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Thread: Cannot reach escape velocity

  1. #31
    Crusader La La Lou Lou's Avatar
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    Default Re: Cannot reach escape velocity

    Smartone, it's a quaint London Expression.
    Everywhere in the modern world there is neglect, the need to be recognized, which is not satisfied. Art is a way of recognizing oneself, which is why it will always be modern. (Louise Bourgeois)

  2. #32
    Silver Meritorious Patron This is NOT OK !!!!'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Cannot reach escape velocity

    Glad you're here!

    I was contemplating getting a Harley about 10 years ago.

    Instead, I went to Flag to get back onto OT7 (again) and spent $140,000.00.

    That pretty much ended the Harley dream.

    See you around campus!
    Iím not saying that everyone who is in Scientology is stupid, but I will say that I was purposefully blind for a long time. Paul Haggis

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  4. #33
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    Default Re: Cannot reach escape velocity

    Quote Originally Posted by Stratospheric View Post
    Hello everyone here, whoever you are and for whatever reason you are here...

    I have just signed up...

    I was born into Scientology in 1964 and have lived and breathed it's philosophy all my life.

    I know that the technology that I have grown up with works, for me and for my wife and my children. I have seen it's benefits... I have no doubt that study tech works and will continue to use it so long as it does... Same with contact assists and touch assists.

    I have audited book 1 and reached the state of clear myself. I am happy with what I have done in that respect. I am much happier with the results that I have had on others as I seem to thrive on seeing others improve and do well... It is true, I love to help others.

    I have recently managed to look a little wider than I have been for most of my life, to sit back and take a look at things in my life as they are, not as I want them to be... It may be a mid-life crisis (Although I have not bought a Harley... Yet).

    So, here I am, doing something that I never thought I would... If you had asked me 6 months ago, I would have given you the rock solid and arrogant answers that have been instilled in me since the moment I managed to make my way into the world.

    But here I am on this forum, suddenly understanding what my "ex-Scientology" friends, acquaintances and colleagues are saying... Perhaps I am just a little slow...

    Not sure if anything specific happened really, just me pulling my own head out of the sand and having a look around me...

    I am overwhelmed.

    I have cried a lot... Pathetic as it may be, however, I cried for those things that I did not do because I had felt constrained by the bonds of my "agreements". False bonds as it now turns out.

    I have realised that the people who are dear to me, the people who are really good to me, the people who I really, really love... The people who I trust and care for, well...

    ...A bit of a revelation to me really... They are all either ex-Scientologists, Scientologists in bad standing, whether official or unofficial or have never been Scientologists!... It was something that I had refused to confront... And now I have.

    My stable datum kind of shattered now and I hang here, with the winds of space around me. Well vapourised would be more accurate.

    I am having great difficulty even writing this. This is not a phrase. I am really struggling.

    I am having great difficulty with this, full stop (or period if you are a septic).

    Yet these ex-Scientologists, Scientologists in bad standing and those who have never been Scientologists are my friends. They support me, help me and make me laugh! They are the people that I want to be with, who I really do love.

    Am I a traitor to my group? Am I ? or am I a free being who has reached a point in my own journey of existence where I have outgrown this subject in its current form...

    I do not hate the people who are in the Organisation - Far from it... They are mainly well-intentioned and very caring people - They really are. I have known them all my life, and I really do know this to be true. So I cannot turn on them or hurt them because it would be like turning on children. They are like children who seem to know nothing of real life, either past or present... I feel for them. They are not the enemy. I do not want to see them hurt in any way, believe me.

    I am re-reading and re-writing this as I go, I don't even know if this makes sense any more. Am I rambling of on one? Can anyone understand me?

    God. I was so certain, so very, very certain that this organisation was the answer and that they would uphold the true principles of the subject. I suppose I still am certain when it comes to the actual technology.

    But I am struggling, really struggling with what I am seeing with the Organisation, what I am finding out has happened to others who also grew up in Scientology, those others who were my friends, who I loved so very dearly and who I have been estranged from for decades...

    Who I have since discovered were hurt both psychologically as well as sexually and physically injured and abused... I have cried like a child, believe me, when this kind of thing is revealed, it hurts so deeply and on so many levels. Yet the pain that I feel is selfish, it is nothing compared to the pain my friends suffered.

    Why wasn't I subjected to the same ordeal? Why couldn't I have taken some of the pain for them? I am having difficulty with this, as I keep saying...

    As I have grown up, I have had my own things to deal with, but I wonder if I let my old friends down by being so naive, so blinkered and blinded. Did I see what was happening but ignore it as it "couldn't be happening". Or was I just lucky? I don't know any more... I just don't!

    My friends who lived at Stonelands, I loved them, thought we would never be apart... God... If I had known what they were enduring... If only I had known! I would have tried to do something to help. I am so sorry.

    I am not in a pit of despair, in fact I am Stratospheric about how I feel, about my own release and renewed feeling of freedom.

    But I cannot reach escape velocity yet. I cannot face telling anyone here who I am, I still fear retribution for certain people who I love and hold dear and who are still very much "in".

    I want to help my friends who are in and out, to ease their pain and make sure that they are recovering and are OK... But until then, all I can do is that, to repair as much as I can... To try and right any wrongs...

    I do not know if I will be accepted here. I have tried for 30 years to become accepted outside the Church, and although considered a little eccentric, believe that I have been... Sort of.

    One thing that I have learned, in my short and varied existence in this life, is that hurting others rarely helps. I have no animosity towards the people in the Organisation and management of the Church, other than those who appear to be changing it into a bog standard model of any past church, as has been seen throughout history...

    That is not what I bought into.

    So far as I am concerned, one drop of decency and love will calm an ocean of hatred... and so I advocate decency and love... Friendship and a helping hand... ex-communication, hatred and segregation is not the way forward.

    Not sure what else to say other than we are all part of a single entity, we are life!

    What each of us does affects everyone else to some degree, so try to do good things, rather than bad things... follow your own nose!

    I hope that I can help here, even if just a little...
    Hi Stratospheric, and welcome.

    Perhaps a link to this short essay will help: http://exscn.net/content/view/178/105.

    And your help is always appreciated.
    Visit the Ex Scientologist Message Board web site for selected content from ESMB and more: http://exscn.net/

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  6. #34
    Gold Meritorious Patron afaceinthecrowd's Avatar
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    Default Re: Cannot reach escape velocity

    Quote Originally Posted by This is NOT OK !!!! View Post
    Glad you're here!

    I was contemplating getting a Harley about 10 years ago.

    Instead, I went to Flag to get back onto OT7 (again) and spent $140,000.00.

    That pretty much ended the Harley dream.

    See you around campus!
    Holy Effin Ess, TIN OK! Man, I hear you!

    Shortly after the Nuptials the first Mrs. Face told me that either my vintage Royal Enfield Interceptor goes or she goes.

    I then proceeded to make one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

    Off and on over the years I have remembered her with fondness and affection and, in some ways, I'll always miss her.

    However, a women is a women. But, a Bike is a Ride. I still have dreams at night about that late Spring afternoon, riding on the hills by a lake, balls to the wall, stretched out over the tank with feet on the buddy pegs, leaned hard over feathering the throttle in a downhill, decreasing radius reverse camber turn.

    I'll leave it to Y'all to figure out the moral of this story.

    Face
    Last edited by afaceinthecrowd; 29th December 2011 at 01:18 AM.
    Living is a Metaphor of Life

  7. #35
    Patron with Honors
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    Default Re: Cannot reach escape velocity

    This is (without-doubt), the Single most Beautiful-Piece, of Opening-Communication, we have Ever-Heard, (or-read) in Our (entire-private-collective) History, (which covers an enormous amount of territory), in Time.

    We are Humbled. We are Touched. We are Moved. We are Joyed.

    Thank you, so much.

    (for being who you are.)

    Stratospheric
    .

    (Love rules)

    Apocalyptic

    (ps: you might want to watch-out for 'afaceinthecrowd', as we hear he is a verily-dangerous man).

    Quote Originally Posted by Stratospheric View Post
    Hello everyone here, whoever you are and for whatever reason you are here...

    I have just signed up...

    I was born into Scientology in 1964 and have lived and breathed it's philosophy all my life.

    I know that the technology that I have grown up with works, for me and for my wife and my children. I have seen it's benefits... I have no doubt that study tech works and will continue to use it so long as it does... Same with contact assists and touch assists.

    I have audited book 1 and reached the state of clear myself. I am happy with what I have done in that respect. I am much happier with the results that I have had on others as I seem to thrive on seeing others improve and do well... It is true, I love to help others.

    I have recently managed to look a little wider than I have been for most of my life, to sit back and take a look at things in my life as they are, not as I want them to be... It may be a mid-life crisis (Although I have not bought a Harley... Yet).

    So, here I am, doing something that I never thought I would... If you had asked me 6 months ago, I would have given you the rock solid and arrogant answers that have been instilled in me since the moment I managed to make my way into the world.

    But here I am on this forum, suddenly understanding what my "ex-Scientology" friends, acquaintances and colleagues are saying... Perhaps I am just a little slow...

    Not sure if anything specific happened really, just me pulling my own head out of the sand and having a look around me...

    I am overwhelmed.

    I have cried a lot... Pathetic as it may be, however, I cried for those things that I did not do because I had felt constrained by the bonds of my "agreements". False bonds as it now turns out.

    I have realised that the people who are dear to me, the people who are really good to me, the people who I really, really love... The people who I trust and care for, well...

    ...A bit of a revelation to me really... They are all either ex-Scientologists, Scientologists in bad standing, whether official or unofficial or have never been Scientologists!... It was something that I had refused to confront... And now I have.

    My stable datum kind of shattered now and I hang here, with the winds of space around me. Well vapourised would be more accurate.

    I am having great difficulty even writing this. This is not a phrase. I am really struggling.

    I am having great difficulty with this, full stop (or period if you are a septic).

    Yet these ex-Scientologists, Scientologists in bad standing and those who have never been Scientologists are my friends. They support me, help me and make me laugh! They are the people that I want to be with, who I really do love.

    Am I a traitor to my group? Am I ? or am I a free being who has reached a point in my own journey of existence where I have outgrown this subject in its current form...

    I do not hate the people who are in the Organisation - Far from it... They are mainly well-intentioned and very caring people - They really are. I have known them all my life, and I really do know this to be true. So I cannot turn on them or hurt them because it would be like turning on children. They are like children who seem to know nothing of real life, either past or present... I feel for them. They are not the enemy. I do not want to see them hurt in any way, believe me.

    I am re-reading and re-writing this as I go, I don't even know if this makes sense any more. Am I rambling of on one? Can anyone understand me?

    God. I was so certain, so very, very certain that this organisation was the answer and that they would uphold the true principles of the subject. I suppose I still am certain when it comes to the actual technology.

    But I am struggling, really struggling with what I am seeing with the Organisation, what I am finding out has happened to others who also grew up in Scientology, those others who were my friends, who I loved so very dearly and who I have been estranged from for decades...

    Who I have since discovered were hurt both psychologically as well as sexually and physically injured and abused... I have cried like a child, believe me, when this kind of thing is revealed, it hurts so deeply and on so many levels. Yet the pain that I feel is selfish, it is nothing compared to the pain my friends suffered.

    Why wasn't I subjected to the same ordeal? Why couldn't I have taken some of the pain for them? I am having difficulty with this, as I keep saying...

    As I have grown up, I have had my own things to deal with, but I wonder if I let my old friends down by being so naive, so blinkered and blinded. Did I see what was happening but ignore it as it "couldn't be happening". Or was I just lucky? I don't know any more... I just don't!

    My friends who lived at Stonelands, I loved them, thought we would never be apart... God... If I had known what they were enduring... If only I had known! I would have tried to do something to help. I am so sorry.

    I am not in a pit of despair, in fact I am Stratospheric about how I feel, about my own release and renewed feeling of freedom.

    But I cannot reach escape velocity yet. I cannot face telling anyone here who I am, I still fear retribution for certain people who I love and hold dear and who are still very much "in".

    I want to help my friends who are in and out, to ease their pain and make sure that they are recovering and are OK... But until then, all I can do is that, to repair as much as I can... To try and right any wrongs...

    I do not know if I will be accepted here. I have tried for 30 years to become accepted outside the Church, and although considered a little eccentric, believe that I have been... Sort of.

    One thing that I have learned, in my short and varied existence in this life, is that hurting others rarely helps. I have no animosity towards the people in the Organisation and management of the Church, other than those who appear to be changing it into a bog standard model of any past church, as has been seen throughout history...

    That is not what I bought into.

    So far as I am concerned, one drop of decency and love will calm an ocean of hatred... and so I advocate decency and love... Friendship and a helping hand... ex-communication, hatred and segregation is not the way forward.

    Not sure what else to say other than we are all part of a single entity, we are life!

    What each of us does affects everyone else to some degree, so try to do good things, rather than bad things... follow your own nose!

    I hope that I can help here, even if just a little...
    Last edited by apocalyptic; 6th December 2011 at 03:09 AM.

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  9. #36
    Silver Meritorious Patron This is NOT OK !!!!'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Cannot reach escape velocity

    Couldn't help but volunteer a late night horror story for Strato's reading pleasure - picked more or less at random.

    Welcome to REALITY friend (and no, that word does NOT mean agreement)!

    http://www.xenu.net/archive/personal...ulette_cooper/
    Iím not saying that everyone who is in Scientology is stupid, but I will say that I was purposefully blind for a long time. Paul Haggis

  10. #37

    Default Re: Cannot reach escape velocity

    Quote Originally Posted by La La Lou Lou

    Hi Stratospheric! A very moving intro, though I nearly spat out my cheese sarnie laughing when you hinted that you're not a septic. There's plenty here that are not!

    Such a quaint expression.
    Posted by Smartone

    By the way, what does "septic" mean anyway?
    Quote Originally Posted by La La Lou Lou View Post
    Smartone, it's a quaint London Expression.


    You are such a tease La La ...

    Septic.

    Septic Tank

    _ _ _ _










    The birds they sang, at the break of day
    Start again, I seemed to hear them say
    Do not dwell on what has passed away
    or what is yet to be ...

    Leonard Cohen.




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  12. #38
    Patron with Honors Crashed Alien's Avatar
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    Default Re: Cannot reach escape velocity

    Quote Originally Posted by Dulloldfart View Post
    Hi there and welcome.

    I was at Stonelands between 1972 and 1979, when I moved to Bullards.

    Paul
    Thank you Paul... Nice to be welcomed.

    I hope you didn't lose too much when it was burned to the ground...

  13. #39
    Patron with Honors Crashed Alien's Avatar
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    Default Re: Cannot reach escape velocity

    Quote Originally Posted by scooter View Post
    - I'm more than happy to accept you here!

    Forget looking at your own mistakes for now, just learn as much as you can about the "Dark Side" of $cientology - read our stories, look at the media reports, lurk as much as you can. Get educated.

    Hating those "still in" isn't a part of this board. Never has been.

    We were (mostly) once "in" ourselves.

    Go for walks if you need to.

    Read this and it may help you:
    http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthrea...hreads+newbies

    Above all, originate. Send PMs (private messages) to those you'd like to chat to and see if they respond. Not all will, but you'll soon have plenty of friends talking to you.

    Welcome to Rock Bottom.

    Most of us hit there on our way out. It does just get better and better from here so enjoy the ride.
    Scooter - Thanks. That was really thoughtful. I do go for walks, but not enough. I will take your advice.

    I am not really stuck on my mistakes, just ashamed really... Ashamed at being so naive that I had not noticed...

    I am not regretting anything, just finding it difficult to adjust to such a radical viewpoint change...

    You have probably been here. I feel like my universe has been rocked and I am not stable at the moment...

    Thank you for your compassion... It is refreshing.

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  15. #40
    My Own Boss smartone's Avatar
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    Default Re: Cannot reach escape velocity

    Quote Originally Posted by La La Lou Lou View Post
    Smartone, it's a quaint London Expression.
    Which means?

    I'm a Londoner but have never heard this expression, except when it's used in the sense of a septic tank.
    Life is not measured by the breaths we take but by the number of moments that take our breath away.

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