Thanks, I think what put my relationship with my sister and mum, I was dying in hospital after a near fatal Pulmonary Embolism and when you have been fighting for your life and been brought back to life, yes that serious, my partner contacted the family on my behalf while i was in intensive care, my sister was only concerned about bumping into my father who is die hard scientologist and did not want to come and see me because he was coming. my mum never came to see me either. When I came too and survived, I was brought to life with a different perspective in life and tried to be more forgiven of my family, I tried to accept my father being in the group and just tried to get on with it. i soon realised that i was second to his beliefs and that upset me alot because i only seen him 2 times in the 2 years because he could not get time off course because he did not have time to make it up. this hurt me along with my sisters attitude. I know that my sister is recovering but i would be at her bedside if she was fighting for her life and my mum's too no matter how frail our relationship is. maybe thats been my problem, giving a shit! well since, I have been in control, I feel better that way! is blood thicker than water?
Ugh! How awful. This may sound cliche, but I can relate. Without getting into the detail, I know how hurtful it can be when you think someone will be there for you in an urgent situation and the person doesn't even show, or worse. Do you ever get over that feeling of betrayal?
Do they ever stop treating you that way? Can you ever fully trust your family again?
1) Yes, 2) possibly and 3) It depends.
For me, I had to wake up to realize that not only were they strangers to me, but I was a stranger to them. They had an idea about me, about who I was or what I thought and felt and they had me all wrong. It was difficult not to bring up the past to straighten it out, since it was a taboo subject with some family members, but again, it was my scn background that made me think it was necessary to clear up any gossip or rumors or things I may have done that upset them in the past. Actually, it was never necessary to bring up any of that and any time I did, it had a real bad result.
We were strangers to each other. What I had to do was demonstrate who I was through shared experiences. Good experiences. I also had to stand up for myself when appropriate without losing my temper or disconnecting because by doing so, I showed them I did not deserve the bad treatment, that disagreements happen and that we could weather through them.
They were hurt from when I was in scientology and wasn't there for them and had different ways of showing it and different odd ideas about me. There was no picking up where I left off. There was only starting from scratch as strangers.
It was so friggin' hard. So many tears of frustration along the way, so much grief, so much anger. Sometimes I just can't believe all that's gone.
There are things we will never have in common but other things that we always will. Shared tastes in things from clothes to cars to music, holiday memories, all of the children. There are new memories we are now creating. Thank God for grandkids, nieces, nephews and their kids. What a godsend they have been with the joys and new experiences they bring, their fresh outlooks, their beautiful, innocent love.
By now we have all given each other irreplaceable gifts of the heart. It took years and years though, and a lot of lonely holidays before that happened. So many times I was sure it would never happen.
But it did. And the family members I fought the most with, the ones that brought me the most grief (and they'd probably say the same about me, lol) are now the ones I would trust with my life.
Let things happen. Participate. Be yourself and don't be ashamed, afraid or guilty or make them feel that way. It can happen and if you want it badly enough, you'll make sure it does. But man, you better be in for the long haul with a semi-trailer full of patience!
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