My hope for this board

Discussion in 'ESMB Rules, FAQ, and New Member Info' started by Emma, Jan 29, 2007.

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  1. Emma

    Emma Mother of Dragons Administrator

    I'm writing this to clarify for all (including myself) what this board is for.

    As an ex Scientologist, I felt like there was no place where I could truly be myself. I felt pressured to conform to a certain set of "rules" about how to think about Scientology & my experience inside Scientology. I was sick of getting abused for defending ex's who found even a glimmer of goodness in Scientology. I was upset that there seemed to be no safe place for ex's to go to share their experiences, both good and bad.

    Over the last 3 weeks or so I've been given a lot of advice about what I should and shouldn't do and who I should and shouldn't have on the board. Some want it this way, and some want it that way. Others want it a some other way.

    Some say I should have had all this sorted out before I launched the board. Maybe I should have. Some complain that the rules seem to be forming as we go along. I can't deny there is an element of that as I learn what people want and need.

    Maybe my idea of just providing a place for ex's to talk was too simple. I don't think it was, but perhaps it need a further defining.

    What this board is:

    A place where ex scientologists and interested general public can get together to discuss various experiences in Scientology.

    A place where where ex's and non ex's can mingle and chat and get to know how the other half think and live.

    A place to learn from each other.

    A place to support each other.

    A place to swap ideas and suggestions.

    A place to civilly debate issues so that other viewpoints can be offered and tossed around and horizons can be broadened.

    A place to be allowed to defend your position and not apologise for it, yet at the same time allow others to have their own.

    A place that people feel safe to expose the abuses of this harmful cult, so the true story can be told.

    A place where newly "out" Scientologists can come and be heard and learn and be supported through a really tough period in their lives.

    A place to make people laugh and have some fun and to not take it all so seriously.

    A place to expose the traps and pitfalls in returning to a "normal" existance, and to learn some tips and helpful suggestions in making this transition.

    What this board isn't:

    A vehicle to exact verbal revenge on those who have harmed us both inside and outside of Scientology. By that I mean continuing to trade insults & flame wars that are a hang over from past relationships, fueds from other messageboards, chat channels etc.

    A place to blame and crucify others for what happened to you. Over time there are going to be people who find other ex members who they feel were responsible for some cruelty that was bestowed on them. Whilst this is understandable, and needs to be addressed, it needs to be understood that EVERYONE did things in Scientology of which they are not proud.

    A place to ridicule "believers". People find their way out of the Scientology mindset at different speeds and to different degrees. What they need is understanding, not to be fobbed off and called a "stoopid clam" etc.

    ________________________________________​


    I believe anyone who has been exposed to Scientology for any length of time has had damage done. None of us are perfect, and I doubt any of us would be here if we were all 100% "recovered".​

    My hope is that this group of misfits can do some good, for ourselves and for each other.​

    I know there will be differing opinions. I know tempers will flare. I know people will say things they don't necessarily mean. All I ask is that you think before you type and ask yourself if what you are about to "submit" is going to cause more harm than good. ​

    You don't need to like everybody on this board. That would be impossible. It is no different in the workplace or even in family life. But in these situations a "professional" or cordial relationship is established instead. I hope these same social rules can be adopted here.​

    I've been criticized for wanting to turn this into a "knitting club" or "afternoon tea party". I think that is bullshit. I don't believe that civility automatically means softness or sensorship. I believe that MORE exposure of the harms of Scientology can be achieved if the atmosphere is civil and friendly rather than one of fear. In other words, I don't want to play "momma", handling spats between people. This is not supposed to be a sandpit. If you want to play the flaming game for the mere sake of flaming, then alt.religion.scientology may be the place for you. ​

    I don't know exactly what the stats are of people (staff & public) blowing Scientology. But I know there are 1000s and 1000s of people who will be looking for a place like this to help them. When they do start to look, I hope they will find that this board is designed for them. A friendly, civil, intelligent crowd who have had years of experience in and out of Scientology waiting to welcome them.​

    Thanks,​

    Emma​
     
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2007
  2. programmer_guy

    programmer_guy True Ex-Scientologist

    I think that you are doing fine. Don't sweat it. :)
     
  3. Pooks

    Pooks MERCHANT OF CHAOS

    You're doing a great job Emma.

    I love this board and everything about it.

    Patty P
     
  4. Bea Kiddo

    Bea Kiddo Crusader

    I love this place and i think you are doing a great job. Thank you!:)
     
  5. tarbaby

    tarbaby Patron with Honors

    Yah, Em. It's all good.

    BTW, what's the deal with Thor? A new moderator? Who is it?

    Dennis
     
  6. Alan

    Alan Gold Meritorious Patron

    You are doing a great job Emma, this type of message board has been badly needed.

    There is an enormous amount of wisdom being imparted by people telling their stories.

    The worst part over the years was that anyone who had something positive to say would get drowned out.

    It is pretty grim when your biggest withholds are your wins and successes, after all LRH took from many places very successful pieces of knowledge, finding where those original sources stem from can really open things back up.

    One thing I learned from almost 50 years of processing others is: "A right item for some, is not a right item for others.":) :)

    Keep up the great work.

    Alan
     
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2011
  7. Sky

    Sky Patron with Honors

    Emma, I just want to let you know I am super-glad that you started this message board. I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

    Thank you so much!:D

    Sky
     
  8. Free2Dream

    Free2Dream Patron with Honors

    I lurked here and at OCMB for quite some time because I was afraid. Afraid of being discovered and declared by the CoS, afraid of speaking my mind about Scientology philosophies and practices that I still found useful, afraid of voicing my disagreements regarding the CoS, and afraid of losing friends by making a ripple in the water.

    I joined this board because it felt safe. I noticed others who still found some parts of Scientology valid and useful, and weren't afraid to say so. These were people saying "I really like this and enjoyed that, but when I did blah, blah, it was total bullshit." And no one here was trying to put them down or make them wrong.

    Emma, you've joined me in chat at a time when I felt like my world was turning upside down. You gave me encouragement and made me feel welcome. I'm sure others here feel the same. This is a good thing you've done. Thank you for this!
     
  9. UMike

    UMike Patron with Honors

    You are going fab Emma. You are going to make mistakes along the way too. And to your critics I ask these questions:

    Aren't we tired of endless & divisive Bob Minton/LMT arguements?

    Aren't we tired of the same old posters reposting their stories again and again..?

    Aren't we tired of people thinking they have to be "Bad Asses" all the time?

    Aren't we tired of seeing new critics being pressured and manipulated or shunned for having anything but Homogenized viewpoints?

    Aren't we tired of moronic animated gifs used to malign scientologists and critics alike?

    And yes...Aren't we tired of weekly Lisa McPherson threads?

    I think all you can do is try to learn and not repeat the same old problems...
    we can do some original screwups..! heh.


    UMike
     
  10. Voltaire's Child

    Voltaire's Child Fool on the Hill

    I think you're doing great, Emma and I really like this board.

    I've seen people say on some forums that being asked to be civil equates to being asked to condone or look the other way about things they believe or know to be wrong.

    That isn't the case at all.

    The resentment and viciousness some people show toward those who are still interested in Scn- in or out of CofS- has always amazed me. I could see if it's some OSA spammer whining about psychiatry or running ops on people, but not when it's someone who is just trying to be up front about his or her interests. And I don't just mean myself- I can name several people who've been slammed for it, blamed for "defending the tech", etc.

    I think it's scapegoating and I think that scapegoating is rooted in irresponsibility.

    I think that many critics are evangelical and that they are not always willing to admit that, though some are.

    It is true that debates are exciting and just agreeing with everything gets dull. But I think that debates are possible without screaming "OSA OSA" or personal slurs at each other.

    If I only wanted to talk to people who liked Scn and wanted to do it outside the church, I'd only be on FZ forums. That's not what I want. I can't stand all that "Ron says" stuff anyway.

    How many times have I seen people say on forums, "now that I know you like Scn, I have lost all respect for you."? Well, duh. Scn'ists like Scn. I mean, geez, get over it.

    I think there are many ways to be a critic. Or a skeptic. Or a Scientologist. Or anything else. Not all "clams" are the same, not all critics are bigots, and neither are they all wise sages.

    We're all just people trying to figure it out and being incivil would deflect and detract from anything anyone's doing along those lines.

    The fact that some people think that your emphasis on civility is wrong or weird or whatever is a reflection on them. Not you, Emma.
     
  11. Romuva

    Romuva Patron Meritorious

    This is a great site Emma.Trying to find or discern the fine medium between a potentially constructive debate or discussion and a potential flame war or dead thread is always difficult for a moderator or admin.

    I agree with your outlines ,like you said it will be difficult at times but in my
    opinion it will be rewarding.

    I don't agree with the "knitting club" premise.I have found participating
    on previous forums people who make that argument often want a flame
    alternative or a need to correct everybodies opinions and information
    they may have on a subject.

    In my opinion,the only way you can attract more intelligent debaters or
    readers is to keep the level on a board, one, in which it appeals to new
    people that want to participate in discussions and debates.

    So far ,this board is doing a good job of that,in my opinion.I don't see why it
    shouldn't continue.

    The forum also serves its basic premises as you stated.
     
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2007
  12. KMomma

    KMomma Patron

    Emma,

    I think you are doing a great job. Your goals and hopes for this board are exactly what I lot of people needed. Within two weeks the board is very successful and I predict that it will progressively be more successful in the future.
     
  13. Emma

    Emma Mother of Dragons Administrator

    Thanks everyone!

    You are a wonderful bunch of people.
     
  14. Emma

    Emma Mother of Dragons Administrator

    Reposted for newbies (and a certain non newbie)

    I'm writing this to clarify for all (including myself) what this board is for.

    As an ex Scientologist, I felt like there was no place where I could truly be myself. I felt pressured to conform to a certain set of "rules" about how to think about Scientology & my experience inside Scientology. I was sick of getting abused for defending ex's who found even a glimmer of goodness in Scientology. I was upset that there seemed to be no safe place for ex's to go to share their experiences, both good and bad.

    Over the last 3 weeks or so I've been given a lot of advice about what I should and shouldn't do and who I should and shouldn't have on the board. Some want it this way, and some want it that way. Others want it a some other way.

    Some say I should have had all this sorted out before I launched the board. Maybe I should have. Some complain that the rules seem to be forming as we go along. I can't deny there is an element of that as I learn what people want and need.

    Maybe my idea of just providing a place for ex's to talk was too simple. I don't think it was, but perhaps it need a further defining.

    What this board is:

    A place where ex scientologists and interested general public can get together to discuss various experiences in Scientology.

    A place where where ex's and non ex's can mingle and chat and get to know how the other half think and live.

    A place to learn from each other.

    A place to support each other.

    A place to swap ideas and suggestions.

    A place to civilly debate issues so that other viewpoints can be offered and tossed around and horizons can be broadened.

    A place to be allowed to defend your position and not apologise for it, yet at the same time allow others to have their own.

    A place that people feel safe to expose the abuses of this harmful cult, so the true story can be told.

    A place where newly "out" Scientologists can come and be heard and learn and be supported through a really tough period in their lives.

    A place to make people laugh and have some fun and to not take it all so seriously.

    A place to expose the traps and pitfalls in returning to a "normal" existance, and to learn some tips and helpful suggestions in making this transition.

    What this board isn't:

    A vehicle to exact verbal revenge on those who have harmed us both inside and outside of Scientology. By that I mean continuing to trade insults & flame wars that are a hang over from past relationships, fueds from other messageboards, chat channels etc.

    A place to blame and crucify others for what happened to you. Over time there are going to be people who find other ex members who they feel were responsible for some cruelty that was bestowed on them. Whilst this is understandable, and needs to be addressed, it needs to be understood that EVERYONE did things in Scientology of which they are not proud.

    A place to ridicule "believers". People find their way out of the Scientology mindset at different speeds and to different degrees. What they need is understanding, not to be fobbed off and called a "stoopid clam" etc.

    ________________________________________​


    I believe anyone who has been exposed to Scientology for any length of time has had damage done. None of us are perfect, and I doubt any of us would be here if we were all 100% "recovered".​

    My hope is that this group of misfits can do some good, for ourselves and for each other.​

    I know there will be differing opinions. I know tempers will flare. I know people will say things they don't necessarily mean. All I ask is that you think before you type and ask yourself if what you are about to "submit" is going to cause more harm than good. ​

    You don't need to like everybody on this board. That would be impossible. It is no different in the workplace or even in family life. But in these situations a "professional" or cordial relationship is established instead. I hope these same social rules can be adopted here.​

    I've been criticized for wanting to turn this into a "knitting club" or "afternoon tea party". I think that is bullshit. I don't believe that civility automatically means softness or sensorship. I believe that MORE exposure of the harms of Scientology can be achieved if the atmosphere is civil and friendly rather than one of fear. In other words, I don't want to play "momma", handling spats between people. This is not supposed to be a sandpit. If you want to play the flaming game for the mere sake of flaming, then alt.religion.scientology may be the place for you. ​

    I don't know exactly what the stats are of people (staff & public) blowing Scientology. But I know there are 1000s and 1000s of people who will be looking for a place like this to help them. When they do start to look, I hope they will find that this board is designed for them. A friendly, civil, intelligent crowd who have had years of experience in and out of Scientology waiting to welcome them.​

    Thanks,​

    Emma​
     
  15. Whitedove

    Whitedove Patron Meritorious

    Emma,

    This place is great. You have done a great job in what you want to achieve. It has improved a great deal since it started and I see that most people that are here are not self-centered and respect others views.

    Even when there is disagreements, at least its done with a human dignity that I see totally lacking on another board. :duh:

    You rock girl
    :hifive:
     
  16. The Oracle

    The Oracle Gold Meritorious Patron

    Emma,

    I can't imagine how much work and time was involved on your part to get this forum established, I am certain it wasn't minor.

    I am bewildered and surprised that you have have had complaints, but I am stranger to black and white universes, where people have to have it all black and white. I wouldn't survive in a box like that and this is probably why I haven't been kicked off of this forum yet, I have been kicked off of all the others. Not by the list owners, but by some person on the list who becomes obsessed with unmocking me until my time spent on the list cannot be justified as entertainment any longer.

    The "ignore" function gives a person the right to choose here, who they wish to be connected to in terms of interest.

    This provides for a wide space of democracy and gives every person control over who they wish to communicate with and takes it from an enforce band to a desire band.

    You provided a place here for the "grey zone".

    I can say that nobody has accomplished that yet.

    There are those of us that found scientology helpful and beneficial in many or some ways, and found some of it unwanted and non beneficial in other ways.

    People like me get attacked on forums for not pledging complete allegience to the PRO or ANTI mobs.

    I am not anti anything but I have the right to notice my environment and know the truth from the lies. That is a right I had long before the Dianetics book was written.

    Anyway, you have done something very different here and unselfish as well, in establishing a forum that can be very useful to people and entertaining as well and allowing people to be who they are if they can at least remain civilized. There are enough hate groups out there and enough loyalist groups already.

    There is nothing to correct here and everything to applaud.

    Frankly, you could begin to charge membership fees, as maybe you should to offset some of your expenses.
     
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2007
  17. Alanzo

    Alanzo Banned

    What a fabulous chunk of writing!

    Very Well Done, Emma!
     
  18. Vinaire

    Vinaire Sponsor

    I second Alanzo.

    It is a beautiful piece of writing, and a wonderful intention behind it.

    I hope people will be able to sort out for themselves here what is good in Scientology from what is bad.

    Vinaire
     
  19. Vinaire

    Vinaire Sponsor

    Well said, Alan.

    I would like to trace data in Scientology to their actual sources so one can truly appreciate the data uncolored by the personality of LRH.

    .
     
  20. Lulu Belle

    Lulu Belle Moonbat


    This is one of the only boards I've ever seen (besides Mick's) that actually is what it's supposed to be.

    Congratulations, Emma.

    You did good.

    :thumbsup:
     

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