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Thread: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 3

  1. #521
    $cieno funnies lover lotus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 3

    birds of a feather flock together


  2. #522

    Default Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 3

    Quote Originally Posted by Knows View Post


    S.T.U.P.I.D -
    "Admiral""I will be in comm""We will meet again later"
    "This letter is a forgery and there is no way the old man would have picked 007 over me...his FAVORITE CAMERA MAN EVER! I hereby cancel this FO because Pat Broeker was actually an SP spy this whole time. That's right, i remember now. Right after LRH dropped his current research vessel he came into my room (because he loved me) and told me "Hey Dave! Waaassssuuuuup! Oh, that shit i wrote about pat and annie? Yeah, I didn't write it. Pat is a CIA spy and Annie is a hooker. Since im dead now, it is up to you to run my organization into the ground- one last thing, rewrite all my work and blame SPs" That is what he said ladies and gentleman so that shit is canceled. Pat may have run off with the OT levels but I have the money. PS, forget about that event where i announced his death...that didn't happen either, damn SPs" - David M

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  4. #523
    Gold Meritorious Sponsor HelluvaHoax!'s Avatar
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    Default Top 100 Stupid WAYS TO AVOID IMPLANTS in Scientology

    .

    Cross-Posted from another thread where there is a lively conversation about "dodging the between lives implant"--and one or two posters think avoiding implants is actually a real subject.

    -----




    I apologize in advance for exploiting this venue to promote a commercial enterprise, but as a public service I think others might wish to have this data.

    At the Church of Hoaxology we have ALL of the advanced 100% WORKABLE IMPLANT-AVOIDANCE TECH that works on all beings, on this planet.

    We have never had even one (1) parishioner fall prey to between lives implants. Ever!

    And the Between Lives Implant Eradication Rundown ("BLIER") is 100% free!

    And best of all you can run the BLIER at home--right now!

    Quite fortunately for all ESMB readers, I have gained special permission from the Church of Hoaxology to cut and paste the key technical steps of the rundown in the HCOB (Hoaxology Communications Office Bulletin) below:




    THE BLIER RUNDOWN STEPS


    1. Find a nice comfortable place in your home where you will not become distracted.

    2. Engage yourself in some activity that you quite enjoy. It could be a hobby or reading or music or something as simple as watching TV or taking a nap.

    3. Do nothing about between-lives implants. Don't even think about them.

    4. When you are able to do 1,2 and 3 above, you have freed yourself from all future implants, for eternity.

    5. You do not need to attest to completing this rundown. No F/N is required. Not even a success story! Mainly because of #3.






    .
    ________________________

    Scientology literally saved my life! Without Ron's books I would have frozen to death!!! (see avatar)

    Scientology in one word? HelluvaHoax!

    I never felt as free as when I freed myself from "Total Freedom".

    For offended Scientologists reading this blasphemy about L. Ron Hubbard---my apologies for talking about real life without lying to you, like Scientology, with goo-goo theta-talk. I know you don't have a floating needle right now. You're not supposed to.

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  6. #524
    Gold Meritorious Patron Knows's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 3

    Quote Originally Posted by guanoloco View Post
    Seriously this is the first time I've seen these NOI outfits and I think they're COS inspired.

    Creepy?

    Yes!

    Scary?

    Yes!

    Freaky?

    Yes!

    Stupid?

    Can there be any question?
    Congratulations - you have completed perceiving all three components of the STUPID TRIANGLE: Scary, Freaky and Creepy.

    Do you see how you did that - just a natural phenomena!!

    VWD!


    Oh - by the way - more creepy, freaky and scary -

    Nothing says sexy like Muslim wear...


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  8. #525
    Gold Meritorious Patron Knows's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 3

    How one becomes Oat Tea Stupid in Scientology

    We have made a break through with the stupid triangle.

    It is done by REDUCING the following characteristics...Logic, Compassion and Critical Thinking.


    You see - you take a Homo Sap - who has Logic, Compassion and Critical Thinking and Scientology will, on a gradient, audit and train these human characteristics that help someone SURVIVE....OUT!

    Reduce the Logic
    Reduce the Compassion
    Reduce the Critical Thinking


    and you have your robot Scientologist that is a "genius" on the Hubbard Oxford Capacity IQ Test - but can't wipe his / her arse without LRH's Green or Red Vol. and blindly trusts the COB propaganda fed to them at the events -

    even though the PROOF of Scientology's failure of no clears or oat tea's and Scientology shrinking is all around them.

    Scientology will charge ALOT OF MONEY, make them jump through hoops (this gives Scientology VALUE) to get up the Bridge to TOTAL STUPIDITY

    Scientology $ells the Scientologist fear by making the Sciobot afraid of their own decisions by "sign these contracts so you won't quit" - where you give up your rights to refund, you give up your right to sue if Scientology disables you, you give up your rights to SPEAK FREELY - with a threat of fining you $100,00 if you spill the XENU story or speak negatively about Scientology.


    You then "IMPLANT" fear of the World, catch phrases like "win after win" and "total knowingness" and "having, having, having, cognition after cognition" , "Boom, boom, boom, boom - ya know - non stop" into their subconscious mind with hypnosis and propaganda.

    Last edited by Knows; 14th January 2017 at 03:16 PM.

  9. #526
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    Default Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 3

    .

    Nominated for 2 of the stupidest things in Scientology. . .


    SCIENTOLOGISTS ARE EXPECTED TO ALWAYS TO BE
    UNCRITICAL, UPTONE & WINNING ON 8 DYNAMICS!


    And. . .


    SCIENTOLOGISTS CAN HAVE WINS AT ANY TIME
    ON ANY THING, EVEN IF IT'S NOT A GOOD THING



    Example: The local org is shut down by massive numbers of protestors marching in front of their front door. Meanwhile worldwide media is broadcasting across the airwaves and internet just-uncovered evidence of Scientology crimes, kidnappings, imprisonments, terrorism and physical beatings by its leader. A Scientologist would not blink or even react about all that because: "Ron states the enemy only attacks us when we are flourishing and prospering!"

    Example: Billy Blowdown (OT VIII) is very enturbulated because his case is totally bogged and he needs to declare bankruptcy because of all the money he borrowed to do his Bridge. So, Billy sits down and writes a detailed letter to LRH to receive some sage advice straight from Source.

    Every day Billy checks at the org for an answer from Ron. Nothing yet. Then it takes a huge turn for the worse because:

    --Billy attends to a gala mandatory event and learns that Ron is dead
    and he left the planet, which is a severe violation of Ron's own policy
    and Power Formula which clearly states that one must "never disconnect".

    --Billy's parents, siblings, wife & children (all Scientologists) were overheard after the event to laugh and say it was "bullshit" that Hubbard went to Target II to do advanced research. And this morning Billy received copies of all their SP Declares and an order that he immediately disconnect from all of them.

    So, a deeply depressed Billy goes into the org the next day to apply a "Doubt Formula" about whether he wants to do any more Scientology or not. Staff jubilant run up to him and tell him great news--he got an answer from Ron!

    Billy's tone level begins to come up as he excitedly opens the letter!



    But then, Billy realizes that Ron's answer was dated several AFTER he "shed his encumbrance" and departed for "Target II" (Dr. Hubbard died on Jan 24, 1986).

    Billy is just about to blow Scientology and then he remembers that Ron says a being should not Q & A with their reactive mind, but instead just "rise above" it and "make it go right" because "a being creates his own feelings". It is at this point that Billy realizes he has gone the effect of the "merchants of chaos" and that the best way to "shatter suppression" is to "flourish and prosper" and get winning. Billy then looks up and restudies the LRH quote: "Laugh and you'll soon find something to laugh about"--at which point Billy begins to line charge and win again!



    SUCCESS STORY

    I was all caved in when saw Ron's letter and it really
    enturbulated me when I saw that it was dated after he died.
    At that moment I was sure it wasn't really a letter from Ron
    and that meant that Scientology was full of bullshit and lies!
    But then, I realized that I had in fact received the very first
    letter that LRH ever wrote from Target II. And while it seemed
    hypocritical that Ron was telling me to apply the "never disconnect"
    part of the Power Formula (when he himself blew from this planet before
    the planet or one small city, or even one little street was "clear") I then
    realized that Ron was not disconnected because he was writing me!
    On top of that, I realized Ron is so unbelievably OT that he was able
    to write a MEST letter and sign it without even having a MEST body!
    This is OT ability, beyond my wildest dreams, exactly like Ron promised!
    I now am more determined than ever to continue my Bridge and therefore
    I am offering to sell to any Scientologist in good-standing my precious
    letter from LRH that (as the 1st letter from Target II) is priceless. However
    I am willing to sell it before Thursday 2pm for the ridiculously low price
    of $75,000--which happens to also be my current tech estimate for
    Sec Checks so that I can get back in good standing after thinking about calling
    my wife and children to see how they are doing even though they are Declared.
    Luckily, the MAA caught me dialing my iPhone before I ruined my eternity.
    I cannot thank LRH and COB and everyone uplines enough for salvaging me!


    ps: I also false data stripped and totally blew that
    insane think-think I had where I reactively imagined
    that lower level Scientologists were actually the ones
    that answered Ron's personal mail and fake-signed it.


    ML,

    Billy Blowdown


    Last edited by HelluvaHoax!; 14th January 2017 at 11:05 PM.
    ________________________

    Scientology literally saved my life! Without Ron's books I would have frozen to death!!! (see avatar)

    Scientology in one word? HelluvaHoax!

    I never felt as free as when I freed myself from "Total Freedom".

    For offended Scientologists reading this blasphemy about L. Ron Hubbard---my apologies for talking about real life without lying to you, like Scientology, with goo-goo theta-talk. I know you don't have a floating needle right now. You're not supposed to.

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  11. #527
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    Default Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 3

    ..

    Inspired by a post seen on another thread where I learned someone had the composure to write a resignation letter from the COS (Crimewave of Scientology).

    -----


    Quote Originally Posted by Veda View Post

    Reminds me of my membership resignation letter from long ago.

    I never wrote a membership resignation letter. That would have been a good idea, had I known then what I know now.

    My path in, through and out of Hubbard's hoax, was insufficiently informed enough to humbly render it in flowing prose. It manifested itself, rather, in single-word exclamations:

    "HUH?" (my response before I got into Scn when a Scientologists looked at me with a dial-wide frozen grin and LSD eyes, stating: "I am exterior from my body right now!")

    "WOW!" (my response, just before joining the cult, when I dove into Hubbard's "scientific research", including such cosmically catastrophic and miraculously wondrous "History of Man" books "Creation of Human Ability")

    "OKAY" (my response when asked if I wanted to go exterior and travel the universe, live forever and pay for my Com Course)

    "DAMN!" (once in the cult, my response when I realized how lavishly expensive it was to attain spiritual gains)

    "SHIT!" (upon discovering how weird & woefully wrong it was to be wearing a navy costume and serving a billion year life of drudgery, stress, sleep-deprivation, poverty and nervous gloom so that I could make "mankind" thrillingly happy "on this planet".)

    "REALLY?!" (upon doing the upper OT levels only to still not even having any single one of the supernatural
    abilities of Clear, OT or Homo Novus--and coincidentally noticing that nobody else does either)

    "SERIOUSLY?" (upon being sent to the next of countless "reviews" and "new tech estimates" and "de-bugs" and "case-cracking" and, ultimately, to "ethics" as part of a never-ending succession of remedies-- to help me cognite that, despite my abysmal disappointment in the failure of tech to work, I was in fact really winning and supernatural and happier than I could ever imagine)

    "NO!" (upon realizing that Scientology, having no way to deliver the state of Clear/OT, instead resorted to force, coercion and "ethics conditions" so that parishioners could reprogram their thinking and "change their considerations" so that they were delusionally convinced they "had made it"--and thus now needed to get their attention off themselves and help others (mankind) to have similar gains to their own.)

    "BYE!" (silently communicated by me using my newly acquired OT power of telepathy)
    ________________________

    Scientology literally saved my life! Without Ron's books I would have frozen to death!!! (see avatar)

    Scientology in one word? HelluvaHoax!

    I never felt as free as when I freed myself from "Total Freedom".

    For offended Scientologists reading this blasphemy about L. Ron Hubbard---my apologies for talking about real life without lying to you, like Scientology, with goo-goo theta-talk. I know you don't have a floating needle right now. You're not supposed to.

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  13. #528
    Silver Meritorious Patron cleared cannibal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 3

    Had this in my in box a couple of days. Was afraid to post because I feared some of our members here might be inclined to join.

    It's better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not.

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  15. #529
    Gold Meritorious Patron PirateAndBum's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology - PART 3

    Quote Originally Posted by cleared cannibal View Post
    Had this in my in box a couple of days. Was afraid to post because I feared some of our members here might be inclined to join.

    Reminds me of Claire Headley's statement in Aftermath about how she was told what a fantastic place it would be to work but that after 1 day there the fantasy was shattered.

    1 day of fantasy and only 999,999,999 years, 12 months and 29 days left to go in hell

    "Scientology, well understood, is a very powerful thing. Poorly relayed, poorly communicated, monopolized or used exclusively for gain, it could be a very destructive thing." - LRH June 1955
    + He told me he was obsessed by "an insatiable lust for power and money". - circa 1980 Mayo on LRH =

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