After I left the cult of scientology I battled with myself over what was real about scientology and what was not.
I hung around other ex scientologists like myself that were disillusioned or broke or declared and none of us got better or really moved on.
That's because we still talked like scientologists, and thought like scientologists. The fake language kept us trapped. We were still under scientology's control and it was just the way the cult wanted us. confused, afraid and isolated.
Its hard to make sense of something or figure it out when you are deceived into believing something is one thing, when it is another.
If a door is meant to slide open, and you believe it pulls open, you'll never open that door.
I stopped using any and all scientology terms and started speaking english. I stopped talking to my fellow scientology evacuees in scientologese and made it clear to them I didn't want to hear cults crap. If they were going to talk to me, it had to be in english.
I made it a point to make friends and participate in activities with the general public. At first it was difficult, but it helped enormously.
After a time I lost the cult mindset and started feeling "normal". I was me again, a slightly dented and scarred version from my collision with the cult, but I consider these reminders of what I almost lost. Myself.
Losing the cult talk worked for me, it might just work for you.