I left Scientology as a staff member about a year ago, and I still have weekly nightmares about being back on staff. Sometimes they are about things I experienced while on staff, and sometimes I find myself back on staff knowing that I had once left. I generally feel a lot of anxiety in these dreams, I start to freak out and cry because I know that my life is over, and I wonder how could I ever be back here again. I probably have 1-3 nightmares a week that revolve around being on staff. I wish I could get these out of my head.