After many attempts at leaving Scientology behind, and moving on, I continually find myself enraptured, engaged and deep inside... 12 months ago I threw out all my scientology books etc. Here I am 12 months later, I've re-bought all the books and lectures. And more..... I've just paid my annual IAS fees, and contributed to a Global Dissem project. I've arranged to do drills with staff to "deflect" criticism. I've just read "blown for good", and am busy reading "billion year contract", but that's on the side of LRH's intro to ethics, and a div 6 course.... Why can't I pull myself away?? I've read about other people's horror stories. But never experienced them myself. I love Scientology and have heaps of fun studying. Yet I feel something "lurking beneath". I'm here on this forum aren't I?? Does anyone here feel the same?? I don't want to wake up years later, broke, disconnected and "blown for good". But I'm not ready to give it up ... I enjoy the books, the lectures. Any advice for a young mind??