Featured Ok, I'm telling more of my leave story.

Discussion in 'Leaving Scientology' started by Wisened One, Feb 7, 2008.

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  1. Wisened One

    Wisened One Crusader

    Hey again.

    I've posted a bit on here and on OCMB, left for a long while (about a year from here) and am back! I want to share with you more of my leaving story (this was years ago).

    Please hit your refresh button before (and probably right after) reading, because I keep adding/editing, constantly.

    I'm TIRED of holding this and other stories silent for ALL these years, this is downright insanity to FEAR them!! When they're supposed to be the 'answer' to all problems and the salvation of mankind? Huh?! NOT!!!!

    I and Spouse was Div 6 staff at a Class V Org for a few years.

    Spouse one day got sick of it, too.

    And we 'went for a long walk' that night to talk.

    I'd wanted to leave off and on for a good year, but kept being talked out of it.

    Anways: the decision was made by both of us to leave.

    And BAM, phone calls were made and an instant flight was arranged for THAT NIGHT by loving family (You know THAT cost a pretty penny!).

    So the next step was getting out of our house silently. We lived in a house with roommates (also Staff).

    We packed what we could in suitcases and left everything else (furniture that I loved, clothes,etc..).

    A cab was called and we waited in tense silence in our tiny room for it to arrive, praying none of our roommates would notice or hear anything.

    Once it arrived, I was the first one to sneak out into the hallway with my large suitcase. The pounding of my heart was so loud, I'm surprised that didn't give me away!. Amazingly, the hallway and the living room to that front door, was the LONGEST, most INTRICATE journey I'd ever made...and I had to do it SILENTLY and QUICKLY with this HUGE suitcase, by myself! Spouse had to stay behind in the closed room while I made the what seemed like hours long journey....amazingly, I didn't bump it into anything and nobody came out of their rooms.

    I was outside.

    The cool night air smelled fresher than ever before.

    I looked up into the Night Sky.

    The stars were sparkling and winking down on me, as if to say: 'You've done it, You're FREE, GO!'

    Then my spouse sneaked out, it felt like FOREVER, then the front door was opened...for a second, my heart stopped. Maybe it wasn't my Spouse! Maybe it was a roommate come to get me and turn us in!

    But it wasn't.

    It was my Spouse, out safe and sound, too.

    We didn't even glance back as we were whisked away by the cab to the airport.

    I was so scared, I thought maybe the cab driver was a Plant and would any minute turn around and take us back home or to Ethics, lol!

    We got to the airport and boarded the plane,after a HORRID few hours wait-time... constantly looking over our shoulders.

    I can't believe how like Fugitives we felt! Like we were criminals running away from the Police, Jeez!

    We got to our destination and into loving arms.

    We literally huddled, shaking, on the floor of the living room for hours when we arrived,staring at the front door, expecting a knock, for 'them' to take us back.

    After we calmed down and could breathe again, we WALKED MILES to a nearby mall just to stay extroverted, fearing EVERY car on street whizzing by us, was 'them' following us....lol.

    Yet the utter RELIEF was indescribable, you guys.

    The SCENT of FREEDOM from the 80 hr work-weeks. The starvation, the ethics, the crazy things we were made to do for our post or org,etc...staying up till 2am being told how scum we were by our ED then come in a few hrs later to work..etc..

    In the days and weeks that followed, phone calls were made to our place and at first they were told we weren't there,etc.

    We could 'feel' that they had us 'tailed' and we were right. Because a few weeks later, they knocked on the door. We were such paranoid sissys that we both hid from them till they left. They even looked through all the windows looking for us! Spouse was hiding in one room and I was in another. It was soooo humilitating for us, but we were not ready to face them, nor did we want to go back.

    Well a few days later somehow we were convinced to let them in and they audited us in our bedroom, one by one. (We were both in the middle of different auditing actions at the time we blew).

    They convinced us to go back and route out standardly. *STUPID thing to do!*

    We rented a car and did so. Well: Not only was it a MUCH longer cycle than it should've been, but it was VERY expensive AND we ended up keeping the rental car too long, so long the rental company was calling us everyday to bring it back!

    We FINALLY got out of there after THREE WEEKS of paying for a weekly hotel, rental car fees and penalties, countless, pointless Ethics cycles, etc. I lied F/N's just so we could get out, so did my spouse. All in all, a very stressful, dreadful time.

    We were assigned 'Confusion' and told we were degraded beings and would die 'out there'.

    That last night we were routing off: I and my spouse were separated in different rooms and lectured at for over two hours. My tiny room was FREEZING and I had only a short-sleeve shirt on. I was SO cold, that I was seizing! . I huddled my arms inside my thin shirt to no avail. The OTV, L's Comp didn't care, NO! I just sat and stared at this supposed advanced, powerful OT'... every single person was being listed to me, how every other Staff/Public that left and died, or got cancer, divorced, couldn't get any job,etc..

    They just wanted to make sure I knew HOW many ex-staff and public DIED as a result of leaving,etc.!

    The whole time, I was shivering so bad and trying to keep my TRs in to the tirade. I kept screaming things at the person in my mind and waiting for the person to read it. Come on, You're OT V and L's and you CANT even do something as simple as READ MY MIND and you WANT ME TO STAY?!
    I felt sad for this person trying to get me to stay. But mostly I was severely introverted and trying to keep warm and control the seizures. Maybe it was also nerves that were causing me to do that.

    They also tried to make my spouse leave me there and not take me back by telling of some long ago mild out2d withholds. It didn't work. But they tried. THAT was hell, too!

    And you know WHAT? After ALL this, we went back home...made new lives, yet STILL considered ourselves dedicated Scientologists and went to events, helped out at the Mission near us, etc!!?? Convinced we were Freeloaders and db's, and that it was all our fault that we were, when we'd literally cared for EVERY single new person that walked thru our doors and wanted to help them and felt CRUSHED for every single person that walked back out. How's THAT for weight on one's conscience?

    WELL: A few years ago, my spouse got up the nerve to read stuff on Xenutv about the OTs that left. I was very reluctant and scared to, but finally did it.
    For a long time even while reading this stuff, my mind still 'justified' the data and stories..(well they had heavy case, had mu's, etc,etc..).
    But it still kept me thinking...I wasn't yet ready to 'get out'. The info of scn was just TOO good, spanned over one lifetime, etc. to 'give up'.

    After all, if I DID give it up,

    THEN WHAT? You know? I mean, I'd die and that'd be it. (vs what scn promises you about having OT knowledge and powers, no forgetters, etc..)..

    Well a little while after reading all this anti-stuff: We actually took the plunge and decided to read ANY/ALL OT level info on the Net!

    I personally was SO scared, that I was gonna DIE upon or immediately after reading it, that I actually made a hand-written Will Before reading, it. We actually both read the stuff at the same moment, in case we died suddenly, we'd be together, when we did! LOL!

    Well needless to say, we're still here, (anyone still believe the church's crap that it isn't the 'real' stuff or else we would've?) and ever since then.... we LEFT and are OUT as of heart, mind, soul, etc.

    We still get phone calls wanting our FL debts,etc.. but we've told them 'We no longer consider ourselves scientologiests. They just say ok. And still call constantly. And we still get our mailbox FULL of JUNK from them!!

    I've even emailed them to take me off all their emailing/snail mail lists. They ignore me.

    Ah well: That's more of my and my spouse's story.

    I do have a dear friend that's still in and we talk regularly and this friend knows I'm inactive and all, but not HOW inactive, lol;) I'd hate to lose this person, but if I end up getting found out/declared soon..then so be it, I guess. I'm nearly ready to post my whole info/name to find friends, etc... maybe one day.

    Sad that you have to be this way with this 'wonderful, helpful loving religion' eh?

    Craziness, huh? Utter craziness!

    Wisened One
     
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2008
  2. Alan

    Alan Gold Meritorious Patron

    Wow! Wisened One - I'm still shaking after reading that story! :)

    Alan
     
  3. Kathy (ImOut)

    Kathy (ImOut) Gold Meritorious Patron

    Welcome.

    How'd they find you?
     
  4. Lovesnightsky

    Lovesnightsky Silver Meritorious Patron

    WO, being brave is to be afraid but do it anyway. You and your wife are good examples of this!

    Your story really shows how deep the control can go. It is so good that both you and your wife were able to leave and stay out of the madness.

    :bighug: :bighug:
     
  5. Wisened One

    Wisened One Crusader

    Thanks

    Thanks you guys: Alan: Yeah, it was a very nerve-wracking exit time for us, but worth it! Kind of exciting, now that we look back on it;)

    They found us because they had us tailed, then sent people up there to bring us back. We knew this was gonna happen tho. It took longer than we thought, but ah well.

    The day we went to a mall and actually bought our first pair of shoes and some clothes? Wow, I'll never forget the feeling! I never appreciated a pair of shoes as I did then! LOL.

    Thanks for reading my long story, guys. I needed to vent it for a LONG time. For those of you who've already read it, please hit refresh and check back as I may add more and more. Just now I've changed/added some things.

    That story was only a portion of our whole story. I'll add more and so will my spouse soon, probably. So check back.

    Yes Lovesnightsky: Me and my spouse are lucky and we got out TOGETHER and still ARE:)

    Wisened One
     
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2008
  6. Terril park

    Terril park Sponsor

    Makes me want to go round to every org in the world and straighten them out.

    Still wear that E/O hat.
     
  7. beyond_horizons

    beyond_horizons Patron Meritorious

    Way to go, Wisened One x 2! Looking forward to more of your posts!

    :happydance:
     
  8. Free to shine

    Free to shine Shiny & Free

    Thanks for telling your story!

    Isn't it weird how no matter what we know, we can still get sucked into going back? It happened to me a few times. It occurs to me that perhaps the very fact of being followed and all the effort that goes into recovery adds to a feeling of being one of the Chosen or something? The Elite of the Elite who are going to Save The Planet?

    I so identify with the feelings of relief that moment you walk away! I hope you have more stories soon. :)
     
  9. Voltaire's Child

    Voltaire's Child Fool on the Hill

    No one should ever have to feel like that...

    That's awful.

    But you were brave and you did what was right.
     
  10. programmer_guy

    programmer_guy True Ex-Scientologist

    Wisened One,

    Thanks for your exit story. :)

    I've reposted the contents verbatum on Tom Cruise ChalkBoard. (There is a Scientology section there where Kerry and Almond Joy are moderators.)
     
  11. Div6

    Div6 Crusader

    Wisened One,

    Thanks for your story. You and your spouse were very brave to stand up and leave.

    The whole idea of being told you are a degraded being (wrong item) and then being told you WILL DIE (another wrong item) for leaving staff for over 2 hours.....does this happen everywhere?

    It is SICK. It is DEGRADING and it is REVERSE PROCESSING. :omg:

    Black Dianetics. I'd like to know how common it is. Or isn't.



    Fucking implanter wannabees! :angry:

    At least in the classy implants you got a nice manic jolt of electricty...a mind wipe and a high. :coolwink:

    These are just artless fools. :grouch:
     
  12. Dulloldfart

    Dulloldfart Squirrel Extraordinaire

    Good for you, WO. :)

    Paul
     
  13. Kathy (ImOut)

    Kathy (ImOut) Gold Meritorious Patron

    Div 6,

    From my experience, Black Dianetics or Black NOTS is used a lot. I've run into it on several occasions. Not fun to experience. Basically anyone in session on OT V or OT VII can run it on those that have left the church.
     
  14. Div6

    Div6 Crusader

    I may start a new thread on this subject...in the meantime, can you elaborate?

    I've run III, and will start NOTs this year, but I don't think it is necessarily limited to those levels. Do you mean like putting BT's and stuff in peoples spaces?

    I'm thinking more like finding and enforcing wrong items, over-running processes, putting a person back on the track into an incident, and then leaving them there, that kind of stuff....
     
  15. Wisened One

    Wisened One Crusader

    Wow guys

    Wow, I really appreciate you all reading and acking my story! Hugs.

    It was a HUGE relief to write it (been constantly editing/adding, please refresh and read again:)

    Yes, it definitely was Black Scn that was being run on us. We were told we were SP's, THAT (at the time) kept spinning me in, big time. Spouse would just laugh at it.

    But to be held for over two hours in a freezing room by an OT V who saw me seizing and didn't care?

    Yeah, they musta enjoyed that, and like THAT was supposd to make me 'change my mind' and want to STAY? Smooth move, lol. And then, I was testin to see if they could read my mind, you know...and they never could/did..so WHAT Powers does an OT have, then? *Oh, I feel MUCH better and can live life easier?* Like ruining my health, devoting over 80 hrs a week, etc. paying upwards of $300,000.00 just to give me THAT?

    Yeah.

    PG: Great to see you again. Where is this TC Chalkboard at? I'd like to see it. Hope my story helps others there, too. Um, you might want to re-copy/paste since I've added more stuff to it, etc.

    Thanks!

    WO
     
  16. Voltaire's Child

    Voltaire's Child Fool on the Hill

  17. Wisened One

    Wisened One Crusader

    Thanks

    Thanks for the link, Fluffy. Went there and saw my story and response.

    PG: Please re-cut/paste the amended story, tho. Added a lot more.

    Thanks!

    WO
     
  18. Poofy

    Poofy Patron with Honors

    Best of luck to you on your way out, WO. Your story is intense.
     
  19. Wisened One

    Wisened One Crusader

    Thanks

    Appreciate you reading and posting, Poofy. Ya, it was a rather intense time for us!:omg:

    WO
     
  20. Wisened One

    Wisened One Crusader

    Wisened One Spouse here to add more

    Well my other half has given you a pretty good description of our leaving story. There were a lot of details left out, though... like the hours we spent at the airport waiting for our flight, terrified they were going to catch up to us. I am going to tell you what led up to it.

    I was the Public Contact Secretary and the person above me was the Public Executive Secretary ((PES) second highest in the org, just under the Executive Director).

    The PES had a penchant for falsifying her stats and had been sent out to Los Angeles for a Commitee of Evidence (Comm Ev or trial) because of it a year or so before.
    You have to know this part. Everyone under her at the time was very relieved because we were all so tired of trying to find all of these stats to match what she was going to post at the end of the week.
    Oh my gawd it was torture every Thursday morning running around pulling your hair out trying to find every little thing you could to justify what she was going to report...insanity!

    So anyway, we all spent the next few days after she left for her trial in LA correcting our stats for a year backwards. Things like the Number of Books Sold to Raw Public (NBSRaw).
    She reported around 300 every week and it was actually only around 40. So we were all relieved to be reporting something real and something we could actually apply a condition to when HOLY SHIT she came back...vindicated...and changed them all back to the false ones!!

    The purpose of telling you this part was so that you can see how at that point I figured she was untouchable. The crimes were so blatantly obvious and the Bitch got away with it.

    So fast forward a year or so and there was a lot of bickering going on about the stat called 'New Names to Central Files' (NNCF). The Flag Banking Officer(FBO) was bitching about all the names we were submitting from another country and saying they were not real and the org was wasting money mailing to them.
    I agreed with her but there was no frickin' way I was going to disagree with the PES since she was untouchable and if I did, I would be the one to fry for it.

    One day me and the Flag Bitch and the Ethics Officer were having a heated argument about it, and the Flag Bitch demanded that I be investigated for falsifying my stats and the Ethics Bitch agreed. There was to be goldenrod drawn up and I was going to fry for it. I couldn't very well blame it on the PES now could I?

    I was terrified.

    That night on the long walk home was where my Sweetheart started this thread.

    I will post more later.
     

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