Whats Integrity got to do with it

[Doom]

Ok, This is the Question "What does integrity have to do with it"?
and my answer is simple, everything. In my life the times that I was asked to do or ordered to do something that went against my own good sense and integrity the overwhelming number of these transgressions were when I was a security guard for the CofS (Sea Org), One rather difficult and harrowing incident was one morning after night shift(5pm-930am) I was sent to one of the Female berthings to get someone missing from muster back into to org, so as I always did because the org had no car available I rode my bicycle to this berthing and found the person in question still in bed but not asleep she looked like she hadn't slept all night and looking in her eyes she was not just a little sick she was in "real" pain, I reported this on the radio to the security chief he didn't give a shit and ordered me to get her on her feet and walk her to the org.
I urged her even thou I knew she didnt look like she was able to stand much less walk the mile and a half to the org. With the chief still on the radio saying that it all CI in her mind, This went on for twenty more minutes, finally I snapped due lack of sleep or lack of affinity for the chief, and gave the chief a serve on what my job was, what his was and what the job of the staff section officer was. At which point I suggested that the chief should send the staff section officer out in a taxi to take her to a doctors and that I was going to bed and turning off my radio till I was back on post, and did.
When I arrived back at the Org after very little sleep in the afternoon, thinking I was in the shit and I wasn't, Turns out the lady I had been sent for was still in hospital in surgery having an ovarian cyst removed (If you want to know how painful one is just ask how was child birth).
This was just one example of me failing my own integrity, I left the S.O. soon after that then payed my freeloader got my lifetime IAS membership and got myself back on lines thanks to my loving wife for the push needed and was a public for many years active in the field and still failing my own integrity and doing what was right for "the group" and just ended up with a mountain of debt and very little to show for it. Now I'm out and making my own choices it suddenly feels right.

So this is the question I am asking "What does integrity have to do with it"?
More so how often have you sacrificed your own integrity for the CofS.

[ChuckNorrisCutsMyLawn]

There are many conceptions you have to put on hold when you buy into Scientology "Integrity" is just one of them. Hubbard's mind control package including an imaginary war against imaginary enemies to make it easier to justify tossing conditions such as Integrity, compassion, love, empathy, est. to the wind.

You are fighting a war after all .... for mankind's survival, none the less.

[MAX YOUR CREDIT]

Ok, This is the Question "What does integrity have to do with it"?
and my answer is simple, everything. In my life the times that I was asked to do or ordered to do something that went against my own good sense and integrity the overwhelming number of these transgressions were when I was a security guard for the CofS (Sea Org), One rather difficult and harrowing incident was one morning after night shift(5pm-930am) I was sent to one of the Female berthings to get someone missing from muster back into to org, so as I always did because the org had no car available I rode my bicycle to this berthing and found the person in question still in bed but not asleep she looked like she hadn't slept all night and looking in her eyes she was not just a little sick she was in "real" pain, I reported this on the radio to the security chief he didn't give a shit and ordered me to get her on her feet and walk her to the org.
I urged her even thou I knew she didnt look like she was able to stand much less walk the mile and a half to the org. With the chief still on the radio saying that it all CI in her mind, This went on for twenty more minutes, finally I snapped due lack of sleep or lack of affinity for the chief, and gave the chief a serve on what my job was, what his was and what the job of the staff section officer was. At which point I suggested that the chief should send the staff section officer out in a taxi to take her to a doctors and that I was going to bed and turning off my radio till I was back on post, and did.
When I arrived back at the Org after very little sleep in the afternoon, thinking I was in the shit and I wasn't, Turns out the lady I had been sent for was still in hospital in surgery having an ovarian cyst removed (If you want to know how painful one is just ask how was child birth).
This was just one example of me failing my own integrity, I left the S.O. soon after that then payed my freeloader got my lifetime IAS membership and got myself back on lines thanks to my loving wife for the push needed and was a public for many years active in the field and still failing my own integrity and doing what was right for "the group" and just ended up with a mountain of debt and very little to show for it. Now I'm out and making my own choices it suddenly feels right.

So this is the question I am asking "What does integrity have to do with it"?
More so how often have you sacrificed your own integrity for the CofS.

I love your story. YES indeed, integrity has a lot to do with it.
I realize about 2 years before I left that I was not only going against my
own knowingness, but VIOLATING my integrity countless times for the greatest good of the group, for LRH and so on....and so on.

It got to the point where I started lying just to get out of the insane
group agreement mentality. I would start making up some stupid
story on why I wasn't going to do what they wanted me to do. Or I would just started talking back to them to the point I started using profanity and
letting them know that they can not control me or make me do anything I didn't feel was right. Justifications were the norm for me.

I refused to have my integrity interrogated.

I feel so sad for some of my ex-friends, who are hopeless and living in fear because they see the church as much powerful than themselves and do not want to do or say anything wrong to go against church beliefs.

[Doom]

Thanks guys, nice to have some feed back.
chuck love the whole imaginary war , imaginary enemys, very true when on the CofS side we never saw them never stood toe to toe with them, They sold us a crock of shit. Max In my experiance violating my integrity got easier and easier but at the end as I dug my heels in it got harder to do, I didnt want to give them an inch.

[Shredder]

Great post Doom! your response Chuck was very true. My thoughts went imediately to the 'Packaging' of every day things under the banner of Scientology. eg The E-meter periphery vision drill - as one of last drills; not looking at the emeter, but somewhere else, but still knowing exactly what was going on with the needle on the meter.
I used to play that game with my kids - way before I found out about Scn. BUT when I saw this on the emeter drills, I thought, yeah, so this is LRH too? ...and just shelved it as another strike against - when I didn't hold much significance for these every day things. So the Packaging was the thing. That's what the events hammered out re-packaging of the same old - except getting changed/altered more, and coming under a new banner 'GAT', 'Golden Age of Knowledge' etc etc.
It certainly becomes clearer when you allow yourself to 'Look', Doom, thanks for the insights.

[Carmel]

"Integrity" is a loaded word. Bringing it down to its most basic though, if "integrity" had precedence, value and/or importance in Scn, we would have had an entirely different scene within the CofS, and there wouldn't be the thousands still hurting over what so many let occur and/or contributed to - Despite the heinous 'activity' of LRH and DM, it can't all be put down to them. The 'machine' that was and is, couldn't have been and wouldn't be, if the individuals involved practiced what they preached in regard to "integrity".

[ChuckNorrisCutsMyLawn]

"Integrity" is a loaded word. Bringing it down to its most basic though, if "integrity" had precedence, value and/or importance in Scn, we would have had an entirely different scene within the CofS, and there wouldn't be the thousands still hurting over what so many let occur and/or contributed to - Despite the heinous 'activity' of LRH and DM, it can't all be put down to them. The 'machine' that was and is, couldn't have been and wouldn't be, if the individuals involved practiced what they preached in regard to "integrity".

You bring up a very good point as I was reading your post I tried to think of a single instance where L. Ron Hubbard displayed "integrity". His motives and actions were always 100% self serving. The same can be said for his protégé Miscavige , except he has been programmed to include Hubbard's interests along with his own.

[Dark Phoenix]

Ok, This is the Question "What does integrity have to do with it"?
and my answer is simple, everything. In my life the times that I was asked to do or ordered to do something that went against my own good sense and integrity the overwhelming number of these transgressions were when I was a security guard for the CofS (Sea Org), One rather difficult and harrowing incident was one morning after night shift(5pm-930am) I was sent to one of the Female berthings to get someone missing from muster back into to org, so as I always did because the org had no car available I rode my bicycle to this berthing and found the person in question still in bed but not asleep she looked like she hadn't slept all night and looking in her eyes she was not just a little sick she was in "real" pain, I reported this on the radio to the security chief he didn't give a shit and ordered me to get her on her feet and walk her to the org.
I urged her even thou I knew she didnt look like she was able to stand much less walk the mile and a half to the org. With the chief still on the radio saying that it all CI in her mind, This went on for twenty more minutes, finally I snapped due lack of sleep or lack of affinity for the chief, and gave the chief a serve on what my job was, what his was and what the job of the staff section officer was. At which point I suggested that the chief should send the staff section officer out in a taxi to take her to a doctors and that I was going to bed and turning off my radio till I was back on post, and did.
When I arrived back at the Org after very little sleep in the afternoon, thinking I was in the shit and I wasn't, Turns out the lady I had been sent for was still in hospital in surgery having an ovarian cyst removed (If you want to know how painful one is just ask how was child birth).
This was just one example of me failing my own integrity, I left the S.O. soon after that then payed my freeloader got my lifetime IAS membership and got myself back on lines thanks to my loving wife for the push needed and was a public for many years active in the field and still failing my own integrity and doing what was right for "the group" and just ended up with a mountain of debt and very little to show for it. Now I'm out and making my own choices it suddenly feels right.

So this is the question I am asking "What does integrity have to do with it"?
More so how often have you sacrificed your own integrity for the CofS.

Hi Doom

A couple of things occurred to me when i read your post.first, you sound like such a sincere, genuine, and conscientious young man. Just from reading your story here, and many of your other posts, you come to me as a decent, good guy, I don't sense any malice in you. Now I'll venture to say, I also get a sense you being maybe too hard on yourself. I was once like that. I read through all the details in your story. And I sat and thought about as many aspects there were. I put myself in your shoes as empathically as I could. I imagined myself being a lot younger. I read what happened in your story one ore time.

The first thing, which was very obvious to me is that you're very hard on yourself. And in joint first place I can't actually see what you did that would precipitate the dreaded feeling of having lost one's integrity. I'm not minimizing the turmoil you're in at the moment, Doom. This is still your pain and you got to live with it. I'm trying to get a balanced view, if such a thing is possible, and even better, if it can offer any help.Can you actually tell the exact thing or 2 or 3 things you should have done that you didn't. Was there anything or things you couldn't actually control, just as a matter of reality?Is there anything you could have predicted and therefore prevented?

[Gadfly]

The concept of Personal Integrity is lovely. I agree with Hubbard's HCO PL entitled the same. One can do well by sticking to what one observes to be true, and by NOT denying or justifying any contradictions to what one observes as true or existing.

The problem, of course, is that the Church doesn't practice it, and it is impossible for any member to practice it honestly within the framework of the Church of Scientology.

For me, "integrity" has a great deal to do with things. For the Church, quite obviously NOT.

And, of course, it is an observable fact that Hubbard did write (and claimed to encourage) this wonderful little nugget, yet also wrote (and encouraged) other extreme pieces of crap. How does a sincere member make sense of such contradictions?

One either denies, justifies, develops a case of cognitive dissonance, or one leaves. There seems to be no other options. Of course, once any person gets to step four, and finally leaves, one must then eventually sort through and deal with all the various ways one handled the contradictions with personal "denial", "justification" and "cognitive dissonace". It can be tough. There can be a great deal to dig through and clarify for oneself.

[ChronicEnturbulator]

A long time ago, I remember reading a quote from a book (unfortunately, I can't remember which one, so I can't give proper attribution), which goes something like this:

"In an evil society, a true hero will be seen as the blackest of villians."