Ex California Cult Member

[Barbie]

Hi Barbie,
Welcome to ESMB!

Steve Hassan is a great resource in understanding (and recovering from) the cult experience. His website is here:
http://www.freedomofmind.com/

At the bottom of that page are a couple books he wrote which have gotten excellent reviews.

Hi and thank you. I have read one book already that referenced him and it was a very practical part. I am looking for copies but there are not any in my local library. The website is helpful though!

[AnonyMary]

Welcome Barbie!

In addition to Steve Hassan, here are some more resources:

Cult Help and Information - Home
http://www.caic.org.au/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cult_Aw...rmation_Centre

Cult Information Centre UK
http://www.cultinformation.org.uk/

FACTNet - There are forums on different cuts and lots of information.
http://www.factnet.org/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fight_A...actics_Network

Beware of the scientology owned " Cult awareness Network" aka CAN, obtained from driving the original organization into bankruptcy and buying the rights to the name.

[scooter]

If you are in Sydney, look up Cult Information and Family Services - it is a group of cult survivors and their relatives.

I think you'll find it a welcoming place who will know exactly where you are coming from.

[Dulloldfart]

I would like to move on but even the simplest things I do bring up an association to my cult, like folding my napkin, opening a door, or looking a person in the eyes. And sex, especially sex.

Live a lot, intensely, and build new associations. In 18 years, folding a napkin once a day leads to 18 x 365 = 6570 foldings. If you have folded a napkin 100 times outside your cult that is still a ratio of 65 to 1 in favour of a cult association over a non-cult association.

Similarly for the other associations.

There is a Scientology process for getting over an old boyfriend/girlfriend that consists of looking around the room or wherever you are and finding things, one after the other, that don't remind you of _____. It might take a long time to find the first one. I imagine a similar thing might be possible if *everything* seems to remind you of your former cult.

Paul

[GreyWolf]

I am sure that it has been said already that a cult is a cult. So Welcome aboard. Believe me when I say that slowly, sanity will return. Actually, it looks like you have regained some of it because you realized that you were in one and you got out. Good for you!

Bob

[Wisened One]

One thing I am still struggling with is the intense need to ‘belong’ to something. .

I would suggest that you belong to your family.

Barbie: to ESMB! I loved reading your post. I also struggled with the intense lonliness and need to 'belong' to some organized group again, after leaving scn. And for a few years, I DID! I attended other mainstream churches and belonged to one of 'em for a couple years). I think a lot of people who've left cults or their group, etc. do this for a little while. And it's part of the whole process, imo.

Personally though, I just couldn't stay on board with the beliefs of most of the mainstream religions out there, so although I feel lonely on that front, I don't subsribe to any one 'full set and purely so' of schools of thoughts/beliefs. I'm kinda a heinz 57 of a bunch of beliefs, lol.

I DID reconnect more with my own family since leaving, and now happily devote myself and 'belong' to them, and I've found ESMB and DO feel less lonely!

Read many stories here. Share more of your own, if you wish. it does help!

[Lurker5]

Welcome, Barbie. All these posts/comments are wonderful -what can I add? Well, find a therapist well versed in cult recovery - or a group specifically for that purpose. You will form new relationships and bonds - as you will here.

Also, read, read, read. A great book, not scno, but another cult, is "Not Without My Sister". For laughs, try "Life 102, What to Do When Your Guru Sues You". It is funny, but deadly serious . . . You will have to get it used. Sometimes it is cheap, sometimes expensive. Try Amazon, and keep an eye out for it (when it is cheap), or try a library.

Also, there are many books out from Polygamist survivors. I have read a handful, and every one of them was extraordinary.

You are not alone.

[Jachs]

Welcome barbie, we have been through very similar frightening experiences, so we can help you too, with a shoulder to lean on. Take your time its ok.

Freedom is NOT someone telling you its up to you what you think,

but just letting you look with no rules.

[Human Again]

If you are in Sydney, look up Cult Information and Family Services - it is a group of cult survivors and their relatives.

I think you'll find it a welcoming place who will know exactly where you are coming from.

^^^^^ This!^^^^^
And of course you can hang out around here if you like our flavour because we have no secret agenda to conscript you either and maybe we would benefit from knowing there are others who had to "esape" groups that were not Scientology. Sometimes our own experience can be so real to us that we forget there are others :D

Welcome!

Natascha

[Barbie]

If you are in Sydney, look up Cult Information and Family Services - it is a group of cult survivors and their relatives.

I think you'll find it a welcoming place who will know exactly where you are coming from.

Thank you. An AnonSydney friend also told me about this group and said they had group meetings but I could not find the dates on their website. He sent me an email with the most recent meeting date but I could not make it.

Do you know if they meet regularly? I usually don't go for 'group therapy' but in this case I think it would really help. Already the wonderful responses on this site have really lifted my spirits!