My story

[Bea Kiddo]

1975 - 1980 (ish)

This story is not for the faint hearted. Read on, if you wish. I will have to do in segments, as it covers thirty years.

When I was born, my mother was already on staff in a Cl V org. She really wanted to join the Sea Org, but, per her, my father would not have it. He was also in staff in the same org. (My mother told me stories about him which I don't know if they are true as I did not hear his side). I also have an older brother. Both of us used to hang out at the org with her.

I remember one time my brother got bored and disappeared. The police brought him back in to the org. He had gone outside onto a four lane street and was walking on the yellow line. He was four or five at that time. Another time he was found walking down the street by a friend about 1/2 mile from the org. The friend asked him where he was going, and he said he was walking to his grandparents house (500 miles away). He brought him back to the org.

A few years later, I dont know exactly, my dad got in trouble and got himself declared. He was then pretty much out of our lives. Now that he wasnt around to stop my mom, she decided to join the Sea Org. She packed us all up and took the car to California to join the Sea Org, which she did.

This put me and my brother in the CEO (Cadet Estates Org), which at that time, was next to CCI, on Franklin and Bronson.

As we got a bit older, and I guess more independant, we kinda went off on our own. I do know that I hardly ever saw my mom. She was constantly being sent on mission. She would show up every few months or so and visit for a few days, on family time, then leave again.

I remember many times when she would come for family time and just sleep. Or just stare off into space. I asked her "what are you thinking about?" and she would tell me "post" and I would ask if she always thinks about post on family time, does she think about her family on post time? (thinking that maybe she thought of us sometimes? Maybe for a little bit?). No answer. I felt so ignored.

Anyways, I love my mother, and I forgive her, if she ever reads this. Unfortunately, I am sure she is oblivious to what she did and has done to her kids. (And what the Sea Org has done to her).

At one point, my brother managed to contact our father and he came to visit us every week! That was so cool! And then my mom was getting all sick and stuff and we wanted to stay and live with our dad for the rest of our lives!! And she got even sicker and then one day in the middle of the night we left the area and went back to LA. Never to see my dad again. She even cancelled child support from him.

So back in LA, with no real control of us, we pretty much did whatever we wanted. I had no idea how to get money so I learned how to steal from my brother. And we did alot of that. I also learned that if I sat on this guys lap for a while, he would give me money too. And another guy too would touch me with his hands and he gave me money too. I was oh, 10 - 13 years old through all of this. Where was my mom? I don't remember. I didnt even learn how to brush my teeth - nobody around taught me a thing. And if I couldnt find anyone to "earn" money from (as above), I could steal from vending machines, or the mexican wogs who made our food.

I am not claiming innocence in this. I am just telling my story. (But the church really makes you feel guilty and responsible for it!).

I was doing alright in school, except I remember one time a girl telling me that I was always wearing the exact same dress every day. I probably was. I didnt even notice. Also my hair was always tangled and I could not get it fixed and I had lice so many times. (I am NOT a disguisting bum, but it sure sounds like it!).

Later, I got sent to speech class, which REALLY upset me and I decided not to go to school anymore. I ditched like, oh 98% of the time. I remember many times they (my brother, my step dad and my mom) tried to get me to school. It is kinda humorous: My dad tried twice, first time he ran out of gas and didnt have enough money to get me to school and back to post, second time the car broke down. My brother brought me to the bus and watched me get on. He told me he would be there to pick me up when the bus returned me, to be sure I went. So when he turned around, I told the driver I had to go to BR, and ran out of the bus, spent the whole day roaming the city (after having stolen a box of snickers and started feeding them to all the neighborhood dogs). Then when it was time to pick me up, I was around the corner and as the buses unloaded, I just blended in with the crowd.

Yep, I missed as much school as I could. Any excuse was good for me: It was raining, the sun was shining, anything to get out of school.

I remember one time my friend invited me to her house. I stayed over for 3 months before my mom found me. I had stopped going to school entirely. She was pretty mad at me.

Ok, I was not the perfect child, but I had no-one but my brother raising me, if he was.

More later.

[Emma]

Oh wow.

I've been hoping you would tell your story. I'm so glad you have made a start.

I have a feeling this one is gunna pull at the heart strings.

You are a courageous person.

[Bea Kiddo]

Need some time, maybe later. Sorry.

[tarbaby]

Hey What,

This really ripped my heart out. My kids were raised in the cult too. My prayer is that some day they will recover fully from the experience and that I will be able to make up the damage my "dedication" caused them. I hope the same for you and your parents.

Be well,
Dennis

Originally Posted by whatever

This story is not for the faint hearted. Read on, if you wish. I will have to do in segments, as it covers thirty years.

When I was born, my mother was already on staff in a Cl V org. She really wanted to join the Sea Org, but, per her, my father would not have it. He was also in staff in the same org. (My mother told me stories about him which I don't know if they are true as I did not hear his side). I also have an older brother. Both of us used to hang out at the org with her.

I remember one time my brother got bored and disappeared. The police brought him back in to the org. He had gone outside onto a four lane street and was walking on the yellow line. He was four or five at that time. Another time he was found walking down the street by a friend about 1/2 mile from the org. The friend asked him where he was going, and he said he was walking to his grandparents house (500 miles away). He brought him back to the org.

A few years later, I dont know exactly, my dad got in trouble and got himself declared. He was then pretty much out of our lives. Now that he wasnt around to stop my mom, she decided to join the Sea Org. She packed us all up and took the car to California to join the Sea Org, which she did.

This put me and my brother in the CEO (Cadet Estates Org), which at that time, was next to CCI, on Franklin and Bronson.

As we got a bit older, and I guess more independant, we kinda went off on our own. I do know that I hardly ever saw my mom. She was constantly being sent on mission. She would show up every few months or so and visit for a few days, on family time, then leave again.

I remember many times when she would come for family time and just sleep. Or just stare off into space. I asked her "what are you thinking about?" and she would tell me "post" and I would ask if she always thinks about post on family time, does she think about her family on post time? (thinking that maybe she thought of us sometimes? Maybe for a little bit?). No answer. I felt so ignored.

Anyways, I love my mother, and I forgive her, if she ever reads this. Unfortunately, I am sure she is oblivious to what she did and has done to her kids. (And what the Sea Org has done to her).

At one point, my brother managed to contact our father and he came to visit us every week! That was so cool! And then my mom was getting all sick and stuff and we wanted to stay and live with our dad for the rest of our lives!! And she got even sicker and then one day in the middle of the night we left the area and went back to LA. Never to see my dad again. She even cancelled child support from him.

So back in LA, with no real control of us, we pretty much did whatever we wanted. I had no idea how to get money so I learned how to steal from my brother. And we did alot of that. I also learned that if I sat on this guys lap for a while, he would give me money too. And another guy too would touch me with his hands and he gave me money too. I was oh, 10 - 13 years old through all of this. Where was my mom? I don't remember. I didnt even learn how to brush my teeth - nobody around taught me a thing. And if I couldnt find anyone to "earn" money from (as above), I could steal from vending machines, or the mexican wogs who made our food.

I am not claiming innocence in this. I am just telling my story. (But the church really makes you feel guilty and responsible for it!).

I was doing alright in school, except I remember one time a girl telling me that I was always wearing the exact same dress every day. I probably was. I didnt even notice. Also my hair was always tangled and I could not get it fixed and I had lice so many times. (I am NOT a disguisting bum, but it sure sounds like it!).

Later, I got sent to speech class, which REALLY upset me and I decided not to go to school anymore. I ditched like, oh 98% of the time. I remember many times they (my brother, my step dad and my mom) tried to get me to school. It is kinda humorous: My dad tried twice, first time he ran out of gas and didnt have enough money to get me to school and back to post, second time the car broke down. My brother brought me to the bus and watched me get on. He told me he would be there to pick me up when the bus returned me, to be sure I went. So when he turned around, I told the driver I had to go to BR, and ran out of the bus, spent the whole day roaming the city (after having stolen a box of snickers and started feeding them to all the neighborhood dogs). Then when it was time to pick me up, I was around the corner and as the buses unloaded, I just blended in with the crowd.

Yep, I missed as much school as I could. Any excuse was good for me: It was raining, the sun was shining, anything to get out of school.

I remember one time my friend invited me to her house. I stayed over for 3 months before my mom found me. I had stopped going to school entirely. She was pretty mad at me.

Ok, I was not the perfect child, but I had no-one but my brother raising me, if he was.

More later.

[Barbz]

For someone who skipped school so determinedly, you write very well. You've got talent. I'm glad you're using it.

[Sky]

Hi Whatever,

I'm glad you started telling your story! Sounds like yours were in the "horror story" category of Scientology experiences. Hopefully you will find it therapeutic to get it out there. And no big deal if you can't get it out all at once. Just my Flag OOT experience took me several days and posts to be able to get most of it in writing. And that was only a year's worth of experiences, and I left a lot of things out as I didn't want to be specific enough for anyone to identify me.

So keep posting when you're ready and we'll be reading!

Sky

[KMomma]

Hi whatever,

HUGS to you. Please finish your story whenever you are ready.

[Tigger]

Hi Whatever,

I admire your courage. It must not be easy to tell how you were raised. Take your time. This is a healing process for you and a learning process for many of us, especially those of us who are "never been's".

You story makes me realize how fortunate my daughters were that their father was only a "public" and that their disconnection from a Scientologist parent is not the worst thing that could have happened to them.

Best Wishes,

Tigger

[UMike]

Oh dear.
You stayed strong thru it all. And you will survive this....I really believe that. Forgive yourself for the things that still bother you. You've learned from it.
You seem like a very nice person. I'm wishing you a happy-healthy Scientology-free life. OK?
welcome....

UMike

[jodie]

To add my support to everyone above, and - what they said: take your time, you have courage, you have our full support.

Love to you.

- jodie