Since this group is starting to organize itself into a spiritual improvement community of kindness (SICK) forum, I felt that in order to save time and $ if and when I get my auditing here I would start by getting off my oh double virgule ewes, now. If every body would do that daily, we could have a saner happier united assemblage?
Time: about a week ago.
Place: online logged on to ExScn message board
Form: it was a critical thought about Emma and her board, when she announced that she was trying to pay for the next years web hosting acct. and people started offering dono's, but after she said she had enough for 2 years, and was probably getting a lot of extra money above what is needed, I starting thinking an A = A suspicion that maybe like how scn orgs are going for the ideal org with the buildng fund she had a secret intention of building up the board, maybe by even falsifing the stats of apparent expansion and that she probably created many user names and posted under them (she could even be Alanso or RR for all we know) to make it look like there is a lot of activity and members with the end result of selling the board to the highest bidder and running off to Canada or some other resort type place.
Event: I started to spend more time on other critical forums that talked about message boards of ex scn members and how they should give up and become a rock or something, instead of posting and posting on esmb. I joked with the critics online but secretly cried when I was making things up that were not true about ex scn msg boards. I couldn't believe that I could do such a thing.
Time: for the last half of year, especially during the current auditing session of bea.
Place: At my computer desk, and a lot of times while out on "my walk".
Form: Ever since I read bea's "My story" and other related threads, I've felt a strong rappore and total cognizance of what bea went through and I knew that I should have done something to help, but I didn't even say a word of encouragement or even just ack her communications of her struggles in life like any good poster would. I even imagined that if I could give her a lot of hugs and kisses it will make everything all right and how one thing would lead to another...and I've been really wanting to see her in a bikini.
Event: Now that she put up her pic as an avatar, I feel that now I have to quit my job and all and rush off to her to give her undying never ending ARCU. All I want to say right now is I'm coming baby, daddy's on his way to you, you'll never be alone again!
But then like usual, I got all depressed because I know before long I'd say something idiotic or she'd see all my flagrant faults and it'll all end just like every other time I've been in a relationship.
I started feeling like such a big loser, so bad and sad I even wrote a country song instead of a blues number which can ruin my musical reputation. Which made me realize how she deserved someone who was much more of a man than I'll ever be.
Well, I feel better getting that off. There are some more but I want to wallow in my win for awhile.
(Oh god, please don't let it be taken the wrong way)