"I regret nothing
Not the good things they did to me
Nor the bad -- may as well be the same to me!"
This is very interesting. I can relate to what this may mean. There is a thing called Intermittent Gratification. This might also interest you too dchoiceisalwaysrs. Intermittent Gratification the title of a chapter in my book!
Anyway, it is a very mentally ill entanglement that people use as to way bind others to them forever, even when they want to leave. It's also called a "sick system," or "intermittent reinforcement." It's not just what happens to us in the cult, but it's a surefire way to create complex-PTSD in marriages or parent-child relationships too. Sometimes the lure of these sometimes yes, sometimes no relationships can be more compelling than an all yes or all no relationship. It has a profound effect on people's behavior, and can lead them into doomed situations like getting locked into addiction to slot machines and shit like that. Anyway, it's better to read what the experts have to say about it. I'm pretty sure it originates from this:
Intermittent Reinforcement is a term that originated from B.F. Skinner's theories on Operant Conditioning and Behaviorism. Intermittent reinforcement is given only part of the time a subject gives the desired response.
Anyway, this thread has been helping me out a lot, when I find the time to come read it. Also, in the re-write of my book, I am looking back on things I felt "regret" about and am trying to tie up these situations and let them go a bit. I can't completely, but I can a little, and that's progress. I don't want to be bitter all the way into my 60s and 70s. It's been long enough. I already wasted my early years, you know? It's better to live well now, now that I have the wisdom and cool grey hairs.