ethics' officer, and agreeing to do lower conditions.

I'm embarrassed that I didn't; just say, "no".

[Voltaire's Child]

Do you have a referrence for the above? Or, is it just 'Verbal Tech'?

Anyway, while, like most Scientology 'processes' there are multiple levels of mindfuck going on, the *primary* one would seem to be to get the PC used to following orders, even ridiculous ones, without question. It's a thread underlying most of the 'TRs'

Zinj

Anytime we discuss "tech" here, it's "Verbal tech". The reference is the one and only reference that tells you how to do the drill. There is no other. I can dig it up when I'm home sometime.

[Voltaire's Child]

I don't think it's a question of not understanding the drill, I think it's more a matter of the drill not needing to be quite so retarded in order to get it's simple point across ... But then again that could be said for the vast majority of Hubbard's material.

The bulletin specifically tells the person what the "simple point" is and it says that this is why one is silent, speaks normally and yells, by turns, at the ashtray. The student reads that before doing the drill.

[pollywannacracker]

My embarrassment starts and stops with the fact that I didn't wake up to the fact that it's all about the money sooner than I did.

I didn't advertise my "religion" as I tend to not be a boastful person.

If someone asked me a direct question about an ability to handle a particular situation and why I was good at it, I tended to say that I practiced the handling. Sometimes I would go deeper and pull a reference and go over it with the person.

But what truly caused my embarrassment down to the bone was the constant regging for more money for books, courses, etc... The Basics being issued/reissued became my big button - but then I acted on it and now I am here.

Do I regret my decisions? No. I don't think that anyone should regret their decision for having gone down this road. We were all looking for betterment of our own persons, lives, ability to handle others and what comes down our paths.

I think that we are much more enlightened and have a vast pool of knowledge to draw upon which will enable us to make wiser choices in the future. And that is one thing I am not embarrassed about.

[well_that_sucked]

My embarrassment starts and stops with the fact that I didn't wake up to the fact that it's all about the money sooner than I did.

I didn't advertise my "religion" as I tend to not be a boastful person.

If someone asked me a direct question about an ability to handle a particular situation and why I was good at it, I tended to say that I practiced the handling. Sometimes I would go deeper and pull a reference and go over it with the person.

But what truly caused my embarrassment down to the bone was the constant regging for more money for books, courses, etc... The Basics being issued/reissued became my big button - but then I acted on it and now I am here.

Do I regret my decisions? No. I don't think that anyone should regret their decision for having gone down this road. We were all looking for betterment of our own persons, lives, ability to handle others and what comes down our paths.

I think that we are much more enlightened and have a vast pool of knowledge to draw upon which will enable us to make wiser choices in the future. And that is one thing I am not embarrassed about.

Do you think Lisa McPherson would regret her decision to be a scientologist if she knew what was in store for her?

What about Heribert Pfaff?

Noah Antrim?

John Buchanan?

Albert Jaquier?

Roxanne Friend maybe?

I guess its a stupid question, because they are all dead, and there are many others.
Link

The vast pool of knowledge you speak of is only useful for one thing, fucking people.

Each time we give scientology credit, or think its somehow valuable, we deny the truth of our own experiences, and those that paid with their lives.

Now THAT's embarrassing.

[uniquemand]

Yes. It's either black or white.