I needed space and time to feel safe and to quietly reflect because I did very little reflecting
as a scientologist and I've found much peace by doing that, I can now see the exact moment's where I made mistakes that were to dominate decades of my life and completely devastate my family.
What I really needed to know was that I was free from the ever reaching tentacles of tekky thinking
, other scientologists didn't really bother me as I could easily remove them from my space, but the tek permeates, it's toxic and it changes people and I needed (and still need) to keep on top of that and make sure I'm not thinking through it, the toxicity runs deep.
I needed to laugh freely and say dreadful things about Tubs and the dwarf because I knew there was absolutely no going back once I had done that, I had so much sadness to deal with and laughing helped a lot.
I needed ESMB.
What I need now is quite different, I'm in that tricky phase (and have been for almost a year) where I feel free of the cult but constantly aware that I am surrounded by more scientologists and their tekky way of thinking (including the inbuilt urge they have to disseminate) than I was in the cult, due to so many of them being here!
Gotta laugh or I'd cry.