Just give them time...
People who are in "game" hate ,to see time just go by...
Real friends- just don't care for time,they are there to help you...
Big hello from LRHs Bulgravia.
Some flattery is done for a psychological payoff...not to gain other advantages.
How about age flattery. Wow! you look so...(not old etc)
Well, yeah, sometimes people just look surprisingly different to what you'd expect for their age, fair enough. But there are some compliments that can be given which are a bit patronising and where the do gooder does not see that they are telling you that being the age you are, sucks (in their opinion) and so you are lucky to seem that you're not that age. But you are, and having gotten over years of conditioned ageism oneself,......well, you get the picture. There are different degrees of it, and sometimes it is done "affectionately" which can make it seem much less sincere and much worse. I get the feeling there is a lot less of it than there used to be though.
I think that this all comes down to INTENTION. Are you sincere or are you trying to "cause some effect" and manipulate the person by your statements of praise or flattery.
Those are just words. They refer to actual human behaviors. Look at the behaviors, and forget about the words.
A kind and sincere person can use both praise and/or flattery, and have it not be superficial, contrived or aimed at achieving some agenda.
But a nasty deceiver (aka Hubbard, Scientology) turn praise and flattery into TOOLS of the trade for controlling what they want you to do (pay money, give time, contribute energy, etc.).
It is all part of the love-bombing, and phony ratcheted up "affinity" to get you to BEHAVE as they desire. Simply, in the hands of a tricky Scientologist they "communicate" words that send praise and flattery in your direction, so as to "raise the affinity" and "bring up the agreement", so that they CONTROL your BEHAVIOR.
Much of this Scientology "manipulation tech" is an advanced form of behavioral control.
When a person commincates flattery or praise, look behind the eyes and determine WHY they are doing so. Is it to support you and empower you? Is it to validate you and make you feel better?
Or, is it to manipulate you for some known or unknown reason? Obviously, in Scientology the person giving the praise or flattery almost ALWAYS has an agenda (supporting Ron and Scientology).
"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts." - Bertrand Russell
"They must know how to kindle and fan an extravagent hope". - Eric Hoffer about the "true believer". "Total Freedom", "your eternity", and "OT" involve a few of the extravagant hopes in Scientology.
Go HERE to view and/or download the essay, "The Three Basic Scientology Beliefs".
Praising people when praise is warranted really helps a group perform better. It's one of the basic principles of leadership. A good leader should notice when people have done a good job, and praise them for it, if possible in public. In fact it's one of the quickest way to tell good leaders from mere managers, to see how active they are in praising people.
Of course it backfires completely if you routinely give praise for things that everyone knows are not praiseworthy. That is just flattery, and people recognize it quickly. But honestly I think that most people err on the side of not giving enough praise.
It can be astonishing how much difference it makes to people, to hear a few words of appreciation. Even in really hard-nosed professions like physics or the military. Nobel laureates smile when you tell them you found something in their lecture really interesting. Tough-as-nails sergeants stand even straighter, and harangue the recruits with a more fatherly gruffness, if an officer gives them a quick, "Good job."
I can't think of an example of someone using flattery "and have it not be superficial, contrived or aimed at achieving some agenda." Kind and sincere people can be tricked into behaving that way, obviously.
All kinds of Scientologists use TRs, mood drills and and tone scale tech to deliver their flattery etc., so that it "sounds natural not artificial." (Ref. HCOB Training Drills Remodernized)
You're standing at the plate, bat poised; the pitcher releases the ball.
In those milliseconds, you're wondering, "fast ball? curve?"
Fortunately, you have to swing at neither flattery nor praise.
It's more important to know who you are than to wonder what others think about you.
Some sociopaths can make you feel far better about yourself than almost anyone else. They can rip you to shreds, all the while holding your attention elsewhere and maintaining your trust through lies.
Feeling good about yourself is a wonderful thing. It makes getting up easier.
Listening to both flattery and praise can make you feel good about yourself.
But, since you don't have to swing at either, you can just watch them go by, look at the replay and decide which was a curve and which was straight down the middle.
I think that you can still be influenced by flattery even if you try to be neutral and alert about the incoming words. It has a sneaky way of slipping in under the radar. Even expert psychologists have fallen prey to the charms of the psychopath.