New Here and Still Trying to Untangle the Mysteries of My Scientologist Father. Help!

Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by ThetanOutOfOperation, Jun 26, 2017.

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  1. Lurker5

    Lurker5 Gold Meritorious Patron

    Welcome T-O-O-O :welcome: :hug:

    Books - try Blown for Good, and Little Patch of Blue sky. There are lots more, keep on reading. And watching Leah/Mike's Aftermath.
     
  2. phenomanon

    phenomanon Gold Meritorious Patron

     
  3. Wilbur

    Wilbur Patron with Honors

    Welcome TOO. I suspect that the don't-ask-don't-tell relationship between your parents stems from one of two things. Either your father has cottoned on to the fact that there is something not quite right about the Church, and at some point made a decision to keep you and your mother out of it, whilst clinging to a forlorn hope that the organisation might reform itself. Or, he tried getting your mother involved at an early stage, at the behest of the Org to which he is attached, and she made it clear that she wasn't interested. To keep the marriage, and avoid a PTS situation (Potential Trouble Source - a person who is connected to someone antagonistic to Scientology being the essential meaning of PTS as it pertains to this situation) where the church will hassle him to 'handle or disconnect' from your mother, he then perhaps decided to keep his Scientology life completely separate from his family life. Perhaps your mother also told him to refrain from involving you in Scientology.

    It's surprising that the Org has tolerated this for so long. When I got in, the Org didn't hassle me to recruit my family, but were vigilant for signs of family criticism of my involvement in Scientology. But then again, I wasn't married. I suspect that they are more aggressive in recruiting spouses than, say, parents or siblings, over whom less leverage can be exerted. I suspect that most orgs would get increasingly pro-active over time in questioning why a person's spouse wasn't getting involved. Eventually, it would be almost certain to lead to a PTS situation. Having said that, I have known Scientologists with non-Scientology spouses or partners.

    People are different. Some people go into Scientology with definite red lines that the org learns not to cross (don't ask me to recruit my family), and a tacit understanding develops between the Scientologist and the Org. Others toe the party line, and are then walked all over by the Org.

    Normally I would apply the Scientology dictum that "communication is the universal solvent" in my advice to you. But unfortunately, Scientology precepts aren't designed to apply to Scientology itself. The church is beyond criticism, cannot be 'out-exchange' (meaning it isn't giving back value for the payment it receives), and, whilst if you criticise Scientology it is because of your own evil deeds, if Scientology staff members criticise YOU it is ALSO because of your evil deeds.

    So my advice would be that, unless you want to risk a blow-up with your father and him disconnecting from you, just let sleeping dogs lie. If he's not mentioning it, then he must have his reasons. If you do decide to broach the Scientology question with him, do it by asking questions (how is your Scientology study going? How is your auditing?), rather than by voicing concerns (which will trigger his radar). And even then, don't make it sound like you are interested in the subject of Scientology, or the conversation may turn into a recruitment action.

    W.
     
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  4. Enthetan

    Enthetan Mutant

    The difference between a spouse and a sibling, is that in a marriage the finances are generally the common property of the spouses.

    From the Org's point of view, the big problem with a non-Scn spouse, is that the non-Scn spouse is unlikely to tolerate a major chunk of family income going to Scientology, and is likely to create trouble about it.
     
  5. cleared cannibal

    cleared cannibal Silver Meritorious Patron

    I have a lot to say on this but don't have time now.

    I knew Intentionally Blank fairly well (Blanky) and he/she still checks in but doesn't post to speak of.

    I am also part of a couple of one is in and the other out. Your story gives me chills as I wonder what our son is going through. Your home life was a lot like ours at least in the latter years. I need to think a little before replying and go through the thread a little more .
     
  6. Wilbur

    Wilbur Patron with Honors

    Good point Enthetan.
     
  7. cleared cannibal

    cleared cannibal Silver Meritorious Patron

    I have really struggled with a reply here , partially because I could easily reveal my indentity.

    The best I can say is that the family dynamic is a replay of yours. You have given me some hope that now that my child is more out on his own that he will come to his own conclusions as you have done. The lack of closeness and family cohesiveness I feel is a big part of your original problems. It is like you were being pulled in different directions spiritually. I am doing a big Scn no no here in evaluating . LOL

    I have posted before that I feel the courses and training do much more damage than the processing. They try to change the way you think and your world view. In the lower levels of auditing I still say there is some good but you are playing with the proverbial snake and the old saying "play with snakes and you are going to get bit. " applies.

    It will be a waste of time to talk to your father about Scn and could do harm or worse he may consider it a reach for it.One has to want to know the bad to get any good from seeing the bad. He will just consider anything you some him entheta from SPs or worse consider that you may be an SP.
     
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  8. I told you I was trouble

    I told you I was trouble Suspended animation

    Deleted.
     
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2017
  9. Tuppence

    Tuppence Patron

    ThetanOutOfOperation,

    I feel I can understand your feelings of confusion. I, myself was never a Scientologist, never thought of myself as one but my mother was, as was my biological father. To this day my mother won't talk about scientology, and she was declared almost 30 years ago. I feel I can relate to a lot of your story.

    You said you needed a break from it all due to how painful it is to talk about, I get that too, the pain is one example of the fact you were not fully protected from it. The only way that happens is if Scientology is not part of your life at all.

    I have lost not just friends because of Scientology but family too. I have three siblings I was disconnected from who at least 2 are sea org. members. How they got in? Who falls for it? etc.

    1) Scientology promotes this idea that it's good!
    Don't do drugs, be a good moral person, treat others as you would have others treat you

    2) There is no propblem in your life too big for you to handel
    If there's something going on in your life, good, bad or ugly, it's your fault, but you can fix it. You can fix ANYTHING!

    These are things Scientology says, you focus on "Wins" you have. Little successes, which makes you feel good with the release of dopamine, and they drop feed you Scientology until they know they have you, then when you eat, sleep, drink and breathe scientology, that's when they start with the full course meals of Scientology. You don't realize the alteration to your way of thinking and it becomes so ingrained into who you are, there is no end or begining of Scientology or ones individual self, you transform into a new being.

    I was raised within Scientology, born into it really, and to this day I know I have Scientology so much apart of who I am. I lost my whole world when my mother was declared, I can't begin to explain how broken I felt, nor how painful it is to deal with things, but I need to deal with everything if I'm going to be the mother my baby girl deserves. I have to face the reality that I cannot control everything about my body. I have to let go of the guilt that I have, feeling it is my fault she was born dead and to this day has to struggle and fight to live (albeit with a smile on her face and so much love in her heart). I have to accept the fact that I did not know so much, and therefore I should have been able to count on the doctors to do the right thing before she was in trouble. But Scientology teaches us, ingrains within us, an amazing ability to find ways to blame ourselves and feel guilty for the slightest things.

    Your dad is not currently a seperate entitiy from Scientology, they are a sybiotic relationship, Scientology playing the part of a parasite. And much like a fetus who feeds on the mother, Scientology feeds on it's host, and when the host is no longer viable, the parisite only then releases the host by declaring it an SP. To make it mroe difficult, Scientology does not support any kind of therapy that isn't auditing, which makes the delusions that much more difficult to contend with.

    I hope John and Paul were right - All you need is love, love is all you need, and you'll be able to have a better relatioship with your family before it's too late.

    Big Hugs- hope things get better soon.
     
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  10. The_Fixer

    The_Fixer Class Clown

    Howdy TOOO and welcome.

    I'm sorry to hear of your family dynamics. I hope for the best but have to agree with you that the reality is it doesn't get any better, especially as your parents are now quite elderly. Change is something the elderly don't like and they usually resist it with a passion.

    But you seem to be in charge of your own affairs and sound like you are doing well at it too.

    At least your future show hope. Well done.
     
  11. The_Fixer

    The_Fixer Class Clown

    My opinion is that the tactics of isolation then divide and conquer at the beginning (where the prospect becomes a member) is the key strategy of the cult which creates the major part of the damage to one's thinking.

    The rest just adds reinforcement to it.

    I was in for just under 2 years, did 2 courses and only 1 hour of auditing. I was also on staff.

    Staff was also a big part of indoctrination. Caught in the group think and fear of both failure and having the group turn against you and being cast off back into the wilderness for the inevitable sticky ending that comes to those who leave the fold.....

    I still shake my head at myself for falling for that line......

    At least a public scientologist gets some time off from the group dynamic if they choose to. I realise they are under a different set of pressures as well.

    Every now and again, I have to chide myself that the thought I just had was a classic scientology bullshit thought. I've been out since 79!
     
  12. cleared cannibal

    cleared cannibal Silver Meritorious Patron

    I had the advantage of living far from an org and could not go there on a daily basis. When I did though I went intensively. I have likened the auditing to taking things out of your mind and the courses to putting approved Hubbardian philosophy in. Really I had issue with the things removed and wandered in the darkness so to speak until I was convinced to do some training. The problem was I didn't agree with much of what Hubbard had to say and wallowed in cognitive dissonance for a time. Still do to a certain degree.

    It really is a mind fuck.
     
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  13. Jenyfurrr

    Jenyfurrr Patron

    How did you find that? For whatever reason many of the links people post to older posts/sections come up "cannot be found." I'd read her posts when I first came to the board when my husband was being recruited but forgot her SN & didn't know he eventually got out (YAY!!!)!
     
  14. pebbles

    pebbles Patron with Honors

    Not sure, but it may have to do with your post count (36) or join date? IIRC, once you reach certain post counts/periods of time {?} certain areas become accessible. Not sure about the current status of this, but the links work for me.
     
  15. ThetanExterior

    ThetanExterior Goldenrod SP

    I assumed this was a rhetorical question so I didn't answer it but just in case you really wanted to know I just looked for all threads started by the user Intentionally Blank and it came up. This was before the switch to the new software.
     
  16. Jenyfurrr

    Jenyfurrr Patron

    Thank you both! It comes up but as not found vs an area I can't yet access. I'll write Emma because I was newER when the switch happened but had gone up 2 levels and could access before the switch - thanks again!

    Ugh my heart just breaks for you TOO - the impact of Scientology on families is the one (beyond the abuses - those are all heinous...) those changes/impacts the CO$ has on most who are "in" that I dislike the most. It turns people inward and seems, even if there's no disconnection involved, to wreak havoc on familial bonds almost out of the gate! It's sad that your mom just goes along BUT it's clear that where it was most important to her - YOU - that she was willing & able to be strong to ensure you were not ensnared which to me is a great act of risk, courage & love on her part!
     

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