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My bridge to OTVII

Carmel

Crusader
Darling Feral

We have communicated much regarding your story on personal lines, so I won't re-iterate here.

I just want to proclaim my love and admiration of you and Mrs Feral, and my appreciation of you for writing and posting this story. I know it will do much, in regard to freeing others from the trap.

Well done Boyo :thumbsup:
Ceedia
 

Feral

Rogue male
Then one day in March a tear appeared in the fabric that was woven around me. Anonymous protesting the orgs caused me to look at some of the posts on the web. I was asked by CCHR to write a comment backing an article by a church official, I saw a comment from a critic that caught my attention, I don't even remember what it was, so I followed a couple of links. I found some things that I had heard a lot about; Lisa Mcphearson, the 1982 mission holders conference, Wollersheim, LRHs passing and I discovered what really happened. After that I read for weeks, I started at the Int stuff, having worked on staff that was real to me, "musical chairs-int base style" rocked me to the core, I went on from there, having long past the point that I could ever continue with the "church." Eventually, I read about Hubbard. The more I read the bigger the betrayal got. It got to the point that I was convinced that EVERYTHING that the church ever promoted, whether it was at events or on the web or wherever it spoke was a smoke screen for some fact that they wanted to cover up. In fact the whole organisation appeared suddenly to be the antithesis of my image of it , an image shared by so many scientologists. Everything that I had held dear about the church was gone, all illusion, worse, it was a lie to cover the facts, which in almost every case were the complete opposite of the advertised intention and stats. I was gutted, felt like I had lost a close friend, in fact I had lost much more, in the worst way....the whole group was not who or what I thought it was.

In fact I found the OSA operations, and the GO actions utterly abhorrent. I felt a sick knot in my gut just thinking of the way people were treated because they had nominated themselves as critics of the church and the church for it's part had deemed them enemies of mankind; to be harmed or destroyed. Every game has it's critics and opponents. The church of scientology calls theirs SPs, psychopaths. The only beings in this universe who are truly beyond redemption. In fact it is even one of the methods of spotting the SP, his anti-scientology stance.

I was disturbed and ashamed to read about how my IAS contributions were used to fair game people, like Tom Gorman who was pressing rape charges against a staff member, and Gerry Armstrong's pursuit and suppression, as well as a host of others. I, like most, thought we were fighting evil SPs who would end the human races chances. Not some conscientious whistle blowers exposing the churches crimes ! So my most lauded achievements are now my greatest shame!

So suddenly, I understood why I was figuring on the Third Reich for so long and how many good people went along with the harm that they did....I had joined and supported a very similar ideology, I just couldn't see it. It was too close to home.

That is quite a disturbing experience and that is the viewpoint from which I post. The goal of becoming a "free being" with God like powers was over for me on my discovery of how Hubbard ended his days, in hiding, pursued, ill and insane. I also saw in reading story after story, that the game of scientology does not seem to end well for anyone. If you are still "in" just think over the OTs you've known and the long term dedicated staff and SO, how did they end up?

I was on solo nots and had stopped auditing when I first started reading the information, I had thought I would get back to it. As time went on, I was in a position where I felt it was only fair to explain my impending apostasy to the org. I was at the point that the thought of pursuing any scientology practice made me feel a bit ill. That was when the Director of Processing called for me to come to flag for my "refresher".Shocked by my sudden change of heart she asked for my materials back which I sent. I also sent a letter explaining the position I had taken. I included the human rights abuses and SP hall as well as the international census results showing less than 100,000 scientologists. As well as the Gallup poll showing the publics net positive view of scientologists -45 as compared to methodists 45, atheists -32. I was hoping, stupidly that he may see how I arrived at my conclusion.

At one level I was incredibly relieved, I did not have to do the mental gymnastics trying to explain and justify to myself and others the bizarre, dishonest and callously self serving activities of the church. That by itself was liberating too. I also felt as though someone had pulled a hundred pound parasite off me. I did not have to find the money or the time to stay on OTVII, an activity that was not contributing to our wellbeing in life. I didn't have to report in to flag every six months. I did not have to spend hours getting sec checked only to be told, once again by the ethics department that I should not masturbate. Also we wouldn't have to cover for each other, in caring for our daughter, who by now was a full time job, which we both found very hard to do on our own, while the other was on their "refreshers". I did not have to feel like a failure in the church because I was not contributing enough, like being on staff, starting a mission or running the OT committee, you see all OT VIIs are expected to be booming scientology in their area, as well as paying for their own services and auditing six times a day, it had been too much, especially with delivering the full time program we were doing to help rehabilitate our daughter, as well as her basic care........ I WAS FREE!
 
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Feral

Rogue male
That's when the beingness and game of scientologist ended. A game that had consumed so much attention and resources. The idea that I had attained something that was priceless in the states I had achieved, vanished in the light of the fact that I was really not much further than where I had started, and NO I did not have all the answers at my finger tips in those conveniently indexed volumes. I have to do my own legwork, just like every other "wog."( Gee, I have always hated that word !) Nor did I have the OT powers that I had dreamed of. I did learn a lot and had some wins, this is what kept me hoping as I continued the bridge, but 25 years ? Well over one million dollars went into it between the two of us, possibly one and a half. I would have to say it was largely a waste of money and the better part of the time spent on it. I am bitter about it because my participation was mainly achieved with lies.


Over the years of moving on the bridge, including 15 on solo nots I was sure that OT was just ahead of me, we were on our way. Suddenly, I am just another human...that's not so bad, but I went the long way about it ! There is a big hole in my life where scientology was. I am not sad, though quite adrift. Losing the whole basis or platform from which you view your life with it's attendant struggles has been a serious orientation issue. It will take time to re balance after an intense and insular experience like this I guess. Scientology was so central to our lives that it's absence takes some getting used to.

I am certain that any devout scientologist who reads this will, in their own mind at least , have to find an adequate ad hominem argument to explain my apostasy;" flag missed a withold", " he was out ethics", " he is motivating", " he couldn't audit", " he was PTS"...."he is a raging SP", "needed an advanced program" etc. ad infinitum, anything but consider that the church could be at fault ! That is what scientologist HAVE to do merely to maintain their faith in the tech, but mainly in the church. The consideration that this may be an accurate description of someone's experience of scientology and the bridge would just be too uncomfortable for the faithful to face. Every day we are spotting one or another method used to coerce or control our thoughts and actions whilst in scientology. To separate from a cult like this creates huge changes in one thinking and out look. My mind is again my own. My wife and I are creating a future that we feel cheerful about. Just writng this and sharing it, although tough at times has put a lot of distance between me and the cult, in spirit I mean, that's got to be good!

I will help anyone who asks and tell anyone who listens. I am more than happy to see this story shared as far and as wide as it can be of use.

So that's my story, I hope it stops others, in and out of the cult from getting too burnt. In hindsight I wish someone had stuck their neck out and warned me way back when I was a bright eyed bushy tailed scientologist trying to get to flag to get through the second "wall of fire" .

It may be that my greatest function in life is to serve as a warning to others! LOL!!
 
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Jakadak

Patron with Honors
I don't know what to say.....I've read your story from the start and have so many emotions running through me right now.
:no: :bigcry: :angry: :ohmy: :grouch: :omg: :confused2: :duh:
( Just a few of them)
At least the last post ends on a happy note... You are free !!!!! That's fantastic !! Well done Feral !! :clap: :yes: :) :coolwink: :D
 

Neo

Silver Meritorious Patron
I have come to understand how life brings you exactly the events and people you need in order to learn lessons that are specific for each of us.

Exactly, like Feral writing his story for us now. And learning what true loyalty and dedication is like. Sorry to read about how the cult abused those traits of yours, Feral. Glad to see you are coming through. And thank you for writing your story, and writing it well, too :yes:

I consider it a blessing to be able to chat to people like you Feral, on this message board. Once again, thank you.

Neo
:)
 

nexus100

Gold Meritorious Patron
That's when the beingness and game of scientologist ended. A game that had consumed so much attention and resources. The idea that I had attained something that was priceless in the states I had achieved, vanished in the light of the fact that I was really not much further than where I had started, and NO I did not have all the answers at my finger tips in those conveniently indexed volumes. I have to do my own legwork, just like every other "wog."( Gee, I have always hated that word !) Nor did I have the OT powers that I had dreamed of. I did learn a lot and had some wins, this is what kept me hoping as I continued the bridge, but 25 years ? Well over one million dollars went into it between the two of us, possibly one and a half. I would have to say it was largely a waste of money and the better part of the time spent on it. I am bitter about it because my participation was mainly achieved with lies.


Over the years of moving on the bridge, including 15 on solo nots I was sure that OT was just ahead of me, we were on our way. Suddenly, I am just another human...that's not so bad, but I went the long way about it ! There is a big hole in my life where scientology was. I am not sad, though quite adrift. Losing the whole basis or platform from which you view your life with it's attendant struggles has been a serious orientation issue. It will take time to re balance after an intense and insular experience like this I guess. Scientology was so central to our lives that it's absence takes some getting used to.

I am certain that any devout scientologist who reads this will, in their own mind at least , have to find an adequate ad hominem argument to explain my apostasy;" flag missed a withold", " he was out ethics", " he is motivating", " he couldn't audit", " he was PTS"...."he is a raging SP", "needed an advanced program" etc. ad infinitum, anything but consider that the church could be at fault ! That is what scientologist HAVE to do merely to maintain their faith in the tech, but mainly in the church. The consideration that this may be an accurate description of someone's experience of scientology and the bridge would just be too uncomfortable for the faithful to face. Every day we are spotting one or another method used to coerce or control our thoughts and actions whilst in scientology. To separate from a cult like this creates huge changes in one thinking and out look. My mind is again my own. My wife and I are creating a future that we feel cheerful about. Just writng this and sharing it, although tough at times has put a lot of distance between me and the cult, in spirit I mean, that's got to be good!

I really feel I can not let the cult hurt more people. I would be happy to see this destructive organisation brought to it's knees.

I will help anyone who asks and tell anyone who listens. I am more than happy to see this story shared as far and as wide as it can be of use.

So that's my story, I hope it stops others, in and out of the cult from getting too burnt. In hindsight I wish someone had stuck their neck out and warned me way back when I was a bright eyed bushy tailed scientologist trying to get to flag to get through the second "wall of fire" .

It may be that my greatest function in life is to serve as a warning to others! LOL!!

I wish you better than that function, and I''ll bet it exists. But thank ypu for your wonderful and well told tale of love. I would be honored to meet you. Lacking that, you have my very best wishes and admiration.
 

MarkWI

Patron Meritorious
I have tears in my eyes, and I am full of admiration for you and your family. And love.
 

Panda Termint

Cabal Of One
Well done, mate! :thumbsup: :clap:
I believe that this is a VERY important story and I'm proud of you for posting it.
I predict that this will have an enormous impact on any currently active scientologist that reads it, :confused2: they'll have to ask themselves, "WTF?"
Love to you, Mrs Feral and the Munchkins. :hifive:
 

Mick Wenlock

Admin Emeritus (retired)
To the Clan Feral...

Great telling of a harrowing story, Feral.

Feral and I have talked a bit via e-mail about our shared experience of having a handicapped child while being in Scientology. Very poignant for me and the missus to read the story of another couple. You should be bustin' with pride for what you and your wife have done, Feral.

Thanks for sharing the tale M8!
 

uncle sam

Silver Meritorious Patron
That's when the beingness and game of scientologist ended. A game that had consumed so much attention and resources. The idea that I had attained something that was priceless in the states I had achieved, vanished in the light of the fact that I was really not much further than where I had started, and NO I did not have all the answers at my finger tips in those conveniently indexed volumes. I have to do my own legwork, just like every other "wog."( Gee, I have always hated that word !) Nor did I have the OT powers that I had dreamed of. I did learn a lot and had some wins, this is what kept me hoping as I continued the bridge, but 25 years ? Well over one million dollars went into it between the two of us, possibly one and a half. I would have to say it was largely a waste of money and the better part of the time spent on it. I am bitter about it because my participation was mainly achieved with lies.


Over the years of moving on the bridge, including 15 on solo nots I was sure that OT was just ahead of me, we were on our way. Suddenly, I am just another human...that's not so bad, but I went the long way about it ! There is a big hole in my life where scientology was. I am not sad, though quite adrift. Losing the whole basis or platform from which you view your life with it's attendant struggles has been a serious orientation issue. It will take time to re balance after an intense and insular experience like this I guess. Scientology was so central to our lives that it's absence takes some getting used to.

I am certain that any devout scientologist who reads this will, in their own mind at least , have to find an adequate ad hominem argument to explain my apostasy;" flag missed a withold", " he was out ethics", " he is motivating", " he couldn't audit", " he was PTS"...."he is a raging SP", "needed an advanced program" etc. ad infinitum, anything but consider that the church could be at fault ! That is what scientologist HAVE to do merely to maintain their faith in the tech, but mainly in the church. The consideration that this may be an accurate description of someone's experience of scientology and the bridge would just be too uncomfortable for the faithful to face. Every day we are spotting one or another method used to coerce or control our thoughts and actions whilst in scientology. To separate from a cult like this creates huge changes in one thinking and out look. My mind is again my own. My wife and I are creating a future that we feel cheerful about. Just writng this and sharing it, although tough at times has put a lot of distance between me and the cult, in spirit I mean, that's got to be good!

I really feel I can not let the cult hurt more people. I would be happy to see this destructive organisation brought to it's knees.

I will help anyone who asks and tell anyone who listens. I am more than happy to see this story shared as far and as wide as it can be of use.

So that's my story, I hope it stops others, in and out of the cult from getting too burnt. In hindsight I wish someone had stuck their neck out and warned me way back when I was a bright eyed bushy tailed scientologist trying to get to flag to get through the second "wall of fire" .

It may be that my greatest function in life is to serve as a warning to others! LOL!!

IMHO-keep on posting-you are terrific at expressing yourself and by sharing your thoughts others may become apostates!
 

MarkWI

Patron Meritorious
Then one day in March a tear appeared in the fabric that was woven around me. Anonymous protesting the orgs caused me to look at some of the posts on the web. I was asked by CCHR to write a comment backing an article by a church official, I saw a comment from a critic that caught my attention, I don't even remember what it was, so I followed a couple of links. I found some things that I had heard a lot about; Lisa Mcphearson, the 1982 mission holders conference, Wollersheim, LRHs passing and I discovered what really happened. After that I read for weeks, I started at the Int stuff, having worked on staff that was real to me, "musical chairs-int base style" rocked me to the core, I went on from there, having long past the point that I could ever continue with the "church." Eventually, I read about Hubbard. The more I read the bigger the betrayal got. It got to the point that I was convinced that EVERYTHING that the church ever promoted, whether it was at events or on the web or wherever it spoke was a smoke screen for some fact that they wanted to cover up. In fact the whole organisation appeared suddenly to be the antithesis of my image of it , an image shared by so many scientologists. Everything that I had held dear about the church was gone, all illusion, worse, it was a lie to cover the facts, which in almost every case were the complete opposite of the advertised intention and stats. I was gutted, felt like I had lost a close friend, in fact I had lost much more, in the worst way....the whole group was not who or what I thought it was.
[...]
How did you communicated your discoveries to your wife and what was her reaction?
 

boonies

Patron
Shit, man...amazing story.

Having kids was the ultimate eye-opener for me.
I can totally duplicate not having that way of life anymore.

Hugs and warm fuzzies to you and your wife and kids:love2:
 

Feral

Rogue male
Thank you all so much for your validations. I have gotten so much from this community, it's hard to say. I do not know how I would have gone in leaving the church without the support and friendship that exists here.

Other viewpoints, intelligent analysis, vitriolic criticisms and flippancy have all helped me to recover or redevelop the independent thinking skills I think were impaired in scientology.

So thank you for allowing me to be part of this group and contribute my story.

Feral
 

Feral

Rogue male
Mark,

I have been thinking about this problem for a little. I have seen it go wrong for some and no matter how well one tackles it, if your spouse values the false route to god like powers above your marriage it is going to end badly.

My wife had just finished OTVII and I had some trepidation in approaching the subject. The data was very real to me and our relationship was good, we trusted one another's judgment. So that part was on my side.

From that point I simply approached it on a gradient, being very certain of my facts. Abuses in management, the lack of 10,000,000 scios, abusive justice, the occurrence of psychosis in OTs and personal stories are the best place to start. DO NOT mention Hubbard, he occupies the place in a scios mind which is normally reserved for GOD. I don't think that happened by accident either!

You also need to be able to disprove the standard church DA lies, smoothly and without the person in front of you feeling attacked.

Good Luck mate




How did you communicated your discoveries to your wife and what was her reaction?
 

Good twin

Floater
Damn it Feral. You are the biggest liar on ESMB. Your story is quite possibly the most compelling and best written ever. Thank you for sharing it with us.
GT
 
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