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Thread: Scientology and Homosexualty - my story from the inside...

  1. #71
    Class Clown The_Fixer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Royal Prince Xenu View Post
    At about 14 or 15 (way below the age of consent in those days), A slimy character attempted to seduce me (convinced by someone else that I was part of the local hidden gay scene) and I was somewhat traumatized by the whole thing further reinforcing my anti-gay dogma.So I was experiencially turned away from the female pudenda, and my anti-gay dogma programming made sure that I felt dirty and degraded even although nothing had actually happened.
    You need to note that they person in question here is a pedophile. They are not necessarily "gay".

    Let me put it another way. You can be heterosexual, bisexual, gay or celibate. That is simply a sexual preference.

    A pedophile is a different animal. This is, for want of a better word, bordering on sociopathy.

  2. #72
    Trust the Psi Corps. Royal Prince Xenu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The_Fixer View Post
    You need to note that they person in question here is a pedophile. They are not necessarily "gay".

    Let me put it another way. You can be heterosexual, bisexual, gay or celibate. That is simply a sexual preference.

    A pedophile is a different animal. This is, for want of a better word, bordering on sociopathy.
    When I had the opportunity to confront him at a later date, he swore blind to me that he been told that I was an active member of the local "gay underground". He claimed that he had "torn strips off" the informant, but would not disclose to me who that was.

    • I had said, "I can't do this."

      He replied, "You don't have to worry about your mother finding out." This indicated that he had been exposed to information about my muthur's JW-rule-the-roost behavior.

      I responded, "It has nothing to do with my muthur. I don't want to do this. Please stop."

      He complied.


    I'm not saying the guy was slimy, but that's how I felt about him and, honestly, who really wants to play nookie in a public toilet? Gak!

    As I was at that age where as a teenager, I should have been "experimenting" with other kids around my age I did not consider it pædophilia. I suppose if I had actually known his name, I could have reported it to the police, but I just felt so dirty and degraded that I had to get out and go home, strip, shower and change clothes.

    I was never able to wear that pair of trousers again. They were a good pair of trousers and my muthur could never figure out why I just wouldn't wear them any more. I never told either parent about it.*

    I would have been about fouteen at the time and capable of sexual engagement if I had so chosen, although the State's age of consent for males was 18, girls 16. At the time of writing the male age has been lowered to 16 to match the girls, but there are some people out their pushing to have it lowered further!

    * In 1999 when I sort of fell in it's-tearing-my-heart-out-just-to-think-about-it love with a guy, I was so messed up about my feelings that I did discuss the issue with both parents. Despite the past, I think my muthur would have been more accepting of it, my father would probably have been disappointed, but I think he had realized that he was never going to get a grandchild through me^. Eventually I had little choice but to tell the guy in question.

    "You may end up throwing me out the door for this but...."

    He didn't throw me out but it went nowhere either.

    ^ After the number of children I had baby-sat while on staff, I had changed enough diapers and made enough formulae, and dealt with enough teenage behavior that I had no need to put myself through it personally. In fact, only today, I was discussing this an older friend who had not had children in his marriage, and he asked if my decision was a selfish one. I was able to answer no, being aware that there was something wrong with my body, and that I didn't believe intelligence was genetic, I did not want to pass on this affliction to another generation.
    "During the chaos of the Eugenics Wars, cultists infiltrated NASA and substituted their own LRH Golden Discs for the official 'Sounds of Earth' records that were to be launched in the Voyager 6 mission. / Hilarity ensued." Gene Roddenberry


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  3. #73
    Class Clown The_Fixer's Avatar
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    You raise some interesting points here.

    Firstly, it was not your fault, nor were you 'defective'.

    The guy was being a predator upon you. It doesn't matter whether he was hetero or gay or anywhere else on that slide rule, he was a pedophile as well. Being a pedophile is completely different to your adult sexual orientation. Being what they are, they know how to work your guilt processes. The reason I mentioned sociopathy is because they are manipulating you for their own ends and want you want or feel does not even come into it. This may or may not be accurate, but it is one of the traits of this type of personality.

    Maybe you should have brought the police into it. But remember at 15 most kids have trouble thinking rationally in an adult way due to life inexperience. You do what you think is right or what you can at the time. There is no judgement of you as a person about that, save what you judge yourself to be. Hindsight makes us all feel guilty at times.

    'Experimenting' with other kids of your age is generally considered to be perfectly normal. Our hormones are raging and we are checking ourselves out. We tend to learn from these experiences about ourselves and where we are going to. There should be no guilt attached here.

    Most average gays and heteros have no interest whatsoever in sexual activity with children.

    Also, being gay is not genetic.
    Last edited by The_Fixer; 17th March 2011 at 11:44 AM.

  4. #74
    Gold Meritorious Patron Helena Handbasket's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by La La Lou Lou View Post
    Absolute male or absolute female just doesn't exist. There are beautiful delicate female models, that climbed trees as a kid and loved to shoot rats, and footballers with wide shoulders that love to sew for their boyfriends. So what?
    There is a difference between male and female thetans. What determines which you are? Whatever you decide you are.

    Helena

  5. #75
    Patron with Honors PeterMan's Avatar
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    Default Undoing Yourself With Energized Meditation and Other Devices, Christopher S. Hyatt

    I found this book to be very therapeutic.

    "It's not about what you are like, it's about what you do like."

  6. #76
    Crusader La La Lou Lou's Avatar
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    Ms Handbasket, you are of course right. However you can decide you are both, as I do.

    The clever Native Americans had a phrase, before they learned that they had an incorrect culture, 'two spirit'.

    Two spirits are both male and female, it makes them special, they were often healers, witch doctors or entertainers. The fact that they saw life as both male and female gave them extra status, not less.
    Everywhere in the modern world there is neglect, the need to be recognized, which is not satisfied. Art is a way of recognizing oneself, which is why it will always be modern. (Louise Bourgeois)

  7. #77
    Trust the Psi Corps. Royal Prince Xenu's Avatar
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    I carry no guilt or shame about the incident I described. There was a certain "embarrassment" at how easily I was cornered, but that too has passed. The quandry that this created for me was that most of the kids at school accused me of being gay with a complete lack of evidence, so I was stuck with "Do I make liars of them all by lying to myself, or do I give up and just let the shit fly?" I eventually figured out that one of my cruellest taunters was probably covering up his own gayness.

    Although it may meet the legal definition of paedophilia, I cannot rationalize it that way, because I was not being introduced to a concept that I did not understand, as opposed to the girl across the street who wanted me to kiss her between the legs. In that case the "step" father was definitely a paedophile, and I wonder at what age did those girls finally realize that what he had been doing to them was "sex".

    When I look at my own niece it gets awkward because she is turning into one hot chicky babe! But I have no desire to do anything other than to build her confidence up by telling her that she is in fact attractive when she feels completely NOT.

    There is probably a great number of youth out there upon whom I look with jealousy, wishing that I could have looked that good at that age, but my secret health condition decreed otherwise.

    Going to the police would have been extremely difficult, because I didn't know his name, could not accurately describe him, other than "slimy", and incidents within our own family that meant my sister and I should have been removed were ignored by the Police. My sister frequently ran away. I only did it once. I went straight to the police in a completely distressed state and all they did was take me back home again! That was never a home, it was a dreaded house.

    In my year at High School, there were two guys with the same name, so one was P**** M. (the school initial) and the other was P**** T. (the other school's initial. It came as no surprise to me that P**** M. was gay. Only recently at our 20th year school re-union did I learn that P**** T. had outed himself as gay, so the lingering question: Did he know about himself in High School and let me cop all the flack because that way he was left alone? Or did he believe he was stright only to realize as an adult that he wasn't?

    I see no point in carrying a grudge for more than twenty or thirty years and Revenge is a meal best served cold and preferably on good silver.
    Last edited by Gordon Clarke; 18th March 2011 at 07:18 AM. Reason: Typo
    "During the chaos of the Eugenics Wars, cultists infiltrated NASA and substituted their own LRH Golden Discs for the official 'Sounds of Earth' records that were to be launched in the Voyager 6 mission. / Hilarity ensued." Gene Roddenberry


    SIC GORGIAMUS ALLOS SUBJECTATOS NUNC

  8. #78
    Crusader La La Lou Lou's Avatar
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    Peterman, this one?

    Everywhere in the modern world there is neglect, the need to be recognized, which is not satisfied. Art is a way of recognizing oneself, which is why it will always be modern. (Louise Bourgeois)

  9. #79
    Crusader La La Lou Lou's Avatar
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    This has him talking more about what he's on about. But not much. He does sound a bit culty.

    What did you find good about him?

    Everywhere in the modern world there is neglect, the need to be recognized, which is not satisfied. Art is a way of recognizing oneself, which is why it will always be modern. (Louise Bourgeois)

  10. #80

    Red face Re: Scientology and Homosexualty - my story from the inside...

    Hi Allan, I'm CT. Thank you so much for sharing your story. The details of your encounter and your escape are unbelievable. I'm working as a Producer on the second season of a recently popular cable docu-series here in the States that exposes the COS and its trail of broken families, shameless cover-ups, and cases of inhumane treatment of its members. Perhaps you've heard of it? ;) I would really love to speak with you offline about sharing your story & possibly helping us reach others that may want to go on-camera and actively help us achieve the positive change many of the users in this forum are seeking. We cannot do this without individuals like you, so please think it over. I cannot, for some reason send Private Messages w/ this new account yet. But if you could reach out directly to us via MR's blog, it's the safest and most confidential way of exchanging info & initiating contact: http://www.mikerindersblog.org/contact-me/

    Hope to talk soon
    CT

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