New Here and Still Trying to Untangle the Mysteries of My Scientologist Father. Help!

Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by ThetanOutOfOperation, Jun 26, 2017.

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  1. Hi Everyone!

    I can't believe that it's taken me this long to join an ex-Scientologist forum, but here I am. I just finished watching episode 0 of Season 2 of Leah Remini's brilliant A&E Scientology special and was reminded of just how little I know about how this "church" works, in spite of reading about four long non-fiction books on the topic.

    I am now 30 years old and was raised by a (thoroughly brainwashed) Scientologist father and a passive and complicit but non-Scientologist mother in the San Francisco Bay Area. I'm fortunate because my mother always protected me from the evils of Scientology, even when she was doing the health rundown (to appease my father) and had me go into the sauna with her.

    However, I have never really known either of my parents and always felt like a bit of an "orphan" since they are selfish people (narcissistic, that is). My dad got into Scientology back in the '60s so I'm pretty sure that I'll never be able to get past the dumb, bland and programmed responses that I've been getting from him my whole life. My mom's almost the same even though she never approved of Scientology (for financial reasons). Neither of my parents got the appropriate mental health treatment for what I understand to be Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder (two illnesses that I have needed to learn to overcome myself) so for as long as I've known them they've pretty much just idled around the house in their free time wasting away, doing practically nothing and having basically no social life. It's very depressing and I'd always label it in my head as a sort of "half-suicide" back when I lived at home but, of course, I never said this. I only started to heal from my own mental illness the moment I moved out at age 22.

    I wonder, has anyone else here grown up with a Scientologist parent who basically never mentions it as a gesture of respect to their non-Scientologist spouse and children? I was never, ever proselytized and we always operated on this bizarre "don't ask, don't tell" unspoken agreement. Is this in keeping with the rules of Scientology? Lately, I've been having dreams where I break the silence and tell my father flat out that Scientology has ruined his life (which I would never say, but I wish I could if only it would turn off the automated responses). I often wonder, though, if I said something critical about Scientology would he disconnect from me? What would happen?

    For so long I've basically felt, in a way, that I have no parents because I had to learn all of the important self-care, social skills, professional skills, etc.. on my own. I need to limit my interaction with them to once a month or less or else I fall into a depressive mood and it just messes up all that I've been able to build up since age 22.

    My life is actually really great (good job, good health, and solid finances... at least by millennial standards) and it's because my parents gave me what they were able to and I appreciate them for it, especially when I hear the heart-breaking stories of people who grew up in Scientology who had decades of life stolen from them. But I know that not having a healthy relationship with my parents has really screwed with my ability to have a solid emotional foundation. (I had a 5 1/2 year codependent relationship in my early 20's and have since learned how to grow out of those bad habits, but I still feel like I'm always a few steps behind others in a lot of ways and often depressed for no reason due to my crazy parents.)

    I often wonder how I can unravel the mystery of all the silence, all the distance. What's going on in their heads that they're not talking about? Does anyone here have more insights than I do and have any guesses? Any feedback would be helpful. Thank you in advance!!
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  2. TrevAnon

    TrevAnon Big List researcher

    Re: New Here and Still Trying to Untangle the Mysteries of My Scientologist Father. H


    By now there are lots of books, blogs, forum sites etc. etc. where you can read about and discuss scientology.

    I don't know if there is anybody around with similar experiences (I was never in), but if they are, I have no doubt they will answer.

    Otherwise, exscientologykids comes to mind.
  3. ThetanExterior

    ThetanExterior Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: New Here and Still Trying to Untangle the Mysteries of My Scientologist Father. H

    There is a member of this board with the username Intentionally Blank who is a non-scientologist who is married to a scientologist.

    She made many posts detailing the frustration of knowing how bad scientology is yet not being able to say anything about it to her husband.

    However, the story has a happy ending. Her husband somehow came to his senses and he's now out!
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  4. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    Re: New Here and Still Trying to Untangle the Mysteries of My Scientologist Father. H

    Yes, this is totally in line with scientology.

    Is your father active, still taking services?

    My father also got in during the 60's, my parents had been committed Christians until then so it caused quite a lot of upset with my mum. It took her some years, however she was of the generation that supported her husband in his choices mostly without question and she eventually became as enthusiastic as he was. Back in those days Dad would have been able to keep any personal problems a secret from the organisation and knowing my dad that’s probably exactly what he did until Mum was within the bubble.

    The difference in our stories is that your parents seem to have come to some agreement where she doesn’t criticise and didn’t join, so a form of balance is maintained. They can both pretend that all is fine. If she is critical he would have to disconnect and that would be the end of the marriage. Your father would be made to choose between scientology and his family.

    It is totally dreadful and I feel for you. The sheer agony of what they have done shows the cruelty of scientology policy. You as their child have suffered too, not understanding those silences and undercurrents. The decades have passed and I expect they don’t want to rock the boat. They have chosen their life paths and now it is up to you to continue yours, as you are doing. I think they may feel they have done their best for you by keeping silent, because if you do create a fuss, yes, the question of disconnection will come up. It depends on what your father’s feelings are now about continuing to be a scientologist.

    Good luck to you and be kind to yourself.

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  5. anon1

    anon1 Patron

    Re: New Here and Still Trying to Untangle the Mysteries of My Scientologist Father. H

    Hi! I'm in a similar position as you but with my sister. The difference is you were never in Scientology whereas I was. So I have the advantage of knowing all the moves she's pulling on me from the PTS/SP tech but all the disadvantages of being disconnected from instantly by her if I say anything negative (followed closely by an org declare if I don't watch what I say).

    Your advantage is that because you've never been in, the only information you have is from the documentaries and shows that exist so your father would need to do a 'Black PR Handling' on you. This is where everything you have told him, he would rebutt with how amazing the church is bla bla. You would have to agree with him for it to be considered 'handled'.

    This is going to require very savvy, scientific based and evidence based truth finding on your behalf. Where his rebuttal is going to be completely fake, he will think it is 100% real (vague social betterment programme stats etc etc) For example the OT 3 data is completely unscientific. There were no volcanoes on earth 75 trillion years ago. The e-meter does not pick up areas of stress anymore than it picks up a vague, random thought. If people go past life in their sessions why don't they recall the languages? Why is the fact that L Ron Hubbard had 7 children and 3 wives kept from Scientologists? L Ron Hubbard lied about his war achievements, why aren't Scientologists told the truth? There is just a tonne of science to back you up but delve into it first. Scientology is a big subject!

    You will only win this and keep your family together by being kind, patient, intelligent and VERY well informed. Remember, if you act mean, that will give the church and your father all the ammo they need to write you off as an SP. If you act gracefully, there's nothing they can do.

    And I'm dishing this advice out but not paying heed to it myself. I'm mean and vicious to my sister when she makes comments about how she's part of the best group on earth. I'm a rebel and I don't care too much because I lost her a long time ago, our relationship was just a shell of 'Good Road Good Weather'. But if it's not too late for you, then do it right! Good luck and message me if you need anything : ) xx
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  6. Re: New Here and Still Trying to Untangle the Mysteries of My Scientologist Father. H

    Hey, thanks everyone!! I really appreciate all of your collective open-mindedness and acceptance. It definitely gives me hope. And thanks, ThetanExterior, I'll definitely need to read some of Intentionally Blank's blog posts to learn about the Scientologist/ex-Scientologist relationship dynamics.

    Sadly, I no faith that my father will be "deprogrammed" in his lifetime. He's almost 80 years old now and the crazy beliefs don't stop with Scientology. My father (and mother, too) also believes in an array of conspiracy theories such as the idea that aliens built the pyramids, that the moon landing was a hoax, that chem trails are covert government plot, that any scammy alternative medicine treatment must be legitimate because it's repressed, "hidden" knowledge, that the FBI used to wiretap our house, etc... So I feel like Scientology has robbed him of any critical thinking skills (if he ever had them?) and made his paranoid delusions way worse than they'd otherwise be. :( At his core he's a good-natured man though, which is why I think he fell into this predatory cult. My brother (who tried Scientology for a bit) refers to Scientologists as "vampires," people who push you around and prey on your weaknesses (and basically just another incarnation of the "Dark Side" as we know it from Star Wars) which I believe to be true.

    I think right now I'm just trying to finally deconstruct their irrational and irresponsible behavior. I always noticed, growing up, that my parents would throw any statements I made back on me with phrases such as, "who told you that?" and "what about YOU?" and I hadn't even associated this with Scientology until I learned that this is how they handle any contact with outsiders or the press. I just want to understand where my genuine parents end and where the Scientology program begins, where my genuine parents end and where the mental illness begins, because it's all so confusing.

    Here is a list of the books I've read so far:
    "The Scandal of Scientology" by Paulette Cooper
    "Inside Scientology" by Janet Reitman
    "Going Clear" by Lawrence Wright
    "Beyond Belief" by Jenna Miscavige Hill
    "Troublemaker" by Leah Remini

    (I also watched the Going Clear documentary, and that disturbing Jeremy Perkins murder documentary.)

    None of these sources really have an in-depth exploration of the interpersonal dynamics of someone who's been "programmed" with hours of Scientology auditing (which my father definitely had, no idea what level he's at though). Are there any books about mind control that you guys know of that would shed some light? I feel like, if only I read and understand enough, I can finally be at peace.

    I just don't see my parents changing, but at least if I can make sense of the insanity I can finally have peace... I even bought my dad a copy of the "Worry Cure" by Robert Leahy (which describes the cognitive behavioral therapy methods that had a super positive impact on my life) because I thought that would at least help but he just said, "oh I'm too worried to read it!" Ugh, so hopeless. :(

    Thanks again for the support and insights!
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  7. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    Re: New Here and Still Trying to Untangle the Mysteries of My Scientologist Father. H

    I agree with anon1 about acting gracefully. My only contact with my parents was by phone the last few years, they passed away 2 years ago within weeks of each other, Dad was 87 and Mum 84. I spent many, many hours talking to Dad about all his conspiracy theories, the state of the world, our lives and there was always a sprinking of scientology jargon and theory. I accepted that it was such an inherent part of them that I stopped getting annoyed and just accepted it - it wasn't too hard to change the subject to happier thoughts if needed. They were mostly wonderful conversations that I treasured and it's certainly a better way to go than arguing. You can't change other people, only accept them for what they are and try to be as kind as possible. Believe me I didn't always think that, it's just experience from many decades of being in a scientology family!

    One of the best sites for stories from the children's point of view is There are also many stories here that could help, though you may have to search a bit. Books by Steven Hassan are also a great help, he has videos as well.
  8. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    Re: New Here and Still Trying to Untangle the Mysteries of My Scientologist Father. H

    We do sound alike. :biggrin:
  9. ThetanExterior

    ThetanExterior Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: New Here and Still Trying to Untangle the Mysteries of My Scientologist Father. H

    This is a huge subject but I'll just mention that it isn't the auditing that programs people. It's the courses, books, taped lectures, bulletins, policy letters and general activities of fellow scientologists that causes a scientologist to behave the way they do.

    That's why it would be difficult to find a single book that can explain it all.
  10. anon1

    anon1 Patron

    Re: New Here and Still Trying to Untangle the Mysteries of My Scientologist Father. H

    I have to reign in the horses constantly. I think that attitude helped me get out though : ) xx
  11. Re: New Here and Still Trying to Untangle the Mysteries of My Scientologist Father. H

    Thanks, ThetanExterior. I find it very gratifying that I'm actually getting responses since I've often had fantasies about starting a Scientology recovery group with but am unsure how to safely go about doing it.

    I haven't been through any of Scientology's mental (and physical) abuse myself so have no first-hand experience to draw from, but it seems like all the hazing involved in auditing is a sort of "initiation" that breaks you down so there's a new mental platform to build from. Then, after that, it seems like all of the media content and "sense of community" is what shapes the Scientologist's mind. If you watch Episode 0 of Season 2 of Leah Remini's A&E show, Dr. Stephen Kent from the University of Alberta makes an appearance and says something along the lines of, Scientology uses auditing to as a confessional so you can be officially "excused" of any wrongdoings in your life. This process effectively wipes out any existing (normal human) moral foundation and replaces it with a Scientology version.

    I just have this feeling that there must be a toxic personality type with very specific traits that is created during this process and I wish that I could find a book about it. (I'm thinking of something like Sam Vakniv's brilliant book titled, "Malignant Self-Love" that uses psychological vignettes to explore the narcissist personality type.)

    One question I have is, why does my dad's love for conspiracy theories only begin with Scientology? What causes this unproductive and antisocial thought pattern? My personal belief is that people like this must be nonconsciously compensating for an underlying sense of inadequacy in the world. There is a need to feel as if you're one of the few people enlightened enough to be "in the know" and the rest of the world will never understand. So even if you've "failed" (or, rather, haven't yet learned how to interpret the experiences healthily and move on with life) at least you still see yourself as a special person. I wish that I could find a book about this topic that is written by someone who knows more than I do.

    Anyway, thanks again for all the thoughtful replies! I really appreciate all of the impeccable grammar and spelling, too. :D
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  12. ThetanExterior

    ThetanExterior Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: New Here and Still Trying to Untangle the Mysteries of My Scientologist Father. H

    With all due respect to Dr. Stephen Kent I don't think what he says about confessionals has anything to do with it. Most scientologists will either never have one of those confessionals or if they do it will be a rare occurrence. Much more common is the "sec check" which is not considered to be auditing and therefore there is no forgiveness at the end of it.

    As a general rule the people who receive the most auditing are public scientologists because they are more likely to be able to afford it. Staff and sea org tend to receive less auditing than public. There obviously are exceptions but this is mostly how it is.

    If auditing was the cause of a scientologist's behaviour then one would assume that those who had the most auditing would be the most dedicated scientologists but it is actually the reverse. The most dedicated, as a general rule, are staff and sea org. Least dedicated are public.
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  13. TheOriginalBigBlue

    TheOriginalBigBlue Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: New Here and Still Trying to Untangle the Mysteries of My Scientologist Father. H

    I think this is a very important point. SO crew can be the most brainwashed and with very little time in the chair as an actual PC. Auditing staff diverts higher trained cash cow auditors from auditing paying public. Even when they do get auditing it’s often as guinea pigs for students. Staff often blow or route out leaving the Church with the burden of to trying to collect the investment of auditing staff with Freeloader Debts. The Church wants staff to prove they are worthy of auditing with stats and a demonstration of loyalty which can take years, especially if things are not going well for the Church in general and orgs and units are denied the logistical support necessary to perform their duties.

    If you read this following story about INCOMM there is a very interesting tell by Suzanne Bolstad. Sea Org members are under such a constant state of doubting their own morality (I liked to call it "walking on eggshells") that they actively avoid getting auditing by not being sessionable, having to work, etc. etc. because they know all these doubts will have to be pulled as overts and withholds in session and the application of the judicial system is so unpredictable, arbitrary and cruel that it is better to not be audited than see how it plays out. Eventually, you learn that the personal information given in session, sec-checks and the Life Histories is not handled with the privacy and respect that you expect from an organization with such lofty stated goals so there is also an erosion of trust in spilling your guts over every little thing. But the interesting thing is how senior management is fully aware of this phenomena and uses it as a manipulation.

    Suzanne Bolstad now starts a vitriolic attack on the shell shocked numb SO Members. "I see most of you are not OT III. This is plain evidence of the criminal out ethics of the group. Good up stat SO members go OT, only the criminal downstats would withold themselves from case gain and Bridge. You all have serious crimes and as criminals you are subconsciously witholding yourself from becoming more able !' There was no mention that there were no auditors, or staff enhancement personnel within INCOMM to get them up the Bridge.
  14. Gib

    Gib Crusader

    Re: New Here and Still Trying to Untangle the Mysteries of My Scientologist Father. H

    I'd probably add the most dedicated are those who read the most of Hubbard's Policy Letters aka HCO PL's, Hubbard's bulletin's aka HCOB's, Hubbard's secret advice's, those who listened to all or some of Hubbard's rhetoric speeches known as Lectures, etc. It would be a mixed lot.

    Marty admitted in one of his videos, he did not get much auditing until later in his time in scientology until he went to the Freewinds and got trained as a auditor. That means he read and listened to Hubbard's persuasive writings before he got a lot of auditing.

    Which begs the question, how many of the original CMO got auditing to OT8, and all L's on the ship Apollo, even Mike Rinder, how much auditing did he receive? What of Pat, Jesse, and all of Int Management, what are their "case levels" vs "training levels"?

    I make this point for a comparison point of view, and I make this point because I know a lot of OT8's and supposedly "clears" and they ain't got the attributes of such states of existence.
  15. Re: New Here and Still Trying to Untangle the Mysteries of My Scientologist Father. H

    Thank you for explaining that! The difference in auditing exposure for Public Scientologist versus Sea Org Scientologist wasn't even on my radar. I had just assumed that the tin cans were so ubiquitous that this was a part of Scientology that all members must do for hours and hours... I guess the idea of DIY pseudo-psychotherapy is what really interests me, since I belive that this was what my dad was going for when he joined back in the '60s. There were always lots of e-meters hidden away in the house and a creepy auditing "friend" who used to come by the house to talk about Aleister Crowley. Eww.

    Which makes me wonder... Without auditing, how do Sea Org members convince themselves believe all of the Hubbard crazy babble? I just can't figure out how it happens, but then again I'm a born skeptic (atheist, of course) so may have a different point of view than most. But it seems like there must be a component of mental illness in there somewhere for Hubbard's stuff to be effective, or maybe people were just more susceptible to counter-culture manipulation in the '60s? Hmm...
  16. Boson Wog Stark

    Boson Wog Stark Patron Meritorious

    Re: New Here and Still Trying to Untangle the Mysteries of My Scientologist Father. H

    Great story, and fascinating thread.

    Since I was never a Scientologist and didn't have any in my family but have read about Scientologists for years, I can take a stab at one of your questions. Sea Org members believe Hubbard's crazy babble in much the same way public members do, on a gradient.

    I see the issue as partly micro vs. macro also. Public Scientologists are more introverted about solving their personal issues -- being free of hangups, communicating better and improving their relationships, knowing themselves -- all which they believe will give them unlimited potential in life, to be successful, maybe wealthy, whatever they want.

    Sea Org are more macro oriented, involved in being part of a team which is clearing/saving the planet, before it is too late. They are fighting against the evil psychs, government institutions, big pharma, lack of knowingness, in a quest on a grand scale to transform civilization with Hubbard's technology. LOL.

    But they also are working toward helping everyone reach the goals of public Scientologists, even though, ironically, they do not have the time or rarely have access to many of those levels (such as the OT levels) to reach those goals themselves. That, too, is part of their sacrifice.

    Usually, Sea Org members are sacrificing much more in other ways, too, and they feel good about that sacrifice in much the same way Catholic nuns might feel about their vow of poverty. There are exceptions, of course, but I think most Sea Org see lack of auditing or progress up the bridge as a sacrifice which is necessary to help the planet get there.

    I'd put staff members, the third category, somewhere between. Some will get carried away with building up an org, and sacrifice their time spent going up the bridge. Some won't.

    Along with learning things on a gradient, Scientology hits all members hard with training which makes them good at accepting contradictions, and not questioning or doubting. They do not question, because they believe that by doubting or questioning, progress and wins will not occur, and Scientology will not work. It's not faith; it's knowing, and it's things like being certain about certainty. LOL.

    Of course, whether Sea Org or Public, there are penalties for doubting or questioning also. Both are forbidden. Of course some questions are allowed, like "How can I get to the next level?" But not things like, "Why did Hubbard's 22-year-old son kill himself?" or "Who is Xenu?" (You might get pneumonia and die if you ask about Xenu.)

    Lastly, in addition to auditing, I think the training routines have something to do with turning many Scientologists into unquestioning, obedient robots. Some newbies have been known to "go exterior" (out of body) while doing one of them (sometimes for hours), and it makes them think Scientology may have all the answers.

    Even though your father was one, I can see why Scientology would be particularly hard to grasp for someone like yourself, who became an atheist early on. I was brought up with all the baloney in Catholicism and Christianity from Day 1, but like you, I had a critical mind, but I was constantly trying to make sense out of it, see it as good, even desirable, even though a lot of it made no sense at all. So I relate to a lot of the crazy beliefs of Scientologists.

    Just as an anecdote, I read where one woman read a single book by Hubbard and liked what it said. I forget whether it was Dianutty or something else. It had a number in the back you could call for information about the Sea Org. (It was during a time Scientology was expanding rapidly and they were desperate for Sea Org members.) She called it, joined the Sea Org, and was stuck there for five years of planetary-saving hell.
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2017
  17. clamicide

    clamicide Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: New Here and Still Trying to Untangle the Mysteries of My Scientologist Father. H


    As far as one member being gung-ho and a spouse not so much and the children being "spared", I can only tell you what I saw in my org. I did see situations like you described. How family members were treated really depended on staff perception as to the best way get the most out of the unit. Stats were god. If the involved person was really involved and the spouse was not making any waves, and leaving the kids alone was the way to keep the $ coming in, then that would be the best choice.

    If, however, the spouse was a problem then a big push was made to 'handle' the spouse. If push came to shove, then divorce was often pushed. This, again, depended. If the spouse was really not causing a problem, the idea of divorce and splitting of assets and the less-involved spouse possibly bringing up Scientology in divorce situations--the lie low strategy was 'obviously' the best. A less-involved spouse is bound to be very aware that fighting back against the cult would bring down the wrath of the cult, and bring about disconnection and instability. Scientologists also fight tooth and nail (at least where/when I was in the cult) to ensure that the Scientology parent maintains custody. A spouse might balk against even showing that they are against Scientology because of everything they can lose--custodial Scientology parents can poison the children's minds against a non-involved parent. It gets ugly, and although it might not be your case, I do know of people whose holdout was to just not have the kids involved. It was a compromise that I've seen happen.

    I read tons and tons of books when I got out--along with the stories from folks on this website. Oddly, one book that really hit me was Kirstie Alley's. Here's this woman writing this memoir and she is dishing out all this stuff... just kind of a mess. And, I'm out out of the cult reading this and just going OMFG:no: It just is so wild to read her personal account of her intense emotional crud (which folks have--valid) and, yet she's up at the highest auditing level. I'm reading this and thinking if you contrast the emotional state and life she describes to what Scientology says the State of Clear (ooooooooooh Cleaaaaaaaaaaar!) looks like, let alone she's a freaking OT? It is a mind-blowing demonstration of the cognitive dissonance one experiences in the lovely mind-fuck that is the cult of Scientology. *sigh*.
  18. TheOriginalBigBlue

    TheOriginalBigBlue Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: New Here and Still Trying to Untangle the Mysteries of My Scientologist Father. H

    That strikes me as a red flag. LRH did mention Crowley briefly but I don't think it was ever his intention that his stuff be mixed up with Scientology. I think very few Scientologists in good standing know much about Crowley or LRH's true history with Jack Parsons and if they were found to be reading it or using it they would be accused of squirreling.

    Recruiters tell prospects that they will be trained as auditors or they will get to do whatever it is that they like to do if it gets them to route into the SO. The reality is that once you are in they will do whatever they want with you and whatever it is that you thought you were going to do, be damned - that's a hobby horse or other fish. It is all about maximizing stats and utilization. But the promise of being trained as an auditor and being able to co-audit or get auditing as SO crew is a big reason people join.

    LRH started the SO in 67. We were at the peak of the Vietnam war in 68. Yet prime candidates for the SO were non-conformists who didn't trust the government, the establishment, or the military. Now they are in full dress with lanyards, I was there medals and rank - go figure. Even today, so many people are just as hostile toward anything militaristic and regimented but they still join the SO. Motivations for joining are complicated but there is usually a time frame or curve where people figure out that it isn't what they claimed it to be and leave. Why some people stay beyond that 3 to 5 year curve is really the big question - loyalty, family, desperation, broken will, fanaticism, etc. Sometimes people are posted where they are reasonably content and insulated from the madness and they can tread water for a long time.

    I think Scientologists often accept the outrageous things LRH says because they rationalize it as metaphor or embellishment of something based in fact. He just isn't getting into the specifics and the logistics because that isn't what's important. Trains on Venus becomes just a rhetorical reference to the fact that if trains can exist on Earth then we should accept that they would be part of the normal progress of societies all through the galaxy. What's important is LRH knows this because he is an enlightened being who can astral travel and recall past lives, ever.
  19. Thank you, again, for all of the insightful responses! Sorry for the lapse, all of this is painful for me to think about so it seems like I needed to take a three-month break. I didn't realize that Crowley was verboten, but it makes sense. It also makes sense that Scientology would fight to keep a spouse passive.

    There was actually some really weird stuff with my parents' marriage and Scientology that happened during my childhood that I'm only now beginning to process, and I'm wondering if any of you have any insights? Basically, my mother had a mental breakdown in the mid-'90s. (She has pretty severe depression and anxiety and still hasn't gotten the right psychological care to gain the tools to manage this illness, thanks to the powers of Scientology.)

    During the breakdown my relatives took care of me (for about a year) and my dad must have paid for a "friend" from his local Org. This "friend" (middle-aged white woman) would accompany my mom when we'd go on nature hikes (typical outing with kids, nothing special about the hikes). Is this a typical thing that they do in Scientology? Hire someone from the Org to "handle" a spouse who might have anti-Scientologist tendencies to coerce them into staying with a cash cow Scientologist spouse? Any idea how much this sort of "friend" would cost?

    My mother was also going through the health rundown during this period (lots of expensive vitamins and time at the Org's sauna). This "friendship" was weird because my mother had almost no social life. She only had one (non-Scientologist) friend that I know of growing up who had a child my age (who I was also friend with, for a while). Then they fell out of touch and for the last 20+ years my mother has had no social life outside of her (codependent) relationship with my Scientologist father. It's weird and unhealthy and I wonder if this is her way of not "rocking the boat"? Just cutting off all interaction with people? Or is it just personal laziness? (My mother doesn't really read books or keep up with the news, either, which drives me crazy since she'd always complain about her "uneducated" Mid-Western parents when I was growing up. Yay, Scientology makes denial and hypocrisy is okay! :/)

    Again, sorry if this is a bit scattered! I've just been wondering about this for such a long time I was hoping that someone would be able to shed some light on the workings behind my screwed up childhood.
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2017
  20. I told you I was trouble

    I told you I was trouble Suspended animation

    Hi @ThetanOutOfOperation

    The cult will always try to do whatever it takes to "handle" any issues so as to keep everyone under 100% complete control, control is what the cult is all about ... everything leads back to that, everything, always.

    If a scientologist is having mental issues that would need to be kept especially well controlled (ie hidden) because it makes the cult look bad. To have someone watch your Mother and accompany her everywhere and pretend to be a friend is certainly something they do ... they do it quite often and even have a name for it, it's charmingly called "baby watch" and I doubt if your Father had to pay for it because it was in the interest of the cult that it be done and the person "handling" the situation would have insisted.

    Genuine interaction with people outside of scientology is not easy when you are a true scientologist ... many of us stopped socialising with non cult people (I know I did) because it just becomes too tricky explaining things all the time (about the cult) or pretending to be interested in things that were of no real interest. A scientologist (once indoctrinated) often lives in a kind of bubble right up until they break out of it and start the process of undoing the indoctrination.

    I'm sorry your childhood was screwed up ... many children have experienced the feeling of being in the way, a mere nuisance until old enough to work towards "clearing the planet" ... it's a disgrace.