Ya know SOF, in retrospect I made a poor choice of words. I shoulda said “plausible” or “possible” not “most plausible” because, too me, the most plausible is the suicide. I was commenting on Boomima’s thoughts.
Now, I’m not the Holy Grail on all things Q…or El Ron or Mary Sue for that matter…never said I was and I’m not trying to be. But, I’ve got my “Take” and I’m gonna lay down my Tiles to the Mosaic ‘cause that might be helpful to others in putting together the “Picture” for them and it sure enough is helpful to me.
Having known Q, his parents and the environment and general circumstance of his life, to a greater to lesser degree, for a period of years preceding his death I’m gonna finish “purging” my Soul here and then I’ve pretty much said all I’m gonna say about Q. I’ve already “foreshadowed” some of this with my earlier posts and shall endeavor to not be too redundant.
Q blew after his meltdown, culminating with his cramming session, the particulars of which have been documented by Dennis Erlich, the Tech Cramming Officer and are available on the Net.
Q, just a few years earlier, had a meltdown that culminated in El Ron achieving Hisself’s “Tech” Breakthrough ending the need for Psychiatry, The Introspection Rundown, with Q as the Guiney Pig.
Q had spent years as a CL XII dealing with probably some of the most dangerous, F’d up shit El Ron ever thunked up.
Q had spent his entire life interacting with Hisself…just think about that for a minute folks. How many people have you heard about that spent even moderate period of time with El Ron say it was a positive…or even neuter…experience, let alone an entire life?
IMHO, the idea that Q would have been filled with joy and happiness as he ran out into a World he did not really know or understand is nonsense. Knowing Q, knowing human nature, knowing the SO, knowing El Ron, knowing what it’s like to leave after years living within the separate reality the was the “Inner Circle”, Q would have most likely been in a highly agitated, “rollercoastering” state and thinking, thinking, thinking constantly…giddy and happy one minute, depressed beyond all imagination the next…probably unable to sleep, probably drinking, maybe scoring some drugs and trying to do something—anything—to relax, sleep, calm down, temporarily “escape” the moment and the shackles of his past and present and, even if just for that moment, feel safe or something other than what has been haunting him 24/7.
My Psychotherapist friend told me that quite commonly first time suicide attempts are botched. He also told me that often the botched ones occur where someone has gone “over the edge” (my term) after the stress of long term, untreated Depression has built up to a point that culminates in an event or several events that cause the persons mind to suddenly “speed up” on them, and they think themselves into hole or corner wherein suicide not only makes complete sense, it is the right thing—the only thing—for them to do and they “must” do it NOW! My friend didn’t learn all this from books. He did his Doctoral work on Schizophrenics and has—successfully—treated a number first time suicide attempt survivors.
So, again the scenario that Q got himself in a bad situation with some bad folks and shortly thereafter he attempts suicide is—so, so sadly— very plausible to me. My Gawd, think about it for a minute folks…..
In a matter of a few weeks Q has “Dishonored" the CommodeDoor and openly trashed Hisself’s “Tech”, had his Certs jerked (anyone else would have been declared and expelled on the spot and he knew it), blew Flag and SO and has gone out into the “Wog” World and done “Baaaad”, “Eeevvviiilll” and “Discreditable” things.
Q knows he’ll be hunted down and he has personally interacted with the main characters that are hunting him and knows they are as serious as a heart attack: GO EXEC heavies Fred Hare, Jimmy Mulligan, Duke Snyder, Anne Burgess, Kath O’Gorman and Field Ops super spooks Duke Snyder, Brian Rubineck, Bruce Ohlman, Chuck Ohl and Gawd only knows who else (and yes, I knew all of them, too).
Once they found him…and they would find him…what then? What was Q gonna do? Who was gonna stand up for him, aid him, help him. And, back of all this was Hisself. What would it be this time? Another Introspection Rundown or some new “Tech Breakthrough” El Ron would dream up and someday release in a frothing, self-adulating and—to Q—deeply embarrassing and hurtful HCOB?
IMHO, I think it most plausible (and, this time I’ve carefully selected that phrase) that Q may well have reached a point in time, in thinking, in living where he truly felt he had nowhere to run, nowhere to hide and no one there for him. And, the one person that he loved more than anyone else...and loved him more than anyone else loved him...his mother...would not be able to protect him from Hisself.
Fuck you El Ron…Fuck you for all eternity.