I apologise if my post is emotional or a little jumbled because of the emotions. Unlike all of you I was never a Scientologist but my family have been in Scientology since 1950 as my Dad proudly boasts. I'm told when my father had a family he left for a while to focus on raising us and he did so alone which in the 80s is no small achievement and of course I'm very grateful. My first memory of any of the Scientology books was when I was around six and the name L.Ron Hubbard and I knew my father didn't like us touching the books they were very precious to him. I don't recall until I was maybe 13 my parents arguing about him returning to Scientology. The cost of these courses I kept hearing them fight about and I couldn't figure out how someone who wrote science fiction novels could be considered a credible religious leader much less creator and I guess I never really took it too seriously. I don't claim to know nearly as much as you all and as I've never lived it my knowledge of Scientology was what I could read online and overhearing arguments. I remember being horrified reading a story online about a woman in America who died because she was essentially imprisoned and starved and she was taken to get medical assistance too late. I remember thinking my Dad MUST see this he must know that these people are bad and that they're killing others. I won't ever forget his response to me "People hate what is different and they lie about Scientology to sell stories". We didn't speak of Scientology for years until these people "friends of my Dad" came to visit one Saturday afternoon and when I realised they were Scientologists I seized the opportunity to ask them all I could about their religion to which I received a lot of blank stares and disdain and one who looked another and whispered "Suppressive". I didn't know then what it meant and I still I guess don't in the way it would probably hurt all of you to be called it but I knew by how they looked at me that it wasn't a compliment on my curiosity. As a young adult I was quite feisty and to my detriment at times I questioned anything and everything. The more I learned about Scientology the more ridiculous it seemed to me and I couldn't fathom how my Dad who is smart and educated and logical could buy into any of this. I don't necessarily feel proud of every conversation I ever had with him regarding his choice of religion because I definitely don't feel it's ok to mock or belittle someone's beliefs and for that I will always regret but I had gone from I guess debating back and forth about different teachings or contradictions to probably at times outright mocking him and making fun of him for being so naive. I always felt one day soon enough he would have an awakening and realise this stuff was stupid and he would walk away. But it seems he was just biding time for everyone to leave home and he could have his time and expenses freed up. Growing up in my household with one parent a Christian and the other a Scientologist makes for some very different parenting. I try to laugh about it but some of the things my father told me so sincerely and genuinely meant I look back on now and shake my head. Like the time I had gotten sick and he had shared that a person is only sick if they choose to be. Imagine trying to wrap your head around cancer patients CHOOSING such a thing for instance. Or more serious things like when I was diagnosed with a mental illness and he told me that psychiatrists were liars and that the medicines they were giving were poison. He was my Dad and I believed him wholeheartedly and spent the better part of being a young adult wanting to die and suffering in a way I would wish on no living soul. My Dad slowly, slowly became more and more involved again with his church and we all gave up trying to talk about it and just let him do his own thing. Who was I to say he couldn't choose any religion he wished? It was easier to have peace than to be right. Yesterday my father returned from a three week absence. He was "studying a course" a gift from his brother (a member named within this website) and after weeks of trying to get hold of him and no one being able to tell me what was going on I finally spoke to him. The first conversation short and sweet and just checking if he was ok and then a second call that he initiated. I wish I had recorded it because it was possibly the most surreal horrific moment. This man I had known and had loved my whole life is yelling down the phone at me about How dare I question him, his life is whatever he chooses to do with it, he was allowed to do things for himself that he felt he needed without being attacked. The whole time I'm just trying to work out what the hell is going on and how in five or ten minutes between calls he went from nice and calm to enraged and yelling at me. Have you ever seen a crazy, homeless man raving nonsensical things in a park? THAT is how this felt and he was mad at me for stuff I'd not even said or done. I sat in my car on the side of the road and cried. I couldn't and still can't understand where this had all come from. But then I got mad and whether warranted or not my blame lay at the feet of this thing he was calling a church. I've never heard my Dad heated, angered or in a raised voice my whole life until you mention Scientology and I was mad. These people spent three weeks with my father and I don't know what they did with him or what "course" he took but I know what they returned to our family isn't my Dad. So I dialled his number and waited and told my Dad I would call a lawyer and have him evaluated and he made his enduring power of attorney if this erratic behaviour continued and call me crazy I don't care... I really never expected people to believe all this but I had to try... the phone went quiet he had stopped talking a moment and it's almost like someone was having a conversation with him and his whole demeanour switched to apologising and reassuring me he was fine and everything was ok and he loves us etc. My Dad is a good and honest man and there's never been a time that I didn't be take him at his word... until yesterday. I didn't believe a damn thing he said. I love my Dad and I wish I could blindly ignore all the negative about Scientology just so I could ensure my family wouldn't be broken up but I can't and the more I discover about it the more afraid I am about losing him to something I know in comparison to you all so little about. My Aunty shared with me today her experiences with Scientology. I told her about all the negatives I had read and her reply being "It's all true" took my breath away. She hasn't spoken to her brother (my Uncle) in years because she no longer believes as he does and he's distanced himself from her. How is this happening? I know by far I'm not nearly the first to go through this stuff so please help me understand how this is so appealing to good, smart, decent men and women. Please help me understand what happens next. I don't want to lose my Dad. I'm torn between respecting his desire to have whatever religion he chooses and a crushing fear that he will end up the way so many other family members seem to become within this group and they're just lost to their families forever.