Hello, everybody. This is my first posting. For several years, I haven’t been very happy at all with the current state of the Church of Scientology. I finally took the plunge and decided to look at an online site or two. Just to check it out – to fully analyze everything. The first one I saw was Exscientologykids.com and one of the stories linked to here, ESMB. That was about a month ago. I was expecting to see a bunch of whining and criticism by a bunch of down-toned degraded beings. Ha! Talk about being totally wrong. Everything I wanted to know about Scientology – but was afraid to find out. One of the first stories I read was from Bea Kiddo. Wow. Such a sad tale but told by someone so terrific with so much compassion. It was quite the eye opener. No natter at all. By relaying her story, Bea indicated so much bypassed charge in so many different areas. Bea, your story is so interesting, sad, funny, nasty, frustrating, shocking and sweet. And then I read Mo’s – Twin A’s story. It is as brilliant and sad a tale as I could possibly read. I love your style of writing. Mo, your story really touched my heart. I can’t begin to tell you how much your story meant to me. Both of these; the most riveting stories I’ve ever read. Only an ex-Churchie can really duplicate it. Thank you so much for writing your stories. Mine is really nothing – maybe a few little anecdotes. My history is nothing like Bea’s or Twin A’s epic stories. And I’m glad it isn’t. I’m sure I wouldn’t have survived to talk about it. I don’t really have any horror stories, mainly just a lot of sad observations over the years. I have since read a lot of other stories and posts on this site. There are so many funny, kind and thoughtful people. I have found a new home. I’m one of those love the tech, very disabused of the church kind of guys. I got in Scientology almost thirty years ago. I have had some fantastic wins. I’m Clear and trained up to CL V in the early 80’s. But don’t worry; I’m not wishy-washy. I am definitely out now. In fact, I’d LOVE some tips – okay exact procedures on how to get repayments. Won’t they just declare me and ignore my letters? But that’s another issue. I was dedicated public at times, staff for a couple years – TTC (tech training core) at home org and at Flag, word clearer and auditor, a namby-pamby dilettante some times and off lines for large pockets of times (including paying off a big freeloader bill), married and divorced a Scientologist, had kids and raising them as future Scientologists. Not sure how I’m going to tell them that Daddy won’t be going back to the Org. And why. But that, too, is another issue. Background and how I got started To make a long story short, I was a really sad and depressed teenager who smoked a lot of pot and did some other drugs. When I was eighteen, I saw an ad for Dianetics in an Omni science fiction magazine in the late ‘70s and bought a paperback Dianetics book. For some reason, I felt it would be my savior (translation into Scientologese; it really indicated). I remember on more than one occasion looking at the Dianetics book when I was high. Mainly I read just the cover and table of contents - maybe a page or two. Realizing that I was really sad and miserable and that drugs weren’t helping me in the long run, I decided to force myself to quit all drugs. Took me about a month but, to this day, it’s still my greatest accomplishment. Not sure if I’m quite over it yet. It’s only been twenty-eight years, ten months and a few days. I was so addicted to pot. Me thetan and me body absolutely LOVE pot. But I’m digressing. So that was my game in life at eighteen – to quit drugs. That made me rather high-toned for a while. But once I knew I was done with them, I went back to being low-toned again. I was very sad. My mind was always racing, depressed, very pathetic. I was in horrible mental condition. I can’t overstate how bad I felt. I finally picked up the Dianetics book and made myself read it from cover to cover. I’m sure I had hundreds of mis-understood words but I did get a lot out of it. I had pretty much realized – this was it. It made so much sense and I needed to be a Clear – then I would be happy. I just knew I found the answer. After reading Dianetics, I went to a public library to see if I could find anything else by L. Ron Hubbard. I saw a “Have You Lived Before This Life?” book and my heart sank. Was this whole thing just a scam? Well, I was so enthusiastic about Dianetics that I figured I’d at least read HYLBTL. Holy crap; earlier/similar incidents straight into past lives? Not a scam but the secrets of life! Well, it made sense – this really was it. Past lives, immortality, oh this was so great! There was a sticker in the book for a local mission. From less than zero to forty in the blink of an eye. Okay, the same thing happened to me like so many other new people. I went into the mission with hopes of getting Book 1 auditing and instead signed up for a TR’s and Objectives type course. (Remember years after this, they had the little pitch – “ridge on the bridge” and let people get book 1 auditing right away? This was going to boom the Orgs and clear the planet.) I didn’t really mind though – I was open to see what had developed since 1950. I didn’t get much out of TR’s at that time but my musical twins and I did audit each other on Objective ARC – and other processes. (Look around here and find something really real to you, look around here and find something you wouldn’t mind communicating with, etc. can’t remember the exact patter). My first real session as a PC. It was ho-hum, kind of boring but not bad, looking around, doing the commands and then all of a sudden…BOOM! I didn’t know exactly what happened but all the mass associated with being in a body disappeared. My body wasn’t heavy any more, it was like I was hovering – but still in my head – but with no life draining energy connection. I was "unplugged" from my body. (Of course, took me a year or two afterwards with more study to realize I had exteriorized.) I was so out of my head (but still in or around the same location – if that makes sense) that I felt exposed and almost naked. Realize I was completely inverted on my eight dynamics in life (translation – I had my head stuck up my butt for years). I was introverted, shy, no girlfriend, lousy job, nothing. It was such a struggle to move around such a heavy, heavy, tired body (I was a skinny 19 yr old but it was so heavy). I had blood pounding and bells dinging and constant think-think-think, panic alarms (dive! dive!), so much constant clattering and noise in my head. I had about thirty conversations going on in me, seven bad movies running over and over, six wars and two cats scratching and biting at my thetan all at once. And it all of a sudden completely STOPPED. It was quite life changing; it was my epiphany. I was floating in mid-air. Everything was calm and peaceful and so beautiful. Nothing like drugs – this was real life and oh so frickin’ good!!! No noise - just ahhh. I had a smile on my face that I couldn’t wipe off. My ears, jaw and cheeks were sore from smiling so hard. In that one moment, I went from where dying would have brought me way up the tone scale to actually being all the way up the tone scale; it felt like I was at serenity of beingness for a little while. Wow; just writing that makes me want to march down to my nearest Church of... Church of... Oh crap. I almost forgot. There is no more Church of Scientology – just a dead empty lick and a promise of what once was; but never quite had been. Yes, I’ve used several LRH type phrases in this post for fun. Just so you know, not everyone would get these types of gains with this auditing procedure or in any session(s) for that matter. This particular one, Objective ARC, just really worked for me. I have no idea if the magnitude of my wins communicated well or not. Just know that it was these feelings and sensations from reading two books and a little bit of auditing with absolutely fantastic results that really hooked me hard into Scientology. I hope that I was able to tell even just a little bit of how it felt - how wide open and beautiful the future looked when someone really realizes that Scientology and LRH is the answer to all of their own and mankind’s hopes and dreams. This is the most important part of my story. I don’t think non-Scientologists can really understand how it feels and why we can love the tech, and ultimately the Church, so much. I mean just look at this: I was a very sad, depressed person; nearly insane. Then I discovered Dianetics and it sounded fantastic, it was very plausible that I lived before, maybe I was immortal and the Objectives auditing WORKED: I just had the greatest moment of my life – probably of many, many lifetimes – if one believes in that sort of thing. The question isn’t how could someone fall for the Church of Scientology and all that it is about, the question is how could one NOT??