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Thread: 2017 SCIENTOLOGY PREDICTIONS -- You heard it here first!

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    Gold Meritorious Sponsor HelluvaHoax!'s Avatar
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    Default 2017 SCIENTOLOGY PREDICTIONS -- You heard it here first!

    ..

    THE ANNUAL PREDICTION THREAD



    Hey, it's time for a yearly tradition, the annual what-the-hell is going to happen to the freaky cult of Scientology in 2017.

    There have been many wonderful and uncannily accurate prognostications in previous years--some brilliant, prescient or hilarious.

    As always, here's da rules:

    RULES

    1. All PREDICTIONS have to posted by Jan 30th 2011 2012 2013 2014 2015 2016 2017.

    2. No fair editing your predictions once you post them. (Damn, there could be some crazy-ass scamming if people are re-writing the predictions AFTER something happens! LOL)

    3. End of the year, a WINNER and RUNNER UP WINNER is announced based on the most alarmingly accurate prediction that actually came true.

    4. Award also given for the worst freakin prediction that nearly everyone KNEW was never gonna happen in the first place.

    5. Contestants are not allowed to consult with OT's to get answers. (that's cheating)

    6. You can make as many predictions as you want but you can't give 2 opposing predictions like Ron would so that you are always right.

    For fun, here are the threads for the past years. I couldn't find the 2012 Predictions thread (whoa, nobody predicted that would happen).



    So, use all your hard won and certified supernatural psychic powers!

    SPECIAL RULE CHANGE FOR 2017: If you make a bogus prediction about a Scientology event that never happens in the MEST universe in 2017, you still get to keep your OT status and impressive advanced certificates---provided that:

    a) You still feel good about the prediction.

    b) Your prediction is real to you, because you consider it did happen in your universe on the first dynamic.

    c) Planetary clearing (of Hubbard's hoax) becomes a reality on this planet.


    ________________________

    Scientology literally saved my life! Without Ron's books I would have frozen to death!!! (see avatar)

    Scientology in one word? HelluvaHoax!

    I never felt as free as when I freed myself from "Total Freedom".

    For offended Scientologists reading this blasphemy about L. Ron Hubbard---my apologies for talking about real life without lying to you, like Scientology, with goo-goo theta-talk. I know you don't have a floating needle right now. You're not supposed to.

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  3. #2
    Gold Meritorious Patron WildKat's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2017 SCIENTOLOGY PREDICTIONS -- You heard it here first!

    Why Jan 30? A big event in Scn could happen on Jan 29, then I could "predict" it on the 30th, and I would still have made the 2017 Accurate Predictions List.

    Shouldn't the deadline for predictions for the whole year of 2017 end on Dec 31?
    Dismayed and confused by terrorist attacks? Educate yourself and take action. https://www.theobjectivestandard.com...inst-the-west/

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    Default Re: 2017 SCIENTOLOGY PREDICTIONS -- You heard it here first!

    Thanks, Hoaxie!

    This is always such a treat every year!

    For my first prediction, I predict you will find the 2012 Predictions at the end of the 2011 Predictions thread!

    For 2017, I predict that:

    1) HBO will create a new blockbuster television series of daily cult life in the SEA ORG
    2) Tom Cruise has been found to be secretly receiving electric shocks for depression and is DECLARED AN ILLEGAL PC
    3) David Miscavige gets arrested for Drunk and Disorderly Conduct and his mug shot is all over the net
    4) Heber and the other execs have a big prison breakout from Int and it is added to the new HBO SEA ORG series!
    "Looking back on it I think I got these gains only because the processing made me self reflect and try to repair the damage done by it. So I made gains in spite of Scientology not because of it. It's better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not."

    - Cleared Cannibal


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    Maximus Ultimus Mostimus Dave B.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: 2017 SCIENTOLOGY PREDICTIONS -- You heard it here first!

    Miscavige will continue to morph into a perfect duplicate of Liberace.
    "You should not get the subject of individual improvement and religious experience confused with the social activity of large groups grinding up against each other. It is not worth your time. The groups come and go. The individuals don't. There have been many groups and civilizations, and there will be many more of them, but a decent individual is a relatively permanent thing." - Geoffrey C. Filbert 1982

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    Diamond Invictus SP Type4_PTS's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2017 SCIENTOLOGY PREDICTIONS -- You heard it here first!

    1) Leah Remini continues to get great ratings from her current show on the A&E Network. More and more, people start blowing up the phone lines of their representatives in congress, the IRS, and demanding that something be done about this criminally abusive organization.

    2) A celebrity ex-scientologist who has never spoken out publicly before approaches Leah and requests to be interviewed for her show. (A&E Network will extend this show, agreeing to another season).

    3) The SP Times (AKA Tampa Bay Times) publishes another blockbuster series on Scientology which they are awarded the Pulitzer Prize.

    4) Lee Baca is sentenced to prison and becomes the national director of Criminon.

    5) John Travolta will still be "Not Interested" in the additional steady stream of abuse and criminality that is exposed concerning the CoS.

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    Default Re: 2017 SCIENTOLOGY PREDICTIONS -- You heard it here first!

    1) $cientology has its religious cloaking status revoked in the U.S.
    2) Helluvahoax writes the musical breakout Broadway comedy hit, HOAX!, lampooning $cientology.
    3) HBO presents another $cientology documentary focusing on the abuses and criminal acts of the cult.
    4) ITYIWT is bestowed with honorary moderator powers for a day. Terril mysteriously disappears the same day never to be seen again.
    5) The U.S. government passes anti-cult legislation effectively putting $cientology and other cults out of business.

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    Gold Meritorious Sponsor HelluvaHoax!'s Avatar
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    Default Re: 2017 SCIENTOLOGY PREDICTIONS -- You heard it here first!

    ..

    Quote Originally Posted by WildKat View Post
    Why Jan 30? A big event in Scn could happen on Jan 29, then I could "predict" it on the 30th, and I would still have made the 2017 Accurate Predictions List.

    Shouldn't the deadline for predictions for the whole year of 2017 end on Dec 31?

    Yeah, that would kinda violate the principal of the word PRE-diction, wouldn't it?

    Ideally, you are right, the cutoff date should be 12/31/16 (at 23:59:59). But, many staff members here on ESMB already have signed approvals for holiday vacation time.

    Damn! I KNEW I shouldn't have signed those flakey, dilettante CSWs!!! lol
    ________________________

    Scientology literally saved my life! Without Ron's books I would have frozen to death!!! (see avatar)

    Scientology in one word? HelluvaHoax!

    I never felt as free as when I freed myself from "Total Freedom".

    For offended Scientologists reading this blasphemy about L. Ron Hubbard---my apologies for talking about real life without lying to you, like Scientology, with goo-goo theta-talk. I know you don't have a floating needle right now. You're not supposed to.

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    Suspended animation ... I told you I was trouble's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2017 SCIENTOLOGY PREDICTIONS -- You heard it here first!




    But, but, but ... Who won the previous years HH?

    I want to see a winners list!

    Is this a genuine competition or wot?







    "I like pigs. Cats look down on you; dogs look up to you; but pigs treat you like an equal."

    Sir Winston Churchill.




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    Silver Meritorious Patron Little David's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2017 SCIENTOLOGY PREDICTIONS -- You heard it here first!

    I predict this guy is LRH returned in a new body:




    LRH standing in front of the Shrine Auditorium last night.







    Photos are in the comments on Tony Ortega's blog today: http://tonyortega.org/2016/12/18/oh-...-won-an-award/
    The lure of the pseudoscientific vocabulary and promises of dianetics cannot but condemn thousands who are beginning to emerge from scientific illiteracy to a continuation of their susceptibility to word-magic and semantic hash.

    S.I. HAYAKAWA 1951



  16. #10
    Gold Meritorious Patron WildKat's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2017 SCIENTOLOGY PREDICTIONS -- You heard it here first!

    I predict Marty will continue to sling arrows at bitter apostates, accusing them of "pity parties."

    I predict Mike R will continue to be a stand-up guy who helps more people escape the cult.

    I predict Leah R will continue to be a darling celeb lady who stands up to bullies.

    And I also predict another new celeb will do the right thing and come out into the light. (I just wish I knew who it is, damn! OT powerz not what they used to be!)
    Dismayed and confused by terrorist attacks? Educate yourself and take action. https://www.theobjectivestandard.com...inst-the-west/

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