My Little Story

Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by hummingbird, Oct 8, 2009.

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  1. hummingbird

    hummingbird Patron with Honors

    Greetings, one and all.

    I've been a member of OCMB for a couple years now, and have decided to come post and share over here. It has a little bit of a different flavor. Same user name, there as here.

    I was in the cult for about ten years, beginning in the early 70s. Joined staff in '74, I think, at a mission in California. My employment ("volunteerism"?) terminated abruptly in 1983, when a member of the Guardians Office ushered me and my then-husband OUT of her office and OUT of the building, the side door locking behind us, because my ex dared to question some of the activities of the Guardians Office back then. In a way, it was a relief. Even though we didn't suffer some of the horror stories I've read about in this forum and in other places, it was plenty bad enough, in terms of chronic sleep deprivation, poverty, and emotional abuse and duress. There's goldenrod on both of us.

    I was pregnant with my second at the time, so my attention was on other matters. After giving birth and sorting myself out a bit, I went back to school, then got a job. And life has continued to blossom and be truly worth living ever since.

    I liked what one of the other posters said about how life is just life. It has its ups and downs and nothing's really due to much of anything. You just muddle thru, and make the most of it you can.

    But I think I can look back now over those hellish years and be thankful that they didn't bleed any more money out of me than they did. I mean, yes, they stole eight years when I could have been making some money (the last year I was being paid maybe $10 to $20 a week for my "volunteer" activities). I'm also thankful in a bizarre, masochistic way, that I went thru all of that when I was young. It really toughened me up. I think I was maybe 22 or so when I joined staff, and I was 31 when I was booted off. Of course, it left me being skeptical and mistrustful of all religions, and a little spooky about Amway and stuff like that, but you take what you can how it comes at you.

    Plus, like someone else here said, it sure has left me with a vast appreciation of the small gifts of life. Being able to lounge around on a Sunday morning with coffee and the newspaper, going to see a movie with my new hubby, shopping with my daughters, watching the finches decimate the contents of their feeders, it's all something to be greatly cherished. Don't know if I'd quite be so grateful had I not been kept up until all hours, screamed at, told I was riddled with overts and withholds, all the stuff you guys who have been on staff know all so well, day after day after month after year.

    Yes, I'm a little damaged and bent, but in my 26 years out, I haven't met anyone who wasn't.

    So, that's me the short story. Looking forward to being part of this community.
  2. Good twin

    Good twin Floater

    :welcome: Nice to have a little hummer here.
  3. EP - Ethics Particle

    EP - Ethics Particle Gold Meritorious Patron

    You will like it here!

    I can tell already. :welcome::wave: EP

    edit/add: We got good chatbox here - come say "hi"
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2009
  4. Wisened One

    Wisened One Crusader

    :welcome2: to ESMB, Hummingbird!
  5. AngeloV

    AngeloV Gold Meritorious Patron


    Welcome aboard! :welcome: Nothing like some hellish experiences to make you appreciate the good life. If you feel like it, please share some your experiences in the GO with the board.
  6. Chess

    Chess Patron with Honors

    And a big, BIG hello to you.:happydance:
    Nothing like the smell of coffee on a sunday morning and all the time in the world to drink it :)
  7. hummingbird

    hummingbird Patron with Honors

    Ooops. I may have given the wrong impression inadvertently. I was never in the GO. Was regged, decided against it, thank hevvuns. No, I was just an auditor in a Class IV Org. But because we were an Org, there was a GO office and the GO and her husband were friends of me and my hubby. So it made it doubly odd to have her usher us out. At the time, a bunch of people had left, and had somehow, in those pre-Internet days, found out about Paulette Cooper and other folks. At first we were called in to her office to be "handled," you know, shown the "truth" behind the "lies" we were hearing (after a healthy O/W write-up, I'm sure), made sure we weren't PTS to those Suppressives, then my then-husband said, "Yeah? Well, what about the illegal activities of the GO?" Without a word, she ushered us out and locked the door behind us. Hilarious!

    It was like being a prisoner for years, never being able to find a way out your cell, when all of a sudden the back wall just falls down and you're outside. And no one wants you back inside! After years of "Oh, you're so valuable, we need you so much," Poof!! Instant persona non grata. I was just in shock. Numb. No sense of loss. I remember having the thought of "At least I won't be missing any income."
  8. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    That IS hilarious! :D
    Glad you're here and decide to post Hummingbird! :welcome:
  9. Smilla

    Smilla Ordinary Human

    Welcome. I understand what you say about life. I get such pleasure from watching the blackbird who lives around my house. So pompous he is, but that's nice. Let him feel important. Today I was leaning on the wall, just thinking how great it is to be alive. Regardless of 'condition'. All that condition rubbish is just about making people compliant. Have a great, day, year life. Best from Smilla.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 30, 2012
  10. Operating DB

    Operating DB Truman Show Dropout

    Welcome hummingbird. Reading your post brought back the various feelings of when I decided I had had the last straw and simply just stopped going back to the Org. It's scary not knowing if you've made the right decision to leave but it doesn't take long to realize the decision was the best one you've ever made and the whole world opens up for you. It's so refreshing to enjoy the simple pleasures of life like you mentioned. Going to a movie and really enjoying it without feeling guilty and out-ethics. Making an income and spending it on you and not the cult. Buying a car for the first time! The nine years I was in I never had a car. It sucked. My dad was angry that I didn't have a car and visit my mother more often. Similar to you I was in from 20-29 years old and the time frame of October 9 1975-January 1, 1985. And I too had a distrust of religions or any kind of self-help programs. Thank goodness those traumatic years are behind us!
  11. Kutta

    Kutta Silver Meritorious Patron


    It's great, isn't it! I share your feelings about the hightened appreciation of life after the nightmare sub-existence we endured.
  12. hummingbird

    hummingbird Patron with Honors

    It's funny too, all of this was after at least four full-blown ethics "handlings" where I would go in to the ethics officer and say "I want to route off staff" and have to do all the lowers... and of course, they only way they let you out of doubt is if you "cog" that remaining on staff and serving the cult is truly the greatest good. If you think anything else is, you're sent back to a little room to write down more of your overts and withholds until you have the right "cog." By the time I was ushered out, I was just kind of numb to it all.

    You keep being told (you've all heard this) that if you quit, your life just goes to hell. You start to believe it, after all, you're part of the Most Ethical Group on the Planet. The rest, then, must *really* be the pits.
  13. dontscamme

    dontscamme Patron Meritorious

    :welcome: Hummingbird!

    You were fortunate that your then-husband found the "magic words" to allow you a quick exit (finally, huh).

    The simple things in life are really some of the best, especially when you are the one who can decide what you would like to do next.

    I enjoy feeding the squirrels in my back yard daily and enjoying their antics. In fact, I had to interrupt working on this post because a squirrel just got up on the ledge of my picture window to beg for more. They are all trained to do that now.
  14. Tim Skog

    Tim Skog Silver Meritorious Patron

    Hello Hummingbird and welcome to ESMB. Yes it does feel wonderful to be free to enjoy life, something which is denied to those involved with the organization.:happydance: :happydance: :happydance:
  15. Type4_PTS

    Type4_PTS Diamond Invictus SP

    I'm a little bit hungry since you've mentioned that. :D
  16. dontscamme

    dontscamme Patron Meritorious

    Learn to emulate the squirrel in this video and you will never worry about being hungry again.
  17. Kookaburra

    Kookaburra Gold Meritorious Patron

    Miss a WH much? :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical:

    Welcome to the board, Hummingbird!
  18. Opter

    Opter Silver Meritorious Patron


    But isn't it the furthest from the truth? (THE LAST TWO LINES)
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2009
  19. Kathy (ImOut)

    Kathy (ImOut) Gold Meritorious Patron

    Welcome, Hummingbird!
  20. Outethicsofficer

    Outethicsofficer Silver Meritorious Patron

    Hi Hummingbird

    You will enjoy it here I have enjoyed reading what you've written so far.

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