I'm your host, Marlin Perkins. My assistant, Jim, is over there behind that big rock. He has a net, and we're going to try to observe the rare and often fabian Scientology Personality in this particular habitat.
It's not their natural habitat. The usually forage and group in small, backwater buildings called "Orgs", but sometimes they wander onto this message board in order to clash with the natives. It's a territorial behavior they have. They believe "The World is Ours" and they tend to try to migrate to new areas and take over.
Jim and I are out here today in the hopes of snagging one of these Scientology Personalities or "SP" for short, to examine it closer.
All in the interest of science, of course.
Now, with Jim in place with his net, I will begin to apply the call that tends to attract any Scientology Personality that might be foraging nearby.
"I'm going to write a book about Scientology!"
"I have a website about the negative nature of Scientology!"
"I'm a journalist and I've just published an article on Scientology in a magazine!"
"I'm a psychiatrist and I'm here to help people!"
"I'm an expert on Scientology, and I'm about to communicate my thoughts about it to others!"
"I'm an expert witness, and I'm about to interviewed on a news show about Scientology!
All right. That should do it. and and wait.
Now, I'll put my pith helmet back on and sink back into the bushes here and see what might wander in....