Hi. I have been reading the posts on ESMB for a couple weeks now and I just wanted to say thank you to all the people who have posted so openly and honestly about their experiences.
I left a cult in California a bit less than a year ago when I moved to Australia. The cult was not Scientology, but from my reading, many of the mind control techniques used were the same. I was in for 18 years and now I am trying to adjust to a life in the real world.
One thing I am still struggling with is the intense need to ‘belong’ to something. I was (am) even checking out other ‘groups’ like Saint Mat, the Rosicrucians, and Scientology. It was a visit to Scientology and a very upsetting auditing experience that actually made me see some of the damage my cult had done to me.
Through that I have met a few very supportive friends in Sydney who are ex cult members. Anyone else I speak to about my experiences seems to look on me like an idiot… how else could you get involved in a cult… you must have a weak mind…
I would like to move on but even the simplest things I do bring up an association to my cult, like folding my napkin, opening a door, or looking a person in the eyes. And sex, especially sex.
How can I separate myself from these associations? I left my husband, my home, my animals… but I can’t leave these reactions in my mind.
I would be grateful for suggestions to resources on cult recovery, and especially grateful for any personal advice you might want to give on how to clear your mind from all the cult programming. After 18 years in, it sometimes seems like that is the only mind I have left. I have forgotten how to be myself.