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Thread: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

  1. #171
    Gold Meritorious Sponsor HelluvaHoax!'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

    ..


    Cross-posted from another 2015 thread discussing how things work in the supernatural "make-it-go-right" world of total-knowingness, total-certainty, planet-clearing, OT Sea Org members. . .

    -----




    Originally Posted by Leon-2
    But yes, the scrapheap is where all Sea Org members end up on. Old age, like childhood, is just a "bank dramatization" and is not to be Q & A'd with...






    Yeah, every outpoint happening in Scientology is a "dramatization". Especially when a bigger being (who always is uptone, upstat and winning in an Ideal way) is trying to handle/correct a smaller being (i.e. one lower on the org board who is screwing up).

    STABLE DATUM: In Scientology, outpoints never originate from higher on the org board or from "uplines". They are simply observed by the uptone/upstat being uplines during their investigations to determine who (on the lower lines) is sabotaging the brilliant OT work that people uplines are doing.

    Scieno-Scenario: Kults, KSW & Koo-Koo Kool-Aiders:



    SEA ORG EXECUTIVE
    We have an incredible new marketing plan to clear the
    planet within 5 years. Our international surveys have
    shown that the most admired beings are the professional
    athletes. Especially world champions or MVPs in the NBA,
    like Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, Larry Bird or Lebron James!

    SEA ORG MEMBER
    Wow! That is amazing!

    SEA ORG EXECUTIVE
    And this part is confidential. Our church is forming our own
    NBA team which will used Ron's ethics, tech and admin
    technology PLUS OT powers to win the NBA championship
    and become the opinion leaders of the world. Then we will
    tell everyone that Ron's tech works and hundreds of millions
    of people will rush to our Ideal Orgs throwing money at us!

    SEA ORG MEMBER
    Wow! That is amazing!
    Why are you telling me again?

    SEA ORG EXECUTIVE
    Because you are being transferred off your
    post as Mimeo I/C onto full time training to
    become the Scientology's power forward!

    SEA ORG MEMBER
    Wow! That is amazing!
    Wait, did you say I am the power forward?
    Because, I'm like 5 feet 7 inches tall. . .

    SEA ORG EXECUTIVE
    Having to have height before you can do?

    SEA ORG MEMBER
    But I will be playing against guys that are
    like 7 feet tall! How can I do that?

    SEA ORG EXECUTIVE
    Simple. You just need to make it go right.

    SEA ORG MEMBER
    Wow! That is amazing!
    But....um, I am 84 years old.

    SEA ORG EXECUTIVE
    You better stop putting CI on this Command
    Intention, you cocksucker.

    SEA ORG MEMBER
    Sorry about that sir. But really, are they going
    to let me take my walker onto the court ?

    SEA ORG EXECUTIVE
    Don't worry about that, we'll lobby the NBA
    commissioner through Tom Cruise.

    SEA ORG MEMBER
    Wow! That is amazing!
    I didn't know Mr. Cruise was involved.

    SEA ORG EXECUTIVE
    Involved? LOL. He's our center!

    SEA ORG MEMBER
    Wow! That's amazing!
    Really? But he's only 5 feet 6 inches.

    SEA ORG EXECUTIVE
    Height is only a MEST consideration.
    Ron says that intention is cause.
    Besides, Tom has a lot of jumping experience on
    his time track--didn't you see when he was on Oprah?
    ________________________

    Scientology literally saved my life! Without Ron's books I would have frozen to death!!! (see avatar)

    Scientology in one word? HelluvaHoax!

    I never felt as free as when I freed myself from "Total Freedom".

    For offended Scientologists reading this blasphemy about L. Ron Hubbard---my apologies for talking about real life without lying to you, like Scientology, with goo-goo theta-talk. I know you don't have a floating needle right now. You're not supposed to.

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  3. #172

    Default Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

    Quote Originally Posted by HelluvaHoax! View Post
    .

    There have been a lot of rumors circulating around the internet that L. Ron Hubbard not only had a twin brother that blew (Don Hubbard, see avatar), but back in 1911 there were actually Hubbard TRIPLETS!

    This sounded crazy to us, but in the interests of journalistic integrity, we decided to forward that question to the one person who would actually know the answer, on this planet.





    We just got back an answer from Don!
    There are several disenchanted Operating Hobos sprinkled throughout the hubbard clan. For example ...


    Operating Hobo Jon Hubbard, cousin of Don Hubbard, new member of The Church of Hoaxology.
    War is Peace - Freedom is Slavery - Ignorance is Strength. George Orwell
    Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. Voltaire
    It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion will legislate its creed into law if it acquires the political power to do so. Robert A. Heinlein.

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  5. #173
    Gold Meritorious Patron Karen#1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

    7 Superpowers Available to Scientologists



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  7. #174
    Gold Meritorious Sponsor HelluvaHoax!'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

    .

    Quote Originally Posted by Free Being Me View Post
    There are several disenchanted Operating Hobos sprinkled throughout the hubbard clan. For example ...


    Operating Hobo Jon Hubbard, cousin of Don Hubbard, new member of The Church of Hoaxology.

    LOL LOL LOL

    Damn! A whole lotta Hubbards are comin' outta the closet!!!

    Love it!

    At first I thought you just made up that whole "Jon" Hubbard thing. It seemed like an obvious hoax---but then I looked closer and saw that he is sitting in an office chair that was missing from Tom Cruises home (in the permanent LRH office he keeps there, with open pack of Kools and so forth and so on).

    Tom was enraged the Commodore's chair went missing. They kinda suspected that Jon had taken it since he was the one that built all the custom furniture by hand for the LRH office and was often heard nattering that he hadn't gotten a paycheck in 4 years. Jon used to complain a lot that it was "out exchange" for billionaires Cruise/Miscavige to not pay him "until all the furniture was completed". But they refused to tell him how many pieces of custom furniture were required for all of Mr. Cruise's offices, homes, boats, vans, planes and airplane hangars.

    Well, I guess Jon "put in the exchange" by taking that chair.

    So, people, this is no hoax!

    I am shocked, amazed and delighted to learn of the third Hubbard triplet!

    As possible in the future, we would all love to discover more about his backstory and experiences before and after he was fitness boarded out.
    Last edited by HelluvaHoax!; 28th May 2017 at 04:41 AM.
    ________________________

    Scientology literally saved my life! Without Ron's books I would have frozen to death!!! (see avatar)

    Scientology in one word? HelluvaHoax!

    I never felt as free as when I freed myself from "Total Freedom".

    For offended Scientologists reading this blasphemy about L. Ron Hubbard---my apologies for talking about real life without lying to you, like Scientology, with goo-goo theta-talk. I know you don't have a floating needle right now. You're not supposed to.

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  9. #175

    Default Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology

    Quote Originally Posted by HelluvaHoax! View Post
    .




    LOL LOL LOL

    Damn! A whole lotta Hubbards are comin' outta the closet!!!

    Love it!

    At first I thought you just made up that whole "Jon" Hubbard thing. It seemed like an obvious hoax---but then I looked closer and saw that he is sitting in an office chair that was missing from Tom Cruises home (in the permanent LRH office he keeps there, with open pack of Kools and so forth and so on).

    Tom was enraged with the Commodore's chair went missing. They kinda suspected that Jon had taken it since he was the one that built all the custom furniture by hand for the LRH office and was often heard nattering that he hadn't gotten a paycheck in 4 years. Jon used to complain a lot that it was "out exchange" for billionaires Cruise/Miscavige to not pay him "until all the furniture was completed". But they refused to tell him how many pieces of custom furniture were required for all of Mr. Cruise's offices, homes, boats, vans, planes and airplane hangars.

    Well, I guess Jon "put in the exchange" by taking that chair.

    So, people, this is no hoax!

    I am shocked, amazed and delighted to learn of the third Hubbard triplet!

    As possible in the future, we would all love to discover more about his backstory and experiences before and after he was fitness boarded out.
    After Ron weaseled a then young Jon out of his life savings buying those sea org rust buckets to go sailing around the Caribbean & Mediterranean, Jon has been a bit bitter. Here's Jon in his own words doxing Ron ...

    Quote Originally Posted by Jon Hubbard
    You're damn right I took that chair! It's all I have left after Ron swindled me back in the 60's. Everyone in the family told me Ron was touched in the head but no, I didn't listen to them. When I tried to get my money back from Ron he sent me a weird letter on goldenrod paper. Wackiest thing I ever read! Said I was an enemy of mankind trying to sabotage eternity if you can believe it!

    Years later I heard Tom Cruise had a certain chair that had been in the Hubbard family for generations so I just jolly well took it. I left a note on his desk before I left. It said, "Where's your Xenu now? Free Katie! YSCOHB!" I laugh a good one every time I think of that.

    Whenever someone asks me about how zany $cientology is and I sure tell them it is, I'm usually asked how can I be so certain.

    My reply is ...

    The Being Hobo Knows.
    War is Peace - Freedom is Slavery - Ignorance is Strength. George Orwell
    Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. Voltaire
    It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion will legislate its creed into law if it acquires the political power to do so. Robert A. Heinlein.

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  11. #176

    Default Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

    The Hobo knows!!!

    Rich!!!
    "Religion is free; Scientology is neither."

    "If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face forever." - George Orwell, 1984

    "L. Ron Hubbard is the cult leader for the crime that is Scientology." - Cleverbot

    "And while we're at it I might as well toss this in for a good laugh. We were doing a lot of "research" on Rockslams at that time and one of the Hubbard thing's rockslamming items was...(oh you're going to love this)...'unlimited wealth'" - Mystic

  12. #177
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    Default Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

    All this talk of Hobo...

    I keep thinking you're talking about our family cat (1960s/'70s).

    Our cat was called Hobo. He was super cool.



    Hobo on a TV. I can't remember if this was a
    colour TV or not. I am getting old.



    Hobo on a water tank. Is that a mouse in his mouth?



    Hobo on a knee (mums).

    Sorry for the interruption. Carry on....

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  14. #178
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    Default Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

    Really really sorry to interrupt again but I am so excited because I just found another photo of Hobo with Rocket.

    Rocket came into the family one day when I, a teenager ripped off my head on pot, went with a friend so she could chose a kitten. I fell in love with this little white kitten and took it home without first consulting with my mother. I was NOT popular with mum.

    Looking back I guess I wasn't the easiest teenager in history. I arrived home that day, shoveling food into my mouth, clutching a small white kitten and rattling on how cute the kitten was. I seem to recall mum having her "my God, where have I gone wrong with this child..." look.


    Rocket on left and Hobo.
    Check out the floor covering! Oh dear!

    I promise I won't interrupt again.

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  16. #179

    Default Re: Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

    From the what would you tell a "wog" asking about Scientology?

    Quote Originally Posted by guanoloco View Post
    You know what I'd tell 'em?

    I'd tell 'em that it all started about 75,000,000 years ago in this sector of the guhlacksee when...ok...wait a minute...I guess I'd start earlier and cover stuff like implants and once there were super simple thetans that had these awesome theta abilities but one day they decided to be complex and this started them down the dwindling spiral and then there's the physical universe and doll bodies and the Marcabs and the 5th Invader Force with pincer-like hands and then there's bodies in pawn and there's the GE line with the weeper and the helper and the clam and then there's softened up theta entities that are injected into us because of Xenu and his fake tax audit and DC-8s with the volcanoes and prison planet for artists and perverts and atom bombs and trains on Venus and it's the engram that causes all of man's problems...er...wait a minute it's the M/Us? Or is it overts? Or maybe it's the MISSED withhold that is the doozie...but don't forget the SP who is in a synthetic valence and this is what a valence is and the SP causes all of man's illness and injury and you can actually have a virus (I guess?) that's PTS and this is why there's disconnection policy that's been cancelled because now the tech works so well but really it comes down to these injected softened up theta entities that we call Body Thetans that are the problem and THESE are what cause the circuits that we originally didn't have any demons for but now we DO have demons and we do this auditing stuff to rid ourselves of them, unless you've taken an aspirin or something and although we're the top 1% of the top 10% or something we're really one foot in the grave of the long gone dead at the end of the universe on prison planet Teegeeak and somebody just slapped a beam on me and tried to invalidate me and evaluate for me but I spotted this dark mass with ridges that was part of my past life as Marilyn Monroe and once you as-is something your Havingness comes up...er...maybe it goes down and you need to remedy it depending on what's going on but you swell out across your dynamics and can be the keys of your car that you lost and now found them by acking the car that was broke but you flowed theta into it to keep it running so you're not 1 minute late to ethics frying other fish and all that and go on course to scream at an ashtray to stand up if you can push your way past all those Guy Fawkes-masked terrorists dramming their out-ethics and crimes in front of the org and your stats go flying up after writing up your O/Ws and joining the group but you mustn't prematurely ack because that's like having bad breath which Ron who was Buddha never had despite keeping the same teeth he had when he was Cecil Rhodes or earlier off the track I guess because his CSW or PO to get new ones was never approved...

    That about sums it up for now.
    "Religion is free; Scientology is neither."

    "If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face forever." - George Orwell, 1984

    "L. Ron Hubbard is the cult leader for the crime that is Scientology." - Cleverbot

    "And while we're at it I might as well toss this in for a good laugh. We were doing a lot of "research" on Rockslams at that time and one of the Hubbard thing's rockslamming items was...(oh you're going to love this)...'unlimited wealth'" - Mystic

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