2018 SCIENTOLOGY PREDICTIONS - - You heard it here first!

Discussion in 'General Scientology Discussion' started by HelluvaHoax!, Dec 21, 2017.

View Users: View Users
  1. I told you I was trouble

    I told you I was trouble Suspended animation

    A cheap, nasty, flashy looking spaceship cunningly disguised as a motorhome will arrive on March 13th 2018 with culty symbols glued across the sides and top (well, I suppose no-one will see the bottom if they manage to land upright). Severely height challenged creatures will trot out of it wearing sailor suits and boots with 2 foot high lifts and unfortunate Elvis haircuts, smiling superciliously (like wot oatees do) with hard, cold, staring eyes (like wot scientologists have) clutching clipboards and looking an awful lot like COB clones ... they will calmly proceed to do a thorough (approximately 3 second) aggressive, but very efficient "eval" of planet earth and obnose that somehow scientologists were accidentally dropped onto the wrong planet back in the 1950's (heads will roll) and they have been making complete dicks of themselves ever since.

    One funny little clone will be overheard grumbling peevishly "they're not clearing this planet at all, they're smearing it ... and just making things worse!".

    Anyway, they will then 8C push every single scientologist into the boot/trunk of the aforementioned spaceship and sod off back to where they all came from, never to return ...

    ... and happy sighs of relief will be heard throughout the land followed by rapturous cheering and laughter, flowers will bloom again and birds will sing (well whistle really) little fluffy baby rabbits and puppies will appear all over the place and tiny silver bells will tinkle constantly and annoyingly sweetly ... and there will be peace on earth (apart from the constant terrorist attacks obviously).


    :bravo:
     
    • LOL LOL x 5
    • Like Like x 3
    • Winner Winner x 3
    • List
  2. Churchill

    Churchill Gold Meritorious Patron

    Predictions:

    1. Marty Rathbun will devote the entirety of his blog blaming Rinder, Remini and Ortega for the fact that his bitcoins have depreciated by 97%.

    2. Bob Duggan, realizing that for decades he’s been fleeced by Scientology, goes public on Season 3 of Aftermath.

    3. Danny Masterson files a lawsuit against the LAPD after it is discovered that he was repeatedly raped and sodomized while in jail, awaiting trial.

    4. Joy Villa runs for Congress, wins and immediately names Tom Cruise as her running mate, is promptly laughed out of Congress, and never heard of again, although whispered rumors suggest she’s “with Shelley.”

    3. More and more people continue leaving and speaking out about what a horror show Scientology really is.
     
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2017
    • LOL LOL x 3
    • Thanks Thanks x 2
    • Winner Winner x 2
    • Like Like x 1
    • List
  3. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    HolyHell! If that happens you will win the ANNUAL ESMB PREDICTIONS Grand Prize!

    Aside from being given a jumbo medallion (that is 5.4x bigger than the one awarded to Mr. Cruise) you will be given other valuable prizes, including a matching OT BUSTERS t-shirt and headcam ensemble.

    If that really happens I will contribute 3 pro-bono, hoax-debunking questions for the Aftermath panel to ask Bob Duggan. Obviously (to keep their exchange in), I am not going to do that unless they first agree to send a Commendation Report to my out-ethics folder.

    .
     
    • LOL LOL x 3
    • Like Like x 2
    • List
  4. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .


    PREDICTION:

    One day in 2018, Scientology super-shill-super-shrill celebrity Kirstie Alley will catch an alarming glimpse of herself in the mirror---and pause a hard moment to wonder: "Does this cult make me look fatuous?"

    .
     
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2017
    • LOL LOL x 9
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  5. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor

    .


    PREDICTION:

    At a 2018 Scientology event where COB stands at the podium in front of a 100 feet high jumbotron video screen playing "shock & awe" graphics of the cult's conquest of planet earth, a Scientology OT VIII in the audience will become disoriented from all the thundering rapid-fire stats, graphs and gleaming idealism of ideal orgs! Add to that, the OT VIII will go completely "out of PT" because they won't have a clue what COB is screaming and saluting about.

    At that moment, our hapless OT VIII will realize that everyone in the auditorium has suddenly leapt to their feet with ecstatic applause and cheering. So, naturally the clueless OT VIII jumps up and begins wilding grinning and clapping--even though they did not understand one word of what COB just said!

    Nonetheless, when a Hip-Hip-Horraying cult member next to the OT VIII glances at them with raised eyebrows (as if to say "wow, what do you think of that?!"), the OT VIII will enthuse: "Wow, that's so theta!"



    .
     
    • LOL LOL x 3
    • Like Like x 1
    • List
  6. chuckbeatty

    chuckbeatty Patron with Honors

    I didn't know until today, that Ted Koppel is only 5 feet four inches tall, yet the seating of the old Koppel Miscavige interview made Koppel seem taller than Miscavige, but the two of them side by side would have been a great photo for history had someone photo'd the two of them side by side.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • LOL LOL x 1
    • List
  7. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Gold Meritorious Sponsor


    Interesting! I never knew that interview was a battle of tiny titans!

    There is no doubt in my mind whatsoever that COB could have quite easily used OT1 tech to make himself appear orders of magnitude taller than Koppel!






    1 OT tech -noun:
    1. That unstoppable theta force which can overcome all barriers & cause any effect in the physical universe.
    2. (abbv.) Operating Telephonebook


    .
     
  8. lotus

    lotus autonomous rebellous

    Sis,

    Me wanting to help, I fixed your quote for you. (bold)
    No need to thank me..I know you are grateful since we came into an unprecedented theta agreement.

    :p

    Don't hurt Lotus :bignono:
     
  9. I told you I was trouble

    I told you I was trouble Suspended animation

    Ooooh, I didn't realise Mr T was an issue ... I'll have to keep my beady eye on him (is he one of those annoying lefties Sis?).

    :whistling:


     
  10. lotus

    lotus autonomous rebellous

    Ooooh, I didn't realise Lefties was an issue ... :whistling:
    :yap:


    ..they just have a different natural tendancy than you when using their pen...

    :p


    [​IMG]

    :whoop::smartass:
     
  11. chuckbeatty

    chuckbeatty Patron with Honors

    I'm skeptical of Narconon setups being tanked. The formula for staffing Narconons and their rigid organizational rules following, the Hubbard rules system that is, and their high price tags for the treatment (quackery of Hubbard's), the price-staffing-organizational setups, only get tripped up by government licensing or laws.

    If France can't tank Narconons in their country, the EU more democratic countries won't be able to either. Only possibly Russia or China type of governments/laws can keep a country free of Narconons.

    Hubbard's quackery/rules/organization/staffing is a slippery adaptive bunch.

    When I was in the transition mindset out of the Scientology quackery, I one time scoured the "Clear Body Clear Mind" book, for just how could I do this treatment program "solo" just using the Hubbard materials I know exist free on the internet, etc, etc, and concluded that someone could easily do the Hubbard quack drug rehab treatment on their own, FREE, if they just knew all the materials, and routines, which someone who is a longterm trained Scientologist would know! The relevant theory writings of Hubbard are free on the internet, just needs searching up.

    The Hubbard quackery is "here to stay" even for future hopeful dupes wishing to make up their future quack treatments in the old mold.

    Hubbard's quackery is out of the box, out of the toothpaste tube, unsquirtable back into the tube (Hubbard's noggin).

    I've favored long term wise overview summaries of the Hubbard quackery to lay it to quackery rest.

    When good human word of mouth overviews come to predominate in the public's mind, then Scientology/Hubbard's nuttiness will be laid to rest.
     
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2017
  12. Teanntás

    Teanntás Silver Meritorious Patron

    2018 will be the year of REVELATION.

    Revelations : the deep state will be exposed - not good for politicians , particularly Democrats - the will win neither the House nor the Senate as they expect.

    Sexual abuse and exploitation will see even more light than in 2017. Scientology will be affected by this - it will hasten the decline of the cult.

    Major volcanic eruption around June 11 in the southern hemisphere will pose the biggest challenge to the climate we've seen in some time.
     
    • Poop Poop x 1
    • Tinfoil Tinfoil x 1
    • List
  13. FoTi

    FoTi Crusader

    1. Narconon in California will decline more rapidly now that recreational marijuana is now legal in California. :bong:

    2. Trump will get his wish to remove the tax exempt status from the Church of Scientology. :dance:
     
    • Like Like x 3
    • LOL LOL x 1
    • List
  14. J. Swift

    J. Swift Patron with Honors

    1. Three prominent Scientologists will be accused of financial and/or sexual crimes.

    2. Initials "TC" (Tom Cruise) will have a very bad year with recurring ankle problems, 2D failures, adult acne, gas and bloating, and a general PTS/NCG state.

    [​IMG]

    3. Joy Villa's proposed run for the US Congress will crash and burn. Dismayed, she will blame Scientology, publicly exit the Cult, and return to her former way of life:

    [​IMG]

    3. David Miscavige's hair will continue to rise to unprecedented heights. By October 2018, people will confuse David Miscavige for Marge Simpson:

    [​IMG]

    4. David Miscavige will announce the new "Ideal U-Boat" campaign. The concept here is to have the most fanatical Sea Org members take to the high seas in a large fleet of fully Ideal U-Boats in order to capture and plunder wog cruise ships for cash, jewelry, art, liquor, credit cards, laptops, cell phones, dental gold, and ship's crew to gang press into the Sea Org.

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2018
    • LOL LOL x 9
    • Winner Winner x 4
    • List
  15. screamer2

    screamer2 Patron with Honors

    Good. Lord. WTF?
     
  16. haaaaa

    haaaaa welcome

    hahahahaha as crazy as it is i could see number 4 happening
     
  17. phenomanon

    phenomanon Gold Meritorious Patron

    We have no " sad " button here to click on. This is so true, and I have been there, done that, on many of the events I've attended.
    It is sad to me how peeps can be led into a 'herd' reaction ( whatever you call it. Group think. Robotism. Brainwash.).
    I'll betcha that we have all done that, while feeling a bit stoopid about the hip hip hooraying BS.
     
  18. scooter

    scooter Gold Meritorious Patron

    Personally I think that the cult will continue its slow descent into oblivion quietly. It's as good as extinct here in Oz and I'm tipping that that will continue as most peeps realise that there are few teeth left in OSA these days.

    There may well be celebrity headlines over cult shills doing the stupid that they do so badly. There will be closures of orgs and missions and NarCONons (go Dave Love :thumbsup:) and the dwindling number of Faithful will circle the wagons even tighter and postulate big and get small. The Drunken Maggot will continue to hold His irrelevant events.

    But I believe this will be the Year of the Whale. Bob Duggan seems to have exited. Maybe a few more of the whales leave and then begin to claw back some of their funds from Herr DwarfenFuhrer's grasp. THAT would be the direction I see 2018 going in cult-wise.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
    • List
  19. The_Fixer

    The_Fixer Class Clown

    My prediction is that the sexual relationship (aren't I :naughty:) between Miscavige and Cruise will come to an end.... or has it already? I'm no Nostrodamus....

    I agree with you here too, Scooter. Scientology is very quiet over this way now, about the only noises seem to involve Narconon. Even those stories are fading now.

    If Bob Duggan has indeed exited, be interesting to see how the other whales react.
     
  20. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    Yes, it looks like Bob Duggan has exited the cult:
    DID BOB BLOW? Evidence that Scientology may have lost its biggest donor of all time
    https://tonyortega.org/2017/12/09/d...-may-have-lost-its-biggest-donor-of-all-time/
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
    • List

Share This Page