degraded being
Sponsor
It's a good question. Sorry if I can't give an off-the-top-of-my-head answer.
Don't be sorry, just find another part of your head from where you can give the answer.
If you'd rather not, as a sort of privacy issue don't worry about it. However, it could be interesting to try and find what you want if you really are unsure what it is you would like to get from the OT levels (I am presuming it is OT levels but it could be NOTS or Ls or...anyway, the "upper" bridge.)
Lots of people here wanted something and achieved it partially, fully, or not at all. Whether or not they got it they may consider they could have gotten it elsewhere, or with less pain.
Some might have gotten things they didn't think they would get, positive or negative.
Many, or most, feel that things they wanted were used as bait to trap them.
I am also curious about the people you mentioned who were examples of people who seemed to have benefited from upper level scientology, in your observation ( I hope I am being true to what you wanted to express). What did you see in them specifically, that made you think that you wanted what they had -something that could probably be gotten from scientology?
And yet another question. How come you saw that something special and you thought/decided that it was attained by doing scientology? Do you never see the same things in people who have never done scientology?
Here's the next question. Grit your teeth for this one. I have got to ask! How can you have been on ESMB all this time and presumably elsewhere on the net and read of all the bizarre deranged upper level self abuse and abuse by others and want to do that to yourself? If there are particular processes that you think are less deranged or not deranged at all, what are they? I haven't done them myself so everything might not be so off-the-wall as BT auditing, for all I know.
You added a different, but very relevant aspect to the thread topic. People wonder why they do it and why they did it. Why do you want to do it? Don't be shy.