Thanks so much for telling us your story, Stickbyme. I loved reading it.
When one thinks that they are part of a group or movement to make other people's lives better as well as their own, along with the star high goal of saving the planet, it can be pretty intoxicating. It makes other things in life seem so insignificant and unimportant. LRH tricked us with that idea.....it was a dream....an idea....a wonderful idea, but never the less it was a trick .... a con that many of us fell for.
Once I saw the truth of the matter and walked away from Scientology, it was hard to find anything that lived up to following that dream and believing that I was helping out and part of what was going to save the world. That dream and being part of it made me feel good. Learning that it was all a lie was a let down and hard for me to wrap my mind around. It was so much a part of my life for so long that i still feel kind of lost without it. I also was in love with Scientology and it was like losing a love....the love of my life. I still haven't recovered from that. It's hard to give up the dream, even if it isn't and wasn't real, because for me it was real for almost 30 years.
I have been out for over 7 years now and I have never told anyone outside of Scientology that I was ever a Scientologist.....I have been too embarassed and ashamed to let anyone know, because Scientology has such a terrible reputation among non-Scientologists. I felt so guilty and I didn't want to have to explain to anyone about that part of my life.
I was thinking about that today. I was looking at why I got involved and stayed involved. It was because of that dream, thinking I could get trained and audit people and make their life better and get auditing myself and make myself more able and that I was part of a group and we were all going in the same direction of doing what we could to make the world a better place ....increase spiritual awareness, save the planet. Then I realized those were all good intentions and there was no reason why I should be ashamed of that, but I still feel like other people who know nothing about Scientology except the bad side of it, will think I'm some kind of a freak for having been involved and I don't wish to experience that.
I think most Scientologists are good people. If they weren't would they give up their money, homes, kids, time, lives, and work for practically nothing for years on end unless they really wanted to do whatever they could to bring about that dream of a world without illness, insanity and war, where an able being can prosper? It's a good goal and hooked a lot of well meaning people who wanted to rid the world of evil and have a better quality of life.
It made me feel bad that you can't talk to your girlfriend about your life and have to hide your experience with Scientology from her....that can't be very comfortable and I would think it would affect your relationship in a negative way and interfere with your closeness.
I miss the group and my friends too sometimes.
LRH sure made a confusing game for us all to play, didn't he?
Thanks again for your story. It was interesting. You told it well.