25 Years of Scn

[Voltaire's Child]

Maybe it's just me but there is something wrong with having a minor read through PC folders specifically to find out about sexual perversions.

No, I don't think it's just me. And this is the result you get when you think children are just big beings in little bodies. Where do you draw the line?

Hey this could be the next footbullet to rock the cult.

I believe in letting children be children.

And I also believe they are beings in children's bodies. It's the mind and body that matures. Not the spirit.

But, as I said, that is not an excuse for treating kids like adults or abusing them or anything else.

I've known a lot of Scn'ists who believed what they believed but still treated their kids like kids.

In the Cadet's Org,however, children are not accorded this treatment. But that's because the SO mistreats everyone.

So when someone overworks or imposes on a child or doesn't let them be playful or anything else, citing "big thetans in little bodies", what they're really saying is that they want to enslave anyone- children included.

Someone who does that does not treat anyone well.

[Lulu Belle]

OMG, Maureen.

You have brought back so many memories of people I knew.

I haven't heard some of those names in many years.

[Div6]

Twin A has their "exchange in abundance" in.....:D

[Twin A]

So much for being able to post this "next week"! sheesh. I got busy fans. Sorry. I've been flying around doing camerawork! Yes, I got hired to do camerawork on an interesting documentary. But my laptop doesn't work well with the hotel wireless---- and well, I didn't really have time.

But I'm back with another chapter

Well around November 1983, I arrived back in PAC. Pacific Area Control. Los Angeles. I love California, but I have to say that Los Angeles around the Fall has a very distinctive smell... not a very good one. The clouds and cooler weather have contained the smog inside the city and some raining and showers have mixed it all up into kind of a musky muddy smell. I got a big whif of it as I arrived at the LAX airport. I inhaled and had mixed feelings. Feelings of being glad to be back in California, but also feeling like I was in the armpit of my great state. In the CMO PAC building (where Bridge is now) there was an office for HCO CMO INT liaison. I was going to CMO S (S for Special Unit, later changed to CMO GOLD--around late 1984 I think, and apparently even later in 2006 completely disbanded?) and HCO CMO INT was helping out. The "shore story" (which is Sea Organization/para-navy slang for an apparent white lie to keep "security" in) is that Int and Gold were in two different places. In actuality, which I already knew, 19625 Hwy 79, Gilman Hot Springs, CA near Hemet was the location for Gold AND INT. Cheryl Sutter was there and she was dealing with some other youngsters on "clearance lines" as well. "Clearance lines" meant someone is waiting just before being moved out to Hemet, they are getting security checking and other things to make them look good on paper for those in authority approving the person's arrival to the Int base. IG RTC, Vicki Aznaran, I believe was the final approval person for those going to INT in 1983. One youngster on her way up was Mandy Oaks. She was around 15 years old and had a very foul mouth and an attitude. Perfect for the CMO. I'm being sarcastic. I found her manners atrocious. I actually complained, but I was told, "she's just a kid, she'll get auditing while she does a lower post at first". A lower post? At Int? CMO CW Fitness Boarded out a boy, David for "being a kid" and here Cheryl was recruiting someone anyway who was just as much "just a kid". I must say I was perplexed at how whimsical and arbitrary things were despite having volumes of policy letters and Flag Orders and binders of * advices ( a term used back then to euphemise the fact that LRH was still ordering Sea Organization Members what to do and how to Manage the C of S) to follow. Another boy on recruit lines was Lowell Smith, a young guy who seemed rather clueless, and his sister. Man, they were YOUNG. I guess, the rule of needing to have finished school as a requisite had been somehow waived

I found out that these youngster were "Scientology Kids" and so their parents were involved with Scientology and that made it less of a legal threat for them to get sent out to Hemet away from their parents. A year or so later, Lowel completely bombed out and had some kind of break down, had to get sent back to his parents right away. He'd got made the Qual Sec CMO S! He was only 14 years old! Lowell, if you are reading this, I sincerely apologize for dumping a bucket of ice water on you in your dorm when you showed up late for muster that day you were routing out. I didn't know you were routing out, I was just told to make sure everyone on the roll call list was at muster and you were on the list still for musters. I had been assigned to help on the CMO S Dir I&R position and I wasn't allowed to do ANYTHING else until EVERYONE was up and on post in the morning. You were the last one and I was getting darn bored of being asked, " OK, so where is Lowell?" So I had to do something, it wasn't anything personal. Really

Now, while I was waiting in PAC for my final OK to go to the base, I had to get something special.... an Emancipation Proclamation, declaring me legally 18 even tho I was only 17. So I hung out at PAC for a short time doing more errands (I learned how to polish boots..in the CMO PAC EPF area up in the 5th floor of the blue building complex. Many Commodore's Messengers had some really expensive leather boots, that needed to be hand saddle soaped and polished to a perfect shine and then waxed with clear wax. Very time consuming and messy at first, but I got the hang of it. The CMO EPFer who taught me was this cute Italian guy named Roberto P. I kind of tried to flirt with him but I got no response. Oh wait a minute... I would have been jail bait... so I guess he was actually a cool guy for not flirting back. I think I was told by Nettie not to hang out with him too much because he was getting fitness boarded out. But it was kind of hard not to hang out with the guy that I was working with all day long. What a weird request. I found out that many of the Int and ASI execs all had rooms on the 5th floor with a set of uniforms and shoes and all, so they could just come down when they needed to and it would be very convenient. I stupidly day dreamt and imagined that someday I too, would be an executive and have more than one room to myself with nice furniture and leather shoes all to myself, and other people doing my laundry and ironing my shirts....

Someone in HCO CMO INT, probably Janadaire, got a hold of an INT recruiter who was on project in San Jose, Larry Jacobs (who will unsuspectingly end up with me in the Camera Dept. at Gold eventually) and told him to contact my Mom and my sister to help get my Emancipation Proclamation all typed up and signed by my Mom and notarized. He must have been a real charmer because he got my Mom basically to sign away her rights over me AND he recruited my sista! What the heck! My sister later told me in a phone call that my Mom was so flustered after that incident that she lost her car in the parking lot and actually called the police and reported it stolen! When it was right where she had parked it

Oh, I have to back up a bit. I don't know if I said this earlier, if I did, I'll repeat it. When in CMO CW, I had to do a "handling" on my step-father. He was upset that I had joined the SO and left school. He had never legally adopted me, so he couldn't just come and get me back, but he wanted to. He felt that Dianetics wasn't new and I could finish school and THEN study it if I wanted to...he just could not see the rush. I was told that because he was "antagonistic", I was a "Potential Trouble Source" and I would therefore make no progress as a Scientologist and I would always be a loser on staff. Paraphrased of course. This made me very frightened. I was being told that my eternity was in danger. I hadn't really even gotten started, off the runway, as a Scientologist so to speak---- and my engines were puttering. Being that this was indeed the first time in my life that I had a major disagreement with my step-father and it just so happened to be about Scientology, I figured that it was indeed something UNIQUE and troublesome that I must deal with right away. I wanted to FIX this "problem" that Peach and Jackie were very concerned about. I was instructed to write a letter to him. Actually I was TOLD exactly what to write. I think it was Peach who told me what to write, but I sometimes think of Peta when I recall this first "PTS" handling. Maybe Peta was involved somehow too before she got posted in the Programs Bureau. I wrote the letter out very carefully and with nice handwriting. I wrote my step father that I appreciated all his help since I was a little kid with my life and that I was now on my own doing my own thing and I expected him to respect my choice to join Scientology. I told him that I wouldn't talk to him anymore if he remained in disagreement with my involvement with Scientology. I sent the letter. I didn't realize that, in a way, it was a type of disconnect letter! My sister told me later that he read the letter and he cried and was very upset. I couldn't imagine my step father crying, he'd never done it, at least never in front of anyone, before.

Later on, in Portland in 1985, I would talk to him again, "good roads and good weather", and he would be kind of surprised, but happy. I had actually forgotten all about that letter! Since it was more dictated for me than from me, it was easily forgotten on my part. It was in my folder and that seemed to be all that mattered. To show on paper that the situation was "handled", not that I really had any clue what I was doing.

The term Potential Trouble Source would get used throughout my "career" as a Sea Organization member, mostly to intimidate me into disconnecting from my family and non-Scientology friends. "Scientology" isn't a principle cause, it's an instrumental cause. Someone USES what they think is a "Scientology" method or technique, like using a tool of some sort, to accomplish an end. A simple action such as walking around the block and looking at trees and the sidewalk to fix the exhaustion of being stuck at a fixed task for a long time, is categorized as "Scientology" because it is an idea in a book by L. Ron Hubbard. The fact that many people just like to take walks anyway and didn't read it in an LRH book gets overlooked. A Scientologist could say with vast generality, "I love Scientology, it has helped me" and they could just mean that they like taking walks when they get mentally exhausted and they are glad that they read about it in an LRH book. Now, I happen to have noticed that my Aunt and Uncle like to take walks and I've gone with them and I could have learned it from them. I didn't need to have this action labelled under the category of "Scientology" and I don't consider that I'm applying "Scientology" anymore when I take a walk. Within the term "Scientology" are all kinds of solutions to life's problems and, unfortunately, the second someone generalizes about which ideas they like and have used --- it also protects the ideas under that blanket term "Scientology" that can be very destructive, such as disconnection policy.

When celebrity X says she likes "Scientology" because she did the Purif and it supposedly helped her detox and she was able to conceive children when before she couldn't, she really means she liked using the sauna and vitamins and minerals and exercise and maybe some one-on-one counseling, if she got that, to resolve unknown barriers she'd had in conceiving children. She will be forever grateful for that and to her FSM for giving her the idea. She's hooked. But when she generalizes and says she supports "Scientology", she has no idea what she is supporting, she has no idea what is included under this umbrella of philosophies and life's solutions called "Scientology". There is the RPF program, there is disconnections, there is unusual punishments and sleep deprivation for staff members, there is a whole big black suitcase full of crap also under the label of "Scientology". The biggest problem with Scientology I see is that most "Scientologists" don't really KNOW what that word really means! Do they know about Fair Game? Do they know that DM practically owns that word? Well, I'm kind of digressing... started to get on that soapbox.. back to my story:

I finally got my OK to go "over the rainbow". I had dreams of meeting LRH. I was on my way to get trained to be one of his new messengers in the Messenger on Duty unit in CMO S. I had no idea he was in hiding from the law!! I thought he was just being "fabian", moving around to avoid getting "hit by SPs"

I got on the van and I admired the scenic drive. It was kind of early in the morning so I got to see the sun coming up as I was approaching Riverside County. Upon arrival, I was introduced to the Commanding Officer of CMO S, Julie. She was 16 years old. She'd recently taken on the new job. She seemed nice and polite and she actually smiled at me and shook my hand. I didn't think she would last very long as the Commanding Officer. She didn't. I got taken to the Security Dept. which was near the eating area. The eating area was dirty with flys buzzing around. I was told that "the Gold crew were DBs (degraded beings)" and they didn't clean up after they ate, to explain the flys. But then I found out later that all the crew ate in the same dining area, so it was weird to blame it on "the Gold crew". It was the INt and CMO crew that left their tables dirty and expected the Gold crew to clean up after them! Outside the Security office, I had to sign a piece of paper saying that I authorized the Security Mail Checker to open and check all of my mail. This was notarized. I also signed some piece of paper saying that if I disclosed the location of the base to anyone, I'd be subject to a fine of a million dollars. Wow. I was shocked much later when David Miscavige briefed a bunch of OT 8s on the Freewinds about where the Gold base was. I guess he never signed one of these agreements. Also later, the Security Mail Checker, saw fit to actually stop my mail and throw it away. I was mad about this because I'd said I'd only agreed for it to be opened and "checked", not opened and stopped.

After kind of doing most of my routing form into the CMO, I got taken to where my berthing would be, in the Old Gilman House. I was put into a dormatory on the second floor of this old house. It was kind of nice compared to the PAC dorm that I'd been in. It wasn't that crowded. There was a horse corral and chickens outside! I tried to walk around the front of Old Gilman House and the chickens started chasing me! They wanted to be fed. I enjoyed seeing the horses. I saw two of them there, there may have been three. There was no perimeter fence when I originally arrived at the base. I could actually wake up early in the morning and go jogging down the side of Highway 79, cross over and jog through the section of the property that used to be a golfcourse, then along the levy and back up and across to OGH. Probably about a 3 mile jog. And nobody chased me, it was fun. It was like being at summer camp.

My first assigned task was to learn how to clean in the Household Unit. Lola Rousseau was still in the Household Unit then. She was old but her hair was still red and she was still pretty spunky. I kind of thought of her as a really mean grandmother. She never actually yelled at me because I tried to be respectful, but I heard her yell at others who didn't treat her with respect and I didn't want to have that happen to me. There were some other HU cleaners too. I think Paco was there then as a cleaner, Blandine showed up around this time I think too. I had to read an * advice about dusting. It was written by someone else for LRH since I guess he didn't ever do his own dusting. I had to practice wiping a surface with a dust cloth, folding the dust cloth each time to keep the dust inside and then going outside and shaking it out. I really believed it was pretty stupid, but I went along with it and I got really good at it. I also got really good at using Rainbow vacuum cleaners. These were special vacuums that used swirling water underneath to create the suction, and then trapping the dust in the water. Thus preventing it from going out the exhaust at all. Despite this vacuum's ability to collect dust and keep it contained, I still had to keep the vacuum cleaner on the outside of the room and use a long hose around the room to clean with. If the Rainbow was in bad shape, the suction would be terrible and it would not clean very well. I tried to get the good vacuums for my cleaning assignments so that I would not flunk my super white glove inspections.

Also, in the HU area, I met Roanne, who had a nanny who drove her around to her piano lessons and ballet lessons and such in a stick shift powder blue van. I was jealous. I wished I could get ballet lessons. Her nanny had a big old German Sheperd Dog too. Wow, they were allowed to have pets! I immediately wrote to my sister and asked her to send me my cat Pineapple, a long haired tortoise shell colored Persian cat that I'd had since I was 7. She didn't send it right away, it was her cat too. The Int base was the largest property I'd ever been on. All the old houses, the dining area, the Lodges, the Old Gilman House and the horse ranch, it was all unbelievable cool to me. I didn't see a worn down old golf resort, I saw my new home with of fun future of fixing it all up... There was even a slimy old lake on the south side of the property that could actually pass as a swimming hole. There were magnificently large cotton-wood trees all over the property. I fell in love with the trees and the bugs and the bees and the animals. I loved the cool crisp clean dessert air at night when I'd go jogging with a full moon. I loved when the sun rose and woke me up in the mornings. I even loved the noisy rooster that would start before the sun came up even. I loved being allowed to help groom and ride the horses on my exercise time in the mornings after morning muster. Janadaire's sister Kate helped me learn how to do this.

After learning how to clean LRH spaces and doing this for a while, I got my study assignments, these small checksheets for Messengers on Duty. I had to study how to touch type up to 70 words per minute on a manual typewriter. I was able to do this checksheet quickly because I'd already learned how to type in high school and on my own. Then I had to learn how to take notes, hold an ashtray, a gadget bag and a tape recorder at the same time and follow "the boss" around. Only I wasn't following HIM around, I followed Janadaire around or someone else who was good an immitating LRH and making sure we were able to do all these tasks sufficiently well. Our goal was to "keep all distractions off of LRH's lines" so that he could do his research and write. That meant that if he put his fingers up in a V shape, I had to notice and be quick and stick a cigarette into it and light it. I had to be smooth about it and not drop my note pad or my bag with his sunglasses, sunscreen, extra notepads, asbestos gloves for touching hot lights on the Cine sets with, etc. I found this next to impossible to do, so I often got "Messenger!" screamed at me by the person pretending to be LRH. The whole thing also often just made me burst into uncontrollable laughter...

My job duties started to expand into some minor management tasks where I had to help run programs into the HU area and sometimes Gold. Tina Oaks got transferred from HCO and made the MonD I/C, Messenger on Duty in charge. She was about 15 I think. She was my new boss. She was pretty good at giving lip service. So when I was busy cleaning the offices, she would be outside reporting to Shelly M. or Janadaire or someone else about what progress we were making on our tasks. One of the programs I helped on was the LRH Space Set Up program. This program was based on the idea that LRH was going to come to the base soon, as soon as Special Project Ops (DMs title before he invented the title COB) gave him some kind of "the coast is clear". I assumed that meant when the Space Set Up Program was done. But it wasn't I suppose I should have known that LRH was wanted for legal actions against him, that he was kind of on the lamb. But no one told me that!


Also going on at the same time was the "Clearsound" project which was getting all the sound lines working and sounding good. I didn't help that much on this project. Only a little, later on, I'll get to that part later. In the Space Set Up Project, I was assigned tasks to do such as handywork tasks in all the offices to make them odorless. I had to Z-lac any bare wood in any cabinets that were in the space. Several coats, with drying in between. I think that Z lac is now illegal due to its chemical composition, but it was kind of a varnish that dried quickly if not put on too thick. Several coats were like a clear plastic coating and no bare wood smell could escape a coating of Z lac. I did not use any protective clothing or filters over my nose and mouth. It was like sniffing glue, the fumes. I got pretty buzzed after each cabinet I did. My hands would get caked with it at the end of a day. I'd just let it dry and then peel it off. I had to be careful not to peel off any layers of my own skin with it. It was really sticky. I tried to get gloves for it, but I was told that if I got Z lac all over the gloves, it would "ruin" them, so I didn't use gloves. I guess they were "too expensive" ! Another task I was assigned to do was to get a carpet steam cleaned. It was a special purple carpet for the room in the Upper Villas that was LRH's office, it had kind of an Egyptian motif. Barry Stein had designed it. Purple carpet, beige kind of sandstone/marble looking formica cabinets, some hierogliphs in a tapestry on the speaker stands. I think this room might have been called the A/V office because there was a very impressive collection of equipment racks with the latest and greatest Hi Fi audio equipment installed. All with an Elgar AC Line conditioner to keep the power clean, and some kind of surge protector so there was no HUMMING. Humming was a catastrophe. In fact, I think that's were "Clearsound" partially came from, the term I mean, most of the work that DM and John McCormick and Jon Horwich (when he wasn't too busy on the RPF doing A to E), MF and others, did to get rid of hum and buzz on the audio lines required certain pieces of equipment in certain places and certain kinds of really well insulated cables, etc. It all made the sound "Clear". I also learned how to get rid of mildew. Oh my god, I just realized I left out a funny story...

When I was flying from CW to PAC earlier, I had been given a project by VA, relayed to me by Janet Light, of smuggling 22 bottle of Everclear into California. This is 100 proof alcohol! It's illegal in California, so I had to buy a couple of cases of it in CW and stick them in my luggage and in the luggage of other SO Members and/or Scientologists travelling back to Los Angeles. I finally got to find out what the Everclear was being used for. Mold and Mildew abatement! And even some cleaning in certain areas where other cleaners could not be used. I was under 21 so I had to bring Wendy Fatoric, my replacement as CO CMO CWs comm with me to help me pick up the bottles! I just walked in with my little non-profit card, so I wouldn't have to pay the sales tax, said it was for cleaning purposes only and walked out of the liquor stores with a couple cases (about 22 to 24 bottles if I recall correctly). I finally got to put some of this to use. I would inspect wood areas of an office, such as under a sink for example, and if there was a black or grey spot that smelled like mold, I would spray it profusely with Everclear and then point some UV lights at it. Most of the time, the spots had already been singled out by Janadaire, but I did get to find my own mold spots to fix too. To be honest, I don't know if this actually really worked. I had to Z lac over it later anyway, but I imagined that it worked. Janadaire seemed to think it had. If the Everclear didn't kill the mold, it certainly got really drunk!

Well, I got moved out of the Old Gilman House 2nd floor and put into room 89 in the Lower Lodges. I turned over my "rat catching hat" to someone else who stayed in one of the first floor dorms. I basically had a few rat traps I'd set up at nights under some of the beds down stairs. There was always a mouse or small rat caught in the traps each night. It was sad, but I couldn't stand the sounds at night of the rats scurrying around, so I had to put out the traps. 2nd floor OGH was reassigned as CMO INT and Exec Strata only. Eventually the room I was in would become Suzette Hubbards with Guy, but that was a couple years down the line. Us lower CMO S people had to move out. The new room I got moved to, it was a single motel like room with one bathroom and one vanity area. It had four sets of bunk beds three beds high. I had to share a dorm with 12 other girls. Mostly younger than me, but some a little older. I hated it. Tina and some of the other girls would stay up late and dance to Madonna songs. Mandy snored. Someone ALWAYs had stinky feet. Getting out of bed in the mornings was difficult because there was only this little tiny square of space in the middle of the bunks to stand in. I had to wait my turn to get down into the tiny square of space and make it to the shower. When a new recruit showed up and I had gotten my berthing card taken, I was actually happy to grab my sleeping bag and find a spot on the floor somewhere in a quiet, empty office space. Oh, OK, it wasn't ALL bad. There were times where it was kind of fun being packed into a room with some sometimes funny teeneagers

I guess euphoria and summer camp was wearing off some. The "Team Share" card system was really bizarre. I was given five little colored plastic cards and a star. I was told not to take them off the property, to only use them while "on base". It was a Treason assignment if I had them on my person while in PAC or CW. Now, I was told that the Social Card meant that I had a right to watch movies on the weekends or attend staff party's if they were available. I was told that my Social Card also entitled me to a day off every other week. If only this little blue card also got my CSWs for libs approved too! Alas, merely HAVING the card was NOT enough. One must have post coverage AND senior approval to be off for one day in two weeks AND the entire organization had to be above Normal condition. Most of the time, this Social Card was valueless, the accompanying star mainly used as some kind of status symbol. There was a Bonus card which entitled me to a bonus if they were handed out. They were hardly ever handed out. This card was useless-- except for days when I locked myself out of my office, then that little plastic card was useful for getting the latch open on the door. I was given an Allowance card so I could collect my allowance each week. This card had some use, however, there were years where it too was useless. Other factors precluded being paid besides not having possession of one's Allowance card. I was given a Chow card which meant I could eat the meals. If I didn't have it, it would be rice and beans. I was given a Berthing card which entitled me to sleep in a bed in a berthing space. If I didn't have it, I had to go to "pigs berthing" which was not really an official place for the CMO people, so it really just kind of meant finding some floor space somewhere in one of the many large buildings to sleep at night. I was also handed this really LONG list of all the reasons why the punishment of "losing a card" was handed out and a very short list of why they'd get handed back. Also, if I was assigned "lower conditions" below Liability, I had to do "amends" which was usually some form of manual labor.

Well two or three times in 1984, I had to go do manual labor for "amends". It was called "doing MEST WORK". It was meant to be therapeutic to get out of the office and do this once in a while. Despite having my senior get mad at me and scream "Go do some F_____g MEST Work!", I actually really enjoyed it. When I was young and perfectly healthy, I could say that it indeed was therapeutic. The RPF was called the "Gold Construction Team" back then. Still had black T-shirts, but there were some non RPFers working on writing the projects and supervising. Some of them were not even in the Sea Org! They eventually became Sipro, doing construction projects with the Sea Organization RPF work crews and also organizing non-SO workers as well. The entire Music Studio was done this way with RPF and pre-SIPRO and regular construction workers all working together. Since the GCT had such important construction projects going on, the non RPF deck workers aka ME, got to work WITH them. So I got to meet some RPFers and work with them. They were fun and friendly towards me. I didn't really know what they were on the RPF for, but I didn't care. I learned how to lay cinder blocks, prepare forms for concrete pours, sand and finish cabinetry, lay tiles and grout them. I met Tony Sheriff on the GCT and Kate (was Conley back then) who I liked and got along with. She was an Australian

I never really learned how to flap my lips about programs and targets and attend meetings and keep executives updated etc., I felt far more productive getting stuff done with the GCT crew. Getting something painted or patched up, getting something new built. I had this feeling of accomplishment because this place was (I thought) my HOME and I liked making it look nicer and have more useful buildings. Feeling like my work was some kind of "investment" in my future home, was mistaken. Cleaning was OK once in a while, but most of the time, I felt like I was cleaning an office for no reason. It was cleaned the day before, nobody had used it, why the heck clean it again the next day?

Now because I was such a good woiker, I got assigned to the Laundry team. When LRH's laundry came to the base in a van from Creston, where LRH was ( I didn't know he was there, I just knew the approximate time it took the van to come up and back, it wasn't hard to guess in the Santa Barbara area), to us --- the Laundry Team was put into action. It was like our Watch Quarter and Station Bill Assignment, "Condition One Laundry" --- the best laundry doers were gathered together for 48 hours of washing LRHs clothes! So that they could all get stuck on the van and driven back out to LRH. There were about 7 of us youngsters and we lined up near this trough with large 10 gallon plastic containers. The containers were filled with this special filtered water. Then we washed each piece of clothing by hand in some special laundry soap. I think it was rugged red and "Granny's" or just "Granny's". It was totally odorless and left no residue. Well, not after we rinsed each piece of clothing 7 times. We'd wash each item. Then dump out the soapy water. Get new fresh water into the container. Dip, rinse, dip rinse, empty again. Fill up with water, dip rinse, dip in and rinse again. No ringing of the item was allowed, didn't want to squeeze the material at all. LRH didn't like that. The fibers of his clothes could not be traumatized by excessive abuse. Not even the rugged cotton flannel shirts! Especially not his silk socks! Heaven forbid that the item of clothing would lose it's shape in any way. Now us teenagers late at night and sometime wet and freezing cold, tried to make the best of the situation. We found that it was actually kind of fun to do the repetitive washing and rinsing tasks to music! We played Michael Jackson music loudly on a boom box and kind of rinsed and washed to the rhythm. Once the item of clothing had been hand rinsed many times, it was placed on a plastic hanger --- no WIRE hangers allowed! They were bad for the clothes, so too were wooden hangers, because they smelled like wood. Plastic hangers only. And the clothes were hand pressed, no IRONING, the clothing items had to hang to dry in a sunny space. Sun and fresh air and some heaters that didn't smell. If dust got into the heaters, they smelled like burnt dust and might impart that smell to the drying clothes. So we used air compressors to clean out the heaters of any dust. Then let them run for a while to make sure they didn't smell. Man if his clothes didn't smell super fresh and clean, I don't know what did. And with the vibes of a bunch of dancing teenagers that made the whole thing into a party imparted to those clothes... it had to be a spiritual experience for LRH to get his laundry done like this! What human being alive exists today who can even AFFORD to have a team of people stay up for 48 hours to hand wash and dry their personal laundry? In Specially filtered water and specially ordered soaps? And if such a human being did exist who could AFFORD this, would they actually have it done? Maybe someone in the oil business?

Now, as part of my cleaner hat, I had to study * advices about how perfumes that used coal tar as a base, such as synthetic ROSE perfume, were invented by evil psychiatrists on the whole track to confuse the senses and confuse people. That's why we had to use the special soaps and really rinse well. Those darn psychiatrists were trying to distract LRH with perfumed detergents!

I got my first failed mission somewhere in here, around late 1984. I had been fired on a Mission as the second down to PAC to sort out PURL. It was Ron's Purchasing and Logistics Unit. There were about 5 people there. A couple of them were not doing their jobs at all. Some of them were. There was one guy who regularly purchased items for the Film and Equipment Unit and there was little problem with him. There was another guy who, I don't even know what part of the Household Unit he helped do purchasing for. I think he was some kind of internal guy who bought stuff for the unit itself. He got offloaded because he did not do very much. Then there was this ex-army guy who, in the middle of a sec check with Gelda Mithoff, blew and stole some money and a car to make his get away. We were recalled after that. I was sent to do deck work again, but this time it was on a special project. I had to help JM on the * Container Project. LRH's personal belongings were being stored in a set of 7 containers. Large 10' by 30' containers, or wider in some cases. The book/library container had rows and rows of bookshelves filled with every book LRH ever owned. Many of these books were moldy. We had to salvage the ones that could be salvagable. We sprayed them with alcohol and put them out in the sun. When there was no sun out, we used UV lights. There were about four of us, daily for months, going through each container and cleaning and de-molding/mildewing the book or item and carefully inventorying the book or item, wrapping it up in approved smell free plastic, and then putting them into trunks. Special trunks that we had to Z-lac thoroughly the insides of so that there was no odors. Hundreds of trunks of junk. Gifts from people all over the world, photo frames, little paper weights, paintings, tiny statues, items that LRH had collected over the years in his travels. It had to be precisely described and wrapped up so that it could be found again. In case LRh said, "Hey, you remember that wooden fisherman statue from South Africa? Put that in my office in Johannesburg..." We'd be able to find and use it. Or... if an LRh space got renovated and new decorations were needed. Things that actually belonged to LRH were available to be used. He had an enormous amount of stuff! Ironically my twin sister is probably in charge of all this stuff now, because she still works out at the base taking care of the LRH spaces.

There was this other container that I found that was full of old files from the base. It looked like old, 70's, Pers and Ethics and some PC files. When Larry Wollersheim was suing the C of S around 1985, I was assigned to help go through all the files and find anything with Larry Wollersheim's name on it. I was told verbally by the person running the project that the files with his name on it were going to get burned and destroyed, but I actually did not see this happen. There was also a list with other people's names. Anyone who had been declared a Suppressive Person, such as Gerry Armstrong. I remember finding some of Mark Yaeger's and David Miscavige's old files. I turned them in like a good staff member, but I snuck a peak at them too! I saw that both DM and Mark had plenty of Comm Ev's and lower condition assignments. That DM had to do some "PTS" handlings too. It made me feel better to know that these two were human and got into trouble too when they were younger messengers. I looked forward to the day that I would be all growed up like them and no longer having to do PTS handlings and lower conditions so often...

Sometime mid 1984, I was transferred from the Messenger On Duty unit to the Cine Messenger Unit. I got my picture taken in a stupid checkered shirt, that looked like a race track flag, and a red cravat and had it sent up to LRH so he could see my mug, his new Cine Messenger. I was Cine Messenger MS. I still helped on laundry, but I had some new errands I had to do for LRH. I had this one project where I had to make copies of movies off of TV or make a copy of a rented video. Put them into a bankers box with photo copied summaries of each show on paper in the top of the box. I eventually turned this over to Tina Oaks, the MonD IC. It was more of a personal errand for LRH than the duty of a Cine Messenger. I was amazed at how many video tapes LRH could zip through in a week. He compiled a list of movies and shows that were authorized by him for the film crew to watch as part of their training. He authorized movies like Silent Running with Bruce Dern as a good movie to view to see how movies get made. He banned anyone from watching the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. He recommended the foreign movie DIVA and suggested the Gold crew watch in after reading his new advice called CINE IS PIX. Oddly enough, in my History of film class, I found a newspaper article written BEFORE LRH had written his CINE IS PIX advice that almost said most of the same thing. I wrote down the name of the article. One of these days, I'm going to get my own copy of this article and send it to the L. Ron Hubbard Library and ask why LRh didn't acknowledge or write a footnote about the author he'd copied from.

I had to learn how to observe the Cine film crew, while wearing my stiff and uncomfortable and scratchy race track flag shirt, and take copious written notes about their behavior. I had to note specifically anyone treating me or the other Messengers rudely or trying to brush us off. I had to note anyone complaining or nattering. I had to note anyone not doing their jobs well, note anyone who were doing their jobs well. I had to note all kinds of things. I hand wrote my notes on yellow lined paper, then at night, I had to type up a summary and "proposed handlings" of any problems I'd noted. I could not just say " The Cine Film crew got nothing done today". I had to propose a HANDLING for it. There was never any evidence to me that LRH even read my "proposed handlings". I am pretty sure he just read the notes. One note I and some of the other Messengers had made was that the film crew were up at 3AM having a meeting one night. LRH sent down a five page advice about what the Cine film crew's schedule should be. It was entitled "Department Head Conferences" and it revolved around what conferences needed to happen and when, and when shooting was done, when preps were done and when study was done. This one issue I actually found to lessen confusion and increase production incredibly. Unfortunately, it left out that it clashed with the other advices LRh had written about study times and renovations day for the base as a whole and this clash would last an infinite amount of time and be the subject of local issues and changes for years to come. If only LRH could have remembered his weekend renovations day advice and included some kind of reference to that, such as, the film crew are not included in renovations day OR, there will be renovations day only every OTHER weekend or SOMETHING. I got pretty good at staying up late and still being able to type! But, after the adventure of it all kind of wore off, I actually really hated doing this. I did not want to be a Cine Messenger anymore. I hardly slept at all and I wasn't doing much of anything in my opinion. I wanted to learn how to make films and help get them made, not be some kind of spy note taker. I couldn't tell anyone that I was not enjoying being a Cine Messenger because the only way OUT of the Cine Messenger Unit was through the RPF. It was strict because this unit was considered such an important unit. LRH's "Assistant Directors" to get the vital Tech and public films produced. The problem is that we spent so much time taking notes and sending them to him, and running programs from RTC's LRH Personal Battle Plan Programs Ops, and the Programs Chief CMO INT that we hardly had any time to actually study and learn about film making so we could be more useful. At least I didn't anyway. I can't vouch for all the Cine Messengers. There were five of us. I think one, Sharder, got all his study checksheets done, but he was mostly involved in Program running and management stuff because he had more training in and experience with this than any of the other Cine Messengers.

OK, I think I've made it up to 1985, the year of my first Purification Rundown, the year I finally hit puberty --- kind of late at age 19 -- but hey, better late than never! I finally stopped being flat chested! And some other things, had to start using tampons and stuff Let's see, 1985 was also the year of Portland! I was sent out to Portland to help with the Event set ups. I didn't do much besides hang out and watch and drive around sometimes trying to find things like mic stands, extra paint, a tape recorder for the musicians. Things like that. It was amazing how busy I was at walking around doing not much. I later got involved with assemblying all the video footage for Ted Horner, who was editing the video footage of Portland. I spent many hours simply watching and logging video tapes. I had a nice hotel room and food. Most people in portland had to sleep in tents or the floor of the Portland Org, or out at Delphi. Not me, I had some decent places to sleep. My step-father came to visit me in Portland. His family was in Eugene and so he stopped by on a family trip to see me. I was really happy to see him. I gave him a big hug. He took me and my brother to a local national park, I think it was Multnomah falls. We both instantly fell asleep in the back of the car on the way there. We were exhausted. My little brother was a "Celebrity liaison" and he was constantly running back and forth and relaying messages to some of the celebritys and/or their assistants about what was going on and where they were needed and when. I think he even had a beeper, made him feel important. It was happy to see my brother again. He'd grown taller since I'd left him in Clearwater and his voice was deeper. I wished I could have brought him back with me to Gold. I'd missed him.

Well, I hope I am not boring anyone with too many details. I'd hoped to get farther than 1985, but the memories kind of just flooded into my head. Tomorrow I should have to some time, for real to make another chapter. Thanks for reading. Sorry for the typos. My editor is on vacation somewhere...

[Zinjifar]

Well, I hope I am not boring anyone with too many details. I'd hoped to get farther than 1985, but the memories kind of just flooded into my head. Tomorrow I should have to some time, for real to make another chapter. Thanks for reading. Sorry for the typos. My editor is on vacation somewhere...

Certainly not boring

Keep it coming.

Zinj

[Free to shine]

I am your fan forever.
It helps explain so much!

[johnAnchovie]

Thanks Twin A, brings back so many memories, so many people I knew, and your descriptive is wonderfully clear.

If you can remember what some of those Hubbard owned books were it could be most insightful, I know he had an extensive library on hypnotism at Saint Hill, I remember looking at the spines on a bookshelf in the Manor, a member of a multifaith delegation noticed them as well, and they rapidly disapeared, to be replace by copies of Hubbard's 'own' writings.

Any recollection of what Miscavaich was comm eved for? Contents of any Krs? All grist for the mill if you know what I mean...

J.

[Bea Kiddo]

Wow Twin A. Thank you for sharing and posting. It brings back many memories. I know most of the names you mention. I was never uplines, but some of those names are very familiar.

In mid 80's Mandy Oaks was trying to get me into CMO Gold too. I never found out why I did not qual. I was only 14/15 at the time.

Did you/do you know April Hall? What happened to her and her little dog?

[Twin A]

Part Nine was kind of a big year, meeting the Int base crew and all, so I've expanded more on it here.

First to answer some questions: When I did the * containers project, the overwhelming stench of dusty moldy pages comes mostly to mind. I've tried to wrack my brain for WHAT books were in there and the only one I remember as a TITLE was a book of illustrated Shakespear stories. The rest kind of just are "large", "small", "fiction", "non-fiction", "blue", "brown", etc. Another memory about some of the books was that they were OLD. Oh, there was another book that I recalled -- an Aleistaire Crowley book. The cover kind of faded and it had a publishing date around 1909. I did a quick search recently on the internet to try to find out which book this was. The only one that seems close is the book called Magick, book 4 and it has the same design on the front that I recall, kind of a triangular pattern with some yin/yang symbols mixed in. But the publishing date doesn't match up. I remember that I'd mistaken this design pattern as for those on the backs of decks of cards. I thought it was a book about cards and card tricks. Plus I was not that much of a book reader until after I got out of the SO! I'd heard about "suppressive books" from an * advice. He blamed suppressive books on confusing his audio crew (why didn't he just say they were hard to read? Why create this whole new category of suppression?) So I was glad that LRH had read so much before me and saved me from "suppressive book" reading. What could I have done without him? Ended up like a poor wog of course! Another memory of this time period, was that also during * container project, I was allowed to wear a tank top and shorts, so --- when I got to sit outside the containers to do anything, I got a great tan. It was beautiful in the summer this particular year. Not too hot, just right. I also remember getting two breakfasts in the morning Tony the cook guy would set out granola and milk and eggs for the early morning breakfast sitting and then around 9:30 AM the second sitting would eat and he'd make PANCAKES for them. Excellent pancakes. I'd smother then in syrup and butter and they were YUM. So, because I was on MEST WORK, I could eat breakfast twice because my project IC showed up later in the day. I stayed up late too, but it was worth it to wake up early in the mornings to get two breakfasts. I had muscles to feed.

The other question: I met April when I first arrived. She was in charge of Int Data Files, well more than that, but that's what I saw her about. I had to see her because one of my MonD checksheets included being star rate checked out on EVERY copy machine on the property, included her monstrous copy machine. So she had to give me a starrate and let me use her copy machine once in a while if an Int person asked me to copy something. We never talked much, I didn't get to really be friends or know her at all.

I do know that she is not in the SO anymore. I don't know if she blew or routed out. We have the same Osteopath in Escondido, Dr. F. Dr. F. told me on my 2002 visit that she'd seen April. She mentioned that April seemed happy, she had a partner (girlfriend) and she had a good job --- I think it was as some kind of indepedant contractor job but I don't recall. I didn't ask too many questions. I was very happy that April was living her life the way she needed to and I assumed she was doing well financially, otherwise she could not have afforded to visit Dr. F! I hope she kept her dog, but I really don't know.

I met so many people in '83 and ''84 when I arrived at the Int base and they all were pretty much friendly or at least tolerated me. I'll list out some of the names I can remember off the top of my head: Lynnea Baker, Greg and Julie Johnston, Jeff Baker, Frank Fehn, Sharder Starkey, Monika R., Simon W., Debbie Koval (followed shortly after me from CW along with Camilla, Amy, another Amy and Stephen L. came to Int through the GCT from CW, Lisa M., Cheryl D., Janet Light -- who became head of CMO S in 1984, brought up from CW. Sheri L., Sharon H. came out, Peach came out and went to RTC) Michelle Yaeger, Janis & Paul, Bill and Holley Fennel, Todd Alexander, Carl Lewis (archives project), Sue Koon, Gary Weise, Andre T., Cassavius T., Only it wasn't called Gold that much yet. It was Golden Era Studios on the outside, but S on * advices, CO S was the CO GOLD. Around 1985, it got turned into Golden Era Productions. It was a PR move to create kind of clean slate and leave behind the bad ju ju from all the "overt products" and mistakes of the Golden Era Studios name. Golden Era Productions also encompassed new duties. According to a * advice, it was meant to also become the central HCO and Qual & Domestic Services for the entire base. The courserooms and Qual staff had to service all the other INt base orgs. The Ethics Officers and Security staff likewise had to also service all the Int Orgs. Gold never got ALL the ethics functions and not ALL the cramming functions from CMO and RTC but they did round up many of them. RTC also maintained it's own courseroom. I never saw DM step foot into a Gold courseroom, but all of his other RTC staff pretty much did at some point in time get supervised or crammed by a Gold Staff Member. As part of the new Golden Era Productions, some RTC and CMOI and Exec Strata staff did get transferred to the Gold Qual Division. Likewise, there was a * advice about the HU, that it would have some external duties as well, looking after LRH offices, their cleanliness and upkeep, making sure that photographs were cared for and used properly. F&E were to get more involved with quality control of filming and photography in Gold. Things like this.

At one point, there were 12 auditors in Qual --- a number that will never be exceeded nor matched in all the ensuing years to come. Some of them I recall: The Dof P Ron Pratt -- (he got demoted down to Flag but came back again later) Carolyn Buri, Sheila A., Marg H., Willie Carter (who I heard passed away from cancer in 2001 while Toni Prybilski was trying to audit him at AOLA), Colwell Garth, Eric Irgens for some Sec Checking, Carl Von Pheil -- mostly was in PAC doing Clearance Checks ( had done mine) later got removed and put into the Galley because he was a trained five star chef. I remember how CVP had instructed me that I didn't need to answer the Sec check questions unless he'd gotten a read on them and I'd thought that that also meant that I didn't have to pay attention to the questions either! That's a logical conclusion isn't it? If I don't have to ANSWER them, then why listen to them???? I thought he was asking the emeter, and not me. If the emeter was listening, then that's was what counted! So he really got no reads, I was kind of just watching a fly buzz around the room.

I got my first sec check in the middle of a mission from Colwell. I was on a personelle mission into HCO Gold to man it up. There was one women who was ravingly not qualified for HCO. I mean her Dad was threatening to come and get her and stuff and I was told to post her as the Cope Officer. I complained to my Mission IC that this would not work and we needed some extra time to find a better Cope Off. My Mission IC, Janet Light, got angry and she ordered me for a sec check because I was being "critical". How dare I question her about posting completely unqualified people into HCO GOLD to establish it! Colwell did the honors. He repeatadly asked me for witholds and missed witholds. Somehow it kind of stirred up that I was feeling embarassed about my body and things I was feeling through puberty. I had to discuss the subject of masterbation with Colwell. That was an incredibly difficult thing for me to do. Colwell was an African American man much older than I was and I didn't feel safe talking to him about girl things. I didn't really think it was even appropriate. He reminded me of the black man living upstairs from my Mom's apartment who would come down and order me to kiss him when I was a little girl. It was a type of sexual abuse in my opinion. Colwell told me to talk about it and asked me all kinds of details and asked if I had masterbated and had an orgasm. And I said, "what is an orgasm?" I honestly had never heard that word!!! Anyway, we spent an hour of me not wanting to talk and he was pulling info out of me. Somehow, this was supposed to be WHY I was critical of Janet's decision to post an unqualified Cope Officer? Because I was unwilling to talk to a strange black guy about my vagina Well, I do know that I was so shocked and upset about this experience that I decided that I would no longer criticize Janet's decisions and I would just post whoever the F___ she wanted and I didn't care if HCO Gold blew up later on. Why should I care anyway? So we "completed" the misson and the Cope officer promptly blew and went back to Alaska with her Dad. I did not say "I told you so..." I didn't want to get another sec check!!! The stats didn't crash right away, so I actually got a Normal Mission assignment. If the determination had been on a 4 week trend, I would have been Comm Eved. HCO Gold truly fell apart and the whole project had to get redone by someone else. What a disaster.

Oh, I almost forgot to answer the Question someone asked about what I saw in DMs old ethics file! Well, all I remember is that he got in trouble for breaking some of the video equipment. I guess he wasn't very great with equipment at first. I didn't really read the Comm Ev. I didn't have time, I didn't want to get caught reading the damn thing.



The film crew! Can't forget them. Joe Caneen (who had blown earlier and returned shortly after I got there), Tom P. Dan K. Linda McGinley, Maks, Wilson, Olga, Gabe, Kevin, Gary H., Tom L., Dan Swanson, Josh H., Jessie M., Mike Lemeron, Andy Y. Many more later.

I almost forgot to write about my sister arriving! She finished High School in the summer of 1984 and shortly thereafter went to PAC and did her SO EPF. She told me that many people recognized her and were happy to see her. She was amazed and impressed with how many new friends I'd made that were now her friends. It is intoxicating to be in a large group of people and have many of them call you by name (well my name anyway) and smile and be helpful towards you. My sister didn't have to spend a year "getting a production record" she was promoted straight to CMO INT based on my merits. Unfortunately, since she didn't get a little runway on lesser tasks, she had to fumble through getting used to intense CMO EPF duties on the senior CMO execs --- she broke something in Norman Starkey's room, she spilled some food on DMs lap in the CMO dining area, she made some other mistakes. All pretty much overlooked beyond Danger Handlings. Upon completion of her CMO EPF, she went to become Michelle Yaeger's assistant. Michelle was Ron's Traffic Liaison, RTL for short. She coordinated all * traffic to and from LRH to the base staff, and also the few non base staff that still got telexes/comm from * or BigP(Pat B.) or Annie, such as Irene in the UK. I remember this one time when there was a communication to Irene in the UK asking for her to send him some "rubbers" and I thought that meant... you know what... and I felt kind of embarassed for LRH that he couldn't just go to a drug store and get his own. I also wondered what the heck it was for! Was he active? OK... well... "rubbers" was something Irene understood and she sent him covering for his fingers made of rubber that help in thumbing through papers! It's an office supply. Good thing he'd made that request of Irene and not me, my MU would have really gotten me into trouble!

There was a stop before Michelle for the van from *'s ranch. It was the * files area. Ted Karbo and Holly Finnel. I THINK they made copies of the despatches for the files and then made copies for each person listed in the info copies list and then sent them out. Holly got into trouble somewhere around early 1986 because she was acting "drunk" while on post and having health problems. She confessed to having kept a bottle of the Everclear in the back of one of the filing cabinets and she would take a nip once in a while. Man.. I thought she had to have burned off her taste buds and destroyed her entire digestive tract to be able to sip that shit straight. I just heard she was "offloaded", I hope that she got a chance to recover/detox. Michelle logged all the despatches that * sent and made sure that anyone requested to do anything or report anything did so. She'd review what they were sending back to LRH, make sure it was prepared properly in clean new file folders with proper labels, placed into boxes and labelled properly. Had to all be done right since LRH had limited time and he went through his in basket and traffic daily at lightning speed. So it was all organized like a well oil machine.
There were so many * advices that Michelle needed my sister to help her with it all. My sister loved the job and she loved being back together with me.


Meanwhile, back in the Gold studio, Gary Conley from RTC, the IG's MAA came down and physically escorted Linda McGinley to the RPF. I was shocked when he came through the Costumes area, because she was one of the few staff that had seemed to have learned her job and was improving and doing well. So I wrote in my notes to * that day about this occurance. Of course * read my note that night and the next morning, there was a despatch to VA the investigate this matter. * wanted to know why Linda, a producing staff member in Cine, had been removed from post.

This was a learning experience for me. You see, up to this time, I had the idea that "upstats" meant everything. Well folks, it DOES NOT and it never did! Upstats are important, but what is MORE important is that one must NEVER criticize L. Ron Hubbard, DM or other powerful Int exec in a session, cram or otherwise. It does not matter if it's "I'm not auditing you" or not. NOTHING is confidential. If you confide in your auditor, "I sometimes think LRH is bonkers", it MUST BE REPORTED ALL THE WAY UP TO RTC. And it does get reported FAST.

This is what happened to Linda. And I'm not sure why she said that. I can tell you that I felt guilty because I'd made a mistake just before that. I'd written a cram on her for a new * advice for Cine and implied to her that * wanted her to be crammed on it. This MAY have confused her because why the heck would you CRAM someone on something that you'd just written?? I'd think someone was crazy who'd done that. Of course, not ever getting a chance to ask Linda what happened, I don't know. She may have actually felt that way over the OT Levels for all I know. Carolyn Buri was her auditor. I can say in my opinion that Carolyn could have been kind of trigger happy. But I don't know. She's not in the SO anymore, but still in Scn so I can't ask her. VA of course reported this information to * and he replied by sending her the new "Truth Rundown" Pilot. And Linda, while on the GCT, became the first victim and the first major failure of that rundown. Linda got out of the RPF and promptly blew and eventually hooked back up with her husband, John, who had blown from the FBO Gold post before that. I'm getting ahead of myself here, these blows weren't until about 1987. Let's see, also the FPRD pilots came out around this time period and * ordered that the RPF Program get changed from Expanded Dianetics to FPRD instead. I saw the advice. So RTRC, Ron's Research and Technical Compilation department re-did all the RPF Series Flag Orders and sent them to LRH for approval. He approved them with a VWD. I had to study the new issues and advices because I got assigned to a project to get some of the Gold execs through some of the FPRD Rundowns later on.

OK, my cat Pineapple finally showed up in a cat carrier! My Mom had put her on a plane with my address and she'd ended up being sent to me in the van from PAC to the base. Everyone on the run van made a point to tell me that MY cat had arrived. 12 people stuck in a van with a screaming, pooping, barfing cat for an hour and a half. When I went to External comm to get her, she'd been cleaned up a bit I think by one of the External comm staff (thank you whoever that was) and she smelled me and instantly jumped into my arms out of the cat carrier and put her paws around me, dug her claws in and wouldn't let go. My kitty Pineapple! I couldn't have felt happier and more at home. I had my twin sista and my kitty and HOPEs that my bro would soon follow me. Pineapple eventually loosened her grip and I set her down to get her a bowl of milk and some food. She got scared and ran under one of the buildings. It took weeks to get her out. I'd have to leave her food near a small opening to the crawl space. Eventually, though, she got brave and she started hanging out outside my room 89. She'd greet me in the mornings for breakfasts just like she used to since I was 7, like nothing had changed. She even clawed her way up my window screne to make noise to wake me up at 6:30 AM. Of course, she wouldn't just wake me up, she would wake up the whole dorm. I had to train her not to do that! Eventually Pineapple learned that she could just meow to any of the other 200 people milling around for breakfast time for food and get plenty! And she stopped trying to wake up my whole dorm when she got hungry.

Someone pulled me aside, Carol Huffum, who was an Ex Veterinarian. She informed me that there was a * advice about not feeding cats more than milk. Man... there was a * advice about EVERYTHING. Only it wasn't really ADVICE, it was an order if * wrote it. Carol said the reason one could only feed the cat milk was because cats were expected to be "productive" and catch rodents for food. I was afraid my kitty Pineapple wouldn't be able to hunt very well out here, but since * ordered it, I had to make it happen... I began feeding her only milk. Well, my diet plan didn't really work because Pineapple had befriended so many others, that if I didn't give her some eggs or scraps, someone else would. C'est la vie. If they didn't know the * advice, I didn't need to tell them!

Sue Koon was the CO S/Gold around this time period and she got herself into trouble for leaving around a Confidential * advice entitled Scientology Dissemination. This advice was probably one of the most paranoid despatches I'd read from * In it, he basically blamed the lack of film making progress on the fact that SPs gravitate towards Scientology Dissemination lines and that the highest percent of SPs on staff will be found in the film & audio areas! So BEWARE, all those CINE crew could be really be SUPPRESSIVES if you weren't careful. He likened the Cine crew to a ship full of criminals. He said that criminals could be trained up and given a new chance and they would turn around, but CINE was WORSE!!! "They" refused to get trained, refused to get going no matter what actions were taken. I was perplexed after I read this! With all that was done on clearance lines and all that, how could there be any SP up at INT? How could they be undiscovered after so many years in the area? Wow. I knew a little about the staff in Gold and from what I knew, none of them posted Themselves! What did LRH mean by "gravitating" towards Dissemination lines? -- Smiling and saying, "Hi, what do you want me to do?" and then when the executive says "work in Cine" and they say "OK" because, as an SO Member they are not allowed to refuse any job assigned to them whether they are trained for it or not... is that "gravitating?" Or did SPs somehow have some kind of super powerful spiritual pull on HCO staff? They could somehow mind meld with them and get themselves assigned to the film crew? They even had powerz over LRH himself?, because many of the film crew had been picked by * in the 70's. He picked DM too. Could DM potentially be an SP also? My mind did some flip flops when I read that advice. I could understand why Sue might have gotten distracted and left it lying around. It was a mind bender. Sue and some others had to apply Treason on up for leaving it lying around where anyone could read it. I was asked to turn my copy back in so it could be shredded. I actually made a copy of it and filed it. I wonder if anyone discovered it in my files upon taking over my post in 1996?

In 1985, besides the Portland Crusade activities, which I've kind of skimped on. I was so clueless as to what that was about. I know way more about it now than I did then. I was just kind of going with the flow and not asking questions. I remember when our charter bus was driving the GCT and Gold staff out to Portland and we started the "Crusade Org". I was kind of just basically an expeditor. The older more experienced SO Members got the more important jobs. Leslie Epstien got the job of organizing the food lines for all the protesters. She had to find cheap food and dish it out to everyone. She did a pretty good job. I remember liking the potato salads at lunch. Even the baked beans were pretty good. Then there was the call in unit. They had to call and reg for donations to save Scientology from the SPs. Had to get money to feed our crusaders and set up our event stages in the parks to rally everyone from. Also needed people to show up and march, the more people the better. I had some thoughts I kept to myself. For example, someone had worked out the term "Crusade" and even old time Crusader symbols were used on the signs the marchers used and on the event stage sets. Didn't the Crusaders slaughter people? I had read that the Crusaders were brutal and slaughtered anyone who didn't accept Christ. What the heck, why were we associating ourself with Crusaders? But I wasn't the Marketing/PR Person in charge. I have no idea who was. Was it Ken Hoden who made this shit up? I felt embarassed whenever I saw someone carrying the symbol of a cross on one of the protest signs, the Crusaders cross. It didn't feel right to me.

In order for me and other CMO Gold staff to get back to the base, we had to donate blood at the local blood donation place. We got 10 dollars for it. Then, if we came back later and brought friends, we would get another 10 dollars and 10 dollars for each friend. Plus they would get ten dollars too. So between about five of us, we got enough money for gas and a jar of peanut butter and bread to get back home. I found out I was anemic when I donated blood because I passed out after a certain amount was taken. My red blood cell count was too low. The nurse at the blood place told me that I should not donate blood anymore. I found a "drive away" rental car. It was a car someone had rented in LA that needed to get back to LA, so the rental company didn't charge us for the rent. We just drove it back and that made them happy. I drove up until about 2 AM and then I got tired. Sharder took over, he got lost for about 30 minutes and we had to back track. He drove until 9AM or so, then Mike Bottomly took over and he drove the rest of the way. We drove into a McDonalds at sunset and we were starving. We all got out of the car and then Mike realized that he'd left the keys locked in the car! Our McDonalds money was in jeapardy if we had to call a locksmith to get the car opened! Everyone was starting to panick and get angry. There was a women parked next to us that said, "Oh, this station wagon is one of the newer models, you can't jimmy open the door the way you can on the old wagons..." Just what we did not want to hear. Then I noticed that the back window of the wagon was opened just a crack. I said --- heck, we can get the keys by putting something through the back window and hooking it onto the keys up front and dragging them out. Another bystander said, "I've got some coat hangers". Soon we had a small crowd of people cheering us on. We put a couple of coat hangers together and carefully put it through the back of the station wagons' back window and hooked it into the keys up front and then carefully pulled the keys out the back window without dropping them!!! Everyone cheered and we went into McDonalds and had some burgers with the little bit of cash we had left. Then we drove til about 9 or 10 PM and Mike dropped us off at the base and then took the car the rest of the way to LA since he was staff based in PAC. I didn't know Mike was "Int cleared" but I didn't say anything. I was going to claim having "fallen asleep" in the car and having nothing to do with it, because I didn't want to have to drive all the way to LA, stay overnight in PAC on some bare mattress somewhere at the Complex and then come up at night on the first run van. Luckily Mike was "cleared" for INT, but he had not made it there for posting yet because his replacement was pending, or something complicated like that.

I had a crush on this guy in his late 20's named Jeff Mullins. He and I were kind of "dating" if you can call it that in the SO. I kissed him a few times and he was a very good kisser. He'd been married before and told me that he didn't want to just keep kissing since it made him want to go further. I took it as a compliment. But he didn't want to get married, so we just broke up. It didn't bother me that much. I did however, take secret pleasure in the fact that years and years later, my sister told him that she didn't want to marry him when he did want to marry her. Touche. Am I bad or what?

After the Portland Crusade, the LA Crusade started up. I was just back in CMO GOLD for a short time and I was told that I had to replace my own twin sister on the LA Crusade. Larry Wollersheim was apparetly suing for something and we had to crusade against this because it would make it look like anybody could sue us and threaten the very financial future of Scientology orgs all over the world! Yikes. I got on the run and shot down to LA. I got a cool T-Shirt that said LA Crusade on it. My sister was being Jeff Pomerantz's communicator. He was the Marching and Rallying Director so he needed his own personal assistants. My sister was the main one, John Ahern and Jeff Anderson, Sarah Castleberry were his other assistants. My sister handed over the walkie talkies and a notebook with phone numbers and addresses I would need to know. I got introduced to Sarah and Jeff and John. Jeff and John were mainly drivers. They were not SO, but public who had some time to donate to the cause. Jeff A. was an accountant and was helping Jeff with his accounting and also helping with his old dog. Jeff P. had this dog at his room in Celebrity Center that was really old. He'd had it for a very long time. Jeff A. as one of his LA crusade duties was that he had to squeeze the dog everday because it could not pee or poo on it's own anymore. Eventually Jeff Anderson convinced Jeff Pomerantz that the dog should probably be put to sleep. All it could do anymore on it's own was lie sprawled on the floor and wag it's tail when Jeff P. came home. Sarah apparently screwed something up at the very beginning and Pomerantz asked that she do something else on the Crusade. I think she'd left a bad phone message with one of Jeff's agents or something. I did not know. All I knew is that Jeff liked having my sister as an assistant and liked having me as one too. He called us his angels, as in Charlie's Angels. My radio ID was Charlie, which was short for one of Charlie's Angels. Doesn't make total sense, but that's what it was. I did different things for Jeff P. while he was marching around the LA Country Courthouse with a bullhorn in his hands. I had to check his phone messages and make damn sure he got any from any agents right away. I had to get Jeff or John to drive him to an audition if he got one. I went with him once when I had to drive him myself. He tried out for some TV show based on the movie Starman with Jeff Bridges. I met Lee Purcell there. She looked great. I remembered her from The Girl the Gold Watch and Everything. She actually still looked really young for her age. I just said Hi. We didn't chat. I didn't know how to chat with adults yet. Oh, I was an ADULT by this time, well, I still didn't know how to chat that well anyway.

Jeff Anderson seemed like a nice guy and he was very considerate towards me. He found out that I really liked Pineapple Coconut juice and he'd go over the the Celebrity food supplies and rip off some juice for me for lunches. My hero. There was one morning where he invited me for a ride on a motorcycle out to Griffith Park. We woke up at sunrise and he rode me on the back of a borrowed motorcycle up to a scenic spot at Griffith Park. It was really romantic. He took out a rose and put it on the table and we ate granola and drank champagne as the sun came up. I kissed him and he too was a good kisser. He wanted to marry me. I said he had to be in the Sea Organization. He tried to find some references based on some situations in PAC at the time where there were SO staff who were married to non-SO spouses. He could only find some examples but no real references to back it up. I told him that PAC SO crew and INT SO crew have different rules and he really had to be SO. So he joined the SO and he was going to go to GOLD but didn't qualify right away due to having worked for the GO when he was really young before he'd finished college, he'd worked with Herbie Parkhouse or something like that. So, while his petition was on the lines, he worked in the Gold Recruit Office. Then, somehow he managed to get involved with working for the Executive Strata which had a half of a floor at the complex building. He did reception and expediting. I went on an outing on a chance libs day out to Catalina with him. It was fun, but I had to tell him that I didn't want to marry him anymore because I didn't think it would work having him posted in Los Angeles. He was very upset but we tried to stay friends. He routed back out of the SO and got married much later on to a really nice lady and they had kids. Last I heard he was living out near Auburn running a plumbing company.

Jeff P. kept sending me on this one strange assignment where I had to check on the renovations of the top floor of Celebrity Center. He was concerned about the decor, the tiles and such. I tried to talk to Sarah B. about this since she seemed to be running the renovations and I found out that Jeff P. was delusory! He was not in charge of the renovations on the top of the Celebrity Center and she didn't need to hear about what he thought about the tiles. Hmmm. I had to ask her then, why the heck did he think he did have a say in the renos? Because he seemed to think he did. She said she did not know. So I had to "pull the string". I had to find out. I introduced myself to different people at Celebrity Center and in the Renovations organization there, I even spoke to Jeff's wife in ASI and I found out that he thought he had a say because apparently he'd been promised a large suite at the Celebrity Center once the renos were done and he wanted that suite to look "right". So... I went back to Jeff and I said, look, you can't order them to FIX the tiles, but because you have been promised the suite, you can TALK to the renos person about them. So a meeting was arranged and Jeff was able to say whatever really important thing he wanted to say about the tiles. Well, I guess what Jeff had to say did matter after all. he had a point. Something about the design being "french tiles" and the tiles that were installed were NOT that. OK, Jeff wasn't IN CHARGE and could not order anyone, but he could read a design! And he read it better I guess. So the tiles all had to be re-done. I had no idea what a French tile was, what a rustic south french tile was compared to a smoother paris french tile. Whatever the heck they were talking about, I did not have a clue. In fact, I could be recalling this all wrong for all I know. After the LA Crusade was over, I did not see much of Jeff except when he came out to do the voice of the Scn Event videos at Gold or other film projects. I think I'd visited him later and one of his kids had filled up the bathtub and was keeping turtles in it. I recall seeing his wife Nancy once or twice in 1994 while I was in Santa Clarita at a rented studio helping on the film Confessional TRs starring Katie Mitchell as the Angel. She'd stopped by I guess to visit. I was told not to talk to her because she "had left ASI" as if it was some kind of heinous scandalous thing. It was weird.

Upon my return to CMO GOLD after the LA Crusade, I got assigned to work part time with Ted Horner in F & E, for an apprenticeship as a photographer. I got to follow Ted to photograph the Writers of the Future Contest. I got to meet some famous authors there. I met and got the autograph of Frank Herbert. I was thrilled. I had read Dune and it was one of my favorite books. I was lucky that day to even see Frank, he did not stay for the party and he died shortly afterwards. I also got some other cool autographs from some famous Sci Fi writers. Most of the time I was just carrying heavy bags of equipment and lenses and handing Ted a different camera or lense if he needed it. I also learned how to load the film into the cameras and clean the lenses as needed. At the end of the party/event, the ASI staff and Ted and I went to this fancy restaurant that was revolving and we ate dinner. There was a band in the center of the revolving restaurant that was not revolving and then the LA City skyline was out the window of the revolving restaurant. I found it really fun. Dave Bloomberg was in ASI. I had remembered him from Flag, where he was the PES. I guess I would not be ordering him around anymore. ASI was above me status wise. Dave was funny. When we went to the staff only party after the restaurant which was being held in a couple of adjacent hotel rooms, he flopped down on the bed and screamed out, "Oh Fuck Me!" and started gyrating around on the bed. Then he said, "Hey we did it, it was a success and now it's over" I figured that since he suddenly became so informal in behavior that he probably was in charge of the whole thing. Cool. I didn't stick around much longer, Ted and I had to get back to the base. A one and a half hour drive.

There was some disagreement about my working with Ted and in the darkroom at F & E. Janadaire (her post was D/Snr Msngr for HU) had assigned me to this task, but it was clashing with my Cine Messenger job and the Cine Messengers wanted me back. I did not want to go back to taking notes and running programs.Bla. I was having more fun actually learning really usefull skills, like photography, exposure and development and all that. But I had to go back. So, no sooner was I back and I was Comm Evd! Programs weren't getting done in the Cine Messenger Unit and the film crew wasn't miraculously now knowing how to make films due to my mere presence, so I was comm eved for not doing my job and "cutting across Scientology Dissemination". I just spent a day on the RPF and then I was recalled for a less steep ethics gradient by RTL. I was put on the CMO EPF. I got to clean rooms for all the Int Execs and take care of Pat and Annie's Orchids and Bonsai Trees. There were thousands of dollars worth of exotic orchid plants up by the Villas that I saved from getting thrown out. Some of them, per the books I read were worth over 500 dollers per plant! No one knew how to take care of them, so I found some books in their room and I studied them and saved the poor things. I felt good about that.

Somewhere in here, LRH actually kicked the bucket! What the heck! How many nights of sleep had I lost because it was a big EMERGENCY to make the base ready for him to show up and take everything back over, and he suddenly changed his mind and "dropped his body". Well, I guess LRH could change his plans, if it really was indeed all "planned" like we got briefed at the funeral event. I got put onto a project called the "ARC break Project" and I had to take surveys done of all the base staff and reports etc. and make a list of people who were "ARC BROKEN" about LRH's death, then arrange for them to get "a session" or two to resolve the matter. I learned the hard way what was involved with getting an auditor and a staff member together in the same room sessionable, with an up to date CS. I found it very challenging, but I got my project done. There was one point where the CS had asked for some back folders and no one was around the get the. It seemed like one of the biggest barriers on my project "we can't find the folder, or we haven't found the folder yet" So I took initiative and I grabbed the key to the folder tank and went to get these folders. I ended up spending hours just neatening the place up just so I could walk around in it. Then, I found the folders I was looking for and a pile of OT folders toppled over on the floor! Yikes. I tidied up most all of it and then one of the Qual Staff walked in and was kind of freaked out. How had I gotten in there? What was I doing handling OT folders? She was MAD I said, well I got the key off of the hook... and what was the big deal? it wasn't like there was any "OT DATA" readable on any of this stuff. It looked like I was in deep shit. Then... another more senior Qual executive walked into the folder room and her jaw dropped. She said, My god! You neatened this place up. Wow! Holy Christ, I can walk around in here! I am going to commend you. Hallelujah! This is amazing! Look -- all the folders I was looking for are right here in this pile and they are all in order. A miracle. You have made my F___ing day! So the person all mad at me wasn't mad at me anymore. She dropped to her knees and helped me pick up the last of the spilled folder and put it where it was supposed to go. Several other Qual staff came over to stare into their newly organized folder tank, like they hadn't seen it like that in a millenia. I imagine that it actually did not stay that way long!

Well, after my projects, I was meant to go back to the Cine Messenger Unit. I was kind of looking forward to it. I'd learned some things about being more persistent and debugging things so I figured maybe I could handle it. I was more confident. Right about then, DM ordered that the Cine Messenger Unit all get transferred into the Gold film crew. Now, I had been taught that Gold crew were like second rate citizens and I was more superior to them as a messenger, so going to a post in Gold was a demotion. I was kind of upset. There was a new WDC Gold, it was Clark Morton, who had been the FBO Flag Crew. He hadn't been qualled for CMO CW, but I guess he was qualled for WDC Gold, who would have known! OK, well, he assigned me to the Video In Charge position. Which was the title for the Video Playback Engineer before film company's actually had video playback engineers on their crew. LRH was innovative with that. I will admit that. LRH had video recording as part of his film crew as earlier as 1978 when the video cameras were huge and unweildy and ugly looking in quality. Ted Horner and Sharder had done a great deal of work setting up the video playback equipment with newer better gear around 1986 and so I had some good Panasonic VHS equipment and some monitors to use. There was also a black and white video tap that was engineered to fit onto the Arri 16 SR II cameras. There was a diopter inside that would split the image from the viewfinder and send it also to a video camera. It was not solid state, it was a tube camera, which was a drag because I had to shut it off whenever any bright lights got shined into it, otherwise the tube would burn a hole into it's surface and I would have to get a new tube. Despite being black and white and getting kind of fuzzy when the camera shutter was running, this video tap turned out to be very useful. It was my new job to record images from it and play it back for the Director and crew for Quality control. I also had some say in the Quality as well. I was supposed to "speak up" if I didn't like something. It would have been nice if I was getting paid for it!

Andy Yarrow was the Camera Equipment Technician and he sat me down to have a chat. He said that I should come to musters so that Joe, the Chf Cameraman would not get into trouble. He knew I was upset about being demoted from the CMO, but it didn't mean that I wasn't a "Messenger" anymore. Andy said, Hey --- you get what you wanted, you are going to learn how to make films. What better position than the Video In Charge to learn about all the departments of film making? So I cheered up and I started going to musters. Andy got me to see that it wasn't so bad after all.

The first film we worked on together was a 15 minute 16mm film about a guy who had a football accident. In the script he was paralyzed. He read Dianetics, cured himself in the hospital and avoided brain surgery. It was apparently "based on a true story" It had football players, a cute girlfriend, an evil psychiatrist, an incompetent doctor. All kinds of fun characters.
Gary Emhoff played the main guy. Gary broke his leg during the football stunt and we had to delay shooting of some scenes until he healed. I think they found a stunt coordinator for stunts after that.

Learning my new job and learning all the new equipment kept me very much occupied, I had little time to think or do anything else for months.

A couple of times during these couple of years, I had requested to visit my mother and I was denied because I was "PTS" and I never seemed to be able to shirk that label. A couple of times I would be in the middle of a locational for some drill or a Confusion formula or something and I'd find myself bursting into tears and crying "I Miss my MOM" and I'd cry and eventually get over it and feel better. I guess I was learning to distance myself from my own personal feelings. Now, because NO ONE PTS could be put in charge of the video equipment, I finally got that label removed, otherwise Clark would not have been able to make me the Video IC. So, I did a good job as the Video IC and I was able to finally get a CSW approved to visit my Mom for a few days. I zipped out to see her on a plane. My brother was also there. Only he had not gotten approval apparently! Whooops. I had to call in and ask what to do. I wanted my brother to not get in trouble. I was dissappointed because a "blow history" would mean that he wouldn't be coming to INt anytime soon to join me. Darn.

OK, Chapter Nine is officially expanded. Stay tuned, keep checking back for Chapter 10.

[Div6]

Wow. Just wow.

There was LRH policy that stated that SP's cut dissem lines....but I would have enjoyed reading his advice you mentioned. Were the always black ink on white paper?