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Thread: My Ups and Downs

  1. #41
    Patron Meritorious MarkWI's Avatar
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    FoTi, I'm really enjoying your story!
    "If a religion requires you to make a choice between your religion and your family, there is something wrong with that religion." Alan Henderson, 2007, A loving father of six childen.

    Click here to read about crimes or wrong doings within the Church of Scientology

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    Crusader FoTi's Avatar
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    Smile

    Quote Originally Posted by MarkWI View Post
    FoTi, I'm really enjoying your story!
    Thanks MarkWI

    Short on time to post more story today, but more is coming very soon.

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    Gold Meritorious Patron HappyGirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dulloldfart View Post
    Yes, I imagine it would be.

    (Sorry, a quick reversion to my old thread-jacking ways.)

    Paul
    Hi Paul! Thank you, I rather enjoyed receiving some compassion and understanding. It has been one hellava day, and rather than continue to jack this thread, I'm going to go drink my troubles away at the pub! Would you care to join me?

    Ok, we've had our say, now BUMP! FoTi, I've said it before on this thread, and I'll say it again:

  4. #44
    Crusader FoTi's Avatar
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    Default Okay, continuing

    Sorry, it's taken me a while to get back to this. For some reason, it's been a bit difficult for me to continue here and I've been more interested in reading other people's stories.

    So, onward and upward.

    I do recall, before my parents blew and while I was mid-life repair, I was sent to the Reg and told that I needed an Introspection Rundown. I remember it was a LOT OF MONEY which I didn't have and the Reg told me to go get it from my mother. I told her NO. I was already feeling guilty for taking the money that my mother had given me for school to pay for the services I had already bought.

    My only reference for the Introspection Rundown was that while living at the Manor Hotel, the guy who was in the room above mine had flipped out and tried to jump out the window from the 3rd floor and was caught just in time by his roommate. I listened to the glass/window breaking upstairs and him yelling and cursing for a couple of days and that terrified me. I was told that he had auditors around the clock for 3 days and that he was on the Introspection Rundown. I had also heard that if the auditor made a mistake a person could have a psychotic break and flip out. After all that there was no way anybody was ever going to get ME to do the Introspection Rundown.

    Rocky Stump was the Sr C/S then. I told the Reg...Just deliver the Life Repair auditing that I already paid for. I got put back on my Life Repair auditing and nobody ever brought up the Introspection Rundown ever again. Not too much later, Rocky Stump blew. I was left with very bad feelings about him and about that rundown. I feel like I escaped destruction there.

    I had some interesting experiences from my Life Repair auditing. One session was from the Handbook For Preclears and was from the lists on sex. After the session on the way to the examiner, the auditor made a comment to me. The next day, I was riding the bus on the way back to the Manor Hotel about dinner time and as the bus got near the Manor where I had to get off, I started to lose my vision and went almost blind. Scared me. I managed to get off and make my way into the dining room at the Manor and ran into an auditor I knew from CC and told her what was happening with me. She got me to ASHO and they put me in session right away and ran a correction list. Turned out the comment that the auditor made to me on the way to the examiner didn't set right with me. Thank goodness for the auditor that got me out of it and my vision returned. Auditing can be tricky stuff.

    Another time, early on in my auditing, I was at the Manor Hotel around a bunch of people that were on lines at the AO. One of the guys said something about ....(not going to say)..............and I found the physical universe disappearing. Somebody walked me around pointing out trees and walls. The next morning the auditor at ASHO took me in session and ran out what got restimulated. That one was really scary. Again, thank goodness for trained auditors. I was rescued again. I don't care what anybody says, auditing can be very valuable at times.

    I remember one session at ASHO - it was a flow 2 - I ran something totally grossly disgusting. It seems to me I blew off a tremendous amount of heat in the session and afterwards I went to the restroom. I had on a red jersey blouse made out of some kind of synthetic material. When I looked in the mirror, it sparkled. My perceptions had obviously improved from that session. I was fascinated with being able to see the quality of the fibers in the fabric on my blouse.

    I had another session where the auditor took me out for a walk looking at trees and such and all of a sudden the tree trunks were so beautiful. I just loved these gains in perception.

    Another time I came out of session at ASHO and the whole shape of the waiting area for the HGC had changed. The room took on a depth it never had before. That really fascinated me. I felt like Alice in Wonderland sometimes when getting auditing. It was really fun. I just kept wanting more.

    Part way through my auditing at ASHO, I ran out of hours and money, so I went and got a job. In trying to apply Scientology to my job I made a total ass of myself and my boss wasn't happy with that and eventually fired me. I thought it was because I was a Scientologist and he must be an SP....but no, it was my stupidity in trying to apply what I'd read to my job. I'm not going into details here, but, I acted like an idiot - in ways that I never would have acted, on a job, before getting involved in Scientology. At least I made enough money there to pay for more auditing, so I continued with my Life Repair.

    I remember one time I was sitting in the HGC waiting area and there was a gal there that was receiving Power auditing. She told us that one day after a Power session, she was supposed to take something to the AO (she was on staff at CC). She drove over to the AO and said she had an uncle in South America and while she was driving she had the thought that she would like to go visit him and she just kept driving in that direction until she ran out of gas somewhere in Mexico where she realized she was supposed to be back in LA. She called the Org and told them where she was. Somehow she got some money and gas and drove back to LA to continue with her auditing and get back on post. She didn't really know how that all came about. It was an interesting story, but left me feeling kind of uneasy that one could become so unaware of what one was doing just from receiving auditing - kind of scary in a way.

    Another time one of the power auditors was visiting me in my room at the Manor when all of a sudden this person had a seizure (I didn't know this person was epileptic). I went charging off down the hall to get a doctor that was staying in one of the rooms down the hall and she came running. This person came out of it and was kind of groggy and said they had to get to ASHO because they had a PC to audit and Ron said that if a person's breath would register on a mirror, they could audit, so someone took this auditor to ASHO to give a session. This really bothered me that this person would be pressured into auditing someone right after this happened and it also bothered me that the person receiving the auditing might be adversely affected if their auditor was not with it. I didn't like this. Shortly after this, this auditor was Comm Eved and I was called in (as a witness?) to be questioned. When I got there, there was this Power auditor and a lot of other staff members there and the Power auditor warned me that this was very serious and to be careful what I said and how I said it. I felt very intimidated by the questioning and the feel of the whole thing. It was a negative experience for me and I never wanted to go through that again. As a PC, I never heard of a Comm Ev up to that point and I didn't want to hear any more about it ever again. It was very restimulative. One of the more unpleasant things that I experienced in Scientology.

    Another time I was having all kinds of problems with a lot of people. The auditor took me in session. I have no idea what we ran because after being in session for a while, all of a sudden I looked at the auditor and asked him why he was asking me that question. He tried to reorient me to the subject and it was so totally gone that I told him I didn't know what he was talking about and I had no memory of anything that was run in that session. When I came out of that session, all of the problems that I was having with various people were gone...they had all changed. What a relief that was! And for the next 3 days eveything was like magic...what ever I wanted - things just went my way. It was just wonderful. It seemed like my life had reversed itself and I was cause - in a way I'd wanted to be (at least for those 3 days). And then.....oh well.

    Sometime around this happening I was sent in to the Examiner and she asked me if I wanted to attest to Life Repair and pointed to the EP written up on the Grade Chart. I looked at it (I had never looked at the EP on the Grade Chart before) and when I read it, I said....well, I achieved that on my intro session over at CC (about 200 hrs of auditing ago). When I said that, the examiner said..."Thank you very much". I suddenly felt like I was in trouble because there was no attest cycle completed and I was put back in session again, but not for very long because I ran out of auditing hours and money, so that ended my auditing at ASHO.

    At this point in time I was involved with someone who was staying at the Manor Hotel. He had just finished OTIII. He had a friend named Harry Rickard, an OTVII. Harry and his wife and kids were leaving LA, moving to San Diego, and my boyfriend was going with them and asked me if I wanted to go along. I was out of auditing hours, out of money and didn't have a job, or a car, couldn't do the BC that I'd paid for because I wasn't a Class IV, nor was I Clear, had nothing to stay in LA for and no reason not to go, so with about $130.00 to my name I joined them all, added my stuff to their trailer, routed out of ASHO and took off with them to San Diego.

    "Nuf for tonight - more later

  5. #45
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    Default A bit more

    When I first started getting auditing at ASHO, I was approached to join the SO. I didn't really want to. I was only there to get the auditing that I had paid for. Somehow in the pressure that was brought forth to help clear the planet I started feeling guilty that I wasn't in the SO, but I knew that if I joined, my parents would have a fit over the long hours (slave labor) and the poverty level of the SO members, and that would be a problem, so I declined and they didn't bother to recruit me anymore while I was at ASHO in the early 70's. I didn't want to be a slave anyway and I sort of felt sorry for the SO people because they worked so hard for so little - but supposedly they got their bridge for free...maybe some did, but I didn't see very many getting much in the way of auditing.

    I also remember walking through ASHO one day, when I was there getting auditing and thinking that I didn't have to worry about work or earning money to pay bills or any of the other stuff that I didn't like to do because I was getting this auditing and I was going to be audited right out of this universe and then I would be free of it all. I don't know where I got that idea....must have been that Bridge to Total Freedom stuff.

    I also remember while I was still in the cycle of getting my Life Repair at ASHO that I was riding the public bus back to the Manor one afternoon and a man got on the bus. His face was all screwed up in pain and he was obviously very uncomfortable physically. He sat down across from me and was hanging onto the bar on the back of the seat in front of him. He looked really miserable - like he was in terrible pain. I had read something in one of LRH's books about flowing white energy - don't recall what it was - but I decided to put my TRs in on this guy and flow him white energy. I tried this and in a matter of about 60 seconds he started to relax and I watched him sit back and let go of the bar and then a big smile came over his face and then he got up and walked to the door and got off the bus. I was surprised but I felt completely drained and shakey when I got off the bus. Whatever that was, it seemed to be good for him, but not for me. My body didn't feel good at all.

    Another day after the above, I was riding the bus to work and there was a couple got on the bus and sat down across from me. They were obviously upset with each other so I decided to try this white energy trick again with them to try to key them out or whatever. So again I confronted them and flowed white energy into their space and within about a minute, they both relaxed and got friendly and lovey dovey. Again I was surprised but kind of pleased, but it took it's toll on me, so I never tried this again with anybody. I don't even know what I read that I was trying to do. Just playing with Scientology I guess. Trying to be OT or trying to help somehow. I really wanted to be able to make things in life better.

    I also wanted to be able to disseminate Scientology, but I was really lousy at it. Now I'm glad I was. I would have hated to drag a lot of people into the mess that exists today.

    Okay.....back to where I left off on my last post. I took off to San Diego with Harry Rickard and his family and my then boyfriend.

    We spent the night in a hotel in San Diego and in the morning we were all gathered in Harry Rickard's room. I was sitting on the floor and Harry was across the room. My neck was out and it was bothering me. Harry looked at me and said "Hold still sweety". I held still and I felt everything shift in my neck and back and it straightened out. Wow! That was cool! Harry was a chiropractor and an OT7 and he fixed my neck from across the room. I liked that. It was fun being around people that were OT.

    Harry rented a house for his family and he rented out the rumpus room to me and my boyfriend who had just completed OT III. The room had a wet bar and a small refrigerator that we kept food in. One night I was sound asleep and I could see the refrigerator door (behind the bar) was open slightly and it needed closing. I had a really hard time waking up my. When I finally did wake up, I thought about the refrigerator and wondered if I had been dreaming or did I really see it? I got up and went and looked and sure enough the refrigerator door was open, just like I saw it. I closed it and went back to bed. Guess I had been exterior while my body was asleep. Everytime something like this would happen it would reaffirm things I'd read in the OT success stories in the Advance Mag or stories I'd heard other people talk about. And it validated Scientology and the quest to reach full OT.

    Shortly after this, my boyfriend and I and another couple he knew took a drive out to Coronado Island late one night - around midnight. They parked the car and we all got out and walked out on the beach. My boyfriend and I got into an argument and I just walked away in the direction of the Hotel Del Coronado - on a very large deserted beach in a military town (navy) - not a good thing for a young gal to do by herself at midnight alone. But as I walked away from him and toward the hotel - my space just went out and I felt like a great big bubble moving down the beach toward the hotel. I was very keyed out - anger gone - and I was quite fascinated with what was happening with me because I felt like this whole very large space was mine and totally safe and that if anyone came within my sphere, they would be unable to cause any harm so I was totally safe. It was the greatest feeling. I was really enjoying this all by myself and I walked to the hotel and went inside to explore the place. I had stayed there once when I was 11 with my parents and a girlfriend and I wanted to see if it was still the same. I wandered around for a while looking at the place inside and while I was looking at some pictures on the wall from the early 1900's, my attention suddenly went to the people that I had driven out to the island with and I realized that they didn't know where I had gone and I'd been gone for sometime so I decided I'd better go find them and I just had this thought that I wanted them to wait for me. I walked out the back of the hotel and as I came out the back gate to the street, which was an extremely wide street at that point, I saw a car sitting way out in the middle of the street with the lights off. I looked again and it was the car that I had ridden in to the island. I walked out to the car and when they opened the door, I said "What are you guys doing in the middle of the street?" Somebody said "The car came this far and quit running - it won't start." I remembered my thought that I wanted them to wait for me and I started laughing. I got into the back seat and closed the door and I said "You can start the car now." The driver turned the key and the car started right up. All 3 of them turned and looked at me. I thought it was funny. They didn't. My boyfriend said "If there's anything I hate, it's an OT with a bank." He was obviously pissed and I suddenly caved in. But it was fun while it lasted.

    Shortly after this at the breakfast table one morning with Harry Rickard and his wife and the kids my boyfriend suddenly calls me an SP. I was stunned, floored, embarassed, humiliated and speechless. I just sat there dumbfounded not knowing what to do with this. I felt horrible. Nobody else said anything. They all just sat there quietly. A little later he announced that he was joining the SO and he took off to LA and left me there at Harry's house and took his car with him. Harry was kind enough to sell me his car and he bought another one and he let me make payments since I didn't have any money. I ran into this boyfriend about 10 years later at CCLA - he had joined the SO, but didn't stay in it for very long and he hadn't continued on up the Bridge since doing OT III. I asked him why he called me an SP. He said "I don't know.....I thought you were one of the sweetest people I ever met". So confusing.

    I'll continue when I have time to post.

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    Default A bit more

    I stayed on at Harry Rickard's house and did baby sitting and cleaning to pay for my room and board while I got a job.

    Harry was very good with animals and he took horses that had lost their value to people and helped them to heal. People would call him from clear across the country to fix their animals and he would - long distance. He was very OT in this way.

    While at this house, he quickly acquired two horses - one for free and one for $25.00 and kept them beside the house in a sort of coral that ran the full lengh of the property, front to back - oh the stink and the flies. But anyway, one evening he and his wife were out to dinner and I was baby sitting the kids and his daughter and I walked into the area where the horses were and they suddenly spooked and ran - right at us and by us and jumped over the back fence and ran off somewhere in the neighborhood. Harry had to leave his dinner and go get them. In the confusion of all of this I realized that since I'd had my auditing I wasn't getting the same allergic reaction to horses that I'd had all my life. This was a good thing.

    One weekend Harry went to LA with his wife and left me alone in the house with the kids. In the morning I got up and a picture that had been on the wall in the kitchen was now laying on the kitchen table. I asked the kids if any of them had put the picture there. No...they had all been in bed asleep. Hmmm....When Harry called I asked him if he had moved the picture off the wall onto the kitchen table long distance and he said no and proceeded to tell me that it was probably a spirit in the house.

    I did notice while I was living there that if Harry wanted to go do something and he wanted me to babysit that I couldn't seem to say no even if I wanted to. I sort of felt like a puppet and he was pulling the strings sometimes and I didn't have any say in the matter. This was very uncomfortable feeling like he had an influence over me that I seemingly had no control over. Was this his OTness? I don't know, but as fast as I could I made the money to get another place to live so that I would be out from under that influence, whatever it was. He didn't ask me to do stuff for him anymore. I did continue to call him, though, when my neck would go out. He would fix it long distance and I would send him a check for $10.00. I thought it was a great way to get a chiropractic adjustment - I didn't have to drive anywhere or spend gas or leave work and $10.00 was really inexpensive for an adjustment that worked. All it took was a phone call. Eventually I got to thinking....if he could fix a spine that way, he probably could just as easily unfix it.and create some business for himself if he wasn't totally ethical. That kind of bothered me and shortly after I thought about that I was walking by someone who had an anatomy book open to the spine and I looked at it and realized how my neck would go out and started fixing it myself and didn't call him anymore after that. His abilities along with some of what I had been experiencing made the goal to OT even more real. I recently spoke to someone who knew him while he was alive (he died of lung cancer - thought smoking wouldn't affect him - but I knew he also went to Flag for NOTS when it first came out, never went back when he was ordered back for Sec Checks I think because he had communicated with some squirrel group- maybe Mayo). She told me he already had those abilities before he did the OT Levels and he didn't get them from doing the OT Levels. Confusing to me. She also told me that she had those abilities also and had them all her life. She said that the OT Levels just helped her to understand them more. More confusion for me. I don't know what is true here.

    When I moved out of Harry's house, I rented a room from a little old lady and worked 3 part time jobs to get the car paid for and to get money to continue my Bridge. I transferred the HQS Course that I had started at CCLA to the mission so I could continue where I left off.

    More later.

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    Gold Meritorious Patron scooter's Avatar
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    Paul David Schofield
    "Scooter" to his friends

    -----
    If he has no friends and everyone's against him
    If he's failed in everything that he has tried
    Try to lift his load, help to bear his burden
    Let him know that you are walking by his side
    And if he feels that all is lost and he is fallen
    Try to place that poor man's feet on solid ground
    Just remember he's some mother's precious darlin'
    Always lift him up and never knock him down

    Blind Alfred Reed

    -----

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    Default Continuation

    While I was living in this little room that I rented from the old lady, I received a birthday card from my mother. I don't know how she found me, but she did. I sat down and opened it. One of the things I was hoping Scientology would handle was my relationship with my mother. It was pretty awful. She blamed me for just about everything that was wrong with her life - her health, her marriage....and I felt guilty about whatever she accused me of. She did not want to be friends with me. Now, she sends me this loving card and I don't know how to deal with this, especially since I'm not supposed to speak to her because she had threatened to sue the church and also had told me that I was never to come near her again. I took the birthday card over to the mission and spoke with one of the auditors who told me to just bring in any correspondence from her without opening it and they would open and read it for me and let me know if it was okay to read. Did this help our relationship any? No. I thought auditing would probably handle it, but in all the auditing I got, I never got to this heavy area of charge - just loaded with grief.

    During this time that I was disconnected from my parents, I couldn't get my attention off of them. I was still connected mentally or emotionally or spiritually and I couldn't figure out how you really disconnect from your family. They are still your family even if you are in a different town or state and you don't speak to them. I could never make sense out of this and it didn't resolve anything in the long run. It just made me feel bad. There is no love in Scientology, at least I never saw any. I felt really guilty a lot of the time because I knew that my mother was ill and I felt like I should be there to help her out, but I couldn't go home because of Scientology.

    I was having a hard time making a living to make ends meet and get this car of Harry's paid off and get some services paid for at the mission. I had 3 jobs - bartender at two beer and wine bars and one job was a cocktail waitress at a bar for cowboys - kind of out in the country. I quit the cowboy bar when I found out that I had to learn to jump and hide behind the bar during rodeo season to keep from getting hurt when the fights and shooting started. I got fired from one of the beer and wine bars because one of the customers got mad when I was on the phone to the mission and he pushed me down the bar and that almost started a fight amongst the customers who wanted to defend me. The owner let me go because he was afraid I'd get hurt working there. So I went looking for another job.

    I so regretted not finishing college so that I could work in the profession that I had been trying to get my degree in before I ran into Scientology. I only had one semester to go to graduate. I thought that Scientology needed someone posted to help a person figure out the best way to go about getting up the Bridge. If I'd had someone that would have sat down with me and planned it out, I could have finished college, got a job making a lot more money than I could without any money making skills and they would have got a lot more money out of me in the long run, and I could have done a lot more bridge a lot faster than it turned out the way I did it. And I would have been working in an area that I would have enjoyed instead of hating to go to work and continuing to be poverty stricken.

    So, I went and got another job in a real estate office doing some admin work. I met a gal there....I'll call her J. She and her roommate B were looking for a third roommate, so I moved in with them. They were not Scientologists. I was on course at the mission. One evening my neck was out, so I called Harry (the OT chiropractor). He told me to go lay down on the floor so that when he did the ajustment I was supposed to lay there for a few minutes so that I wouldn't knock it right out again. J and B were in the apartment. I told them what I was doing. While Harry was still on the phone, I handed the phone to J and went and laid down on the living room floor. J and B were watching me. I felt all this stuff move around in my neck and back and J's eyes got real big when I explained what was happening. J followed me into the mission the next night and signed up for the Communication Course. B kind of lagged behind, but got tired of being home alone in the evening so she eventually came in also and signed up for the Comm Course. J and B both made it to OT III. J is out now.

    I didn't care too much for the HQS Course - it was kind of boring. I never did understand the ash tray bit - I finally just said - okay, I'm done with that and moved on. We had to go to a bowling alley and do some kind of survey and sell a Dianetics Book. Wanna buy a book? I hated having to sell books. The only other thing I remember about the course is that I ran Book and Bottle on another student. After we ran it for a while he originated that everything was upside down. Hmmm.....I didn't know what to do with that. Keep going? End off? Is he exterior? I chose to end off and took him to the examiner. He FNed at the examiner and seemed okay. He left and never returned. Nobody ever said anything to me about it. I never got any kind of a correction on it. From time to time I've wondered what ever happened to him. I hope he didn't go through life with everything upside down.

    One time while I was on course at the mission, a lady tried to walk through a plate glass window (she didn't see it and thought it was an open space). She banged her nose pretty bad and it was swelling up fast. She didn't break the window, so I did a contact assist with her. It took about 20 minutes, but she blew the pain and I watched the swelling go down and when she was done you couldn't tell that she had even hurt herself. I thought that was pretty cool. Some of the parts of the tech work really well, from my experience. I was glad to learn about this valuable tool!

    I did the Student Hat while I was there. At the end of the course, I went to Qual and passed the exam, but I didn't feel good about it and told them. I was told that I passed the exam and there wasn't anything else to do, so I graduated a bit BI's. Oh, well.

    I moved again - this time I rented a room from a family - he was an auditor (I'll call him M) at the mission - M was OT 2 - and his wife was in LA doing her OT Levels. One day I twisted my ankle at work (platform shoes). That night it hurt so bad I couldn't sleep, so I decided to just confront it. I put my attention on the pain for a couple of minutes. All of a sudden it sounded like a jet came through the bedroom - I leaped out of bed and found myself standing in the middle of the room facing the bed. It all happened so fast. What the H was that? Then I noticed that I had no somatics or pain in my body anywhere. I checked out my ankle. It was fine as if nothing had ever been wrong with it. One minute I was in agony, the next it was all gone. Hmmm.... Went back to bed and went right to sleep. The next morning in the kitchen I asked M...(because I thought he had OT magical powers)..."Did you do something last night that blew the somatics in my ankle and the rest of my body?" He said, "No, I didn't do anything...the only thing I do is create a safe space in the house for the night." Hmmm... How did this happen?

    One thing I did learn while living at M's house....I would come home from Course at night and be bitching about something and he would just lean back against the kitchen sink and look at me very calmly and say..."Have you ever done anything like that?"...I'd look and sure enough, I had and it would turn off the natter. It was quite helpful and he had great auditor TRs.

    Also, while I was living there, I quit my job one day and went home. I sat in the living room looking at the particles in the air. I had no job, no money and no solution at the moment, but I didn't seem to be caved in by it. I was kind of keyed out. It didn't seem to bother me at all. Prior to getting any auditing, I would have been really worried. I wondered why I was experiencing life this way.

    Right around this time I got to thinking about my mother - I wondered if she was still alive. I wanted money so bad to get up the Bridge. I was watching other people getting auditing and I wasn't getting any. I got the idea to call my mother and see if she had died and left me any money that I could use for the Bridge. I felt so horrible about thinking this way. I remember hanging around the phone, debating whether I should call or not. I don't recall if I did, but if I did, she must have not wanted to talk to me still or if she was still alive, I just dropped it. How could I have become so callous to wish my mother would die so that I could have her money to gain my spiritual freedom? How evil is that? I think she must have answered the phone because I had the idea that she didn't die and there was no inheritance for me.

    I had managed to save enough from work to get some auditing paid for.

    When I got in session, I finally got my Life Repair Cert. and did a little bit of the CL8 Drug Rundown before I ran out of money again.

    My auditor was CLVI, OT7 and he had the hots for me - followed me home and we ended up in a 2D. He got in trouble for sleeping with his PC. I found out later that he had been given the ultimatum.....either marry me or pay a $300.00 fine.....he didn't want to pay the fine, so he married me. Right before we got married, he told me he was going to audit me up the Bridge as a wedding gift. A few days later he changed his mind. It only lasted about a month before he was off sleeping with someone else. While we were married, one night he came home and announced he was going out to dinner with his OT friends from the mission and I wasn't allowed to come along because I wasn't OT. I was crushed. He was on the Class 8 Course on the weekends and he found another of his PCs to sleep with, so he went to live with her. He then came and thanked me for getting his ethics in on the 2D.

    One night, shortly after he moved out, I was in bed and he appeared right beside my bed, looking down on me - it's hard to describe, but it looked like the image of his body was made up of some very dim radiating colored light, kind of like a faded hologram. It angered me that he dare come into my space since he had moved on to another partner. I spoke to him later about it and he said he didn't remember doing it, but he also said that other females had mentioned him doing the same thing. And I'd been looking up to this guy because he was an OT7 and I was ignorant of what was on the OT Levels because it was a big secret. I viewed him as knowing so much more than myself because of this hidden data on what the OT Levels is about. And Ron said there is no hidden data?

    I was so effect of the mystery of the OT Levels.

    Right before we got married, I got together enough money to pay for the HSDC and an E-Meter. I couldn't wait to do this course.

    Right around the time we got married, I had my new meter, didn't know how to use it, but I was playing with it. I hooked it up and was holding the cans and thinking different things and looking at what the needle was doing. I was very interested. My husband walks into the room and looks at what I'm doing and calls me a . I suddenly felt bad. I lost some of my interest. He also mentioned one day that if an auditor farted in session it was a Comm Evable offense. That got me really worried. One can't always control that even though it's not desirable for sure. It actually scared me and I wasn't so sure I wanted to be an auditor anymore with such tight restrictions and punishments.

    As soon as my husband took off with someone else, I had to find another place to live and another job. Whew! I felt like a ping pong ball bouncing from one job to another and one abode to another. So I moved in with D another Scientologist who was on the Bridge. While I was there, she went Clear and when she came back she accidentaly spilled coffee grounds on the counter - she said instead of getting upset, she looked at the coffee grounds and they looked beautiful. LOL

    One night D had a party. There was a plant on the kitchen table and I took the E-Meter and hooked the leads up to the plant. It was kind of interesting. Everyone came in the kitchen to look. People started shooting questions at the plant. The TA went from 2 up to 6. Then everyone left the room and a few minutes later I went back and looked and the TA had gone back down to 2. That was interesting.

    My ex told me once that he had put an orange on a meter and asked it what it's purpose was and he said it was "to be eaten". He also told me that if anyone ever came after him he could protect himself just by commanding them to "Go to birth" and they would no longer be threatening.

    Right around the time that I started on the HSDC, the mission was bursting at the seams and moved to a much larger location (what had been a supermarket). This was before the missions got attacked in the early 80's.

    I was going along okay on the HSDC, until one night I came in a little late to course. The clock on the wall at D's house had either stopped or lost some time and wasn't telling us the right time, so we were all late to course. The Course Sup came over to me and told me I had to sit down and write up reasons why it was okay to be late for course. I didn't have any reasons, but he made me do it anyway, so I made up some stuff and gave it to him. STUPID NONSENSE. I came in to do the course not this I didn't feel so good being on course after that. Right around this time I remember working with my twin and the Sup was standing there. We were talking about something and my twin said ..."You said blah de blah" I said..."No I didn't." The Sup said..."Yes you did say that." I had no memory of ever saying that and I got really worried about myself. Boy, did that introvert me. I had a blank spot in my memory of something I supposedly did, that I didn't have any recall of doing? That really scared me.

    I finished the theory and now it was time to audit. I was so excited. I noticed the other auditors who were getting ready for their first session were kind of nervous. I had no nervousness...I was just really happy to be auditing someone.

    I get the session set up and the PC in the chair and I start the session. Part way through I ran into something I didn't know what to do with, so I ended the session and told the PC I'd be right back. I went to Qual and said.."What do I do?" I got my answer, but I was told I wasn't supposed to leave the session to come to Qual for an answer. I went back and restarted the session - the PC was happy and we continued. It turned out to be a really good session for the PC. And it was fun for me. I was in heaven being able to audit someone. When I took him to the examiner, though, I was a little worried about what he would say, because I'd stopped in the middle to go find out what to do. When I read the exam report, the PC said "She's a really good auditor." Whooppee! I was so surprised. The PC was happy with the session and I was quite pleased with myself even if I didn't get it all right. My first session was a big win. All I wanted to do after that was audit. It was so interesting and so much fun. I lost track of all time and it was the only thing I ever did that I was totally there with no other thoughts of doing anything else or wanting to be anywhere else. It seemed like the most natural thing in the world to do. I LOVED IT. I only got to give about 3 or 4 sessions. I made a few mistakes and had to go to Cramming and then they made me graduate. I didn't want to graduate - I just wanted to keep on auditing. That was one graduation, though, that I liked. I blathered on about how great auditing was. I thought it was very creative. I was very happy and looked forward to doing a lot more auditing in the future. Now I was being sent to the Org to do the Dianetic Internship.

    While I was still on the HSDC, I was asked to do a Touch Assist on a man. I said okay. He had helped the mission out with some things and he wasn't a student there, but he liked the group and the mission was helping him back with an assist. I took him in session and come to find out, he had tried to run Dianetics on himself and got himself stuck back several hundred years and his back was messed up. During the assist he was blowing off so much heat - it was like a blast furnace - I didn't know if I was going to be able to stay in the same room with him, but I just had to to get him through it. I never had experienced such intense heat before or since. I started choking and was having a hard time keeping myself together and continuing the commands. I did manage to get the PC and myself through and out of it and him back to normal. His back recovered and I felt like I'd conquered a mountain. He decided he wouldn't try to run Dianetics on his own, by himself again. LOL

    It was, for the most part a lot of fun at the mission. Nice people. Caring people.

    I remember one man who had been in a very bad auto accident and couldn't walk. He was fairly young. He had a settlement from the accident, so he had the money to buy all of his auditing all the way up the Bridge at that time. The mission audited him as far as they could and then sent him off to do his OT Levels. He came back OT7. He was walking with just a cane. Wow! What a product.

    I remember another lady there that wore coke bottle glasses - really thick lenses. After she got XDN, she no longer needed those thick lenses. Her eyesight changed that dramatically.

    I spoke to one of the auditors at the mission. She told me that she had had breast cancer and got rid of it with auditing. She was a very bright lady and a dedicated, highly trained auditor. Unfortunately more recently I found out she was having a lot of trouble at Flag and ended up killing herself.

    Things are sure a lot different now than they were back then. There were seemingly a lot more people winning back then. It wasn't perfect, it was just better for some.

    Even the events were better, as far as I am concerned. LRH's Birthday was more of a real birthday party....not a giant regging event. It was fun. Everyone knew everyone else and nobody was cattle herded to buy books or auditing. Oh, well. So much for the past. It will never be that way again.

    Also, at that time, I didn't know anything about the abuses from LRH going on behind the scenes on the ship or the lies that he had going. I assumed he knew what he was talking about and we all had to follow what he said.

    Oh, yeh. I do remember one time when I was getting auditing at the mission, I got into a disagreement with the D of P. She was trying to tell me that I had to do something or other because LRH said so and I was getting irritated and said..."LRH is not God!". The look on her face. I realized then and there, that I was in trouble. Even then I wasn't allowed to be anything but obedient I guess. Forget thinking for yourself or having your own viewpoint on something. Not allowed. I felt squashed.

    There were Navy recruiters in the area and I had looked at maybe joining the Navy to earn the money to get up the Bridge. I went into the mission and spoke with the C/S about it. She said - well that's fine if you want to join the Sea Org. I thought twice about it and decided not to join either one.

    I was so stuck in this money thing of paying for the Bridge so that I could find out what the OT Levels were about - THE BIG MYSTERY. LRH said...a thetan loves a mystery.....well I didn't love the mystery....I just couldn't stand not knowing what it was and also there was the pressure of "This Brief Moment in Time" ... and there isn't much time left, so I was in a panic of not making it out in time and being stuck here when I could have gone free if I had only had the money to pay for my auditing and training all the way up the Bridge. I came into Scientology on a desire to gain the OT Abilities that I supposedly had lost over time, only to end up in the fear of not making it out in time and being stuck in a bad eternity because I didn't make it in time. It was do or die spiritually. I had been convinced by reading LRH that I was in a trap and if I didn't make it out of the trap I might be stuck there for eternity. Eternity is a long time and I didn't want that to happen. Because of all this stuff, Scientology was more important to me than anything or anybody. I believed every bit of what I read that LRH wrote about the necessity to go OT NOW! It was very scary.

    More when I have time.

  9. Thanks Ted says "thank you" for this post
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    Gold Meritorious Patron HappyGirl's Avatar
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    FoTi
    Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. Reminds me of so many wonderful "goings on" from those days.
    Hugs

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