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Thread: Cannot reach escape velocity

  1. #401
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    Default Re: Cannot reach escape velocity

    Quote Originally Posted by Crashed Alien View Post
    Freeminds,

    Thank you. I am still a bit of a mess today so need to sort myself out a bit.

    I really like what you said, it is good to know you understand the pull, the gravitational hold...

    I thought I was losing it, but I am beginning to realise that my views seem to be upside-down or reversed; the more I tried to move away, the closer I got...

    This has definitely scrambled my head a bit.

    I will reply properly later.

    Thank you so much for your reply, it is more helpful that I can pen...

    Crash

    Hi Crash,

    I read what Sweetness and Light wrote for you and I think it's really good advice, especially the slow deep breathing. Let us know how it goes,

    love

    Solo

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    Default Re: Cannot reach escape velocity

    Heya Crash, I feel fer ya man! A book I read quite a while ago now that helped me put many things into perspective was one called 'Shambala the Path of the Sacred Warrior' (? been a while) by Troyam Trungpa, a student of the dali lama's, some really good basic life advice, non-denominational, and pretty much common sense stuff. It is still in print, copys are cheap like borsht, fun little read and has some depth I think you'll appreciate.

    mon!
    'Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. I am not afraid.'
    Marcus Aurelius

    THE BIG LIST of EX'S who have Spoken Out fx'd

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  5. #403
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    Default Re: Cannot reach escape velocity

    Quote Originally Posted by solo View Post
    Hi Crash,

    I read what Sweetness and Light wrote for you and I think it's really good advice, especially the slow deep breathing. Let us know how it goes,

    love

    Solo
    Hi Crash

    There is plenty of advice for you and you will improve every day.
    I am no great psychologist - but my husband has studied it and one thing that has always rung true with me is about "constructs" or the things we build (or are built for us) which are our archor points in life - how we explain and understand the world.
    These are set up and in place from early age all our life and as we grow and change we may challenge them - for example an easy one is "all parents are good and love their children" We may have experiences that tell us that our parents did not - abused us and treated us cruelly.....so the "construct" is wrong - when we view and challenge this we feel very de-stablised...what then is the right thing?
    Eventually by sanely challanging and getting onto firmer ground with our new understanding we start to feel more secure and FAR better - we can re-evaluate the information "Most parents are good and love us... mine were not...."
    You get the drift.
    Anyway Your constructs have been double or triple reinforced - not only in the normal way we all have them - but by Scn and everyone you know reinforcing - so challenging any for you is like an Olympic marathon....everything in your universe will wobble and feel scary ..you will be disorientated, and distraught.
    However - keep persisting because once seen and viewed they begin to lose power - not overnight - you have to continue to challenge and and discussing them with anyone - here on the board or by PM helps to break them down - then one day - they are gone - then you are free!
    You will find many - all of them will be tough, and discussing what you thought was the basis of who you are and what you knew to be true...but the journey is worth it - because after that you find sanity, simplicity and love. You grow into a new person with strengths you never knew you had.
    My best to you on your journey - I was fortunate to have a partner and we helped each other by hundreds of hours of discussion and I actually had physical reactions sometimes - but I arrived and so will you. You don't need velocity to escape - just persistence, and a determination to carry on.... and a view of light at the end of the tunnel.....slow is fine!
    Lots of love and may your journey be wonderful.
    XX

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    Default Re: Cannot reach escape velocity

    There are some really wonderful posts on this thread.

    Forget regret or life is yours to miss. No other path, no other way, no day but today. Jonathan Larson


    My Story: - Sydney, Melbourne, Saint Hill - Becoming Free to Shine...

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    Thumbs up Re: Cannot reach escape velocity

    Hey Crash! When you find time take a look at this thread:
    http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthrea...-(thread-merge)

    The information contained therein may help to free you further from a false sense of responsibility for what is wrong in Scientology, and your involvement with it...regarding "the only reason that people leave" (It's NOT about having overts or witholds...)

    Yes, you can fly, but first you have to break out of that cocoon. You are capable of self rescue at all times. "Every blade of grass has its own special angel watching over it and whispering, 'grow...grow'." -The Talmud "I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be, for I have learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our disposition, and not upon our circumstances." -Martha Washington

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  11. #406
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    Default Re: Cannot reach escape velocity

    Quote Originally Posted by SweetnessandLight View Post


    I defy anyone to watch this wondeful video and not come away with a smile or a giggle or two. Thank you so much for sharing it, I love it and it has a really lovely "Feel Good" factor.

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  13. #407
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    Default Re: Cannot reach escape velocity

    Hi SweetnessandLight,

    Yes, I am still here! Apologies, seems I have been bouncing around with turbulence!

    Although fighting for control, I think I am still heading in the right direction - Still accelerating and feeling a lot less restrained...

    Also having interesting cognitive experiences!

    Thank you so much for your post, I read it over and over again and decided to reply in full.

    Quote Originally Posted by SweetnessandLight View Post
    Well, I have some practical advice, as usual, as any good Auntie would... LOL!
    This is like having a guardian angel! I was feeling pretty low and wondering where my world had gone and whether it had ever really existed!

    Quote Originally Posted by SweetnessandLight View Post
    Remember that you are processing a lot of new information and potentially making some momentous changes in your life...and you don't have to have all the answers right now or come up with a solution for everybody at once. Life has a way of working things out, when you relax and go with the flow in the moment...you are more easily able to tap into intuition, creativity, etc. when you are in a more relaxed state (even during a crisis- this ability is what martial artists, special forces, first responders, counselors who do crisis intervention, EMT's and ER doctors train for...)
    Thank you for this. It is really good to have someone point out that the wobbling and unsteadiness is not a weakness, it is more of an adjustment. I was starting to feel a bit panicky, and this was very good advice. I hope that I may reciprocate one day.

    Quote Originally Posted by SweetnessandLight View Post
    Make it a practice where you carve out a little time for yourself each day where you can quit worrying about the past, quit worrying about the future and just create a safe space inside and around yourself for you to be o.k. in the moment. We all need to learn how to comfort and calm ourselves... Practice doing this several times a day.
    Well I have taken your advice. It has helped so much that I feel almost silly for not seeing it.

    I do find myself starting to spin a little, and then think of this, look at what I am doing, what has changed and how much better my life is becoming in such a short time and that reassures me.

    It is the effect of my actions, the consequence of my actions that is the only proof I need to reassure myself that I am taking the right road.

    If things were deteriorating and getting worse, then that would be another story, but they are not!

    So thank you, this is a great tool and a valuable gift that you have given to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by SweetnessandLight View Post
    Putting on my "Auntie" hat:

    The vivid dreams and anxiety are perfectly normal considering the vast changes you have/are undergoing, so just let them flow through your life and don't make too much of a big deal about them. They will lesson with time.

    You are using parts of your mind in some new pathways that you haven't used so much before...critical thinking, lateral thinking, evaluation, skepticism, imagination, etc. Thinking in new ways. I think your brain is just dancing with all this "new" (or formerly seen but repressed) information, busy doing attitude adjustment, making some new plans, setting some new goals, making revisions in thinking, etc. It's all good! It's productive work!
    I read this quite a number of times. Thank you...

    It is interesting how the mind works, how one can read things and hear things but having not experienced them, they are just items of curiosity and of intellectual value.

    But when one's childhood dreams are awakened and mixed with adult knowledge and feelings, the result is very strong and no matter what has been read and heard about, it does not really prepare one for the power and impact that it has. The mind is a powerful thing.

    The bonds and shackles that I had put in place appear to have started to undo and drop away.

    I no longer have a fixed viewpoint, am no longer stuck looking in one direction and am looking, REALLY looking, for the first time in a long time.

    It is amazing!

    How much I have been missing because I "already had the answers" and was no longer looking... "Seek and ye shall find" rattles around my head quite a lot...

    And I was no longer "Seeking"...

    Bugger!

    I had some pretty vivid dreams last night, but, although pretty disturbing and upsetting, they are of more interest to me and once inspected, become amusing rather than disturbing.

    I believe you are right when you say it is productive work. I think it had even greater impact as it really was completely unexpected...

    Quote Originally Posted by SweetnessandLight View Post
    As for the anxiety...let me reassure you that it won't kill you, although it might feel as if it will at times...urg... But you can get a handle on it!

    This will help: (and knock off ALL caffeine for the duration - tell people you're on a health kick! )

    Consciously practice slow deep abdominal breathing...that shallow breathing, almost panting you are doing is what is causing the physicological response of panic in your body. You're hyperventilating. This can cause all kinds of stange and uncomfortable bodily sensations, even cause you to faint, and make you think you're losing your mind when you are not.

    It's actually a very common human reaction to stress, when you haven't learned any other skills to deal with it. (Gets us as former cave dwellers stoked to do the flight or fight thing...run away from things which would eat us, etc. It's a physiological holdover from what was once a positively adaptive survival mechanism. Now it just makes us feel worse and weirded out! )
    Funny how I had automatically cut out the caffeine. I am actually on a health kick as I would like the body to last as long as practical.

    I just went off caffeine. I do have one coffee in the morning and might have a cup of tea in the afternoon (How bloody civilised!) but apart from that, I pretty much drink water.

    I do not know if it has helped - But I assume it has...

    Your advice regarding breathing, deep abdominal breathing was very good. l was hyperventilating and did not even realise it! So now I stop and breath. It is so obvious that it is almost comical! But it is not funny at all when one starts to wig out, so I cannot thank you enough for pointing this out.

    I have not had such an attack since! I have felt them coming, them stopped, counting slowing, breathing out as far as I can, using my abdomen and then letting my body take the breath in, almost automatically...

    Wow, that really works a treat... Heart slows down, temperature drops, all systems return to a status of "Green"...

    Quote Originally Posted by SweetnessandLight View Post
    So just cut it out!
    Aye Aye Auntie! That is excellent advice and very well put!

    Quote Originally Posted by SweetnessandLight View Post
    When you notice yourself starting to do this rapid, shallow chest breathing, excuse yourself, go sit down somewhere quiet, relax and force yourself to breathe deeply in through your nose and out through your mouth. ( For a count of at least five or longer, with a pause after you empty out all the air...in for five, out for five, then pause while you relax everything...this may feel challenging at first). Put your hands on your tummy to make sure you are doing what they call diaphramatic breathing, using your abdominal muscles like a singer, actor or dancer does (and as all healthy babies do! ). Your tummy should go out and in with your breathing in and out...so air gets down deep into your lungs. Breathing this way (slowly and deeply) literally forces your body into a more relaxed state...and your mind will follow, trust me!
    This is fantastic - I have realised that the shallow panicky breathing means that the air just moves up and down in the throat but does not get refreshed, to not only is it full of what you are trying to get rid of, but it gets depleted of oxygen!

    Madness... and I imaging one would black out after a time.

    This is really good and I am practising it several times a day.[/QUOTE]

    Quote Originally Posted by SweetnessandLight View Post
    Alpha state, here we come! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alpha_wave
    I agree, a relaxed mental state is ideal... I think I am on my way there, but not quite there yet.

    I do not get angry as often though and although not sleeping well yet, my awake mental state is definitely improved.

    I would like a bit more relaxed deep sleep so hope that my Alpha waves will increase there - I suppose I do have to get to REM sleep for this to happen, or is it the other way round?

    Quote Originally Posted by SweetnessandLight View Post
    Seriously! Get control of your breathing bad habits (for that is all they are) and you will notice a big difference for the better over time... Maybe you even will start to sleep better, too!
    I am doing this, or trying to at least. It does take a surprising amount of conscious effort! But it has an immediate and noticeable effect...

    Quote Originally Posted by SweetnessandLight View Post
    Also, practice looking into a mirror and doing a Duchenne smile, which means smiling with your eyes crinkled up and your whole face muscles involved. This actually helps to put your mind into more of a happy place, no matter what is going on. Consciously practice smiling at people this way many times a day...it will transform your relationships with people...even casual encounters with total strangers.
    This is good advice to - I am trying it. It is interesting how people treat one quite differently.

    So the the scowling has to stop!

    I will continue my effort with this too. I do like making people smile anyway so find it rewarding.

    Quote Originally Posted by SweetnessandLight View Post
    Homework for Crash: Start at the beginning of the "Gratitude" thread and read it a bit any time you start feeling anxious. Work your way through the whole thread and then start over...contribute something to it, too!
    I have not done this yet intend will look into it shortly.

    Quote Originally Posted by SweetnessandLight View Post
    And here's an additional extra credit bonus challenge for you:

    Think about starting your own gratitude blog or journal, or starting a new dinnertime ritual with the family, where you go around the table and everyone gets a turn to share something that they are grateful for that day. Go around more than once, if you can...

    Doing this as regularly as a practice can transform the quality of your family's evenings.
    I have been doing a similar thing but on "What was good today" but will incorporate gratitude as well... It is a good idea. Thank you.

    Quote Originally Posted by SweetnessandLight View Post
    You're doing fine, Crash...just be kind to yourself, and "steady as she goes"...
    Thank you, it is reassuring to know that I have not come off the rails (completely anyway).

    This is a hard trip to take, much harder than I had anticipated, but worth the cost.

    I could not allow this change to happen, despite knowing that it needed to: Now that it is happening, I am so much happier. I am grateful to you and to all here who are contributing and helping to pick me up, slap me when needed and who are just being there, even if nothing is said.

    I am still uncertain as to what I need to do with my family and friends, but am putting that on the back-burner until I have straightened myself out. I think that the solution to this will probably be much easier to find from that position.

    So I am concentrating on me! An unusual feeling...

    Crash

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  15. #408
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    Red face Re: Cannot reach escape velocity

    Well, Crash, I am very gratified to hear my advice was of some practical benefit to you, as I hoped it would be...that is only because you have the courage to try new ways of being (and breathing! LOL!) to find out what works for you, what behaviors and habits make things better, and which ones make things worse for you. This is the heart and soul of wisdom and self awareness! Thanks for letting us know how things are going for you. We're all pulling for you!

    I'm very glad to hear that you are doing better. Don't feel badly that this "waking up" or "looking around more" seems to be a rough experience at times. Many others have shared how difficult and scary they found the process of moving on beyond their Cult experience was for them, and yet how very rewarding it was to find themselves successfully out of that old mindset and living a fuller and freer life, with a better, higher, broader view. Their stories are all over this board.

    So just keep reminding yourself that where you are in the process, and what you are experiencing, others have been there before you, and successfully come out through the other side of the experience to greater freedom, sanity, good health and happiness! You will too!

    I'm glad to hear that you are at the moment focusing on yourself and your own healing and recovery, your own well being. That is so wise! It's just like the airline attendends say, that when the going gets rough and the oxygen masks drop down, put the oxygen mask on your own face first and SECURE IT, in other words, secure your own well-being first, and then take care of the others you love and care about or wish to help. Actually, then you are in a good position to be able to help others.

    I think you are very wise to take good care of yourself first right now. Some of us were never taught how to take good care of ourselves, and we must learn how to do it on our own as grown ups. Not so easy to do. This is an ongoing process that many of us are still engaged with! I can't tell you how much my "Aunties" have helped me with learning this, and I am still learning!

    Just think, Crash, someday you will be in a position where you can give some younger person who needs help the benefit of your hard-won insight, knowledge and experience...by having gone through this successfully! I know that you have a very caring heart and will make a great helpful "Uncle" to others who may need a little advice or encouragement along the way, and some mentoring.

    Now that you have learned the technique of how to stop yourself from hyperventilating (and the bodily awareness to be aware when you are doing it to yourself), you can help to spot others in the future who may be doing this also, and you can share your knowledge with them. (In fact, who knows who has been lurking here and reading and has just learned something important about themselves and why they might feel spinny or awful at times, and moreover, what to do to correct it!)

    It is very simple, isn't it? Laughable so! So go ahead and laugh about it, it's good for you!

    I like to think of you going about your day and smiling instead of scowling!

    I practice really smiling a great deal, especially when driving or walking on busy streets. It really does help to reduce one's stress and also seems to communicate to other people in your space or who just see you, and helps them to reduce their stress, too! And it really does make one feel happier, for no external reason! It's so silly and so simple, but it works!

    I just learned there is another thread here called gratitude..in addition to the one I started. Mine is called "Gratitude-The Thread" No pressure whatsoever, but just want to make sure you land in the right place when you do make time for it: http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthrea...ude-The-Thread

    It's meant to be fun, to help encourage and inspire everyone reading here. Even spending a few minutes a day there might be useful...maybe just before bedtime?

    Wishing you and your family all the best...keep on keeping on With Big Hugs from your Auntie Sweetness!

    I believe I shall take time out for tea time this afternoon, just to feel more civilized!
    Last edited by SweetnessandLight; 16th April 2012 at 07:25 PM.
    Yes, you can fly, but first you have to break out of that cocoon. You are capable of self rescue at all times. "Every blade of grass has its own special angel watching over it and whispering, 'grow...grow'." -The Talmud "I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be, for I have learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our disposition, and not upon our circumstances." -Martha Washington

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  17. #409
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    Red face Re: Cannot reach escape velocity

    For everyone here:

    Yes, you can fly, but first you have to break out of that cocoon. You are capable of self rescue at all times. "Every blade of grass has its own special angel watching over it and whispering, 'grow...grow'." -The Talmud "I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be, for I have learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our disposition, and not upon our circumstances." -Martha Washington

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  19. #410
    Patron with Honors Crashed Alien's Avatar
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    Default Re: Cannot reach escape velocity

    Freeminds,

    Thank you for your post - Sorry for the delay in replying.

    Quote Originally Posted by Freeminds View Post
    ^ What she said.

    You are doing fine!
    I am feeling better... Still a bit of an emotional wreck! Still having really strange dreams and fitful sleep, but that will hopefully subside...

    Thank you for the encouragement, I believe it helps a lot...

    Quote Originally Posted by Freeminds View Post
    Also, some random thoughts. This thread is about achieving escape velocity. The speed needed to "break free" from a gravitational field.
    It is... Sometimes I feel as if I am reaching it, some days it is as if my engines have died and I am free falling, hopelessly out of control... Some times I feel as if I am in a deteriorating orbit and about to rash into the Sun...

    May sound melodramatic, but my feelings are so raw and sensitive right now, it is true...

    I never thought I would find myself walking through London with involuntary tears streaming down my face! It still happens, but not so much each day now, so I think things are settling a bit.

    Quote Originally Posted by Freeminds View Post
    I want to say two things three things about gravity.

    First of all, the force of gravity decreases with the square of distance. In other words, if you can get away from the thing that's holding you down, even a tiny little bit... the next step will be easier. Each step is easier than the ones before. That's true for leaving a cult as well, I think.
    I think so... think so, but not yet certain. I hope you are right. I think that the distance does help, I have found that connecting with others who are either ex-scn or have never been in, or those who have had some contact but never engaged is very helpful.

    It is reassuring to know that they are there ,that they are living, succeeding and finding happiness despite their "non-Scientology" position.

    It is a strange thing to be typing! But it is true. I think that without the love and care from such people (and they know who they are!) I would have spun right back into the heart of the gravitational pull... It was a given, I had nowhere else to go - I was suddenly vulnerable with only open space ahead, dark, foreboding and lonely...

    You are right, distancing myself a little revealed what was beyond my own perimeters - And what I found was diametrically opposite to what I had expected - Love, compassion and no one trying to get me to leave or bad-mouthing anyone... Just really warm, gentle and caring souls willing to help me - without cost, without a catch... I am still having difficulty believing it it true.

    Quote Originally Posted by Freeminds View Post
    Secondly, the 'Church' of Scientology has less mass with each day that passes. It is shrinking, and as it gets smaller, so the pull of gravity gets weaker and the required the escape velocity falls. In terms of leaving a cult that is failing, there are less and less people who are 'in', so there are fewer ties to pull you back in - and more on the outside to help you on your way. There is no need to allow yourself to be pulled into the dwarf's star; even holding on to the separation that you have achieved so far is enough. As the 'church' loses mass, everybody's chance of escaping improves. Your time will come.
    This is true in one sense - However, it is not quite the full picture. I have been in all my life; born and bred into it from day 1.

    I am still happy with the technology that I know, I find it works for me and my family.

    However, breaking free is not so easy for me when I see the very thing that I loved, that I fought for, that I risked my life and happiness for diminishing.

    The urge is to step in and assist, to try and help it, mend its wounds and somehow return it to the thing it once was.

    But I know in my heart that this is not possible with the current set-up. I am pretty much convinced that the organisation has fallen to corruption and infiltration of those who would use it for their own means ad to their own ends.

    Stepping in now would be catastrophic for me so I have to move away, knowing that this may mean the end of it.

    It does not ease the departure at all. It means that I have to stay focused and really push, or I feel myself being drawn inexorably back to the centre. And I know that if this happens for any length of time, then I will not reach escape velocity... and yet, I know that I can never go back; the thing I would be going back for no longer exists...

    It is hard... Very hard.

    But I am heading outwards and upwards and with help from my friends, including my new-found friends here, I may succeed.

    Quote Originally Posted by Freeminds View Post
    Thirdly, the opposite of gravity (as Eric Idle taught us in 'The Road to Mars')... is levity. Laughter is liberating. See Hubbard as the ridiculous figure he really was, and you'll never succumb to the bullshit ever again.
    Perhaps this is true, but not all he said and did was bullshit. I do not know exactly what happened or when it changed, but I do know that some of this technology is pretty powerful when applied in the spirit in which it was published. This is something I have not only seen, but have experienced.

    I know that there are those who would poo-poo anything and everything but that is as bigoted view as the Sea-Org members, just the opposite way round.

    I am now questioning everything and am taking those pieces that I feel are worthy. It is my way of dealing with the betrayal.

    It may be that in years to come I realise that it was all BS, but it does not appear that way right now.

    It could also be that in years to come, it turns out that some, or most of the technology was absolutely sounds and that it was corrupted and used by a few b@stards for their own means...

    Only time will tell.

    Quote Originally Posted by Freeminds View Post
    You're doing wonderfully. Happy landings...
    Thank you, I hope it is... I am so wobbly about this... My world, my universe is in pieces right now and I am having difficulty in believing that it will ever recover... But I am willing to run the race, to tread this path until it is done...

    I hope you are OK too... You are a warm and compassionate person who has taken time to help me. It is like that excellent film, Pay it Forward, which I did get and see. I hope so.

    You deserve good things too.

    All the best to you.

    Crash

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