Since originally participating on this thread in July 2016 (after my first and only session of EMDR), I have learned a lot more about, especially since my psychologist is fully trained and certified in it. I'd always been critical of it for at least a year before I tried it. She is a Ph.D after all, and I expected her to have her head on straight. But, now I've read a ton of research on it. It really IS a legitimate therapy that helps many, many people with PTSD. I knew that before, kind of, but now I know that it's true.
However, not all PTSD cases are the same, and this is perhaps more likely the reason why my EMDR session went horribly wrong, or at least compounded other reasons. It's true it also triggered me into a tailspin. But I don't think it was just because it reminded me a little of auditing and e-meters, or even the feeling of suspicion of being duped again.
It's that EMDR is only good for certain types of PTSD.
It works well on soldiers (most likely) because they are probably traumatized over something pretty specific, and maybe if I was traumatized
only by Scientology, it could have worked for me too. But I have Complex PTSD and EMDR doesn't work so great for this type of PTSD.
When someone has Complex PTSD (plus, remember, I have bipolar as well), they could very well have aspects of a dissociative disorder too. Bringing their attention to the lights and the clicking and all that, can be too much. I have an
extreme dissociative disorder because of everything I've been through (a ton of abuse
before I even got into Scientology). But the tapping, that helps me when I feel temporarily panicked, stressed, angry, upset, etc. There's also a thing called havening which is additionally connected to the whole EMDR model, and that helps too. The havening is a lot like the tapping (based on the meridian system thing) and works even faster. People have basically been doing something just like it as a natural reaction to soothe themselves forever -- cradling themselves and rubbing their own arms when feeling extremely upset, shocked, etc.
Anyway, in full disclosure, ever since that "incident," that day I received my first EMDR session -- for those of you just tuning in -- I felt pretty good afterward. But then I went to lunch with a friend an hour afterward and told her about it. She, of course, had never heard of it before, and was naturally very skeptical. She was just looking out for me. As a matter of fact she's a big anti-Scientology/free speech/Anonymous friend of mine (I mean, neither of us are in Anonymous but she's connected to them on Facebook and loves that they dislike Scn). She's also never been in the cult either. I've known her as a "wog." Anyway, when I tried to tell her about EMDR in a quick nutshell, I was hearing myself talk about the eye machine and holding the little buzzies in my hands. Just before, I could gauge her reaction. I couldn't help but agree. "It sure sound like a Scientology's e-meter," she said with her mouth half stuffed with un-chewed sandwich.
For the rest of the day, that was all I could think about.
It's just another bullshit mind bending apparatus. I'm so fucking gullible! By the evening, I was having a bit of an obsessive meltdown, and three days later, I'd been crying and couldn't make it stop. I can't remember if I mentioned this part on the forum (probably not), but my therapist and I decided that EMDR wasn't for me. Still, all the other treatment surrounding it (mainly the reading), I've done, and I've even made drawings pertaining to some of the concepts. But all in all, I have not been doing well since that point in time. That's not to say it is
because of that day. That's just the time I've used to mark the calendar as to when my depression took a major turn for the worst. It could be other factors, like having had quit smoking a couple of months before that. Or maybe my meds began to wear off? I'm not sure. Still, the tapping and havening are little temporary fixes when things get escalated.
I also was working on a book,
which could explain all of this. Editing, drafting, writing and rewriting all the tragedies in my life -- every day, over and over.
That's probably "why." I finished it on the 3rd of March and now I am just so glad to get some distance, but the depression is still with me.
Thanks for listening, I mean reading.
) ESMB was fortunate to be joined by a retired psychologist, Dr. Patti Jane. She wrote the following:
I was trying to be as polite as possible (and probably wound up just not being very clear) that I don't believe in "mind over matter." I can see positive thinking making someone "feel" better while they a battling out cancer or some such thing. I do not think however, it changes the ultimate outcome.
