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Thread: Second thoughts/cold feet? What do you guys think?

  1. #21
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    Default Re: Second thoughts/cold feet? What do you guys think?

    Quote Originally Posted by EZ Linus View Post
    If you were writing a book about your life and half of it was about the cult, would you put your real name on it, or would you let the chips fall - knowing you'd get harassed? Having second thoughts on that aspect now. I know I have "support" but I recently watched "My Scientology Movie" and just watching how harassed the crew was, and of course seeing a lot of the footage on Marty, and being reminded of how relentless they were to him...I don't know. It just reminded me of what I might be in for.
    Currently I am working on a book about Scientology. This is not a book about my persona -- I spent only 4 months in Sea Org, and that wasn't nearly enough time to get traumatized by the cult. I haven't decided yet if I will use my real name or not. I left plenty of clues about my identity on purpose at OCMB, so I don't care if CoS figure out who I am. But I am tempted to use the pseudonym Quentin Hubbard to spite them.

    Now, about the book -- I wrote about 2/3 of it when I realized that it might be too boring for the general audience because it contains plenty of minute details that do not contribute to understanding of the cult doctrine, so I decided to rewrite it.


    Unlike myself, it seems to me that you were mistreated by the cult. My advice to you is not to use your real name because of possible repercussion that could make you relive the past (some former Scientologists, who spent decades working for the cult, were diagnosed with PTSD)
    Last edited by Demented Hubbatd; 3rd August 2017 at 08:40 PM.
    LRH era un maricon miserable que tuvo el esposo, tal Xenu. LRH quise sentir la picha grande de Xenu adentro de su culo grososo i su boca maloliente. Antes de acto sexual, Xenu estaba gritando -- ! Voy a chingar mi retardo mental!

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  3. #22
    Patron with Honors Miss Ellie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Second thoughts/cold feet? What do you guys think?

    How scared are you... scale of 1 to 10?

    Are you worried about your PC files being used against you?

    If everyone found out everything about you would you be ashamed or embarrassed? Would others be ashamed or embarrassed??

    If squirrel busters showed up at your home or work would you have a problem calling the police? Would it cause real harm?

    If the book was a flop and the sciobots did not care would your feelings be hurt?

    Only you can answer those questions. If your publisher, unless you are self published, finds the book worth printing then it may sell. If self published do you want to invest the money and worry? If no put it on a web site for free and enjoy the thrill of it all or put it under the bed and forget it.

    I doubt in these times the sciobots will bother much with anyone less than Shelly M. doing a book... hers would be a best seller & a Lifetime made for TV movie.


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  5. #23
    Gold Meritorious Patron phenomanon's Avatar
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    Default Re: Second thoughts/cold feet? What do you guys think?

    Quote Originally Posted by Miss Ellie View Post
    How scared are you... scale of 1 to 10?

    Are you worried about your PC files being used against you?

    If everyone found out everything about you would you be ashamed or embarrassed? Would others be ashamed or embarrassed??

    If squirrel busters showed up at your home or work would you have a problem calling the police? Would it cause real harm?

    If the book was a flop and the sciobots did not care would your feelings be hurt?

    Only you can answer those questions. If your publisher, unless you are self published, finds the book worth printing then it may sell. If self published do you want to invest the money and worry? If no put it on a web site for free and enjoy the thrill of it all or put it under the bed and forget it.

    I doubt in these times the sciobots will bother much with anyone less than Shelly M. doing a book... hers would be a best seller & a Lifetime made for TV movie.

    LOL Miss Ellie!
    phenomanon

  6. #24
    BT-free since 2003! EZ Linus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Second thoughts/cold feet? What do you guys think?

    Quote Originally Posted by HelluvaHoax! View Post
    If you have that burning desire to publish your book, that's a great thing. Passion!

    Maybe this is something to consider. The EDITING of the materials is not necessarily a binary (two-fold) choice. It isn't written in stone that it must be either fiction or non-fiction.

    What I am suggesting that if disclosing your identity is of concern, there is no cosmic rule that you have to do that. Many books an movies and even documentaries take creative license, and not only for the purpose of "protecting" the author.

    Often times the core material is altered considerably from the "true events" in order to have greater (and necessary) impact on the audience. Movies that do this are countless, because most all true-life stories do not automatically have the ingredients of dramatic storytelling structure. People's lives are not necessarily lived in linear, 3-act iterations! LOL

    There is another reason the facts are sometimes shaded, changed or left out. Because if the author wants the reader to experience a certain volume or kind of reaction, it may fall terribly short by just "literally" telling the story. To get reaction "X" the writer might need to amplify the events (fictionalize to some extent) and when that 3X exaggeration consumed, the net effect (on the reader) might be 1X, exactly what the real life experience was like. In other words, if you want someone to experience "fear", the telling of the tale might need to add all kinds of fear-inducing elements to make it happen. Thus, the true event would need to be magnified by 3X to get the 1X experience. Because whatever you write is likely to be discounted by the reader as it passes through all their filters.

    Sorry, I think I made something very simple sound very complicated. LOL

    But, I'm not done trying to screw up your lovely simple zen view and enjoyment of life yet! LOL, there's more!

    I think you will find that if you lay out your PURPOSE in writing the book, there is always a way to achieve that and still not harm yourself or create disruption in your life you don't intend. For example, a true story can be told in an infinite number of ways where the actual names on the birth certificates is of no consequence--to wit, the reader doesn't care if they know the exact name of the party as long as they get a great experience reading it. Many books/movies, in this regard, do not reveal a lot of material that their "Based on..." book/movie was inspired by.

    There are countless ways to "get it out of your system" without having head-cam zombies show up at your front door. Myself, I just wrote my "book" here on ESMB as whole mess of anecdotes, satire, parody, goofiness and freaky J&D fun! It's out of my system! LOL.

    If you want to tell your story, give some thought to how you might be able to do it without LITERAL "time, place, form and event" which can be an awfully suffocating rule to follow if that's not the only choice.

    Wish you tremendous fun, fortune and fame however you do or don't decide to roll your autobiographical materials out. Or, if none of those 3 cliched values is what stirs your passions, then you might well need to break out of the mold and just do it your way! (cue Sinatra song, get editing!!! lol)
    Hi HH,

    I appreciate you taking the time to write a thorough response. Please be informed that I do go through something like this every few months. Yes! Every few months. If it's not this (being scared of OSA attacks), it's something like it. And it's not always about Scientology - being followed around with a phone camera, or even being slapped with lawsuits - it can be about all kinds of things, i.e.: putting my story out there and being naked and vulnerable, or not being believed, people thinking I'm a sicko, making people angry (current and ex-friends), being accused of wanting pity, writing a "misery" book, and all kinds of worries. I've pretty much covered them all over the last near decade that I have been writing this book.

    I'll tell you that I did originally set out to write this as I would normally write: as fiction. I fictionalized the story all throughout the first year, 2009-2010. Then, one of the first editors I consulted with broke it to me gently because I might not be the most eloquent writer on Earth. He looked over some of the short stories about my family and gave me a tip. He said the best thing I really had going was that they were true stories. He suggested I write them as memoir. At first I was not agreeable to the idea because 1., I didn't think people would find the stories funny anymore, and 2., I doubted that readers would believe it. So far on blind critique there's about 8% that find many aspects of the chapters "unlikely."

    Anyway, once I thought about writing a nonfiction manuscript and realizing what would soon come ahead in the story - a major celebrity from Scientology - which in turn lead me through a life in the cult for 20 years, I was panicking at that point and decided to put publishing out of my head and just write the story for therapy sake. I wrote it like a story. I just made sure everything was true. It's even as close to the actual timeline as possible. That was the only thing I had to tinker with (and I hardly moved but a couple events) in order to give it what you call an "arc." It's not written "linear" or chronologically. I think it's pretty creative the way I handled it. I have so far worked with an excellent developmental editor and right now the manuscript is with a "book doctor" - a copy editor - in NY that's helping me streamline it into something even better. He'll be one of many with their paws all over it if it goes to a major publisher. He used to work for one of the major ones.

    If the agency does not get placed with a major publisher, I intend to self-publish it (plan B), and probably in an odd or different approach.

    But the point in my reply, HH, is that you make a good point when you bring up PURPOSE. What is my purpose for sharing the story. No, I do not care about fame, more money than I need (being rich), and don't see the possible big success of the book appealing ("fun"). When the real purpose hit me, almost a year ago, it seemed so much easier, and lightening fast finishing the revisions. If the story can resonate with anyone out there and make them feel better about whatever they've gone through or are still going through, I'd feel like all my efforts to heal had some worth in this world. Maybe that sounds really cheesy, but it brings me to tears just typing it.

    So, while at first your post originally kind of insulted my intelligence (ha ha), it's become the thing that's put me right back on track. THANK YOU! I really mean it.

    I am not afraid anymore.

  7. #25
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    Default Re: Second thoughts/cold feet? What do you guys think?

    Quote Originally Posted by EZ Linus View Post
    Hi HH,



    Anyway, once I thought about writing a nonfiction manuscript and realizing what would soon come ahead in the story - a major celebrity from Scientology - which in turn lead me through a life in the cult for 20 years, I was panicking at that point and decided to put publishing out of my head and just write the story for therapy sake. I wrote it like a story. I just made sure everything was true. It's even as close to the actual timeline as possible. That was the only thing I had to tinker with (and I hardly moved but a couple events) in order to give it what you call an "arc." It's not written "linear" or chronologically. I think it's pretty creative the way I handled it. I have so far worked with an excellent developmental editor and right now the manuscript is with a "book doctor" - a copy editor - in NY that's helping me streamline it into something even better. He'll be one of many with their paws all over it if it goes to a major publisher. He used to work for one of the major ones.


    I am not afraid anymore.
    I think you should be very careful with this. If you write a memoir or base your book on the interviews of former Scientologists, it is perfectly fine from legal point of view. But if your story contains elements of fiction, you might be creating a possibility of a law suit against you by CoS. I strongly suggest that you consult a lawyer before continuing your project. I hope that your publisher had already talked with its lawyers.
    LRH era un maricon miserable que tuvo el esposo, tal Xenu. LRH quise sentir la picha grande de Xenu adentro de su culo grososo i su boca maloliente. Antes de acto sexual, Xenu estaba gritando -- ! Voy a chingar mi retardo mental!

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  9. #26
    BT-free since 2003! EZ Linus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Second thoughts/cold feet? What do you guys think?

    Quote Originally Posted by Demented Hubbatd View Post
    I think you should be very careful with this. If you write a memoir or base your book on the interviews of former Scientologists, it is perfectly fine from legal point of view. But if your story contains elements of fiction, you might be creating a possibility of a law suit against you by CoS. I strongly suggest that you consult a lawyer before continuing your project. I hope that your publisher had already talked with its lawyers.
    Who ever said my memoir had elements of fiction? It's a nonfiction piece. I'm just not using people's last names. And if published by any major publisher, then I'm sure we will have lawyers in place. If I wind up with a small press, or even have to self publish (which I really do not foresee), then I know I will need to consult a lawyer. As of now, I am working with professionals that tell me we are not quite at that step yet.

    Thank you for being concerned about that though; that's exactly what scares me.

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    BT-free since 2003! EZ Linus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Second thoughts/cold feet? What do you guys think?

    By the way, since I've started this post I've talked with Robert Dam, Chris Shelton and Marc Headley, and so far I am getting very encouraging words. A couple of them were very nervous beforehand too, but felt great after they published.

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    Default Re: Second thoughts/cold feet? What do you guys think?

    I can only speak for myself. It's a PIA to go through the disconnections - for awhile.

    But, for me, it depends on how big a deal OSA wants to make it. On one hand, there is a paddle boat in the canal & a golf cart running up & down the street.

    On the other hand, there is pets killed, DA packs to neighbors, customers, suppliers, idiots with poster marching in front of your house. Maybe only followed.

    Some people, obviously, go full steam ahead & fight the bastards tooth & toenails to whatever bitter end.

    Others . . . no so deep in it.

    Every person has to take an honest look at what they are getting into & weigh it as best they can for how they want to play it.

    For me, I've sometimes wished I snuk out quietly - but I didn't. But hey we are all going to do it our way anyhow
    Ain't life grand !

    Over the years, I've come to really believe there is here & now . . . . . . . only.

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    Default Re: Second thoughts/cold feet? What do you guys think?

    Quote Originally Posted by Gizmo View Post
    I can only speak for myself. It's a PIA to go through the disconnections - for awhile.

    But, for me, it depends on how big a deal OSA wants to make it. On one hand, there is a paddle boat in the canal & a golf cart running up & down the street.

    On the other hand, there is pets killed, DA packs to neighbors, customers, suppliers, idiots with poster marching in front of your house. Maybe only followed.

    Some people, obviously, go full steam ahead & fight the bastards tooth & toenails to whatever bitter end.

    Others . . . no so deep in it.

    Every person has to take an honest look at what they are getting into & weigh it as best they can for how they want to play it.

    For me, I've sometimes wished I snuk out quietly - but I didn't. But hey we are all going to do it our way anyhow
    Well, I sneaked out quietly almost 20 years ago and spent nearly half of that time feeling scared and muzzled. The first couple of years I was literally living in a mind hell and I didn't even leave my house; I had agoraphobia. Over time my friends caught on and heard things, blah blah blah. Some heard I spoke out, which I sort of did, but that is a complicated little story. In any case, it blew over and some people stayed connected to me. People in my current life, "wogs," if you will, don't know I ever was involved with the cult to begin with. Most of them anyway. I'm just as worried about them and my career, etc., but I can only see the majority of them being supportive.

    I don't think it matters what's in my PC folders because they would make things up anyway. There's nothing much there to work with. They would have to create something and toward the end of my dealings with them I was being diagnosed with a disability, maybe them picking on me would possibly make them look bad? IDK.

    I have imagined them in my driveway, shouting, filming, going door to door and telling my neighbors I was the Devil and a pedophile. I could sue them for such a thing, and I've also thought of moving if I really had to. I know they'd find me. But I really don't think I'm all that important to them. I was never in the Sea Org. I am not spilling the beans on too much of the inter-workings, but I've had my brushes with things/knew about some things that might prick up some ears. Nothing like what's already been released - not even close. And again, it's not a book about Scientology. It's a book about surviving a hard life (a 40 year span of it anyway), where half of those years I also happened to be involved in Scientology to varying extents, depending on what I was doing and how old I was.

    I know I can not expect a certain type of response. I hoped for encouragement. I am getting a fair amount and have been grateful. It's taken me 20 years to heal from being under the influence of all kinds of mindfucks. I've come a long way but I'm not sure I've fully healed. I'm not sure if I'm brave enough, still. Much of me feels like I have to do this to protect myself, if that makes any sense. I have to make a stand for myself. Stand for something already. Stop hiding and cowering. I am sick of them being in control.

    If I die soon after, at least my story will be out there.

    End of speech.

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  17. #30
    Suspended animation ... I told you I was trouble's Avatar
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    Default Re: Second thoughts/cold feet? What do you guys think?

    Quote Originally Posted by EZ Linus View Post
    Well, I sneaked out quietly almost 20 years ago and spent nearly half of that time feeling scared and muzzled. The first couple of years I was literally living in a mind hell and I didn't even leave my house; I had agoraphobia. Over time my friends caught on and heard things, blah blah blah. Some heard I spoke out, which I sort of did, but that is a complicated little story. In any case, it blew over and some people stayed connected to me. People in my current life, "wogs," if you will, don't know I ever was involved with the cult to begin with. Most of them anyway. I'm just as worried about them and my career, etc., but I can only see the majority of them being supportive.

    I don't think it matters what's in my PC folders because they would make things up anyway. There's nothing much there to work with. They would have to create something and toward the end of my dealings with them I was being diagnosed with a disability, maybe them picking on me would possibly make them look bad? IDK.

    I have imagined them in my driveway, shouting, filming, going door to door and telling my neighbors I was the Devil and a pedophile. I could sue them for such a thing, and I've also thought of moving if I really had to. I know they'd find me. But I really don't think I'm all that important to them. I was never in the Sea Org. I am not spilling the beans on too much of the inter-workings, but I've had my brushes with things/knew about some things that might prick up some ears. Nothing like what's already been released - not even close. And again, it's not a book about Scientology. It's a book about surviving a hard life (a 40 year span of it anyway), where half of those years I also happened to be involved in Scientology to varying extents, depending on what I was doing and how old I was.

    I know I can not expect a certain type of response. I hoped for encouragement. I am getting a fair amount and have been grateful. It's taken me 20 years to heal from being under the influence of all kinds of mindfucks. I've come a long way but I'm not sure I've fully healed. I'm not sure if I'm brave enough, still. Much of me feels like I have to do this to protect myself, if that makes any sense. I have to make a stand for myself. Stand for something already. Stop hiding and cowering. I am sick of them being in control.

    If I die soon after, at least my story will be out there.

    End of speech.

    EZ ... If you are really concerned why not let certain people (that you trust and would enjoy receiving feedback from) have access to a copy as soon as it's ready but arrange to have the bulk of the books released posthumously (which will hopefully mean they sit in storage for a long time to come but you will know that you have achieved your goal)?

    Your peace of mind matters.




    "I like pigs. Cats look down on you; dogs look up to you; but pigs treat you like an equal."

    Sir Winston Churchill.




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