What did you need most when you left Scn?

[Freeminds]

I would imagine that they do this on legal advice.

It becomes very difficult to sue somebody if you have already accepted a lower offer of compensation. The $500 'consideration' is a quick and relatively painless way to buy you off, when you consider the magnitude of the scam. If you take the $500, you're agreeing that everything is square.

(I suppose that you could say you only took it under duress, in order to get out, but it sounds like a court case you'd lose.)

At least, back when Scientology was expanding or at least holding even it would have been a painless way to buy you off. Since repayments and the like must come from present-day income, they must be near-impossible to scrape up, now. I guess that means more people suing corporate Scientology in the future. (They don't have income, but they have a lot of assets. You should never sue an organization that doesn't have any money, obviously.)

[afaceinthecrowd]

Great OP, Petey C.

In some ways, I’m still finding what I needed after leaving the SO and subsequently Scn over 20 years ago.

I spent months planning and “framing” my exit from the SO. Fortunately, I was lucky enough to have some money stashed away and had a College Education.

What I needed most was SLEEP and PEACE.

I also needed to go as far away from Scn and Scns as possible and moved to a part of the country that was hundreds of miles away from an Org. I needed to reconnect with the “real” world, “real” people and “real” life.

Although I had family, I had been pretty much on my own since I was 16 or so. I did not turn to my family for reasons I shall explain later.

However it was real, real tough for the first couple of years. Tormented and desperate nights offset by days of finding ways to make a living, providing for a family and, ultimately, building a business.

I was blessed in that a few “Field Scns” knew me and I knew some “Wogs” that believed in me and cared not about what my “status” with the “Church” was but with who and what I was and could do.

I’ve made so many mistakes along the way or, as I like to say, made “miss takes”. Still do and did just this day…probably always will.

But, “What did I needed most when I left Scn.” Fundamentally…a place to go and be “safe” for awhile and people that believed in me as a human being.

I suppose that’s why I spent over 20 years of my adult life driven with a fire in my belly to provide over 500k and countless hours of time for my children’s education. By the end of this year, all of my children will have studied at and have Masters Degrees from some of the finest Universities in the World. So many others believed in me and it is incumbent that I believe in others…as they have believed in me.

My heart goes out to the Children that were raised in Scn and “given” to the SO. I cannot imagine the travail all of you have seen. My only “frame of reference” is the fact that my Parents were “Charismatic, Fundamentalist, Born Again ‘Christians’” and, strangely yet apropos, that’s what led me to join the SO.

For you, the SO Children of Scn Parents, I have this one simple message:

You are not the image your parents see…you are your own person...believe in yourself…others will see you…just go forward, always forward.

Face

PS: My apologies for braggin’ about my children so much…I’m obviously a proud Papa. It was a Gift and Blessing of the Universe to be their Father. Of course, their Momma deserves most of the credit!

[Kutta]

At first it was enough to just have escaped. It was a joyous feeling to be a family again with my children around me. We left by routing out from the SO, and that took months, so my husband had arranged work before we left and the week before we had traveled to London from Saint Hill and found a rental flat near Kew Gardens.

It was a surreal time. Yeah, really surreal. On the one hand it was peaceful after the craziness and we could eat and sleep like normal people — and Kew Gardens area was beautiful — and it felt so good to just be in the outside world and observe real people living normal lives. There was a feeling of being safe. That was important. To be out of reach of the clutches. Nobody tried to get us back until the Basics debacle.

It was also exciting for us Kiwis to be in London. It felt like the world's communication hub, a cosmopolitan one where we could reacquaint ourselves with the political and cultural world outside scientology.

On the other hand, I still recall after 30 years how I had to keep on diligently rebalancing my thinking. I was constantly comparing what had been presented as reality and truth with what I was now experiencing that reinforced my instinctive knowledge that I had bought into a crock. This took some years.

I also had to cope initially with losing those I had thought were friends since there was no communication from them at all. It did hurt at the time, but I have since realized that we were not friends in the true sense. We only had one thing in common, the scientology dogma. We had no time to chat and share or support each other. At first, just being a family was enough. I was not looking for friends as such in London as it was just a launching pad to the rest of life.

But I could undoubtedly have benefitted from some other exes around me at this time — people to share stories with about the awful life in the SO and the futility of the 'tech'. I would say that since joining ESMB after no contact with Scientology, even exes, for decades, I have continued the process of deprogramming.

One thing ESMB has helped me with is that I no longer feel ashamed to tell people that I was once a scientologist. Now that it is widely known what a sham it is, I can often, not always, talk about my time 'in'. People are interested, shocked, sometimes unbelieving. And they know me as I am now, so they know I'm not so terribly stupid!

It would be 2-3 years before I returned to NZ with the children. We had some wonderful adventures during that time, living in London, LA, and then Saudi Arabia. We didn't want to go back as paupers having sold everything to pay for Scientology, so we tried to get a bit of lucre behind us — not easy as it happened. We were spending our money on enjoying life! So my husband stayed on working, mainly in the Middle East (with regular trips home). Turned out he only returned here to live just this year. We are now separated, but friends.

After that initial sort of resting period in London, i wanted my old life back, I needed to know my friends in NZ were still there to love and hang out with, share meals, laughter, and discussion with. I wanted to be with them and their children, going for picnics, to the beach and other such activities. I always knew that my family would be there, that they in fact would be overjoyed that I had finally seen the light. These things I found on my return to NZ.

I also needed to exercise my brain by studying, and I needed to indulge my creative side. These things I missed a great deal while devoting myself to the cult. They could not really be helped by others. I had to do it myself.

On the whole, my exit was a fantastically wonderful, even euphoric life experience. I had only been in for about 6 years, albeit thoroughly immersed.

[Lulu Belle]

For you, the SO Children of Scn Parents, I have this one simple message:

You are not the image your parents see…you are your own person...believe in yourself…others will see you…just go forward, always forward.

Face

That's a message that a lot of children need to hear, including ones who have never had anything to do with Scientology.

[GoNuclear]

Pete, you had a tough time. Hope you're OK again now. Just curious though, how did the GMA help?

Glad you asked. I have told the story on here in detail, but going thru and finding it would be tedious. The quick version ... on the night that I spent my last dollar on two draft beers at a cheap tavern in the skid row area of Los Angeles, on October 27th, 1983 ... a guy next to me at the bar started buying me beers. I knew what his game was, but, I needed the beer to fill my stomach, I was hungry. Then he took me to this diner by the name of Googies and got me a burger. I figured that I would have to find an exit strategy, but, this kid from Boston started a convo with me, with an opening line "We got this scam going on ..." Bottom line, he was recruiting me. He filled me in on where to show up the next day, which was a room at the Alexandria Hotel downtown. This burned out ex Marine, a VietNam vet, proceeded to out fit me with a set of black trousers, a black shirt with the collar jury-rigged with a bit of sewing to hold clerical collar, a folded business card that sufficed for the clerical collar, a bucket, and a sign that said "Help America's Homeless." I was then told to hop a bus and go to the Olivera street market and hang out by the Bank of America. I had no idea about the competition between other groups, and the Soldiers of the Cross, a Hispanic group in all white uniforms were in competition with me ... in fact, there were three of them on me, but, I still did about 50 dollars in 4 hours time on a Sunday. Out of that, I got 3 bux off the top for lunch money and split the rest with the house 60/40, in favor of the house.

GMA had 4 rooms out of the Alexandria Hotel back then, about 4 people per room. The turn in paid the rent. We had to get our own food. I had a set of box springs to sleep on and was able to get a hot shower that night ... it was great. That night, on my 20 bux, I was able to get a steak dinner for under 4 bux out of this hole in the wall take-out in the skid row area, and have as many 50 cent draft beers over at Jacks Tavern. (Jacks was torn down in May of 1986. A pity. I really liked Jacks Tavern. I believe it was "staked out" a few times on "Cagney and Lacey" that would film in downtown LA and lie with the cameras to convince people they were filming in NYC). Anyways, I was full and happy, and, this common-law couple in the room that would unabashedly make noise didn't even bother me.

After a few days, I found that I had a real skill with the bucket. Most of the guys would scream their lungs out to get donations, I couldn't be bothered. All I would do is catch people eye to eye, smile, and so a subtle shake of the bucket. If I didn't get a donation, I would get an excuse. I never argued with excuses, no point. I figured that nobody owed, and, if they made an excuse, that must mean that I somehow convinced them that they did. Good enough. Pretty soon I was doing 20 or more bux per hour on the gross.

Bottom line ... it was very very restful for me, really no effort involved. The more serene I stayed, the more money coming into the bucket. There was none of the hassle involved in trying to get a handout from the govt. GMA eventually moved to a small house, 123 Rampart St. and in 1989 moved out to Rowland Heights, CA and occupied several private houses. GMA was raided in 1992 by LASD oinksters, at the behest of LA County Social Services. I was still friends with and visited from time to time with the fellow who runs GMA, and was instrumental in getting GMA hooked up with the right attorney ... this fellow who was a dyed in the wool Libertarian who would get a hard on at the thought of suing any governmental entity. GMA prevailed via out of court settlement. GMA is still around today, altho it has somewhat fossilized ... not that much in the way of new blood. Mainly its a core crew of old timers that are good with getting donations and would have absolutely nothing else to do if not for GMA.

Some would call GMA a scam, but, I would say that it is NOT a scam for the same reason that some say that it is ... it cuts out the middlemen. They guys doing the fund raising are the guys who need it, therefore, per cent wise it is efficient in the amount of cash going to the needful recepient as opposed to administrative overhead. I suspect that when the govt. doles out welfare, more of the money goes to feed the burea'rats that run it than the welfarites who exist off of governmental free bread and circuses.

I have to say this about my homeless days ... it wasn't that bad for me because I was relatively young at the time ...30 years old. It was a kind of adventure. The bucket was a fun thing in a way, and so was the Alexandria Hotel. There were lots of down and outers there, not all with GMA but they would visit with us. There was ALWAYS weed going around. There was always a party in one room or another. Really the only overhead to worry about was food. There were mellow days off of just hanging around, getting smoked out, and watching soap operas on the tube.
Ah, the good old days .... The thing about good old days ... you never know that they are the good old days while they are happening.

Pete

[Kutta]

Since posting on this thread I've thought that public, staff, or SO who may have the courage to lurk here would likely hit on this thread.

I say to any in NZ who are even tangentially thinking about leaving, or have queries of any sort, that they can phone me. I would be more than happy to offer somewhere to stay or just someone to talk to. I can give my phone number if you send me a PM, private message through ESMB.

I don't have the contact details at hand of help available in the US, Australia, Europe, the UK etc, but others could post them.

Revisiting my time of leaving has reignited the memories of how I and my family revelled in wogdom after leaving. Still today I feel so happy to be in the wog world.

For anyone contemplating leaving, let me say: Here, outside in the real world, you can enjoy freedom from the shackles of anyone dictating to you what is real, what is true, what is the only true path. Here you can explore for yourself whatever spiritual path you fancy. You can be yourself. You can do and have what you choose.

Help is available. Take the first step to a beautiful life. It is so much better than what you have been putting up with.

[I told you I was trouble]

I needed space and time to feel safe and to quietly reflect because I did very little reflecting as a scientologist and I've found much peace by doing that, I can now see the exact moment's where I made mistakes that were to dominate decades of my life and completely devastate my family.

What I really needed to know was that I was free from the ever reaching tentacles of tekky thinking, other scientologists didn't really bother me as I could easily remove them from my space, but the tek permeates, it's toxic and it changes people and I needed (and still need) to keep on top of that and make sure I'm not thinking through it, the toxicity runs deep.

I needed to laugh freely and say dreadful things about Tubs and the dwarf because I knew there was absolutely no going back once I had done that, I had so much sadness to deal with and laughing helped a lot.

I needed ESMB.



What I need now is quite different, I'm in that tricky phase (and have been for almost a year) where I feel free of the cult but constantly aware that I am surrounded by more scientologists and their tekky way of thinking (including the inbuilt urge they have to disseminate) than I was in the cult, due to so many of them being here!

Gotta laugh or I'd cry.

[Lexing Jenkins]

I needed my my mother. Just like when I was a child, she was there for me when I was in trouble...

[Infinite]

Don't mind me - just popping up to say "great thead". Carry on, please . . .

[Hatshepsut]

Hats, were you on staff or public? If public, I assume you had a place to live, a job, etc.

I'm glad you got out young, and even after four years, young enough to remake yourself. It's hard for people getting out in their 50s.

I was public living with staff in my home with me.

I gave up everything and sublet to go live near the LA Orgs for quite some time trying make 'progress'. I gave up my job to do that. I came back to Florida to find Benny Hinn had bought the property for his Christian Assembly. So, I had to start over from scratch too. At 28 I was taken under the wing by some elderly ladies from the United Way who felt I needed to de-cultify. They kept me behind locked gates, cloistered at the Young Women's Community Club in downtown Orlando. I stayed there for 18 months while I came around. It was a no stress environment. They helped me get a beater. My old cadillac had blown a gasket on the way to the airport when I was flying out to LA. I left it by the side of the road.

I had to start over from scratch like everyone else. I was lucky that earlier there had been a huge media stink about adolescents kidnapped by Moonies. Public understanding was plentiful for the braninwashed youth at the time. The United Way employed me from the get go. I had two jobs with them. Thru them I also picked up the janitorial contract for Caldwell Banker who had a team of office suites. 15 hours per week got me 3 bills and I had no expenses as a result of working at the Y. I recovered with lots of support from good people. Good Christian people. Isn't that ironic.