Just registered today and here is my story.

Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by thoughtank101, Mar 7, 2015.

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  1. thoughtank101

    thoughtank101 Patron

    I was an SO member for 17 years, and it has been quite a few years since I am out. But
    only recently, actually, its only been since yesterday, I realized the ill intent of LRH and others in on this
    absolute brilliant deception, which is Scientology. It has perfect control mechanics, disguised as standard
    tech.

    Scientology is so convincing, that discovering its true nature, has been like pealing an onion. I think i've been
    pealing the onion, for several years now, sometimes even putting a layer or two back on, as i couldn't face
    the truth, not only because of how important i held Scientology, but how much i was not willing to accept to the
    degree I had been duped, and to conceive that people could be so evil and debased to carry out such a crime, year
    in and year out, People I held at such high esteem, are actually worse than any "SP" I've ever hard off before.

    It actually took me 8 years, yes, 8 years on and off, before the bad dreams totally subsided, dreams of being under
    ethics, being judged so harshly under sever pressure. That feeling of being looked upon so disdainfully. You see i had
    a history of wanting to leave, I wanted to leave many times, but actually communicated it about 6 times. Other times I'd
    convince myself to stay. The reason I kept staying stemmed from my own conviction of doing the "greatest good"
    and the other hard working staff,I didn't want to put more weight on their shoulders. I hated the pressure one goes
    through, when one communicates they want to leave, but that was never the reason I did stay. I endured 3
    months of routing out. I get secondaries after seeing pictures of flag interiors, lol.

    I wish to help in the effort of getting the truth to SO members.

    I also wish to find friends who where SO members at Flag.
     
  2. La La Lou Lou

    La La Lou Lou Crusader

    Well done on getting out and posting here so fast, commendable!:yes:
     
  3. uniquemand

    uniquemand Unbeliever

    I've been out a long time (20 years, now), and was never part of the Sea Org (though I wanted to be). I'm glad you made it out.

    The pressure you talk about is something I understand. Most "public" only experience it during a "registrar" session, but as staff, you got that push to do more all the time, and as Sea Org, I can only imagine the pressure.

    The pressure is identical in function to "stress", which can make people sick, act crazy, and accident-prone. It IS suppression, IMO.

    I've experienced it sometimes outside of the Church, but never with the intensity and threat that the Church puts on things. It creates an abusive environment, and if any "case gain" happens in Scientology auditing sessions (which I think is quite possible), it is rapidly eroded or completely undone by the environment they create. It really is a well-constructed trap, and I salute you for escaping it.
     
  4. imSPecial

    imSPecial Patron with Honors

    welcome.

    that pressure is oppressive isn't it?

    well done on peeling the onion.
     
  5. Leland

    Leland Crusader

    Welcome ThoughtTank101 :goodposting:

    Lots of Ex-SO here.

    I was public....and never did a service at Flag.

    27 Years in for me....started in 1972 and got out in 2001 or there abouts...maybe 2000.
     
  6. Lurker5

    Lurker5 Gold Meritorious Patron

    Hello ! :wave: and :welcome2: T-tank101 - Glad you made it here ! :happydance:
     
  7. Outie

    Outie Patron

    Hi thoughttank101. After quite a few years lurking your post today really resonated with me and inspired me to finally get my feet wet. I am also ex SO and then was a public for several years after- about 17 in total - and still have nightmares. They suck. But I've also made a lot of progress. A bit over 2 years fully out. When I first left I was keen to be an Indie and continue in my daze. I'm so glad my other half (who left with me) cautioned just to take our time decompressing and see what happened. Once I kept reading I felt the layers coming off and opening up just as you described. I never thought I would post here ... As back then ESMB was in my mind full of evil anti's! Lol. But I soon came to enjoy my many visits to this board and it's helped on my journey. :yes::yes: I hope to hear more from you.
     
  8. lotus

    lotus autonomous rebellous

    Hey welcome to you both!

    You certainly will find Flag SO friends here!
    I've myself been, but for a very brief time ( I am no tough thus escaped SO life).
    I am out for +or- 20 years but discovered the truth of the scam only few years ago! ( we can make an oignon soup..)

    Don't like to speak about it though, too much dark environment.
    But I always like to read posts and stories about Sea Org.
    Take a seat, share, have fun and enjoy!

    People here are quite often very funny, :wink2: !

    Looking forward to read you both!:yes:
     
  9. Outie

    Outie Patron

    Thanks for the welcome lotus. There are some very clever people who hang around this board. They've helped me learn to laugh again... And some have been the source of tears... But best of all they've made me know I'm not alone in this. I've found it very difficult to convey the mind morph to anyone who's not experienced it. It's like living in 1984 where everything is doublespeak, where there are thought police and where white is really black. I can see why people who haven't experienced that have a hard time getting their heads around it.
     
  10. TrevAnon

    TrevAnon Big List researcher

  11. eldritch cuckoo

    eldritch cuckoo brainslugged reptilian

    Welcome "thoughtank101" and "Outie"! :biggrin:


    :party: :happydance: :dance3: :heartflower: :welcome2: :heartflower: :dance3: :happydance: :party:


    [​IMG]
     

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  12. sallydannce

    sallydannce Gold Meritorious Patron

    Welcome Thoughtank101 and Outie. :)
     
  13. randomx

    randomx Patron with Honors

    I was the bookstore officer at Flag from Feb till April 1988.
    Then seven new posts in seven days.
    Next posted as a tech page in the F.P.R.D mission under Don Jason.

    I was promoted to the Decks Project Force for irregular 2 D activities.
    Sex with a willing adult member of the opposite sex. "The horror...The horror..."

    Was on the decks with Annie Broeker`s sister (What was her name?) and parents.
    Their crime...... Being related to Annie.

    The decks was abandoned when the `86 Bills paid project" was manned up by un-rehabilitated DPF`ers..

    When I was sent to L. A. to recover some receipts from L. A. orgs I took a plane
    the fuck out of there. I said good bye to my eternity and "Hello" to a life.

    You may remember me... I used to be referred to as "That arsehole."

    My story.

    http://kiwianon.com/forums/index.php?topic=503.0
     
  14. ThetanExterior

    ThetanExterior Gold Meritorious Patron

    Welcome to both newbies.:hattip:

    Getting out was probably the best thing you'll ever do in your life.:yes:
     
  15. Sindy

    Sindy Crusader

    Thoughtank101 and Outie

    [​IMG]
     
  16. JustSheila

    JustSheila Crusader

    :welcome2: Thoutank101 and Outie!

    I'm looking forward to seeing your posts.

    [​IMG]
     
  17. oneonewasaracecar

    oneonewasaracecar Gold Meritorious Patron

    Double welcome. You'll probably find a few people you knew who blew from the SO.

    Good luck and good decompressing.
     
  18. Outie

    Outie Patron

    Thanks sooooo much for the warm welcome. After lurking all these years it's lovely to actually respond ( not just in my head!)
     
  19. La La Lou Lou

    La La Lou Lou Crusader

    Thanks for the link to your story, strong stuff! I can't read it all in one go, you write so well I can see the cat guts and bleeding nosed sheep. Well done on still being human despite your early experiences!
     
  20. HelluvaHoax!

    HelluvaHoax! Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on


    Hey hey! I was in Ron's Salvation Navy, too! Yayyyyyyyy!

    About those nightmares. They eventually fade completely.

    Typically everyone i have heard talking about it, the dream is usually finding oneself back in the Sea Org--and whatever horrible feelings that instigates. And like a good action movie, there are often "chase scenes" (LOL) where you are trying to escape and "THEY" are after you.

    I doubt there ever was, in the history of mankind, even one "engram". But, the etymological origins of that word ("trace on a cell") actually DOES apply to the aftershocks of having been in the cult. I think those nightmares are simply aftershocks and the reverberations eventually disappear.

    Welcome out, friend.