Nightmares increasing 8 years after leaving

Discussion in 'Life After Scientology' started by wiseman_of_the_watchtower, Mar 4, 2018.

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  1. wiseman_of_the_watchtower

    wiseman_of_the_watchtower Patron with Honors


    I am writing this at 3am because I am having a terrible night. I have woken up about 6-7 times since midnight (I fell asleep at 9pm) each time feeling awful and in some cases breathing really fast as if I had stopped breathing.

    The nightmares, in most cases, took place as if I was still in the Sea Org, still a loyal believer, and finding myself in very stressful situations, the underlying one being that I am still trapped in my own mind, in the scientology paradigm.

    I wouldn't even call these nightmares. I have had the occasional nightmare, the content of which was completely bogus and the only significant element was the feeling of fear. Every time I woke up from one I was glad it was over. Not tonight.

    i would rather use my own term "sadmares" to describe what I have been experiencing on and off since leaving scientology. These I am not glad to have woken up, rather I wake up feeling like complete shit and they can sometimes ruin my whole day. The difference being that the content of the dream hits close to home and might have actually happened, had I not managed to free myself back in 2009.

    It doesn't seem to make sense that the sadmares would be on the rise after so long. It could be another case where my psychiatrist knows my brain better than I do after all. Rather than the trauma from scientology being the trigger for these sadmares, it could be so deeply engrained in my mind that regardless of what I am actually stressed about, my brain uses the context of the Sea Org as its primary symbol of stress, anxiety, the feeling of being trapped, and fear. I could actually be stressed about the recent past or the distant future, but the dream world doesn't always directly correlate to present reality.

    I also just wanted to let everyone know that while I am no longer routinely posting on-line nor actively protesting, I am still alive and doing my best to enjoy the freedom of living and thinking for myself.
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  2. TrevAnon

    TrevAnon Big List researcher

    Hang in there! :rose:

    Haven't followed your posts, but as you tell about your psychiatrist maybe knowing your brain better than you (LOL!), I'm assuming you already can rely on professional help if necessary. :)
  3. scooter

    scooter Gold Meritorious Patron

    Hey, I'm coming up to 10 years out and I woke up with a cult nightmare this morning.

    It was the usual: OSA were after me because I was secretly trying to get friends out of the cult while under-the-radar and I was being pursued. As usual, when I did get up, I found that I'd come down with some mild virus.:dramaqueen:

    They happen very infrequently to me these days, for which I'm very glad.:yes:

    So hang in there and keep on pursuing the freedom that we were denied when "in." That's what make it all worthwhile.:biggrin:
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  4. FoTi

    FoTi Crusader

    Wiseman....doesn't sound like your psychiatrist is doing much for you.....maybe it would help to look for someone else.

    Sleep apnea, and low levels appear to be related to nightmares according to the research I've done online. It might help to check out You Tube, Ted Talks, etc. on the subject of nightmares.

    Not too long ago I started having trouble with sleep apnea. It was scary....I didn't know how to get enough sleep if I kept waking up every few minutes. Someone recommended a specific chiropractor to me. I decided to try her. I learned that there are different types of chiropractic. This one I went to uses Torque Release. It's very gentle and very effective. It's not real more over time. At first I went twice a week and what I noticed after a few sessions was that I started experiencing emotional releases between sessions. I cried quite a bit, especially at night and blew off a lot of past upsets which became less and less over time. It was a relief to get rid of this old mental/emotional junk that I had been carrying around which was disturbing me, but I didn't know what was really bothering me. This type of therapy has been wonderful for me....gradually my body and my thinking and my emotions have been getting better. I continue to go once a week to continue getting better. It's really wonderful. The following video will give you an idea of how Torque Release works.

    There are different types of chiropractors. Some with with moving and manipulating the bones and muscles. Torque Release is works more with the brain and the nervous system.

    My sleep apnea went away with this technique and so did my eczema.....and I had gone to 3 different doctors to try to get rid of the eczema with no result. Also got rid of pain in neck and shoulders from an old injury from 23 years ago. I also had problems of allergies to foods, which I can now eat without itching all over. I have gone to chiropractors off an on all my life when I needed it, but none have had these kinds of results for me before.

    I also have taken B1 whenever I have started to have bad dreams and that has always worked for me to stop it.

    I don't know if any of this will help you, but here's hoping. :fromme:
  5. Miss Ellie

    Miss Ellie Miss Ellie

    I have always had weird dreams and adding in PTSD did not help. Depending on different issues different things have helped.

    1. Exercise exercise and more exercise. Yoga.
    2. Chiropractic and full body massage.
    3. Anti-depresents - off and on during the years.
    4. Activities... Kayaking, motorcycles, gardening and more.
    5. Counseling professional and trusted friends.
    6. Thinking about what I want to change in my life and what I need to make it happen.

    When all else fails.. Living with the dreams but realizing dreams do not control me... I may not control them but they do not control me. If I wake with a bad dream a game or two of salitar on my cell phone and I fall back to sleep.

    Good luck and sweet dreams.
  6. FoTi

    FoTi Crusader

  7. Teanntás

    Teanntás Silver Meritorious Patron

    This might help
    Alpha,Delta,Theta,Gamma and Beta Advanced Music meditation Technique!!
  8. tr8theta

    tr8theta I Love Kitties

    Hello :) My name is Tom ex-scientologist. I do hope you get to read this. I was in from 1968 until 1981. I came upon your post just now and wanted to share my experience as well with having "nightmares" with regards to SCN...and they are always the same - different locations but always the same content...that I'm trying to leave or "blow" from "wherever" I am and either I get stopped and caught or get chased by SCN security men or manage to escape but have to watch my back and be on guard like a bird looking around 360 degrees vigilantly and constantly while sneaking in a peck of bird seed from a feeder and then back to watching as to NOT become something's prey. It's very disturbing and I'm glad when I wake up to my actual reality. I think that whatever we experience in life especially if it's difficult or traumatic impinges or rather leaves a deep footprint (mental image pictures with embeded emotions if you wish) and they re-appear in our dreams to haunt or harrass us...but also as some believe..perhaps it's because we have unresolved or unfinished issue...what the heck do I know LOL? But listen...hang in there and just be a good person to yourself and others and and if you continue to have them -since you're seeing a psychiatrist - just let he or she know about it - otherwise just just go with the flow. and let them be. You KNOW that they are NOT REAL in your actual awake reality. Personally, I just forget about them and go about my day. I don't dwell on them nor let them ruin or dictate my life. Also I've had other unpleasant dreams having absolutely no SCN or Sea Org cintent whatsoever yet I wake up and feel just as crappy. I'd like to know if you also have such dreams consisting of other content? Example: I often dream about staring at a Tsunami (really really high wave of water) and it hits me and I go tumbling around inside...but I never drown though LOL. I also have alot of flying THOSE are very pleasant and enjoyable and I wake up feeling nice. Therefore the content of your dreams whether they are happy ones or nightmares or "sadmares" as you call them (I like that) simply put, are just WHAT THEY ARE and you react or respond accordingly to how it makes you feel based upon the content. Am I making any sense to you? I hope so. If not, I get a pass because I'm 68 and the dementia and Alzheimer's may be kicking in over here. LOL. wishes to you. Tom R
  9. tr8theta

    tr8theta I Love Kitties

    Um...honestly I do NOT find this very soothing at all...but rather more annoying and I see it more appropriately used as a Sci-Fi movie soundtrack.
    Sorry just my opinion. Tom R
  10. AnonyMary

    AnonyMary Formerly Fooled - Finally Free

    Wiseman, I’m sorry you have been going through this difficult time. However, its good to see you came here to discuss and seek ideas and other’s experiences with the nightmares. I have been out of Scientology since the mid 90’s and have experienced nightmares years later, long after having received professional counseling, long after I came & started posting on the internet.

    My thoughts on this is that, when we leave Scientology we do not necessarily leave the mindset or the emotions we often suppressed by way of accepting Scientology ideas and beliefs in place of basic human needs to digest matters and come to terms with them of and with our free will.

    Death, for example, is treated by Scientologists are so minor and insignificant an event because we were indoctrinated to believe it meant either a uneventful transition in life or a derogatory situation like “PTS”. The social effects, of being part of a group that identifies emotions as “low toned” or not appropriate, are a lot more damaging to individual scientologists. It’s peer pressure and group policing based upon dangerously false doctrine. One can’t emote! If one does, then one is having “case on post” (this includes life itself)

    The fear of the consequences, whether one is going to be labeled an ethics particle, PTS, ‘casey’ or a degraded being, or whatever, for showing ones real emotions, is so stimulus - response reaction in scientologists, that one is contantly shuffling through emotions mentally when a situation occurs that would, in the normal “wog world”, be easily dealt with by an expected emotion response.

    So these get suppressed. Deeply suppressed. And they accumulate, whether it’s grief, anger, sympathy for another, sadness, happiness, humor : all these normal reactions often get suppressed over our time in the cult. And while we spend time finding our way out of the general Scientology mindset and making our way back into the real world, we often choose what we can comfortably re-learn, comfortably let go; we often tend tackle the theory. Not the emotions. Leaving Scientology, as has been likened often on this forum, is like peeling the layers off an onion. Just when you think you’re done for the most part, up pops more to consider, more to re-think, more to take responsibility for or assign appropriate responsibility to.

    You having nightmares now is like another ex realizing how important an old friend in Scn was to them, not even realizing they felt this way until year later reading that the person passed away.

    These emotions may come to the surface in many ways, in many forms, but they are a part of who we are, who we were before Scientology, and not who we became in Scientology. Fear included. The idea is that when they come to the surface, when memories and dreams come up in our lives from that past, it means we are in a better place to consider them than before. So don’t be afraid of your bad dreams.

    Try to step back while in the dream, and observe. Then consider what you can do to change something in them. Anything. Even the colors or the people, or the size of something in it. If there are few graphics in them, try to look at the source of the sadness. See if you can accept the sadness. One of the most important things I learned since leaving Scientology is that its ok to cry.

    I would also bring this up with your Dr if you can. I’m sure it will be helpful just having someone compassionate and trained to discuss the dreams with.

    Of course, I wish you the best.:bighug:
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2018
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