2011 PREDICTIONS - You heard it here first!

Discussion in 'General Scientology Discussion' started by HelluvaHoax!, Jan 20, 2011.

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  1. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

  2. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    RULES

    1. All PREDICTIONS have to posted by Jan 30th 2011.

    2. No fair editing your predictions once you post them. (Damn, there could be some crazy-ass scamming if people are re-writing the predictions AFTER something happens! LOL)

    3. End of the year, a WINNER and RUNNER UP WINNER is announced based on the most alarmingl accurate prediction that actually came true.

    4. Award also given for the worst freakin prediction that nearly everyone KNEW was never gonna happen in the first place.

    5. Contestants are not allowed to consult with OT's to get answers. (that's cheating)

    6. You can make as many predictions as you want but you can't give 2 opposing predictions like Ron would so that you are always right.
     
  3. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    2011 Predictions I wish would come true but probably will take a few more years....

    * Katie Holmes blows and writes a tell-all book called "MY LIFE IN SCIENTOLOGY HELL" which become a huge bestseller and her career is fully resurrected with a couple blockbuster movies and a fashion line of clothing that makes her life fun and interesting. And she gets her old cuteness back.

    * One of COS's top Private Investigators decides to write a whistleblower book called "FAIR GAME!" detailing all the dirty tricks and criminal acts routinely ordered by Scn execs and church lawyers.

    * Dan Sherman's meticulously kept secret personal journal of the last 2 decades of COB's deception and propaganda lies (which he facilitated) is stolen by a blowing Int staff member and published on the net.
     
  4. AngeloV

    AngeloV Gold Meritorious Patron

    Rex Fowler is convicted of second degree murder for the killing of Tom Cianco.

    Several church orgs/buildings are sold.

    The "super power" building in Clearwater, FL does not open.

    At the end of 2011 OTs and clears still do not exist.

    ESMB Flourishes and Prospers despite all attempts by OSA to damage it.

    Hoaxie causes several ESMB posters to sustain bumps and bruises when they fall out of their chairs laughing their asses off as they read his hilarious posts.
     
  5. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    :hysterical:

    That must be one hell of a stuck front door if it cannot be opened after 20 years, $200 million dollars and all the OT's on the planet trying to turn the handle!


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  6. OTBT

    OTBT Patron Meritorious

    Elron will still be dead for his 100th Birthday on March 13, 2011.
     
  7. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    Prediction 2011...

    A Scientologist at an event will not have the slightest clue what was said after listening to one of COB's 200-word-triumphant-rapid-fire-machine-gun sentences.

    But, just to be on the safe side, they will turn to the Scientologist next to them and say "Wow, that's so theta!"
     
  8. Arthur Dent

    Arthur Dent Silver Meritorious Patron

    Hoaxie will open in Vegas!
    Standing ovations ensue.
    A small number of OAS hard cores who have not been able to get their product of closing the show down are forced to protest outside with signs that say "Ya can't clear the planet with a sense of humor! Boycott Hoaxie's show!"
    They are trampled by the crowds.
     
  9. anonomog

    anonomog Gold Meritorious Patron

    He already has or is in the process of mulling over his options at Mommy's place.
    Marty's post was just too much of a turnaround for it to be just because he is feeling benevolent. Something is going down.
    Thats my prediction.

    Oh and that Sci's will be regged at the Birthday event, the maiden voyage event, etc etc etc
     
  10. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    lololololol

    Damn, I hate when I am doing standup comedy in Vegas and the audience is filled with OSA hecklers passing out DA fliers.

    But it reminds me of another really stupid moment in Scientology.

    The moment Hubbard said 2 completely opposite things:

    1. Scientology is a deadly serious activity.

    2. If it's not fun, it's not Scientology.

    And Scientologists believe both of those stupid lies--at the same time!
     
  11. Lurker5

    Lurker5 Gold Meritorious Patron

    I saw that

    I saw that yesterday (when ESMB down for maint) - and wondered same thing - if TD wasn't already sending feelers out - for help - to get out. Or if Marty hasn't heard through channels that TD might be wanting to get out.

    God, I hope so . . .
    Gees, let it be true, let it be true, let it be true.

    The more, the better - -

    Oops, did we just tip off osa/dm to the Great Escape? What will happen now - where will they secrete TD now? Up dm's you know what? I hear he likes - ugh oh - dark place that - and full of it - the secret scno/co$ headquarters . . . .

    TD - get out while you can !

    GET OUT !
     
  12. Free Being Me

    Free Being Me Crusader

    1) $cientology's tax exempt status is revoked in the U.S.
    2) Little Davey, in a flash of brilliance, declares SP's at Antarctica are responsible for world wide suppression. A new Super Power building is built next to some indifferent Eskimos. Penguins assume Little Davey is a penguin and are collectively astonished that "one of there own" is in charge of a cult. Libraries are built to house sets of the Basics, which the penguins raid to line their nests.
    3) HelluvaHoax and Ricky Gervais appear together on Jay Leno, David Letterman and Craig Ferguson doing a $cientology stand up routine so funny Little Davey runs off to Antarctica to hide from the ridicule and commiserate with the penguins.
     
  13. blownstaffmember

    blownstaffmember Patron with Honors

    I predict that every day in 2011, the sun will rise in the east and set in the west.
     
  14. Arthur Dent

    Arthur Dent Silver Meritorious Patron

    Yes, it's a prime example of the study tech in play....the "thesis" - "anti-thesis" that results in a "synthesis," remember? As if that was a bad thing!
     
  15. Mystic

    Mystic Banned

    I hereby predict, for all to see, that in 2011 predictions shall be predicted.
     
  16. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    Prediction....In 2011 this will happen in a Scientology home somewhere:

    A telephone rings. The husband picks up.

    HUSBAND SCIENTOLOGIST
    Hello.

    VOICE OF SCN CALLER
    I just wanted to confirm you for the single greatest event
    in the history of Scientology. It's mandatory. This is a life-
    changing event that is beyond your wildest dreams and a new
    release that I cannot tell you is about to make planetary clearing
    a reality and totally crack the thing you always wanted handled
    on your case. It makes the bridge super fast now and super
    affordable for everyone on the planet. It's OT like you always
    hoped for. It's the first OT level and you will never be trapped
    again and you can know this with certainty for your eternity.
    So, I am confirming you will be there, correct?

    HUSBAND SCIENTOLOGIST
    (thinking to himself: "Bullshit! I fucking hate you and your
    fucking lies and your hideously boring over-hyped propaganda events
    where nothing ever happens,you bullshitting piece of shit!"
    )

    Oh that sounds theta. I am excited to go.

    WIFE SCIENTOLOGIST
    Who was that honey?

    HUSBAND SCIENTOLOGIST
    Oh it was the event call-in confirming us for the
    event.

    WIFE SCIENTOLOGIST
    (thinking to herself: ""Bullshit! I fucking hate those people and their
    fucking lies and their hideously boring over-hyped propaganda events
    where nothing ever happens, those bullshitting pieces of shit!")

    Oh that sounds theta. I am excited to go.

    They both look at each other with VGIs for a moment before returning to whatever they were doing before. ​
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2011
  17. nozeno

    nozeno Gold Meritorious Patron

    Now that's just wishful thinking.

    Or is it postulation? :omg:
     
  18. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on

    Not sure what to call it, but if all 3 of those things happen in 2011, the enrollment and GI stats at St. Hoax Manor are going to skyrocket!
     
  19. nozeno

    nozeno Gold Meritorious Patron

    BOLD
     
  20. Free Being Me

    Free Being Me Crusader

    Bill Maher will write, direct and star in the movie called "The Mad Hubbard". A film exposing Hub's paranoia, drug use, blatant lies and final demise. Bill will win an academy award for lead actor as he nails the part of Hub creating a money making scam u.f.o. cult.
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