We had just moved into this house after having it built in '96. I heard this noise on the deck, and figured some wild animals were up to no good as our yard butts against a woodland.
I grabbed a practice sword I'd been using earlier and opened the back door. There were two huge (maybe 40 lbs ) raccoons rummaging around just feet from me, making a huge mess.
"Get the fuck out of here," I growled, brandishing the practice sword.
They both turn around and looked at me like I'm an idiot. Sort of like, "if this fool doesn't get his dumb self back in that house pretty soon, we're gonna kick the shit out of him and shove that sword up his memory lane.
They were just so completely unconcerned.
I just started laughing.
Putting up my hands in concession, I sort of said, "Okay, guys. Have it your way. I'll just clean up after you in the morning."
We've been feeding baby coons every summer for the past sixteen years.