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Thread: Inspired to share

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    Default Inspired to share

    I've been a long time lurker/minor sharer on this site. I've recently been inspire to share a bit more. My story, in part follows.

    My parents were divorced when I was ~2 years old. My mother subsequently dated as she was in her 20’s and… of course! One man that cane into the picture, we’ll call him Dwight, was involved with the COS. I remember, and he reminded me of this in my teens, that I had a strong aversion to him and screamed every time he tried to hold me. In any case, time passed and he and my mother had a scientology wedding when I was 7. As their honeymoon, they went for services for a month and left me in the care of my aunt and grandmother. I missed a month of school. Upon return and back together I was subject to “tech” in my schoolwork by Dwight, which more often than not involved him screaming “FLUNK” at me when I did not have instant answers to questions. He did take care to remind us daily that he was a scientologist and “skyscrapers above" everyone. Despite screaming fights almost nightly, he had my mother convinced that Scientology would fix him and everything else.

    Fast forward a few years and. Despite a comfortable middle class life, Dwight decided we should uproot to Florida to be closer to Flag. Once arrived, I was pressured to take courses on weekends. I was not happy about this at the ripe age of 12. I voiced this and was promptly brought in for ethics handling where I was provided with explicit sexual context by the female ethics officer as an analogy for my not wanting to be on course. Side Note: COS certainly has a fixation with sex, don’t they?

    So, more fast forward, we left Florida and moved back to our original home. Years of verbal and physical abuse by Dwight left me adrift and I found myself turning back to Scientology in my late teens. After reading Dianetics, I found the courage to stand up to him and, in my opinion, eventually drove him out of the house and encouraged my mother to divorce him. Whatever this had to do with this book or coming of age, I cannot say, but that’s how it went down.

    Fast forward a bit, again, I graduated from University and found myself, once again, adrift. My mother was still involved with COS and so I found myself on the Purif (I did a lot of drugs J). Again, I seem to have had some “epiphany” ar more like dehydration delusion, and thought it a good idea to join staff. I wasn’t doing anything better with my time! The staff story is an essay in and of itself, so I’ll skip it for now, but in any case I promptly found myself being sent off to Flag as an OOT. So, what did I think? Cool, Florida! Beaches! Sunshine! Not the hell world I would be subject to.

    After, I believe, 3 months I found a “family reason” to leave. The night before my departure< I was confronted by another, “senior” OOT regarding my leave permission. I did not technically have everything approved. She found and cornered the OOT SO member who was sec checking me to sign off on my leaving and I actually hugged and thanked her. The next morning at dawn, I left with my bag and called a cab to get me from the OOT “hotels” to the airport. I cannot even begin to express the relief I felt climbing into that cab. I actually think I spilled my guts to the Hispanic cabbie, though I cannot clearly recall.

    When I arrived home from the airport, I absolutely sobbed when I saw my mom. She was involved with the COS but never in a million (or billon) years would have actually joined in any capacity other than public. . About a week later, they realized I wasn’t coming back. And that’s where the fun begins!!

    Twenty to thirty phone calls a day! This is back in the days of answering machines so you other oldies can understand what that means. J My mother, despite enabling my escape, wanted to remain in good standing. I was thus pressured to return to flag to get handled and properly routed out. The one good thing in this I think that I did for myself was refuse to stay in their facilities. I rented hotel rooms for my stay, shared with my SO (undoubtedly ethics case) minder. One of my minders was an absolutely lovely woman who begged me to take her to Walmart so she could buy some things for her non-SO children and husband back home as well as some personal toiletries. I had the impression that this duty was more of a vacation for her (clean double bed, private bathroom, TV, unmonitored phone calls). I finished my routing out, at no small pain to myself and drove all the way to Kentucky before I stopped for a rest because Georgia and Tennessee wasn’t enough distance for me between myself and Flag.

    Upon retuning home, I was further expected to “settle up” with my org. So, there I went. The person assigned to handle me, We’ll call her “Jan” was quite friendly at first by then , for some unexpected reason, decided this was the wrong approach. I believe this coincided with my request to see the steps which I would be required to take to get back in good standing. Apparently having an idea/understanding of what your about to be subject to is quite taboo. So, noon rolled around and I told “Jan” that I was going to get some lunch and would be right back (She wasn’t so bright and I do feel marginally guilty for the trouble she got into…but not too much). Needless to say I got into my car and left, never to return again.

    There is, of course, more to this story however this all happened 20 years ago and, to this day, these people hound me. I thought I would at least earn my goldenrod for my shenanigans, but no… At this point I realize that it is pure desperation that they continue to harass anyone and everyone they cane.

    So, that’s my story. This was much inspired by the most recent post on Tony Ortega’s site and some other postings I’ve seen re: paedophelia/sexual abuse on this site. I’m not sure if this in anything new or interesting, but it was cathartic for me.

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  3. #2
    Gold Meritorious Patron WildKat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Inspired to share

    Thank you for telling your story.

    The horrors of life in a cult.

    But glad you got some catharsis. It really does help, and you know you're not alone.

    Dismayed and confused by terrorist attacks? Educate yourself and take action. https://www.theobjectivestandard.com...inst-the-west/

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    Patron with Honors guRl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Inspired to share

    Thank you for sharing this Weagook! Each and every story shared is super-important for the healing process of the teller and his listeners who's been through the COS hell, as well as for the education of the Never-Ins or even Exes who experienced different things (which are also important of course)
    One day, when you're out of there, I'll sing this song for you:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-ImCpNqbJw


    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Tory Magoo rocks!

    https://www.youtube.com/user/ToryMagoo44

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    Gold Meritorious Patron Lurker5's Avatar
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    Default Re: Inspired to share

    Quote Originally Posted by Weagook View Post
    I've been a long time lurker/minor sharer on this site. I've recently been inspire to share a bit more. My story, in part follows.

    My parents were divorced when I was ~2 years old. My mother subsequently dated as she was in her 20’s and… of course! One man that cane into the picture, we’ll call him Dwight, was involved with the COS. I remember, and he reminded me of this in my teens, that I had a strong aversion to him and screamed every time he tried to hold me. In any case, time passed and he and my mother had a scientology wedding when I was 7. As their honeymoon, they went for services for a month and left me in the care of my aunt and grandmother. I missed a month of school. Upon return and back together I was subject to “tech” in my schoolwork by Dwight, which more often than not involved him screaming “FLUNK” at me when I did not have instant answers to questions. He did take care to remind us daily that he was a scientologist and “skyscrapers above" everyone. Despite screaming fights almost nightly, he had my mother convinced that Scientology would fix him and everything else.

    Fast forward a few years and. Despite a comfortable middle class life, Dwight decided we should uproot to Florida to be closer to Flag. Once arrived, I was pressured to take courses on weekends. I was not happy about this at the ripe age of 12. I voiced this and was promptly brought in for ethics handling where I was provided with explicit sexual context by the female ethics officer as an analogy for my not wanting to be on course. Side Note: COS certainly has a fixation with sex, don’t they?

    So, more fast forward, we left Florida and moved back to our original home. Years of verbal and physical abuse by Dwight left me adrift and I found myself turning back to Scientology in my late teens. After reading Dianetics, I found the courage to stand up to him and, in my opinion, eventually drove him out of the house and encouraged my mother to divorce him. Whatever this had to do with this book or coming of age, I cannot say, but that’s how it went down.

    Fast forward a bit, again, I graduated from University and found myself, once again, adrift. My mother was still involved with COS and so I found myself on the Purif (I did a lot of drugs J). Again, I seem to have had some “epiphany” ar more like dehydration delusion, and thought it a good idea to join staff. I wasn’t doing anything better with my time! The staff story is an essay in and of itself, so I’ll skip it for now, but in any case I promptly found myself being sent off to Flag as an OOT. So, what did I think? Cool, Florida! Beaches! Sunshine! Not the hell world I would be subject to.

    After, I believe, 3 months I found a “family reason” to leave. The night before my departure< I was confronted by another, “senior” OOT regarding my leave permission. I did not technically have everything approved. She found and cornered the OOT SO member who was sec checking me to sign off on my leaving and I actually hugged and thanked her. The next morning at dawn, I left with my bag and called a cab to get me from the OOT “hotels” to the airport. I cannot even begin to express the relief I felt climbing into that cab. I actually think I spilled my guts to the Hispanic cabbie, though I cannot clearly recall.

    When I arrived home from the airport, I absolutely sobbed when I saw my mom. She was involved with the COS but never in a million (or billon) years would have actually joined in any capacity other than public. . About a week later, they realized I wasn’t coming back. And that’s where the fun begins!!

    Twenty to thirty phone calls a day! This is back in the days of answering machines so you other oldies can understand what that means. J My mother, despite enabling my escape, wanted to remain in good standing. I was thus pressured to return to flag to get handled and properly routed out. The one good thing in this I think that I did for myself was refuse to stay in their facilities. I rented hotel rooms for my stay, shared with my SO (undoubtedly ethics case) minder. One of my minders was an absolutely lovely woman who begged me to take her to Walmart so she could buy some things for her non-SO children and husband back home as well as some personal toiletries. I had the impression that this duty was more of a vacation for her (clean double bed, private bathroom, TV, unmonitored phone calls). I finished my routing out, at no small pain to myself and drove all the way to Kentucky before I stopped for a rest because Georgia and Tennessee wasn’t enough distance for me between myself and Flag.

    Upon retuning home, I was further expected to “settle up” with my org. So, there I went. The person assigned to handle me, We’ll call her “Jan” was quite friendly at first by then , for some unexpected reason, decided this was the wrong approach. I believe this coincided with my request to see the steps which I would be required to take to get back in good standing. Apparently having an idea/understanding of what your about to be subject to is quite taboo. So, noon rolled around and I told “Jan” that I was going to get some lunch and would be right back (She wasn’t so bright and I do feel marginally guilty for the trouble she got into…but not too much). Needless to say I got into my car and left, never to return again.

    There is, of course, more to this story however this all happened 20 years ago and, to this day, these people hound me. I thought I would at least earn my goldenrod for my shenanigans, but no… At this point I realize that it is pure desperation that they continue to harass anyone and everyone they cane.

    So, that’s my story. This was much inspired by the most recent post on Tony Ortega’s site and some other postings I’ve seen re: paedophelia/sexual abuse on this site. I’m not sure if this in anything new or interesting, but it was cathartic for me.

    Thanks - this is a good . If more comes to mind, and/or you want to share more details, please do. I think it helps if one can unload the 'weight' of abusive and coercive events in one's life. But if you are worried about being identified, perhaps targeted (again), change things up, times, ages, places - whatever - lie - to protect yourself.
    Cautious as one crossing thin ice . . .
    (LaoTze-TaoDeJing, Chapter 15. 2nd verse . . . )

    For Ray - I have not forgotten you, my friend
    Or you Scott, this is for you too. I hope you are out.
    Kay is out . . .

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    Rabble Rouser Gizmo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Inspired to share

    To this day I still have an answering machine on the house phone to screen their calls over a quarter of a century later.

    Even declared doesn't slow 'em up. Letters & promo from places I've never been still fill my mailbox.

    Smile at their desperation. scn is rapidly dying off. Just enjoy watching 'em squirm to death.


    Oh, I never did XDn so those bastards never got my evil purps or evil intentions.
    Ain't life grand !

    Over the years, I've come to really believe there is here & now . . . . . . . only.

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  11. #6

    Default Re: Inspired to share

    Quote Originally Posted by Lurker5 View Post
    Thanks - this is a good . If more comes to mind, and/or you want to share more details, please do. I think it helps if one can unload the 'weight' of abusive and coercive events in one's life. But if you are worried about being identified, perhaps targeted (again), change things up, times, ages, places - whatever - lie - to protect yourself.
    You know, I'm honestly not so worried about being identified. I fortunately have no people left in, so what can they really do to me? This does bring about a question though, has anybody been outed and what were the results/repercissions of that?

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    Default Re: Inspired to share

    Thanks for your comments. I think I get a bit stronger and more confident everytime I visit this forum and see all the other actions taken to expose the CO$ for what it really is. I'm a big Dune, Frank Herbert fan and try to live by the Benne Jeserit litany against fear. :-) Easier said than done sometimes.

    Fear is the mind-killer.
    Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

    I will face my fear.
    I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

    And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
    Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

    Only I will remain.
    _____________________________
    from 1965 novel Dune by Frank Herbert
    Illustration by 5scanner

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    Gold Meritorious Patron WildKat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Inspired to share

    Quote Originally Posted by Weagook View Post
    Thanks for your comments. I think I get a bit stronger and more confident everytime I visit this forum and see all the other actions taken to expose the CO$ for what it really is. I'm a big Dune, Frank Herbert fan and try to live by the Benne Jeserit litany against fear. :-) Easier said than done sometimes.

    Fear is the mind-killer.
    Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

    I will face my fear.
    I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

    And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
    Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

    Only I will remain.
    _____________________________
    from 1965 novel Dune by Frank Herbert
    Illustration by 5scanner
    Father, the Sleeper has Awakened!
    It is by will alone I set my mind in motion.
    They tried and failed? They tried and DIED.

    Just a few quotes I remember.

    I've always been fascinated by that movie too.
    Dismayed and confused by terrorist attacks? Educate yourself and take action. https://www.theobjectivestandard.com...inst-the-west/

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  17. #9
    Gold Meritorious Patron Lurker5's Avatar
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    Default Re: Inspired to share

    Quote Originally Posted by Weagook View Post
    Thanks for your comments. I think I get a bit stronger and more confident everytime I visit this forum and see all the other actions taken to expose the CO$ for what it really is. I'm a big Dune, Frank Herbert fan and try to live by the Benne Jeserit litany against fear. :-) Easier said than done sometimes.

    Fear is the mind-killer.
    Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

    I will face my fear.
    I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

    And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
    Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

    Only I will remain.
    _____________________________
    from 1965 novel Dune by Frank Herbert
    Illustration by 5scanner
    I do this too . . maybe not exact wording, but I say something similar to myself - when needed. Loved those books.
    Cautious as one crossing thin ice . . .
    (LaoTze-TaoDeJing, Chapter 15. 2nd verse . . . )

    For Ray - I have not forgotten you, my friend
    Or you Scott, this is for you too. I hope you are out.
    Kay is out . . .

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    Goldenrod SP ThetanExterior's Avatar
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    Default Re: Inspired to share

    Quote Originally Posted by Weagook View Post
    You know, I'm honestly not so worried about being identified. I fortunately have no people left in, so what can they really do to me? This does bring about a question though, has anybody been outed and what were the results/repercissions of that?
    There have been a few people on this board who have mentioned being outed - the only one that comes to mind at the moment is Mimsey - but they seem to be people who still have contacts in the CoS and the purpose of outing them is to get their contacts to disconnect from them.

    I've given enough information for them to identify me but nothing has happened to me. Probably because I have no friends or family still involved in scientology.

    Also, I was declared about 15 years ago and have heard nothing from them since - except for one phone call from the Continental Justice Chief. After I told him what I thought of scientology he promised not to contact me again and he's kept his word,
    Last edited by ThetanExterior; 23rd July 2017 at 09:59 AM.

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