Originally Posted by
ScnRebel
Here is my experience of Out/Int:
For most of my life I have suffered from headaches. Over time I have issolated all of the physical reasons for them, and there have been many. Things like coffea, coke, MSG, etc. Once those were issolated, there were still times when I had headaches that went on for a long time, without there being any physical reason.
Most of this life I have also suffered from a particularly Out/Int feeling. A feeling of not wanting to be where I am, of presures in the head, and a pissed off feeling. This started when I was about 10. Auditing did not go well for me until I eventually had an Int Rundown. At that point I finally got rid of that feeling. I could finally be where I was. It did not last long though, and about an intensive later I was back in it, and needed an Int Rundown again. That was how my auditing went. I probably had about 12 Int Rundowns, or repairs. But every time I had one, it would actually handle the way that I felt. I could eventually tell exactly when I was out-int. Sometimes it went away after a few months by itself. But it was not a good condition to be in. So for me, the condition was totally real. The data behind it was not though. It did not make correct sense. If it did, and the data was correct, I would only have need one Int Rundown. That fact that people who are int prone need loads and loads of int rundowns and corrections would point to an outpoint in the Tech behind it.
When I did my OT levels and I got to OT V where they address BT's that are out-int, this made the data make a bit more sense. I realised that it was not me feeling the feeling, but a BT. The feeling would be there till the BT blew. I know a lot of you don't believe in BT's, but that made sense to me.
When I left Scn and started doing FreeSolo, the aspect of Int started taking on a new flavour. Here is what I think Int is based on what I have done:
In your auditing or in life (more likely in auditing) your attention gets put onto an Entity (call it BT if you like). Either the auditing wakens up the Entity, or the Entity is being audited and wakes up (lets not go into whether this is a real live thetan, lets just assume it is a bit of life force). It now is aware of where it is. It comes as a horror, and it wants to leave. But it is stuck, and doesn't know how to leave. So there are all your Int buttons. Stuck, Trapped, Pushed In, Pulled In, Can't get out, etc. It is the entity that is feeling this. He is trapped and can't get out, and because he is right in your face, you feel all of this. You feel trapped, ect. You then go in session. What you don't realise is that because the entity is right there on your attention, it is him being audited. He goes earlier on recalls till he recalls going in in the first place. That then breaks the hold of him into your space and he leaves. And there goes your Out-Int, with all of your Out-Int phenomena.
If you don't address Int on him, the auditing will grind, as that is all his attention is on. This is why people with the condition don't progress and get worse. It could also be that more and more BT's are waking up.
So you feel good because it is now gone. You have not really had any case change, other than getting rid of an entity.
To me, this is all I ever did on any of my auditing. The auditing would audit an entity. That entity would waken and either blow or not. If he did not blow, the Out-Int phenomena would occur and I would need Int Rundown.
The interesting things is that I have not had this out-int phenomena since doing FreeSolo. That is almost a year of no condition. And that was from having to need it every few months, even if I was not having any auditing.
So that is my reality. You can say that it is all Placebo effect. Fine. You could say the whole universe is just a mock-up and your would be right. Scn always used to push the fact that it was all a consideration anyway, and you could just postulate that any condition is not the way it is, and it would be gone. That is possible. But being stuck in an Out-Int condition is not funny. I am sure that more suicides have been committed with people being Out-Int than anything else. And I know this from the way I used to feel.
So in my opinion, this is what makes normal auditing dangerous. This side effect of auditing to throw you Out-Int.
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I'll say...
I had long ago been enamoured with the idea that I was a big being quite apart from others who had come down the dwindling spiral. I felt that was true. No connection had I. I was a late comer to the game and didn't have the same ridges. 
I never really felt connected to other people. But lately I can see that others have complementary roles which even allow me to entertain such notions. Their beingness helps my beingness. Beingnesses have relationship values. Kinda like in Help processes. "How can I help you?" "How can you help me?" It springs valences by reviewing the flows between the pairs. If you look at the identity in the game from its viewpoint and its purpose towards your identity and run these ideas back and forth around the board...oooops...you'll find its your own hand that is dealing cards. I never liked temporarily looking at things from behind someone else's mask. The first item on the Grade 4 list of things you use to make yourself right was the attitude "I don't have to look at things from everyone else's viewpoint__my own is good enough!" 
